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Author Topic: RIP 4LOKO  (Read 8757 times)

KvP

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Re: RIP 4LOKO
« Reply #50 on: 24 Nov 2010, 17:20 »

Just drink a Jaegerbomb or something, christ.

that doesn't come in a can with nice colors. stop hating fun or something, christ.
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involuntary and superfluous exclamations of the word "nigga", regardless of your race.
As though this was something that 4loko enthusiasts don't already do.
« Last Edit: 24 Nov 2010, 17:25 by KvP »
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Re: RIP 4LOKO
« Reply #51 on: 24 Nov 2010, 18:10 »

My friend informed me that while two liquor stores in town still have 4Loko in stock, legally they are barred from selling it and are waiting for their stock to be picked up and disposed of, which makes me
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Re: RIP 4LOKO
« Reply #52 on: 24 Nov 2010, 18:38 »

Thank god, maybe freshman will actually have to try to get blackout drunk now.

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You’ ve done your job pretty well by all accounts. You pulled your anxious offspring through a year of SATs, applications, and acceptance letters, and you lived to tell the tale. All that’ s left to do is pay tuition bills, feel good about yourself, and, every now and then, sneak into your child’ s room, clutch an old stuffed animal to your chest and stare wistfully out the window. Still, you can’ t shake the feeling that something isn’ t quite right, that maybe, somewhere along the way, you made a mistake. And you’re right. You can tell because your child now drinks FourLoko.

FourLoko is an alcoholic energy drink that costs very little. With ten distinct flavors, it’s the malt liquor equivalent of Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans. And it is the high point of your child’s week.

“I did Blue Raspberry last week,” said Your Child ’14, who has been looking forward to this moment since his hangover wore off at approximately 4:35 last Sunday. “Tonight I’m drinking the Orange flavor.” Well gee, you think, maybe it’ s not that bad. It’s not as embarrassing as crack or vodka-dipped tampons.

“It fucks you up!” said Your Child as the neon colored liquid seeped down his shirt.

Where did you go wrong? Why does your baby boy now turn to that canned fluorescent nightmare on a weekly basis? Maybe you shouldn’t have let him drink so much soda. Maybe you shouldn’ t have used a needle to keep him from wetting his bed.

“Wanna come back-a to my room,” Your Child told Some Girl ’14, “we’ll listen to dubstep, lookit my penizz….”

Well, there’ s really not much you can do about it now. You’ re not about to take the kid out of school, not after the ordeal it took to get the little bastard in. This is the direction society is headed in now, inching toward the inevitable tumble of Western civilization in the year of our Watermelon flavored malt liquor, 2012Loko. You’ re just going to have to get used to it. Here, try this. It tastes like kiwis, if kiwis tasted like refuse and disappointment.

Your Child ’ 14, vomiting, is unavailable for comment.
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Johnny C

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Re: RIP 4LOKO
« Reply #53 on: 24 Nov 2010, 18:46 »

i love that article
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Re: RIP 4LOKO
« Reply #54 on: 24 Nov 2010, 19:10 »

is there any of the alcoholic stuff left? is anyone in san diego willing to get me a can or two that i can pick up when i'm there in february? i'm trying to figure out how to ration my remaining four

i will do it sir. i'll go look for em tomorrow
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Re: RIP 4LOKO
« Reply #55 on: 24 Nov 2010, 19:45 »

Man I don't get why the government's gotta go all prohibition on fucking caffeine now, all people should have to do is put a fucking warning label on it and shit should be gravy

I mean fuck, Loko hasn't given anybody cancer like fucking tobacco does, but tobacco's still legal for sale EVERYWHERE IN AMERICA

I'm going to deplete my favorite gas station's stock tonight and spend the rest of the year laughing at all the poor fucks who ain't got no Loko
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Re: RIP 4LOKO
« Reply #56 on: 24 Nov 2010, 19:48 »

4Loko doesn't have hundreds of millions of dollars going into lobbying.
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Re: RIP 4LOKO
« Reply #57 on: 24 Nov 2010, 19:51 »

Lobbying dollars don't mean shit if you've got an impassioned and mobilized bloc of voters. Statistically, this has been the case.

So yeah, y'all are fucked something fierce.
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Re: RIP 4LOKO
« Reply #58 on: 24 Nov 2010, 20:34 »

Apparently you can not serve beer or cider by the quarter-pint in the UK so you can not serve a pint of snakebite.
Also apparently people get really awful drunk on it and do terrible things?


You can't serve halfs of Snakebite, you mean. Snakebite is 50/50 beer and cider so it's not a problem for full pints. Also worth noting that the laws are somewhat more flexible and opaque than 'quarter-pint=illegal'. You're not allowed to have stuff like that on your bar tariff, or to have quarter pint glasses (because they're not endorsed by trading standards) but it's not illegal for a publican to essentially sell their produce off in whatever way they want provided they're not defrauding the customer, which is after all what the laws about measures are about. Otherwise, shandy, lager tops, lager and lime and such other things where you're not technically being served a whole pint of beer would be illegal, which they're obviously not.
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Re: RIP 4LOKO
« Reply #59 on: 24 Nov 2010, 23:24 »

what's an ideal beer for snakebite
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Re: RIP 4LOKO
« Reply #60 on: 24 Nov 2010, 23:30 »

Ally, that's fucking fantastic.
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Re: RIP 4LOKO
« Reply #61 on: 24 Nov 2010, 23:47 »

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Re: RIP 4LOKO
« Reply #62 on: 25 Nov 2010, 09:13 »

what's an ideal beer for snakebite

Stella Artois.
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Re: RIP 4LOKO
« Reply #63 on: 25 Nov 2010, 10:57 »

You know that plan I had? It failed. But although I can't remember the name, there already exists an inexpensive FourLoko alternative. It is 12% alcohol and just as piss-flavored as the OG shit.
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Re: RIP 4LOKO
« Reply #64 on: 25 Nov 2010, 12:45 »

what's an ideal beer for snakebite

It depends entirely on the cider you're using. If it's a cheap fizzy cider like Strongbow or Blackthorn then maybe something like Stella, Kronenbourg 1664, perhaps Tiger? If it's real cider then go for like an IPA or something. Best Snakebite I ever had was like Thatcher's Old Rascal and some Greene King. Went down like silk, then I woke up in a ruined church and my pubic hair had grown a centimetre.
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Re: RIP 4LOKO
« Reply #65 on: 25 Nov 2010, 15:07 »

Damn! So soon? I wanted to try it atleast ONCE!  :psyduck:
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Re: RIP 4LOKO
« Reply #66 on: 25 Nov 2010, 16:36 »

there already exists an inexpensive FourLoko alternative. It is 12% alcohol and just as piss-flavored as the OG shit.

you thinking of earthquake? a buddy of mine copped a can of it once, its literally the worst tasting booze ever thats not liquor. but its only 99 cents!
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Re: RIP 4LOKO
« Reply #67 on: 25 Nov 2010, 23:58 »

There's also pitbull, 1.15 a can, 12% abv, and I honestly haven't figured out a way to make it palatable yet.
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BeoPuppy

Re: RIP 4LOKO
« Reply #68 on: 26 Nov 2010, 04:39 »

After reading and enjoying this thread I can't but express my happiness at the fact that my alcoholic tendencies limit themselves to overly expensive Islay scotch and aquavit.
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Re: RIP 4LOKO
« Reply #69 on: 27 Nov 2010, 00:55 »

Quote from: sean
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Nope and nope. Fuck, I was gonna go to that liquor store and check again for you guys, but I kinda got slowed down 'cause nowadays I gotta walk literally everywhere if I'm going to get anywhere
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Re: RIP 4LOKO
« Reply #70 on: 02 Dec 2010, 09:18 »

I am so happy right now.

I am half way through a can of Fruit Punch flavour. 2 forumites saw my posts in this thread and decided that this would be the perfect gift for my Secret Santa, and today I received a package (incredibly confused, I wasn't expecting it). So I am half way through this can, and I have an Orange Blend and Lemonade in the fridge.

It tastes awful, man. But I have only had half a can and I feel kinda funny already (I haven't had a proper drink in quite a while). I am looking forward to this.

So keep an eye on the drunk thread. Oh God.
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Re: RIP 4LOKO
« Reply #71 on: 02 Dec 2010, 11:07 »

lol theres a gas station neer my house that is still fully stocked with the stuff and still selling it, pity i dont gots no moneyz  :-(
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Re: RIP 4LOKO
« Reply #72 on: 02 Dec 2010, 13:22 »

it costs less than three dollars...
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Re: RIP 4LOKO
« Reply #73 on: 02 Dec 2010, 15:18 »

i don't even have $2, i haven't had a job in over a year and this stupid recession is making it impossible to find a new one. so unless i find a job im not getting booze any time soon.
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Re: RIP 4LOKO
« Reply #74 on: 02 Dec 2010, 16:21 »

Well since you are in the US you are only 60 returned cans from sweet oblivion.

Remember in some states they are giving 5 cents for water bottles now too!

Ahh I remember my days of getting enough change together to buy a 40!

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tHEfOOL

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Re: RIP 4LOKO
« Reply #75 on: 02 Dec 2010, 16:30 »

yeah they sure are not giving 5 cents for water bottles in Texas, or i'd have heard of it and stopped just chuckin em in the recycle bin. i have a 40 gallon bag of crushed cans, but don't know anywhere local to take em, i've even started workin on the next bag
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Johnny C

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Re: RIP 4LOKO
« Reply #76 on: 02 Dec 2010, 18:01 »

DID ANYONE GET ME ANY
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KvP

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Re: RIP 4LOKO
« Reply #77 on: 02 Dec 2010, 18:06 »

i don't even have $2, i haven't had a job in over a year and this stupid recession is making it impossible to find a new one. so unless i find a job im not getting booze any time soon.
Sell a kidney. You won't need one where you're going.... Williamsburg! To get a bunch of kids drunk. Then you steal all their glasses and belt buckles when they pass out and resell those. You'll make a good profit.
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Re: RIP 4LOKO
« Reply #78 on: 12 Dec 2010, 19:05 »

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Re: RIP 4LOKO
« Reply #79 on: 12 Dec 2010, 19:34 »

I'm more of a fan of the "Localise Lego" campaign.
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Re: RIP 4LOKO
« Reply #80 on: 12 Dec 2010, 21:07 »

wooo i has 4 of em stashed in my closet, 2 lemonades and 2 of whatever the purple one is  :psyduck:
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Re: RIP 4LOKO
« Reply #81 on: 12 Dec 2010, 21:09 »

SHOTGUN ALL OF THEM

RIGHT NOW
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Re: RIP 4LOKO
« Reply #82 on: 12 Dec 2010, 21:10 »

Still imagining it's T-Rex speaking.
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Re: RIP 4LOKO
« Reply #83 on: 13 Dec 2010, 00:31 »

yeah no, i'm a real lightweight, just one is enough to get me drunk. i'm not gonna try to drink a whole bunch and either have a heart attack (which is at least part of why they banned em) or end up puking up a bunch and wasting it
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Re: RIP 4LOKO
« Reply #84 on: 13 Dec 2010, 07:25 »

DID ANYONE GET ME ANY

I got a case of orange and Cran Lem, come to CO and I'll skrill you a couple.
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Re: RIP 4LOKO
« Reply #85 on: 13 Dec 2010, 14:20 »

Fuck, so everyone's getting daughters? I want a daughter! Can't be fucked to make one though, I'll just adopt one. Preferably a grown up one with a job who will never need anything off me.

Edith?

Nah, I'm already full up on dads. Thanks for the offer, though!
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