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Author Topic: Hey you, where do you live?  (Read 35975 times)

squawk

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Re: Hey you, where do you live?
« Reply #50 on: 12 Oct 2010, 19:31 »

where i am from is this shitty town called bakersfield and if you are from california then you know shit's nasty. republican as fuck (the extra-frightening kind), big brown and sprawling, it's stuck halfway in between becoming an actual metropolis and the agricultural/oil smalltown it has been for a couple centuries. the suburban areas are okay, there's million-dollar-home neighborhoods next to the upper-middle-class and then there's the really really impoverished areas where you risk getting shot.

yeah it's generally a really stifling place but honestly i do miss it, for the food. has a lot of good local food and a LOT of favorite fast food chains. here in santa cruz, where i am now, all i get is goddamn taco bell and mcdonald's. i love them both but i need my variety. bakersfield also had a lot of targets and walmarts. they built this fancy park called river walk and they meant to instate fancy higher-end shops to make it a really nice place to go but instead they scrapped that and just built a giant target instead. i don't understand.

and i like bakersfield because it's not a big city. i mean if i want even shittier traffic and more smog and urban landscapes then i have LA a hundred miles away for that. i like how there are random oil pumps wherever the liquid gold resides. i like the open spaces of farmland, even though these keep diminishing due to the inexplicable need for more housing developments. which are terrible, by the way, because they're just boxes now; they used to have local developers build the neighborhoods and they were all nice and varied. now you fire up google maps satellite view and it's just like wtf what are all these squares of shades of gray.

as a delinquent bored teenager who had literally nothing to do but meander and maybe smoke pot (bakersfield--where everyone just bakes in a field) there were certain areas that were fun to visit on excursions of random driving. like this overexposed picture of a tree on the outskirts of the suburbs:


in the wintertime it can get pretty cool, here are some tanks filled with crude oil nearby previous tree:


and here are my friends exploring some farmland (while it was still green!)


 but despite all this complaining, bakersfield is pretty unique in its location; it is surrounded by mountains, though you often can't see them as they are obscured by the intense smog. but after a good rain or a good wind storm when the sky turns actually blue, it's pretty nice to look around. and on the opposite outskirts there is this neat park called hart park where you can witness the raging killer kern river (whose water flow is controlled by the city and so sometimes we have a river and sometimes we don't. depends on the amount of rain/snowmelt). here is my friend at said park!:


and in the winter time we get this shit called "tule fog" and it's super foggy and the schools have to call "fog delays" which sounds ridiculous to other people but they are in all earnestness entirely necessary. shit gets real. (though such dangerous driving conditions didn't stop me from taking a picture while going 55mph anyway):


i live in santa cruz now. it's a laidback beach town, not really a college town since most of the undergrads live on campus. it's... okay. definitely more picturesque


i don't know where this is but a lot of places look like that, except browner because it's not rainy season yet

the campus of UCSC is set on this hill of forest and to be honest it is pretty annoying, i mean everyone is like "oh what a beautiful campus" as it's all winding through tall-as-fuck redwoods and shit but i hate it and i'm sick of walking, although i am appreciative of the forced exercise as well as the ability to actually breathe an air that isn't filled with a billion particulates, and you have to take the bus everywhere which is fine because it's an efficient public transportation system but i suppose i can't shake some of the right-winged influences that plagued me growing up so goddamn it i want my fucking car, it's an acura therefore made by honda therefore its emissions are just fucking fine.

anyway, you should come visit me! either location.
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peterh

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Re: Hey you, where do you live?
« Reply #51 on: 13 Oct 2010, 04:34 »

I live in a country called The Netherlands.

The Netherlands is a country that is, compared to the USA, so small that, if you should unfold your roadmap of the USA in, say, approximately where I live, the bit showing Seattle would get wet because it would be in the North Sea (west of us), and the part of the map with Maine on it would extend into Germany (which is east of us).

South of us is Belgium, which is notorious for its beer and its inability to form a decent government.

The Netherlands is also very flat (you probably saw that coming). Our highest "mountain" is 321 meters (a little under 1000 feet).

The inhabitants of the Netherlands are called Dutch (no, the Duct are not from Denmark, that's the Danes).
Sometimes people call this country "Holland". While this is generally accepted, it's also wrong. Same thing (but in reverse) about us sometimes calling the USA "America".

And yes, Amsterdam (which may ring a bell with a few more people than The Netherlands would) is our capital. I do not live in Amsterdam. I don't want to live there, and I cannot afford it (Amsterdam is, like, say, London, extremely expensive).

The Netherlands is the most densely populated country of Europe - sixteen and a half million people on a surface just a bit larger than, say, Maryland.


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Jimmy the Squid

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Re: Hey you, where do you live?
« Reply #52 on: 13 Oct 2010, 05:06 »

You sound kind of bitter about this.
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jhocking

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Re: Hey you, where do you live?
« Reply #53 on: 13 Oct 2010, 05:16 »

You forgot to mention how everyone in Amsterdam smokes pot and has sex with hookers.

I mean, when they're not tending their tulips.

which are terrible, by the way, because they're just boxes now; they used to have local developers build the neighborhoods and they were all nice and varied. now you fire up google maps satellite view and it's just like wtf what are all these squares of shades of gray.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2_2lGkEU4X
« Last Edit: 13 Oct 2010, 05:26 by jhocking »
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Barmymoo

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Re: Hey you, where do you live?
« Reply #54 on: 13 Oct 2010, 06:58 »

I was in Amsterdam for three days and on two separate occasions men attempted to buy me. I mean, that is not normal.
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jhocking

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Re: Hey you, where do you live?
« Reply #55 on: 13 Oct 2010, 07:16 »

To be fair, your outfits do scream "hooker."

Barmymoo

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Re: Hey you, where do you live?
« Reply #56 on: 13 Oct 2010, 07:24 »

It's true. I should stop wearing red PVC hot pants really.
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peterh

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Re: Hey you, where do you live?
« Reply #57 on: 13 Oct 2010, 08:27 »

You sound kind of bitter about this.

Not quite... merely ironic ;)
But I'm perfectly happy to be here. Nothing to be terribly excited about, just... no extremes here - climate is moderate, no volcanoes or fault lines to bother about, no danger of flooding, just gentle moderation.
Plus, my grandchildren live here, so this is The Place To Be.

Funny, this. We could probably tolerate living further away from our children (like, in England or Scotland*, which we both would love), but I would *hate* to live within driving distance from our grandchildren.

*) I mean, seriously. It was a conscious decision of me and my wife to be married in Scotland (and no, NOT in Gretna Green!), and it's among the best things we've ever done.
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Quote from: Is it cold in here?:
Some things are most easily explained by the hypothesis that it's just a fictional comedy with things exaggerated for comic effect. However, this explanation is too boring for us to accept it just because it's true.

peterh

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Re: Hey you, where do you live?
« Reply #58 on: 13 Oct 2010, 08:29 »

You forgot to mention how everyone in Amsterdam smokes pot and has sex with hookers.
I did not mean to mention that, because I just *knew* that this would be common knowlegde lore.
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Some things are most easily explained by the hypothesis that it's just a fictional comedy with things exaggerated for comic effect. However, this explanation is too boring for us to accept it just because it's true.

valley_parade

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Re: Hey you, where do you live?
« Reply #59 on: 13 Oct 2010, 08:29 »

Grandchildren?

I thought Paul was the only one on here old enough to have grandkids. Damn,...sir.
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Wait so you're letting something that happened 10 years ago ruin your quality of life? What are you, America? :psyduck:

peterh

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Re: Hey you, where do you live?
« Reply #60 on: 13 Oct 2010, 08:32 »

I was in Amsterdam for three days and on two separate occasions men attempted to buy me. I mean, that is not normal.
Far as I can tell, at least three out of these two occasions it must have been foreigners having presumptions about Amsterdam.
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peterh

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Re: Hey you, where do you live?
« Reply #61 on: 13 Oct 2010, 08:36 »

Grandchildren?

I thought Paul was the only one on here old enough to have grandkids. Damn,...sir.

Who's Paul?

Hehheh. Three, in fact. Wait another two weeks and it'll be four, in fact. And much to my own surprise, I am still hovering in anticipation.

Even so. Since my grandchildren don't 'sir' me, there's no need for you to do so. :D
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valley_parade

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Re: Hey you, where do you live?
« Reply #62 on: 13 Oct 2010, 08:41 »

Paul is pwhodges on here. A pretty cool dude, if I do say so.
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peterh

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Re: Hey you, where do you live?
« Reply #63 on: 13 Oct 2010, 08:45 »

Pee Doubya Hodges, yes. I see who you mean. Oh yeah, he's cool. I'd be happy honoured to be in his league.
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Re: Hey you, where do you live?
« Reply #64 on: 13 Oct 2010, 09:10 »

I seem to remember that when I started, all the "old" people on here were about the age I am now.

WHERE DO YOU GO, TIME?
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jwhouk

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Re: Hey you, where do you live?
« Reply #65 on: 13 Oct 2010, 17:24 »

I seem to remember that when I started, all the "old" people on here were about the age I am now.

WHERE DO YOU GO, TIME?
I really resent that, child.
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Re: Hey you, where do you live?
« Reply #66 on: 13 Oct 2010, 18:42 »







A Postbox that survived terrorism



Abraham Lincoln!



Alan Turing!



Spider Crab!



Magical Buses!



Good Eats!




Factories!
« Last Edit: 14 Oct 2010, 05:01 by Yayniall »
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SirJuggles

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Re: Hey you, where do you live?
« Reply #67 on: 13 Oct 2010, 21:20 »

I did not realize we had so many West Coast USA'ers on here. I thought I was alone...


I live here



Which is nice because of...



and the fact that I get to go to school...



Unfortunately I am a poor college student so I have to live


(that house is down the street)

which is a place full of loud drunk people who think "personal responsibility" is what you have parents for.


Also,



happens quite a lot.
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Re: Hey you, where do you live?
« Reply #68 on: 13 Oct 2010, 22:20 »

Oh man, SirJuggles, I feel you re: the living-on-a-Central-Coast-party-street thing.  SLO and Santa Barbara are pretty similar in that regard, from what I understand.  I lived for two years in an apartment building that was primarily rented by a fraternity.  It was at the intersection where not one (est. 1,000 people), but two (est. 5,000 people) huge fucking riots happened.  Very drunk strangers vomited on our doorstep, peed in our plants, and stumbled into our apartment confused about once a weekend.

Was so glad to move, finally.
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squawk

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Re: Hey you, where do you live?
« Reply #69 on: 14 Oct 2010, 02:52 »

My UCSB buddy wants me to come down to IV for Halloween.

I'm so glad that it's basically impossible for me to get there that weekend because oh god
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Re: Hey you, where do you live?
« Reply #70 on: 14 Oct 2010, 05:24 »

How are they not arrested for that kind of thing? I don't think I've ever heard of places like that in this country, is it just because there's so much America that statstically the chances are good for any type of person?
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Re: Hey you, where do you live?
« Reply #71 on: 14 Oct 2010, 05:53 »

I seem to remember that when I started, all the "old" people on here were about the age I am now.

WHERE DO YOU GO, TIME?
I really resent that, child.

Preds fans don't count.
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Elizzybeth

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Re: Hey you, where do you live?
« Reply #72 on: 14 Oct 2010, 07:24 »

How are they not arrested for that kind of thing? I don't think I've ever heard of places like that in this country, is it just because there's so much America that statstically the chances are good for any type of person?

People did get arrested.  We had partiers arrested right outside our bedroom window at least twice.  The threat of arrest just doesn't stop people from partying.

I'm not so familiar with Santa Barbara law, but here, at least, the police + quiet retirement town community are in constant battle with the student partying community.  They're often increasing restrictions on parties (e.g. they introduced in April an "unruly gathering ordinance" that allows them to fine the host of a party where shit like that is going down $700 for a first offense and $1000 per offense for repeated offenses; I moved to a much quieter part of town shortly thereafter, so I'm not sure how effective it was).
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Christophe

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Re: Hey you, where do you live?
« Reply #73 on: 14 Oct 2010, 08:11 »

So I am from here, originally:


(San Jose, CA)

Moved here:


(Merced, CA)

to go to here:


(University of California, Merced)

For a few months, I lived here!


(Glasgow, UK)

Hopefully by May of next year, I'll be here!


(Chicago, IL)
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Verergoca

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Re: Hey you, where do you live?
« Reply #74 on: 14 Oct 2010, 10:02 »

Well, im living in dutchland as well, more specifially, we live here:


(Just the lower bit)

This is where im typing this post:



This is where we make foods:



This is where we sleep:



This is a lot of junk i have to clear out of our basement before i can use the basement as a pot plantation uhm, sm dungeon uhm warhammer play room thing where there is also cold beer:


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Re: Hey you, where do you live?
« Reply #75 on: 14 Oct 2010, 10:10 »

Erik, is that wallpaper in the bedroom or did you stencil it? Badass!
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Re: Hey you, where do you live?
« Reply #76 on: 14 Oct 2010, 10:53 »

My UCSB buddy wants me to come down to IV for Halloween.

I'm so glad that it's basically impossible for me to get there that weekend because oh god

Yeah... I did the halloween thing my freshman year, and I don't ever need to do it again. I'm actually going home over halloween weekend so I don't have to deal with it.

For those who don't know, Isla Vista (the student ghetto next to UC Santa Barbara) halloween is kind of legendary. People come from out-of-state just to get plastered and walk around half naked. The city has to spend thousands on public safety for that one night. I don't know the exact numbers, but commonly accepted knowledge is that for around 48 hours Isla Vista becomes the most densely populated square mile west of the Mississippi.

How are they not arrested for that kind of thing? I don't think I've ever heard of places like that in this country, is it just because there's so much America that statstically the chances are good for any type of person?

People did get arrested.  We had partiers arrested right outside our bedroom window at least twice.  The threat of arrest just doesn't stop people from partying.

Same here. They just passed a thing called the "social host ordinance", which allows the police to come into your house if they even see more than 5 people there, and all kinds of crazy fines and stuff. Most people responded with "fuck tha police" and continue to party anyways.
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Re: Hey you, where do you live?
« Reply #77 on: 14 Oct 2010, 11:38 »

Shane, its wallpaper, and hellish to get right. Looks awesome when it matches up though :D
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peterh

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Re: Hey you, where do you live?
« Reply #78 on: 14 Oct 2010, 11:41 »

Well, im living in dutchland as well, more specifially, we live here:

The Hague! I was born there, lived there for... what? 33 years.
Where in The Hague is that?

Quote
Erik, is that wallpaper in the bedroom or did you stencil it? Badass!

They call it "The Tandoori Room".  :lol:
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Re: Hey you, where do you live?
« Reply #79 on: 14 Oct 2010, 14:46 »

Wow, ground-level windows without bars on them? Unheard of!!
I've spent too much time in the city.
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Re: Hey you, where do you live?
« Reply #80 on: 14 Oct 2010, 14:57 »

I have that exact same kitchen cabinet front.

I'm not saying it's a high five moment, just, you know ...
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Re: Hey you, where do you live?
« Reply #81 on: 14 Oct 2010, 20:02 »

Wow, ground-level windows without bars on them? Unheard of!!
I've spent too much time in the city.

My friend from Sydney who was staying with me on the weekend couldn't believe it when she went into the front room, where she was sleeping, after we'd been sitting at the other end of the house for several hours, and found that the window onto the street was wide open because I'd needed to air the room out.

Lunchy maybe you just need to get the hell out of Sydney.
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Re: Hey you, where do you live?
« Reply #82 on: 14 Oct 2010, 20:40 »

One day, Harry, one day.
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Re: Hey you, where do you live?
« Reply #83 on: 14 Oct 2010, 23:23 »

Wow, ground-level windows without bars on them? Unheard of!!

First thought: "... wha... bars? Mars bars?
Second thought: "omg she means... STEEL bars!"

OK, Sydney's off the list of places I want to be then.

(I have to admit we're at the other side of the spectrum. Our front door is always open when we're home, and we regularly forget to lock our cars when they're on the driveway.)
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Re: Hey you, where do you live?
« Reply #84 on: 14 Oct 2010, 23:28 »

I grew up in a small town where that was the case, and my boyfriend lives way out of town where it's also safe enough. It's just the past few years I've lived in inner-city suburbs where bars are a necessary evil. People get quite creative with them though. I've seen some really pretty ones.
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Re: Hey you, where do you live?
« Reply #85 on: 15 Oct 2010, 00:06 »

That may be true (about the pretty ones), but it's the underlying idea that makes me cringe.

On a more practical note, it would also limit the number of exit paths in case, say, your house would be, say, on fire.
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Re: Hey you, where do you live?
« Reply #86 on: 15 Oct 2010, 10:51 »

I live in north Texas, around Ft.Worth, in that area that's eventually going to be swallowed up and become a megacity. Things tend to explode alot. It really seems like were auditioning for a part in Chernobyl 2: The Radiation Strikes Back.

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Re: Hey you, where do you live?
« Reply #87 on: 15 Oct 2010, 18:27 »

I lived in South Africa for a while. There were bars on all the windows. There was a security door that we switched on whenever we went to sleep. It was metal and separated us from the rest of the house, where we switched on the night alarm every night. We had barbed wire on our walls which were 3 meters high. We had a gate with a buzzer that was solid metal and yeah.

We lived in a pretty low security house.

I have friends who had all that and also lived in a gated community with security guards that patrolled the walls and stuff.

Edit: holy shit I have over 2000 posts I probably need to slow down or something.
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Re: Hey you, where do you live?
« Reply #88 on: 15 Oct 2010, 19:09 »

Sometimes I toy with the idea of moving to Melbourne, because there are a lot of things I don't like about Sydney, and Melbourne looks like a lovely place to live.

But then I realise that I would have to support Melbourne Heart or Victory :( :( :(   I'm not in the habit of supporting child-rapists!
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schimmy

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Re: Hey you, where do you live?
« Reply #89 on: 15 Oct 2010, 19:21 »

That may be true (about the pretty ones), but it's the underlying idea that makes me cringe.

On a more practical note, it would also limit the number of exit paths in case, say, your house would be, say, on fire.

The last place I lived had them. You could open them by pulling a handle on the floor.
This wasn't much comfort, though - the windows couldn't be opened more than an inch unless you and a screwdriver and a couple of minutes to spare.
The place I'm living now is much safer, though. No bars on the windows. to prevent your escape. But that's only really because there's not anywhere to escape to. My window opens onto a roof that is far too steep to risk climbing unless I was trapped inside my flaming bedroom.
Student accommodation: because who cares if we burn?
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SirJuggles

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Re: Hey you, where do you live?
« Reply #90 on: 15 Oct 2010, 20:45 »

Ah, my girlfriend wished to share where she lives (and where I spend the majority of my time when I'm at home)


That's me. She went on a (photo)shooting-spree.


We stole that sign off a real-estate sign a few years ago. It was too perfect to resist.


She has a thing for vintage signs. Which is actually pretty cool.


Look internet! You're in her room!


She also insisted on showing off her robot. And awesome mini-chandelier.

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Re: Hey you, where do you live?
« Reply #91 on: 16 Oct 2010, 04:38 »

Sometimes I toy with the idea of moving to Melbourne, because there are a lot of things I don't like about Sydney, and Melbourne looks like a lovely place to live.

But then I realise that I would have to support Melbourne Heart or Victory :( :( :(   I'm not in the habit of supporting child-rapists!

Nah you'll find there are plenty of Sydney supporters up here. True story: I'd been living in Melbourne for literally years before I knowingly met my first born-and-bred Melbournian.
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Metope

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Re: Hey you, where do you live?
« Reply #92 on: 24 Oct 2010, 09:43 »

Is it too late to post in this thread? I hope not, because I just got a new camera and want to show you the beautiful city of Glasgow, seen from a Norwegian art student and recent inhabitant's point of view!

Yes, I know a lot of people don't think Glasgow is much too look at, and surely, compared to, say, the incredibly picturesque Edinburgh which has tons of parks, lovely houses, hills and even a castle, Glasgow can look a bit bleak. However, even though this city still has very noticable traces of the not so aesthetically pleasing industrial era and its downfall, you can find a lot of gems wandering about. For example, the famous Mackintosh building (by the Art Nouveau architect, designer and painter Charles Rennie Mackintosh) which is the heart of the Glasgow School of Art campus:


(I am lucky enough to be able to spend a good chunk of my time in this building since my studio is on the first floor.)

This is the library, with all original early 20th century Mackintosh furniture still intact:



There are also a ton of small parks and green squares scattered around, and even though this tiny little seating area might not qualify as a park or a square I'm going to show it here anyway, since it's a nice looking place and I pass it every day on my way to and from school:



Continue walking two minutes west, and you get to my building. It's the tallest building in the area with a bistro, dairy, bar (although it hasn't been open for weeks), pizza place, chapel and two hairdressers just around the corner. I mentioned it's the tallest building in the area, right? This is my bedroom view:


(The tall-ish building sticking up slightly to the left of the middle there is the design department of my school, straight across from the Mackintosh building, so that's how far I walk every day.)

This is my bedroom:





See that grey jacket hanging over my chair? If you go even further west away from my flat, you'll get to the West End, more specifically the Great Western road and Byres road, where there are tons of amazing vintage clothing shops, second hand book shops, cafes, wine specialists, organic food stores and much more good stuff scattered around. I got the grey jacket (amongst numerous other things) for about half of what it would have cost me back in Norway I'm sure. Like most students here I spend a lot of my free time in this area of the city, the University of Glasgow is really close by as well. This is a cafe I tried for the first time today, on Byres road:


(A pretty decent place, but I found another cafe yesterday where I had the best coffee I've had my entire life. I think I'll stick to that one!)

So yeah, I've lived in Glasgow for almost two months now, and I'm in love with the place already. Of course I miss Norway and Oslo a little bit, but I'm really happy with my choice of home away from home, and I can't wait to see what the four years here will be like!

(...Oh, and Jens: feel free to show mom these pictures, especually the ones of my room and how tidy it is, thanks.)
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Re: Hey you, where do you live?
« Reply #93 on: 24 Oct 2010, 14:37 »

Edit: holy shit I have over 2000 posts I probably need to slow down or something.

ha ha I am laughing so hard I'm crying

 :cry:

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Re: Hey you, where do you live?
« Reply #94 on: 24 Oct 2010, 14:42 »

I come from the Isle of Wight.

It is a landmass of about 200 square miles situated just off the south coast of Great Britain. I think it is like the fifth or sixth largest island in the British Isles.  According to some racist graffiti I once sprayed over in a Ryde bus-stop, “IT’S THE ISLE OF WHITE NOT THE ISLE OF BLACKS”. Actually ‘Wight’ is an old English word that means ‘people’; there are not many coloured people on the Isle of Wight, but that is less to do with racism and more to do with the fact that they are not stupid enough to move there. It is not the Isle of Wights as in Barrow-Wights, though that would be bad ass. The Romans called it Vectis, and the posh name for a native is a Vectian. There was a Vectis Independence Party in the 70’s but that was apparently an excuse for a bunch of local folk musicians to write stupid songs about stabbing the English with pitchforks and wear rosettes and get drunk a lot, not that anyone on the Isle of Wight has ever particularly needed an excuse to do any of these things.

Here is a psychogeographical map I have prepared in MS paint which shows how people on the Isle of Wight perceive the rest of the world:



But what are grockles and overlanders you ask? Well, Isle of Wight dialect divides the entirety of humanity into a distinct caste system, from best to worst:

Caulkheads: those who were born on the Isle of Wight, or in the strictest sense had both their parents born on the Isle of Wight. I am a caulkhead, and receive a free clay jar of scrumpy and a garlic clove on Whitsunday in acknowledgement of this fact.
Islanders: Those resident for a long time on the Island,  or, if you hold to the strictest definition of caulkhead, those who were born on the Island but whose parents weren’t. Vectian taxonomy recognises the existence of no other islands, and never has. Thomas Hardy remarked as far back as the 18th century that “They call it The Island as if there were no other”. We still do.
Overlanders: People from other places who live on the Isle of Wight. Outsiders. Treated with suspicion and denied the best seats at witch burnings and the highest ranks of freemasonry.
Grockles: ‘Grockle’ roughly tanslates as ‘tourist’, but with an added depth of infinite burning hatred. Grockles come over to the island and gawk at people, and we sell them expensive ice cream and let them make a mess on our piers.


HISTORY:
The Isle of Wight was once a pretty big fucking deal. Queen Victoria loved the fuck out of the place and built a goddamn palace here where she sat crying and eating chocolates for like thirty years after Prince Albert died. Her presence and general assortments of nice beaches and bracing sea air attracted the cream of 19th century wankers. Tennyson wanked at length about the Isle of Wight, and we named a fucking heath after him. Julia Margaret Cameron took many pictures of wankers here, Karl Marx came to Ventnor for a brief wank, and Dickens wanked out much of David Copperfield there also. Marconi set up the world’s first radio station  here, before moving out because of all the wankers.

Oh yeah and before all that happened Charles I was imprisoned here by the Roundheads and the French invaded a couple of times and we personally kicked the shit out of them. But no one gives a shit.

More recently, The Isle of Wight was an unlikely centre of shipbuilding, aircraft manufacture, and general high-tech. The British space program was based here briefly in the fifties, The hovecraft was invented here, BAE and Siemens had factories manufacturing radar and electronic warfare equipment. Then everyone realised that the Isle of Wight was a fucking stupid place to do such things, and decamped en mass, leaving us with an economy that relies entirely on tourism and farming garlic. Seriously, garlic. We are fucking nuts about garlic. We have a two day cultural festival dedicated entirely to garlic. Would you like some garlic? Garlic ice cream? Garlic beer? Have some fucking garlic you grockle cunts!
*ahem*


GEOGRAPHY
The Isle of Wight is an Island, which means it is surrounded by the sea. This is where rich yachtie cunts employ local sailors to drive their ghastly sunseekers around whilst they swig gin and bray like fucked up donkeys. In the middle of this sea is the Island, which is mostly made out of chalk and sheep shit. Major towns:

Ryde: Used to be rough as fuck when I was a teenager. I saw a dude get thrown through a shop window, and a thirty man street fight involving chains and baseball bats in Ryde. It is the place I first had sex in a public toilet and the place I was first beaten up. Now a depressingly safe place to drink.

Newport: Where I live. Basically just a standard town. There is some really, really insanely ugly architecture from the 60’s that miraculously is always like one centimetre out of shot in every single photograph on the Isle of Wight Tourism website.

Sandown/Shanklin/Ventnor/Freshwater: The four towns on the ‘back o’ the wight’ (the south coast). Hellholes. This is probably where all the violence is now happening but the bus services are so shit I never bother going down to find out.

Yarmouth: The population of Yarmouth is kept naturally small by surrounding salt marshes and severe genetic deformities caused by rampant incest. Everything west of here is Deliverance country. They still have red telephone boxes out this way simply because BT has forgotten they exist.

Bembridge: Bembridge is like an elephant graveyard, but for terrifying old women. They come here to knit and die.

Niton: Has a population of 2000 but only gets four buses a day because the entire bus system is designed to give grockles nice coastal views.

Seaview: Not a real town, whatever lies they may tell you.

Godshill: Twee as fuck. More tea-rooms than shops, more coach parks than car parks. Not making this up at all, look at the fucking place:



CULTURE:
The culture of the Isle of Wight is predicated around four major activities:
1: Drinking
2: Music festivals
3: More drinking
4: Legal-high induced suicide

CONCLUSION:
MORE CIDERRRRR

« Last Edit: 24 Oct 2010, 15:01 by KharBevNor »
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David_Dovey

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Re: Hey you, where do you live?
« Reply #95 on: 24 Oct 2010, 18:26 »

Khar, I just derived great enjoyment out of reading that post, and out of reading the litany of wankers to my girlfriend and a crowd of strangers
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Re: Hey you, where do you live?
« Reply #96 on: 24 Oct 2010, 20:44 »

I live in the intellectual wasteland of Boise, Idaho. It's an interesting microcosm of all things American. We have threatened natural splendor, an amazing amount of fat white racists who hate and fear the illegal immigrants that they employ and exploit, among the lowest in per-student education spending and Guns, guns, guns, guns.

Can I come live with any of you europeans? Please help me escape.
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Re: Hey you, where do you live?
« Reply #98 on: 25 Oct 2010, 14:24 »

I'd heard Bracknell was pretty rough?
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Re: Hey you, where do you live?
« Reply #99 on: 26 Oct 2010, 01:04 »

I live in wokingham which is just next to bracknell. wokingham's not so bad but you heard right about bracknell, the toddlers there have smoker's coughs and mean stares

it's amazing how different two places can be when they're only a mile apart
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