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Author Topic: OkCupid: Internet dating for people who never commit to anything  (Read 11827 times)

thelightguy

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Seriously, everyone there is either a hipster or a polyamorous ~faerie queen~ with a BMI that reads like a basketball score.

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Roadelicious  (not a faerie queen (really))

So has anyone else tried the wide world of internet dating?  Any interesting stories?  As a dude I'm pretty much limited to the "she was 50lbs heavier" or "talked about her ex all night" stuff, but I'm sure crazier stuff has happened when you're meeting people from the internet.
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KvP

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Lots of people seem to do it, it seems to be about as successful as dating in general, but I haven't really given it a shot.
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I review, sometimes.
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Lunchbox

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After I broke up with my boyfriend of 7 years I joined okcupid because I figured there was no hope of me ever meeting a guy who would like me in real life.

Every meetup I've had from okcupid has ended up being a disaster, and I'm not proud of any of them. When I write about them it makes me realise what a dumb bitch I was.

The first boy I met the day I moved to Sydney. I drove up late at night, and moved in with him straight away as I had no money and he had room for my cat and wasn't charging me rent. We lived/slept together for a month and a bit until I moved in with Jimmy the Squid. After that I just sort of forgot about him and moved onto the second boy. His reaction to this made me realise that he'd been taking it all way more seriously than I had, despite the fact that he was moving back to the US in a year. Whoops.

The second boy lived back in my hometown, 3 hours away, but that didn't stop us from hooking up every weekend. He was sort of weird and controlling but I was really lonely and put up with it. We agreed on an open relationship but when I hooked up with another guy from real life, I dumped him. Most people on this forum know what happened after that, but it seems that he got over it and moved away and went on to have a good relationship. For that I am happy!

After the new boy I had been dating left to go overseas, I started hanging out with two guys I'd kept in contact with from okcupid.

One was a complete narcissist, a writer who liked antiques and everything high-brow. Despite the fact that he knew I was 'saving myself' for when my boyfriend came back, he would constantly tell me how much he wanted to sleep with me, despite the fact that he had girlfriend. He would invite me over to watch movies, pressure me to drink and smoke, and feel me up. I'd go because despite everything, it was nice to have someone pay attention to me. Eventually he kissed me and it was awful and I hope to never see him again.

The last guy turned out sort of okay. I maintained my distance from him early on and stated that we were to be only friends, I wasn't attracted to him at all but we became sort of friends and would go out for lunch every week as we work close to each other. He constantly would tell me how attractive I was and make no excuses for the amount of times he would look down my top. Eventually he got a girlfriend and has stopped asking me to lunch. Phew. We still talk on Facebook occasionally.


TLDR;  okcupid - pretty much full of creeps and/or very very lonely people.
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Blue Kitty

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I found my current girlfriend on Ok Cupid.  It's a pretty okay site I guess, I deleted my profile a little while ago and my girlfriend did the same.
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Papersatan

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This is not OK cupid related specifically, but I found Stephen on the Internet.  We met on Yahoo instant messenger.  I did a search for boys in my area near my age who were online and had pictures.  His username started with an 'a' so he was on the first page.  He looked the most interesting and so I threw a muffin at him.  The rest, as they say, is history. 
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[12:07] ackblom12: hi again honey
[12:08] ackblom12: I'm tired of lookin at that ugly little face

Buttfranklin

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Or if the relationship is on-going, it's still making history.
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I tried to romance a lady photographer once. But it didn't work out because I could never understand about f-spots.

Papersatan

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Yeah, but we're married now. Everyone know that passionate relationships die with marriage. 
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[12:07] ackblom12: hi again honey
[12:08] ackblom12: I'm tired of lookin at that ugly little face

tania

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a lot of people here have had (or still are in) pretty committed relationships with people they have met from this forum; same goes with another forum i'm on. i still seem to hear a lot of horror stories regarding internet dating sites, though, so maybe the fundamental dissimilarity lies in the difference between purposefully and intentionally seeking somebody to have a sexual relationship with vs. meeting people through a venue which encourages friendship and community more than anything else and having a relationship develop unintentionally from that foundation. if that's the case, then successfully dating on the internet is probably not all that different from successfully dating in meat life too.
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Dazed

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I've been involved with people I met on the internet. They were just like other people. None of these relationships went particuarly well, but that's not really different from any of my other relationships, so I honestly don't think it makes that much of a difference?
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Spluff

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There's a reason these people have to turn to internet dating websites in the first place. There's good people on there too but by the time you find them they will probably by emotionally scarred by having to date all the other whackjobs on the website.
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[16:27] Ozy:  has joined the room
[16:27] Quietus: porn necklace!
[16:27] Quietus: Shove it up yer vag!
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Dazed

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Oh, yeah, I've never actually found anyone through/been a member of a dating website. Just incidental internet encounters leading to other things.
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Lunchbox

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Nah dude, there are legit people on there, you just need to make sure that you actually like them before you start dating them.
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tania

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alternately, try being gay. like just go to the gay bar and maybe do some gay stuff and i dunno, see what happens
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Not to sound mysoginist, but I hate women.

KvP

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Actually guys have two inputs. Girls have three.
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I love this vagina store!
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SNEAKY
I sneak that shit
And liek
OMG DICK JERK

Lunchbox

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That's not wise. Have you been to BME?
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Buttfranklin

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Actually guys have two inputs. Girls have three.

If you can show me someone with a big enough urethra to accept sexual intercourse, I'll cede the point to you.  And then vomit.  Until then, I maintain that the urethra is output only.
The mouth.
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I tried to romance a lady photographer once. But it didn't work out because I could never understand about f-spots.

Inlander

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But that's where food goes!!
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Buttfranklin

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NOT JUST FOOD ANYMORE
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I tried to romance a lady photographer once. But it didn't work out because I could never understand about f-spots.

Inlander

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Man whatever goes in there I'm gonna bite. I'm like a fish that way.
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StMonkey

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Toothless? I guess that would make it okay...
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Ballard

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In an effort to re-rail this thread:

I originally signed up for OKCupid when things with a girl I was pretty heavily emotionally invested in fell apart. Prior to our tryst I adamantly resisted anything resembling a relationship for a few years, having come off a disastrous long-term one and the subsequent rebound which turned out equally disastrous. At some point during that period I got involved in an open relationship with a girl from Boston who was five years my senior. The traveling was fun and the sex was great but what started out of an allegedly mutual desire for a continued fling with no strings attached ended with me acting as an emotional crutch for someone who was too insecure to be upfront about their needs. Coincidentally, soon after I broke that off, the girl in question came back into my life, fresh off a semester abroad in Spain. The previous summer I had turned her down for a relationship, citing my cataclysmic experiences and self-presumed inability to be a challenging and passionate partner, and she left bearing a grudge. Upon her return, she briefly dated my best friend, whom she complete ignored as the level of our intimacy steadily grew and we began spending a lot of time together.

After a few months of this, my buddy came to understand the situation and broke up with her, giving me his blessing. This time with all the cards in her hand, she led me on for six months before finally letting me know that she just wasn't interested in dating me. She'd hinted at it before, somewhere in between passionate kisses and falling asleep in my arms, but I was so madly infatuated that I deceived myself until I could no longer rationalize it.

I came out of this episode reeling, having set myself up to fall in love and been sorely disappointed. I had several short flings in a row, unsuccessfully trying to find in each of them the kind of things I felt and had lost. I understood that I couldn't go out looking for passion but that didn't stop me from trying.

As an extension of this pursuit, I registered for an OKCupid account. I spent hours meticulously editing what I thought was the most genuine description of myself I could muster. I figured that, at the very least, I stood to gain insight into what kinds of people are attracted to me when I'm not busy posturing, but I held out hope that I might meet someone charming who would take my mind off of my absolute dissatisfaction.

In order to facilitate the experiment, I didn't bother sending out any messages, instead waiting for people to contact me.

To this day, I've received approximately five messages, three from real life friends who stumbled onto my profile and felt the need to express their amusement while simultaneously justifying the existence of their own accounts, one from our very own Liz which said "liek omg ur so hawt" (thank you Liz) and one which read:

"haha soo this thing said they have a mystry match who likes "tool"....I'm starting to belivee this thing isn't understanding me lol i hope you don't like tools?"
« Last Edit: 15 Oct 2010, 03:21 by Ballard »
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est

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I signed up for an OKCupid account one time and after a certain amount of total radio silence I got a procession of fat chicks I had nothing in common with trying to talk to me pretty much every time I went on to take a quiz.  I started talking to one girl in the Sydney area that the matchmaker thing said I had a bunch of shit in common with, but she turned out to be a massive drama queen with pretty much no common interests other than Monty Python.

Then when I tried to delete my account there was a bit of ambiguity over whether or not it was actually deleting, kind of like how Facebook is now.  I told it to delete, but it told me that if I logged in then it'd reactivate my account, which didn't gel with my idea of DELETE.  I read up a bit more and there was some convoluted way to actually delete the account, but it wouldn't surprise me if my empty profile is still kicking about there.
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Lines

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I think my empty profile is still kicking. Pretty much I deleted everything except one line that said I didn't take this site seriously anymore. But I don't know if people still see it because the email it is linked to was hacked when my WoW account was attached to it.

I personally didn't care too much for OkCupid. I did talk to a few ok people online and I met one guy but just wasn't attracted to him, but I just kept getting really creepy messages even though there wasn't anything remotely suggesting that I was on the site for sex. That's mainly the reason I deleted it, so if I ever really want to try internet dating I may try a paid site just because I feel like if people are going to pay for access, they are taking it more seriously. I'm sure I'll get creepy comments, but hopefully it's less.

Also I had some dude that would NOT stop messaging me after I had one conversation with him about games. I had on my profile that I was interested in party games (like Mario Party and whatnot), WoW, and D&D. He was into board games. As in board games I'd never even heard of (which, you know, to each their own), but that's all he talked about and he was boring the shit out of me and he would not take "I'm not interested" as a hint to leave me alone. So yeah.
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:grumpypuss: :grumpypuss: :grumpypuss:

Papersatan

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I did try match.com a few weeks ago.  (The marriage is fine, Steve and I were taking its free personality test) I was soundly disappointed with the first 5 matches.  I am fat.  I don't like sports.  It asked me about these things several times in the entrance test.  My first 5 matches were a guy who watches football and baseball religiously, a guy who runs marathons, a guy who is looking for a lady who takes care of her body the way he takes care of his, a guys who listed his "my friends would describe be as" as physically fit and a super soccer fan.  Seriously Match.com?  People are paying for that service.  Maybe you only get good matches if you pay?
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[12:07] ackblom12: hi again honey
[12:08] ackblom12: I'm tired of lookin at that ugly little face

michaelicious

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reasonably predatory

Oh boy, that is an odd word combination.
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allison

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I have tried internet dating! I dated an interesting, funny, normal guy that I met from a site called Lavalife - we were together for almost 6 months! He is a really great guy and 2 years later we are still friends.

I tried OKC, which was pretty disastrous. Two of the guys I went on dates with were pretty nice but also kind of strange and obnoxious. The third guy kept touching me all night, despite my protests and later on in the evening tried to kiss me, to which I said, "Yeah, I'm not ready for physical affection!" He replied, "What affection?" That was a pretty terrible date. I stopped using that site and just decided being single was okay.

My relationship now happened because of the internet but it was just lucky, as I met him through this forum and neither of us were really intending it to happen. We hit it off, it became a Thing, and now we deal with the LDR crap because it is totally worth it.

The advice I am trying to give is there will be a lot of shit to sift through before you find someone great who is worth your time and attention. Sounds just like real-life dating, huh?
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CardinalFang

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Also I had some dude that would NOT stop messaging me after I had one conversation with him about games. I had on my profile that I was interested in party games (like Mario Party and whatnot), WoW, and D&D. He was into board games. As in board games I'd never even heard of (which, you know, to each their own), but that's all he talked about and he was boring the shit out of me and he would not take "I'm not interested" as a hint to leave me alone. So yeah.

Wait a second. When did I get an OKCupid account? I'm sure I've been too busy playing Liberty Roads and waiting anxiously for Invasion from Outer Space: The Martian Game to get an account. Although since you like boardgames let me tell you about the ones I've been playing.....
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(From Gabbly) Jodizzle: no sad deaths apart from the eaten kitten

Zingoleb

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Better stick *must be willing to take hormone therapy* at the bottom of my M4M craigslist personal.

Then you'd be meandering into M4T. Geez. Which actually irks me because apparently, according to craigslist, transgender = girl with penor.


I troll craigslist personal ads because I can come across some incredibly hilarious ones, such as the guy who was looking for pegging, and wrote about it in iambic pentameter. I'll have to re-find it.

Edit: Found it.

"that is the question: whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fantasies
Or to take arms against a sea of spam bots
And by opposing end them. To be pegged, to submit--and by a submitting say we end
The heartache, and the thousand natural shocks
That our bisexual flesh is heir to.
'Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished."
« Last Edit: 15 Oct 2010, 14:04 by Zingoleb »
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tania

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man call me crazy but every transman and transwoman i have ever met in my life has been absolutely, unquestionably smoking hot, like way hotter than any biological male or female could possibly ever hope to be. to me that would more than make up for the momentary weirdness of finding out they possibly don't have the genitals you were expecting them to have, i mean you can have pretty much any kind of sex you want now with the aid of sex toys so who even cares that much about a person's genitals anymore really.
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Not to sound mysoginist, but I hate women.

Zingoleb

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Who, me or Tania?
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tania

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only because somebody won't pay for that sex reassignment surgery i've been asking for constantly for like, years

i mean honestly it's not even for sexual reasons, i just want to be able to use it to press elevator buttons and stuff
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Not to sound mysoginist, but I hate women.

tania

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<==== THIS IS THE TYPE OF GIRLFRIEND YOU END UP WITH WHEN YOU DATE PEOPLE FROM THE INTERNET
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calenlass

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I signed up for OKC back in the day when you could still "woo" at people, because Mnementh/DannyClash and thousand and Voodoo and some other old forumites were on it and every time we saw each other in person we would go "WOOOOOOO" at each other and it was hilarious. I was also isolated and more-or-less friendless at a uni that wasn't right for me, so I ended up taking a gajillion quizzes and answering all the questions they had.

I have never really used it to date, or find partners, or whatever. I am one of those women Tommy was talking about who use it for social networking because, honestly, the people I met through OKC were not that great, but their friends were and, since all my high school friends have moved away since graduation, it is the only reason I know anyone in Atlanta anymore.

To be fair, I have had varying degrees of success with the various people I have met in person. One guy would never let go of the fact that I can play the bagpipes (kind of), only ever talked about swords and kilts, and when I decided I was uncomfortable enough to leave, he kissed me. Another guy invited me along to a USO swing dance with him and his friends, which was awesome. Two of my fellow Dragon*Con staff, whom I did not know lived nearby and whom I did not really see outside the convention, found me on OKC and now we are great friends all year. Another guy wanted to date me (like 3 years ago), but I wasn't interested, and instead I made friends with all of his friends and now they are my mates and one of them is my boyfriend and it is groovy, baby, yeah!

Also, eharmony will let you take their personality profile thinger for free, which I learned because I was bored in class one day, and it is akin to a (albeit brief) psychological profile. Apparently it is pretty accurate.
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tania

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i don't know how i missed this the first few times it was posted, but that "does this thread make you happy?" button there really makes that whole exchange so much more perfect
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Not to sound mysoginist, but I hate women.

est

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Holy shit, that guy.

Also
who even cares that much about a person's genitals anymore really.

Very close to making that my sig, and I think that would be the first time I've sigged a quote from the forum.  Pretty great out of context.

However, I kind of agree to a point.  As far as purely sexual encounters go if I were single and out trying to pick up I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't be overly miffed if the smoking hot lady I took home wound up having one more or one less vagina than expected.  There would be logistics to work out, but surely those things sort themselves out so long as you don't freak out, point & shout "D: YOU HAVE A CO~~~~~~CK! D:"
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tania

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i don't even know how to pronounce that, let alone shout it at someone while freaking out and pointing
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Not to sound mysoginist, but I hate women.

est

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The ~ is supposed to be a wavering carry of the preceding sound. "COOOOCK" looked wrong, like I was complaining about his kitchen staff.
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Zingoleb

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I think you roll the 'o'. I'm still not sure how to roll my r's, much less my o's.

Warning - while you were typing a new reply has been posted. You may wish to review your post.

Or not.
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Jimmy the Squid

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I met my girlfriend through the internet. She was randomly adding members of the Sydney Goth Forums to her MSN list and came across my profile (Lord Carrion - I was so Goth) that I had made but never used (I made it when I was 18 as a way to contact some chick I met at the Batcave before realising she was 1) fucking insane and 2) 14) and instead of blocking and deleting her like I normally do when people do that kind of thing we started chatting and now we've been going out almost 4 years and we've been living together for about a year and a half. Hurrah!
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Inlander

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I dunno, I think it would still have worked.  I'm really digging "kitchen staff" as a euphemism.

"Wooden spoon".

Wait, wait, no, "slotted spoon".
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I like to wash a woman's dishes.
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I tried to romance a lady photographer once. But it didn't work out because I could never understand about f-spots.

Barmymoo

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If someone wants to come wash my dishes for me I'll date them for a while. I mean actual washing of actual dishes, I haven't had time lately. Also too busy for sex with internet people, sorry.
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There's this really handy "other thing" I'm going to write as a footnote to my abstract that I can probably explore these issues in. I think I'll call it my "dissertation."

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Is 'actual dishes' like a codeword for 'labia'?
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[22:25] Dovey: i don't get sigquoted much
[22:26] Dovey: like, maybe, 4 or 5 times that i know of?
[22:26] Dovey: and at least one of those was a blatant ploy at getting sigquoted

http://panzerdivisio

Inlander

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Lines

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I like to wash a woman's dishes.

Sigquote!
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:grumpypuss: :grumpypuss: :grumpypuss:

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<<< movin' on up in the world!
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I tried to romance a lady photographer once. But it didn't work out because I could never understand about f-spots.

snalin

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Now, if you start writing proper sentences, with real words, you'll really be getting somewhere!
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Skibas_clavicle

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I wish more hot ladies would message me on OKC. I use my account to mostly spy on people and see what kind of people I attract. It's like an on-going social experiment. I mean I've gone out with a couple people, one of whom I'm still pretty good friends with. I don't take it too seriously.
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I like the way you work it.

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The sad thing I only kind of recently figured out was that most of the women that were messaging me probably did so to get that part finished on their way to 100% completion of their profile.
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calenlass

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What? Why would they even bother? Like, profile completion?
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Hey everyone, I need to buy some new bookshelves. When I get back from Ikea and put them together you're all invited to the bookshelf launch party.
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