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Plenty of Fish in the Sea!

0 (0%)

"Psh, I'm not that desperate."

6 (6.9%)

I'M SO SORRY!

2 (2.3%)

Want me to take off my pants? (No, thanks, you already did that once)

9 (10.3%)

Sorry I made things awkward

1 (1.1%)

HERMIONE & GINNY VS. THE SPACE WIZARDS

44 (50.6%)

Puberty stories

1 (1.1%)

The Mistaken HS Health Teacher

3 (3.4%)

"Why do I need lotion in my bedroom?"

5 (5.7%)

What kind of porn does Marten like?

4 (4.6%)

"You really wanna do that?..."

7 (8%)

Nah, too white bread.

5 (5.7%)

Total Members Voted: 73

[tbones]

Question: In general, who discovers masturbation first? Boys or Girls? I think we all know girls mature sooner than boys, but boys in general are randy little monkeys from start to finish, so with respect to self-pleasure in THAT way, who starts doing it first?

I think they discovered it at the same time (statiscally speaking anyway) but girls are better at hiding it.

[dorp]

I literally just joined the forum to say: wait, what...?

Um, guys, I'm a female, and... I'm pretty sure my pee-hole IS on my clitoris. Or at the very least right directly underneath it. The two are certainly attached in a rather intimate manner. Is there something wrong with my anatomy, or is this a case of Jeph not actually having any clue about lady-parts?

This is so confusing.  



EDIT: Wait I just checked Wikipedia, and now I'm even more confused. The diagrams have the urethra seriously like half a frikkin inch down from the clitoris, while I can clearly see (and feel) that my clitoris and urethra are one joined structure. Whaaaaaaat... you'd think I'd have been informed of this being an odd thing by like, say, my gynecologist. She took the time to tell me about the freckle on my labia, but not about my urethra being in the wrong spot?

Talkin about my cunt to strangers on the internet woooooooooo.

[IanClark]

Yeah, I just got the joke. What's confusing is that at first you think it's referring to functionality as opposed to location. For the life of me I can't think of a better way to word it, so I guess I can't exactly judge.

[Dusk]

Question: In general, who discovers masturbation first? Boys or Girls? I think we all know girls mature sooner than boys, but boys in general are randy little monkeys from start to finish, so with respect to self-pleasure in THAT way, who starts doing it first?

My vote is for boys because their equipment is more visible than ours. However, that said, a lot of girls "accidentally" discover how good it feels to rub up against something and I think can actually have an orgasm (as far as I know) at a young age, as strange as it sounds. (I mean, they've got the muscle, right?) But boys still discover what it's for first, imo. But it definitely depends on the person...

Also, I love it when people say that the clit doesn't exist. Like, girls pee out of their vagina. Hahahaha yeah.

[sitnspin]

In college (I forget which class, Gender and Sexuality possibly) we watched an episode of one of those daytime talk shows where the guest was a woman who was born without a vaginal opening. While taking questions from the audience, a grown woman asked her how she urinated. The guest replied "Umm, how do YOU urinate" and the audience member replied "Out of my vagina"

Yes, there are unfortunately a large number of people who do not even know their own bodies well enough to know where their pee comes out.

[Heliphyneau]

Bahaha -- no transition, just jump from Marigold's fanfic to masturbation discussion at CoD!    As funny as the end punchline was, I liked Marten's line in panel 3 the most.  He's saying the porn dudes left "that area alone" and since one would have to bypass the urethra to get to the clit, he's basically saying porn dudes don't bother to actually stimulate the clits of the porn chicks -- thus ensuring that any guys who get their sex ed from porn would have no idea where the clit is, let alone how to stimulate it.  Assuming of course that such guys would take the porn at face value and not faked at all, which I'm sure never happens.  (Yay for overexplaining.  *smashes pie in own face*)

And don't worry, dorp, everyone is built a little differently.  Ask your Ob/Gyn what's up next time you go, if you're concerned.  And hey, at least your clit doesn't look like a tiny penis the way former female wrestler Chynna's does.  O_o  I really wish I didn't know that.

[Carl-E]

EDIT: Wait I just checked Wikipedia, and now I'm even more confused. The diagrams have the urethra seriously like half a frikkin inch down from the clitoris...

Sorry, this was the first thing that came to mind.  Be sure to read the mouseover text! 

She took the time to tell me about the freckle on my labia, but not about my urethra being in the wrong spot?

A suddenly appearing oddly-placed freckle can be a sign of skin cancer, which is of more concern that a slightly different build.  I mean, when you think of all the variation in penii penisesis weiners dicks, it's not surprising that there's a lot of variation in women's parts, too. 

No worries! 

Talkin about my cunt to strangers on the internet woooooooooo.

We appreciate it, really!  It's nice you're that comfortable with it.  Or us.  Whatever. 

And besides, you won't find anyone stranger anywhere else!  [rimshot]

[Mayhem]

“It puts the lotion on its skin or it gets the hose again”

But seriously I never truly understood just how bad the American sex education was until starting uni and meeting many an exchange student. Some of the things they believe about sex and contraception are both baffling and frightening. For example one girl started the pill whilst over here and rather than beginning the packet right after her period like she should have she waited until a Sunday to start it as the packets week started on a Sunday.

Unfortunately our health education is becoming pretty pathetic as well; I’m sick of explaining that babies and urine do not actually come from the same hole.

That's not really her fault, though. If you read all the information that comes with your birth control packet (Which I have several times) it says you can either start the day after your period - and it provides a little sticker so you can change what the days of the week are on your packet - OR you can wait until the Sunday after your period to begin. When I started mine, the doctor prescribing them suggested I start the Sunday after. I did. This was 4 years ago, and it's always worked for me.

So, I don't think it's quite the problem you seemed to mean. While there are MANY problems with American sex ed, that's not one of them, if you ask me. Especially since GOD FORBID they ever talk to us about birth control IN sex ed. I'm self-taught, and so are most of my female friends. Now THAT'S the problem.

/rant

[jwhouk]

jwhouk, it means you should probably explain it for us dumbasses who are none the wiser after six or seven?

... please?

Three words: Location, location, location.

[jwhouk]

I dunno, but I suspect this topic needs a thread all its own. And, no, I am not gonna start one.

Also, after careful reflection, I've decided to blame my difficulty in getting panel three's joke on Martin's ending his sentence with a linking verb. Someone clout that man on the back of the head.

C'mon, Faye. I mean, this time, he actually deserves it.

Yanno, I actually had that same thought. Had he said, "According to my high school health teacher, the lady's clitoris is actually located where the lady's pee-hole is", it would have been MUCH clearer.

[flamingo]

“It puts the lotion on its skin or it gets the hose again”

But seriously I never truly understood just how bad the American sex education was until starting uni and meeting many an exchange student. Some of the things they believe about sex and contraception are both baffling and frightening. For example one girl started the pill whilst over here and rather than beginning the packet right after her period like she should have she waited until a Sunday to start it as the packets week started on a Sunday.

Unfortunately our health education is becoming pretty pathetic as well; I’m sick of explaining that babies and urine do not actually come from the same hole.

That's not really her fault, though. If you read all the information that comes with your birth control packet (Which I have several times) it says you can either start the day after your period - and it provides a little sticker so you can change what the days of the week are on your packet - OR you can wait until the Sunday after your period to begin. When I started mine, the doctor prescribing them suggested I start the Sunday after. I did. This was 4 years ago, and it's always worked for me.

So, I don't think it's quite the problem you seemed to mean. While there are MANY problems with American sex ed, that's not one of them, if you ask me. Especially since GOD FORBID they ever talk to us about birth control IN sex ed. I'm self-taught, and so are most of my female friends. Now THAT'S the problem.

/rant

Straight up.

I feel it. I tried to look up info about the morning after pill , to see how it works, in a health book and when I was lookin in the index there was absolutely NOTHING about ANY contraception. You can probably learn more from Planned Parenthood website than in school.

[jwhouk]

Your opinion of Marigold's fanfic?

Bad.    - 2 (3.2%)
Worse than that.    - 6 (9.5%)
Horrid.    - 4 (6.3%)
Putrid.    - 0 (0%)
Not too bad, just needs a spellchecker.    - 0 (0%)
...and some editing.    - 2 (3.2%)
...and a complete re-write.    - 12 (19%)
GOOGLE IT!    - 4 (6.3%)
I've seen worse.    - 33 (52.4%)

Total Voters: 63

...Now the REAL question: Whose writing was worse? (And was your pen still in your hand at the time?)

[mustang6172]

Why did Sven's mom keep looking for socks after she found the first couple?

[kent_eh]

Why did Sven's mom keep looking for socks after she found the first couple?

Maybe they had all become attached to each other in an amorphous mass of crusty socks?

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to find my bottle of mindbleach.

[IanClark]

Could've all been in a pile. Or maybe they were moving and she lifted his mattress and OH THE HORROR!

Better question: What constitutes a young age? Given that they're only a year apart, provided Sven started masturbating at the average age (11, allegedly), and assuming Sven utilizes the same sock for about a while, you'd have to assume he'd have been doing it for around a year by the time his mom could find 30 socks under his bed. That makes Dora around 11, which is around the time I started sex ed in school. Even then I didn't learn anything I didn't already know by the age of 9. That means that if that's how Dora learned, odds are she actually learned later than most people I know.

Also, if she found 30 socks under his bed, why would she complain about the laundry? He clearly wasn't putting them back into the rotation.

Between those two things and the number of people who still haven't got the clitoris joke, I'm not sure today's comic was one of Jeph's best. Then again, it says a lot about his ability when at his worst he's still very good.

[mustang6172]

Well I first had sex ed around age 5 or 6.  I didn't really understand what I was seeing at the time so I suppose that's a young age.  I had sex ed again at ages 10, 12, 13, 15, and 17.  I guess that means I'm due for more. 

[raoullefere]

I categorically refuse to discuss what I masturbation to. Even in a poll.

[Carl-E]

Am I the only one on here who got the comic first time through? 

Edit: New comic's up! 

And Marten's "mystery man" gambit fails horribly. 

But what will Dora find? 


And what about Naomi? 

[fifthfiend]

Friday's got a case of the dumbs.

[Moxie]

Judging by Faye's expression in the last panel, it looks like she really isn't sure she wants to know about Marten's porn after all. I find it to be an interesting reaction, especially given Dora's confidence that Marten isn't into anything beyond vanilla stuff.

I'm not sure what there is that could shock Dora in regards to sex/porn fetishes, but I hope Marten has got something that does shock her. It annoys me when a person is so confident that he/she is right because he/she just knows so much.

[Near Lurker]

Dora's barking up the wrong tree.  He'd never masturbate in front of the family dog.  (I don't think I even have to link that one.)

And sheesh, she of all people should know it's always the ones you least suspect.  Especially when they're the children of dominatrices.

[Kugai]

Marten Mystery Porn+Faye/Dora belief=FAIL!


He probably watches Anime Porn.

[mustang6172]

Pintsize wouldn't know what kind of porn Marten likes.  We established in the first comic that he doesn't let Pintsize see him masturbate.

[daryljfontaine]

Marten faps while reading bad Harry Potter pornfic on the Internet.

D

[Moxie]

Pintsize wouldn't know what kind of porn Marten likes.  We established in the first comic that he doesn't let Pintsize see him masturbate.

(image snipped)

Which makes it all the more amusing that Dora seems so confident Pintsize will know.

[hannahsaurusrex]

All his spank bank consists of is Faye lookalikes.

JUST KIDDING!

I hope.

[iduguphergrave]

Obviously he doesn't let Pintsize see him jerk-off (need I say how creepy that'd be?), but he does use Pintsize to download porn as evidenced here.

I must say I am extremely intrigued as to what Marten doesn't seem to want Dora of all people to know. She's his girlfriend, I would think she'd already know what kind of porn he likes!

spank bank

Must remember that one.

[Exar_Kun]

Judging from the Pintsize twitter, I'm pretty sure Dora will be absolutely horrified by the porn/shock images Pintsize has on file. As well she should. Why the hell can't she ever respect peoples' privacy?

[Ferahgo the Assassin]

Oh boy, another plot thread that makes me groan at the implicit dysfunctionality of Marten and Dora's relationship. First off, Dora needs to learn to respect people's privacy. Asking Pintsize what Marten faps to is just a small step above searching his computer against his will. Second off, is it normal for couples who've been together for a while to not be aware of what one another jerks it to? My boyfriend and I are both very open about what gets us off and there's enough overlap that a large amount can be enjoyed... together. That's a nice part of a relationship imho and it's weird to imagine couples being sneaky about what they get off to. I just don't get it.

[ysth]

I must say I am extremely intrigued as to what Marten doesn't seem to want Dora of all people to know.

Mimes.

[Arancaytar]

Perhaps he's secretly a furry? Or into robots?

[Dr. ROFLPWN]

Oh good, I'm just in time for the influx of people who hate Dora and want to talk about what a categorical bitch she is! Woooooo!

My prediction on Marten's secret spank bank? Not mimes, no; giraffes.

Who couldn't appreciate those long necks? So slender...

[IanClark]

Oh boy, another plot thread that makes me groan at the implicit dysfunctionality of Marten and Dora's relationship. First off, Dora needs to learn to respect people's privacy. Asking Pintsize what Marten faps to is just a small step above searching his computer against his will. Second off, is it normal for couples who've been together for a while to not be aware of what one another jerks it to? My boyfriend and I are both very open about what gets us off and there's enough overlap that a large amount can be enjoyed... together. That's a nice part of a relationship imho and it's weird to imagine couples being sneaky about what they get off to. I just don't get it.

So to recap... Dora needs to learn to respect Marten's privacy by not needing to know the thing all couples probably need to know about each other? Also, asking Pintsize is several steps above searching someone's computer at will. It's somewhere between asking someone's roommate and peeking at their DVD collection. For one thing, presumably they're not going to watch any of it, just find out what kind it is. For another, they're also only searching for porn. I know that if someone searched my computer, there would be a lot more I'd be afraid of than just someone finding my porn collection. While it might rank high on the priority list, it would probably be the sheer volume of personal information of any stripe they could find, as well as the omnipresent fear that they were going to hack into my social media accounts (Facebook, Twitter, blogs, etc.) and fuck me over somehow.

[Sorflakne]

Hm, we know there's a very good chance Marten's into hentai (yes, he said the stash was Pintsize's, but the way he said it...), but that wouldn't be enough to make him all nervous about saying anything...

Ten Internet cookies says that even Pintsize refuses to say what Marty watches, because it disturbs even him. 

[Arancaytar]

Oh good, I'm just in time for the influx of people who hate Dora and want to talk about what a categorical bitch she is! Woooooo!

My prediction on Marten's secret spank bank? Not mimes, no; giraffes.

Who couldn't appreciate those long necks? So slender...

I thought Tycho was into ostriches?

Well, I suppose the neck thing applies to them too.

[snubnose]

I categorically refuse to discuss what I masturbation to. Even in a poll.

LOL you think anyone gives a honest answer to THAT poll ?

(Seriously, masturbation to a COMIC ? WTF ??? Who would do that)

[Arky]

Not the first time Dora has shown just a bit of disrespect for Marten (the "whitebread" comment).  I think it's past time that she gave him the kick up the backside she gave to Faye and Penelope not so long ago:  go do something with yourself instead of accepting life as a minimum wage peon.  Dora needs to get over her jealousy issues, sure- but Marten has some evolving to do too if this relationship is going to move on, and maybe that's where this is going.  Growing a spine over the most recent jealous rage incident was a good start- now to apply that to other parts of his life, you know?  I mean, despite having a super drummer in Hanners, when was the last time we saw him try to make anything of his band?  Dora has enough go-getter in her that if Marten doesn't show SOME ambition she will grow to have contempt for him- and one couldn't blame her, really.

Oh, and Marty's porn (if revealed at all) should be busty brunettes with Southern accents.  Or OCD fetishes.  Or BDSM stuff similar to his mom's movies (but not his mom). Or else his dark secret is he doesn't actually watch porn.

[mickcheese]

Man, I hope he doesn't spank it to dominatrices.

That'd be some serious Freudian shit, right there.

[Dr. ROFLPWN]

Oh good, I'm just in time for the influx of people who hate Dora and want to talk about what a categorical bitch she is! Woooooo!

My prediction on Marten's secret spank bank? Not mimes, no; giraffes.

Who couldn't appreciate those long necks? So slender...

I thought Tycho was into ostriches?

Well, I suppose the neck thing applies to them too.

Nothing you saw was illegal...in the countries it was filmed.

[Tergon]

Clearly Marten's internet browsing history is nothing but Rule 34 of Questionable Content.  Because he's just so Meta.

[Dr. ROFLPWN]

Here's a twist: it's all skinny, pale Goth chicks with short hair and Dora's body type...








...in autoerotic asphyxiation scenes.

[Ethereal]

Two words.  Furniture porn.

[Akima]

Or else his dark secret is he doesn't actually watch porn.

OMG! Shame never to be borne!

Dora has enough go-getter in her that if Marten doesn't show SOME ambition she will grow to have contempt for him- and one couldn't blame her, really.

Yeah, though Marten is a cartoon character, and time passes differently for them, but he is drifting. I was disappointed that Marten and Hanners apparently lost interest in the band as soon as they'd had the good luck to have the least talented musician (if that's the right word for Natasha) flounce off. We haven't heard anything about Marten's foray into music blogging for ages either. But then we've seen Marten pretty much dismiss being in a real band because it's hard work.   I hear a chorus of my ancestors shouting: "只要功夫深，铁杵磨成针!" *

I've just had a horrid realisation that I'm going to turn out just like my Grandma and Mum.  

*"if you work at it hard enough, you can grind an iron bar into a needle."  Unlike most "Chinese proverbs" you hear, this really is a Chinese proverb!

[Delator]

...we already know this.

It's Guitar Porn

Anthropomorphic guitars.

Plucking each other's strings. Tuning each other in public.

It's getting me hot...and I'm not even into that stuff. 

[Schmorgluck]

But then we've seen Marten pretty much dismiss being in a real band because it's hard work.

When was that? I don't remember it.

[Nodaisho]

I'm calling Pintsize claiming that it is the kind of stuff he posts on his twitter, and Marten having to point out that asking Pintsize is just asking to be lied to.

[xerada]

Hello, here's another long-time lurker finally setting up her own account (well, long-time is too much, I've been following this forum for some weeks since I accidentally clicked on it and had to read and then it didn't let me go )
Aaand the first post is about Marten's porn collection (I hope Dora gets shut down by Pintsize or something. Or like Nodaisho said. Seriously)... No, I'm going to bitch about Marten's and Dora's relationship (since this forum hasn't talked about them enough).
Maan, Dora gets me raging again. No, I don't hate her, everyone of us has his/her crazy bitch moments, but if you have them on a regular basis, you need someone who isn't afraid to call you out on it. Yes, wanting to see your boyfriends porn collection against his will is not like nearly breaking up with him over a hug, but it Dora's behaviour towards Marten is, again, unacceptable. And he allows her to treat him like this! MARTEN, get a backbone :S

and, as far as I remember, Marten just doesn't see how he can make a living off his music, that's it

[Skewbrow]

I may well be reading too much into it, but look at panel two. Marten is replying to Dora's comment, but looking at Faye. My explanation/theory: Marten will not mind sharing his fantasy material with Dora, but wants to leave Faye out. Prediction: Marten runs after Dora, and later they return to CoD wearing a smile.

So contrary to what some posters seem to wish, this little episode will bind Dora & Marten closer together.

[Karilyn]

I dunno, but I suspect this topic needs a thread all its own. And, no, I am not gonna start one.

Also, after careful reflection, I've decided to blame my difficulty in getting panel three's joke on Martin's ending his sentence with a linking verb. Someone clout that man on the back of the head.

C'mon, Faye. I mean, this time, he actually deserves it.

Yanno, I actually had that same thought. Had he said, "According to my high school health teacher, the lady's clitoris is actually located where the lady's pee-hole is", it would have been MUCH clearer.

Well NOW I get it after the 10th time of reading it and giving up, THEN reading your post.

I guess the reason this one is so confusing is due to Jeff's word choice.  And the fact that it wouldn't be the most unreasonable incorrect assumption that women pee out of their clitoris, due to the clitoris being anatomically analogous to the head of the male penis.  That, and because in porn, the male actors really DO tend to leave the clitoris alone.

[xerada]

I may well be reading too much into it, but look at panel two. Marten is replying to Dora's comment, but looking at Faye.

I interpreted it a little different; I think that Marten replies to Faye's "I bet he's into some weird fetish" comment, then he would look into the right direction.
And, related, look how Faye looks really unhappy in the last panel. I like to think that she feels bad about giving Dora the idea of askin' Pintsize