JackFaerie,
Is Marten a creepy bastard?
Nope. I'm with akronnick. He flirted with her from the start, and it was always obvious he was interested. When she told him she didn't want him to "try anything" but just wanted a friend, he respected that--by which I mean, he did not try to push her into anything, AND he really was fine with being her friend, whether anything worked out between them later or not. He might have hoped he'd have a chance with her later, but his friendship with her was not based on that--as shown by the fact that he continued to be friends with her both after she rejected him, and after he got his own girlfriend.
It was also a different situation because she TOLD him not to make a move on her. He wasn't just hanging around while she was available or dating other guys and waiting for her to notice him. Having unrequited feelings or hoping that someone will eventually give you a chance isn't creepy all in itself--it's the other stuff that makes it so.
Read those Nice Guy comics. Watch how the Nice Guy treats women--and how they're only valuable to him so long as they're potential romantic partners, and how he appears to consider conversation with them a waste of time if it later turns out they're taken (ie, he was faking interest in the conversation in the hopes of getting somewhere with them, rather than interacting with them as people whose company might be interesting for what it is). Note how when his "friend" he's "in love with"
talks about her troubles with her boyfriend, he pretends to be all sympathetic and comforting while thinking that from what she's saying, he's sure the guy must be cheating on her, etc. If he were a
real friend, he'd tell her that, because he would be watching out for her best interests--instead, he just tells her what she wants to hear because he doesn't actually care about her best interests, but rather remaining in her good graces. That's the stuff that makes the kind of Nice Guy we're talking about.
Oh, and I'm not whoever on that other forum, sorry.
EDIT: It's the fact that Marten IS a genuine friend, who did NOT have ulterior motives for the friendship, that makes him not a Nice Guy(tm). And the fact that his lusting was only in secret because Faye specifically told him she was not available for that. You can't turn off your emotions or physical attraction, that's not the point.
Also, I wanna say, I totally used to be that girl who'd hang around a boy hoping he'd notice her eventually in high school (although at least in my case, I did enjoy their company simply for what it was). And at one point, this guy I secretly liked told me that while he
had been interested in me when we first met, since I didn't seem interested back at the time, he wasn't anymore, and he started dating another friend of mine. And I had this thought that even then I felt was manipulative and horrible (especially to my friend) that I'd be the Nice Girl. That I'd stick around being his close friend, listening to his girl problems, being the one he came to for advice, and eventually... eventually, he'd realize. He'd see when his relationship with my friend ran its course that I was always there for him, I was the one who understood him, the one he trusted more than anyone else, etc etc etc....
And then I shook myself and told myself that was fucking creepy, and snapped out of it, and managed to move on. And started asking boys out.
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Topic: WDT: June 14-18, 2010 (1686-1690) (Read 69590 times)