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[ysth]

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2010/11/12/chicago_cop/

[Kugai]

Thank you for that image that I cannot unsee.   

[Is it cold in here?]

It would have been perfect if she'd said "It wants to be your special friend!"

[Irenfrea]

Luckily Illinois law enforcement are trained to deal with deadly weapons of every description, and the officer fearlessly knocked the device out of the way before arresting his tackle-waving restaurant-ripping-off assailant.

Wait, what?

[Dliessmgg]

They can knock a death star out of your hands.

[aLEXander]

They can knock a death star out of your hands.

Didn't you know that the republic trained all their pilots in Illinois?

[daryljfontaine]

Crab Shack mock cock cop attack shock

It has a certain beat-poetry quality to it.

D

[Carl-E]

As all good headlines should! 

(Hicks nix stix pix)

[akronnick]

...is so much better than anything else

[jwhouk]

Geez, they didn't have a Crab Shack down there back when I worked there.

[dps]

What makes you think that Faye is going to start skipping out on restaurant bills?

[ErrantCanadian]

I think this is almost certainly the future of Hazel from Girls With Slingshots, not Faye.

[someone1074]

Heh, the writer clearly had a lot of fun with this one.

[Wraith11B]

DoD Announces JIDDO counterpart to JIEDDO

WASHINGTON -- In the new wave of terrorist attacks employing dildos, the Department of Defense has announced the creation of the Joint Integrated Dildo-Defeat Office, a counterpart to the successful Joint IED Defeat Office.  A four-star flag posting, composed of several layers of more generals, is expected and the initial budget is estimated at US$50b.

[Boomslang]

DoD Announces JIDDO counterpart to JIEDDO

WASHINGTON -- In the new wave of terrorist attacks employing dildos, the Department of Defense has announced the creation of the Joint Integrated Dildo-Defeat Office, a counterpart to the successful Joint IED Defeat Office.  A four-star flag posting, composed of several layers of more generals, is expected and the initial budget is estimated at US$50b.

And in five years or less it will have to be replaced by an entirely new and different office with a thirteen letter acronym, two additional layers of civilian oversight, an advisory committee consisting of personnel from all armed forces and the president's golfing buddies, worldwide offices to which paperwork can be submitted and subsequently destroyed, and the budget will no longer be calculable without quantum computing (cost of quantum computing will of course be added to this budget).

Meanwhile, dildo attacks continue to increase in size and sophistication. Many countries rejoice at this news, despite the position it forces NATO to assume.

[O8h7w]

And who is leading the way to the dildocalypse? Pintsize... would be the obvious answer, but no, he's leading a big underground movement that only uses fleshlights as weapons   

[Insignificant]

Anyone makes the (not-so-)obvious William Burroughs reference and I give them a high five.

It can't be Faye! Otherwise, there'd have to be mention of an innocent bystander muttering, "Dammit, Pintsize really did spike my Cheerios this time..."

[Bass Lizard]

Pfft! Seriously, a dildo? Amature. I've read a story once about two cops trying to stop a guy armed with a hedgehog. Now give THOSE guys a raise. At the end of the day, a dildo is just a maddingly inefective melee wepone. Whereas a hedgehog is a club, an acomplice, live ammo, and if all else fails, a hostage, rolled into one.