Well, telling me I'm wrong is one of the great tactics of debate, I suppose, but I'll respectfully disagree. I specifically disagree with your characterization of Martin's actions, there is no 'raising of fears' because he knew precisely what was going to happen as soon as she left after that discussion. By following her, he clearly was expecting to catch her in the act. What other possibility would you suggest?
When I say he was testing her, I will point out that he could have avoided all of this by saying it was perfectly vanilla, which it is, and which would have resulted in Dora ceasing to ask questions. Just before this, he was willing to talk about intensely personal, highly sexual subjects with no hangups whatsoever. Blithely dodging the question would have been perfectly fitting with everything we've seen of Martin's character- it's this latest business that is the aberration, and thus I suspect that it is artificial on Martin's part. I will not claim this process is necessarily conscious, though.
I disagree that he was testing her. Testing would indicate that he specifically told her not to in order to see if she would. Martin's almost anti-manipulative, a value that's emphasized here where there's no indication that he has any idea she'll instantly go and check his pr0n cache the moment in time after he espouses the virtue of privacy, given that she's working and they're just joking. Going to check on her to see if she was then doing what she said she would do--given that he doesn't want her to do it--is perfectly reasonable. Since there is a possibility she's just messing with him and will not actually do it? She could even go so far as luring him upstairs for ulterior motives? Such as smoochy-time or a more private talk about it?
I understand the extrapolation that Martin is being artificial based on his lack of darning porn (as in porn that sends you to Heck, not
this), but I think it's more likely that he's not incredibly simple, and may honestly be uncomfortable with the subject of his porn viewing around Dora. Might have something to do with his mother, that could be incredibly complex or simple in a myriad of possible ways. Maybe he's finding more satisfaction with porn than Dora lately; maybe Dora's inability to learn and understand him after all this time is getting to him. His insecurity about their relationship might be boiling underneath his happy, stony exterior.
His anger upon confirming that Dora is not taking his interests as an equal partner seriously* was probably
not something he was coldly calculating and building up to on his way to find her. He honestly doesn't seem to have self-control so much as just mellowness (as a personality trait that might be a defensive mechanism) most of the time. And in their healthy relationship supposed-paradigm, he doesn't have an obligation to keep from displaying his emotions in a non-violent way, while she does have the obligation to try to communicate openly instead of not. Or at least
notice that he's upset and apologize instead of being defensive and scowly. So she definitely loses points for that reaction.
On the other hand, he could definitely deal with her better, as a partner, so he doesn't gain any points.
And points don't really matter for functioning relationships anyway....
But they should still probably break up, even if they probably won't (permanently). I don't see it, and I never really have. Dora might grow up to the level where they can both grow, up 'til now and until then Martin will just play nursemaid learning the sort of patience that kills the mind. Currently, it's too one-sided for mutual growth. In my oh-so-humble opinion?
* - As a caveat to my gut reaction, it should be noted that Martin made a joke regarding the potential horrific nature of his collection which can be interpreted as the actual reason Dora went to check on it; given how they all joke around and it's almost always comraderie-building, Martin's joke could almost be seen as tacit permission for her to go look. In which case, Martin definitely
was setting her up, probably subconsciously.
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15 (5%)
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Topic: WCDT 15-19 November 2010 (1796-1800) (Read 470715 times)