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Author Topic: As Promised Here Is The Carlos Santana Game  (Read 44453 times)

Johnny C

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As Promised Here Is The Carlos Santana Game
« on: 13 Dec 2010, 22:24 »

ABSTRACT

what's up cockgobblers here's the new shit in town it's called the Carlos Santana Game and it's what a motherfucker plays to prove how hard, how raw, how goddamn real he fucking is. or she. motherfuckers transcend traditional gender norms y'all

if you don't know about santana's 18th record – a cumulation of all things santana, really – then you're about to get fucked up the ass by the rock hard dick of knowledge. guitar heaven is santana's covers record, a crapload of tracks that santana has deemed historically significant and worthy of santanization. santana – perhaps the sole true guitar hero of our time, as evidenced by his role in the guitar hero series of games by harmonix & red octane – decided to lay down a searing collection of these songs rendered in his own idiosyncratic and dare i say fucking brilliant style, recruiting a slew of high-calibre guest stars (and i mean stars) to live up to the legacies of the vocalists in the way that santana and his immaculate crew of studio musicians live up to the legacies of the musicians behind those vocalists.

don't believe me? listen for yourself, shitstains.

I BET YOU ARE NOW WONDERING: "AT WHAT POINT DOES THIS BECOME A GAME, AS OPPOSED TO THE NIGHTMARE HELL I AM CURRENTLY LIVING BY CLICKING ON THAT YOUTUBE LINK"

well you are lucky that point is right fucking now.

the game is simple. you simply hypothesize a song that santana would cover, with an artist that would be in santana's manager's rolodex – or maybe that santana himself would like! obviously this leaves a bunch of artists out. if you suggest that he'd cover a neutral milk hotel song you're maybe retarded. ditto with recruiting like m. ward or something. don't make that joke, it's not fucking funny and like pales in comparison to the actual real life joke of Santana ft. Nas - "Back In Black (AC/DC)."

but it also opens possibilities. turn on the local dadrock station. now turn on the local hard rock station. congratulations, you've listened to, respectively, a potential cover song and a potential singer. maybe turn on a pop station and take a risk. face it – as funny as you might think mf doom might be attached to it, "fight for your right to party" wouldn't be a santana cover unless you could get ke$ha involved.

santana is an eclectic dude, I GUESS, but he's also like painfully unaware of anything subcultural – if it's not something millions of people have heard, and not something with the potential for a rippin' guitar solo, he's not interested, dig? so you can play around a bit but you've got to kind of set your sights on something he might actually do. that's what makes the game funny, you know? the best ones are ones you can actually hear in your mind.

okay i've got cranky and distracted here's the format for the game.

POST ONE OF THESE THINGS:

Santana ft. _________ - "Song You've Chosen"
Santana ft. Artist You've Chosen - "____________"

where the Whatever You've Chosen is chosen by you, the poster. the fun comes in the blank – the blank is what other posters will fill in. then the poster who did the filling in posts a new thing and it begins all over like the circle of life or the rock cycle or some shit. is this clear? no. maybe this will clarify for you.

POSTER ONE:
Quote
Santana ft. Tyler Connolly – "______"
POSTER TWO:
Quote
Santana ft. Tyler Connolly – "Smokin' In The Boys Room"

Santana ft. ________ – "I Heard It Through The Grapevine"

do you get it okay i'm going to start now now now now now now now now now now now now





Santana ft. Alicia Keys - "_____________"
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Re: As Promised Here Is The Carlos Santana Game
« Reply #1 on: 13 Dec 2010, 22:34 »

Santana ft. Alicia Keys - "Pour Some Sugar On Me"




Santana ft. _____________ - Longview
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Re: As Promised Here Is The Carlos Santana Game
« Reply #2 on: 13 Dec 2010, 22:39 »

ok for real i'm going to interrupt what will hopefully a successful game to point out that seriously if you feel maybe you aren't quite getting it or you feel like you could use something to really concretely nail down what a santana cover song is and should represent it's whatever the fuck this is with special attention to 1:49

edit: ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod
« Last Edit: 13 Dec 2010, 22:42 by Johnny C »
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Re: As Promised Here Is The Carlos Santana Game
« Reply #3 on: 13 Dec 2010, 23:10 »

Santana ft. Patrick Stump - "Longview"

Santana. ft. _________ - "November Rain"

p.s. do I get restitution pay for the trauma that listening to the above songs has caused me?
« Last Edit: 14 Dec 2010, 01:18 by JimmyJazz »
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Re: As Promised Here Is The Carlos Santana Game
« Reply #4 on: 13 Dec 2010, 23:54 »

Santana ft. Lynyrd Skynyrd -  "November Rain"

Santana ft. _____________ - "Free Bird"
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Re: As Promised Here Is The Carlos Santana Game
« Reply #5 on: 13 Dec 2010, 23:56 »

Santana feat. T-Pain - "Free Bird"

Santana ft. ______ - "St. Anger"
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Re: As Promised Here Is The Carlos Santana Game
« Reply #6 on: 13 Dec 2010, 23:59 »

Santana ft. Taylor Swift - "St. Anger"

Santana ft. __________ - "Electric Feel"
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Re: As Promised Here Is The Carlos Santana Game
« Reply #7 on: 14 Dec 2010, 00:31 »

okay i'm going to jump in early again and try to steer this train because i want this thread to succeed fucking god damn it

1) lynyrd skynyrd are dead, living artists only. imagine that this record could be made and released early next year. that is an actual rule.

2) i hate to do this but guys the funny shit – i can't stress this enough, it's impossible to make a rule but please follow this one piece of advice – the funny shit comes from when you combine two things that santana would be super earnest about, not two things that are weird and obscure that are outside of santana's purview, or two things that don't connect at all. the humour comes from things that organically follow one another, e.g. "of course santana would not only cover that song but enlist that person to sing it."

look. if you are having trouble figuring it out or maybe think i'm being unfair, just look at the guitar heaven tracklist:

Quote
1.    "Whole Lotta Love" (feat. Chris Cornell)    3:51
2.    "Can't You Hear Me Knocking" (feat. Scott Weiland)    5:38
3.    "Sunshine of Your Love" (feat. Rob Thomas)    4:43
4.    "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" (feat. India.Arie & Yo-Yo Ma)    6:02
5.    "Photograph" (feat. Chris Daughtry)    4:04
6.    "Back in Black" (feat. Nas & Robyn Troup)    4:20
7.    "Riders on the Storm" (feat. Chester Bennington & Ray Manzarek)    5:23
8.    "Smoke on the Water" (feat. Jacoby Shaddix)    5:06
9.    "Dance the Night Away" (feat. Patrick Monahan)    3:23
10.    "Bang a Gong" (feat. Gavin Rossdale)    3:41
11.    "Little Wing" (feat. Joe Cocker)    4:52
12.    "I Ain't Superstitious" (feat. Jonny Lang)    3:56

Bonus Tracks (Deluxe Edition)
1.    "Fortunate Son" (feat. Scott Stapp)    3:45
2.    "Under the Bridge" (feat. Andy Vargas)    5:09

ok now look at these examples culled from another thread on this that i made elsewhere

Quote
santana ft. jack white, "black betty"
santana ft. justin hawkins - we are the champions
Santana ft. Chris Daughtry - Every Rose Has its Thorn
santana feat. brad arnold (3 doors down) and jason bonham: i feel free

the best part and the funniest part about those songs is that you can honestly imagine exactly how they would sound. you can even imagine the music videos. santana and jack white have a dueling guitar solo, because santana respects how jack white plays the guitar. justin hawkins is singing along with all the children of the world, every single race is represented. chris daughtry is strumming the acoustic guitar in a smoky room in the back of a taqueria in los angeles. really: these are actual examples someone else pulled out, and you can honestly hear them in your brain. don't make it wacky. don't think like yourself. think like carlos santana. think of songs he would like and then would like to play guitar on. become one with the cosmos.

Santana ft. Taylor Swift - "St. Anger"

Santana ft. __________ - "Electric Feel"

santana ft. damon albarn - "electric feel"

santana ft. _________ - "Takin' Care of Business"
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Re: As Promised Here Is The Carlos Santana Game
« Reply #8 on: 14 Dec 2010, 00:48 »

Santana ft. Steve Harwell (of Smash Mouth) - "Takin' Care of Business"

Santana ft. _________ - "Cortez the Killer"
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Re: As Promised Here Is The Carlos Santana Game
« Reply #9 on: 14 Dec 2010, 00:55 »

Santana ft. Chad Kroeger - "Cortez the Killer"

Santana ft. Nicki Minaj - __________

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Re: As Promised Here Is The Carlos Santana Game
« Reply #10 on: 14 Dec 2010, 01:51 »

Santana ft, Nicki Minaj - "No Matter What they Say"

Santana ft. Lindsay Lohan - "_______"
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Re: As Promised Here Is The Carlos Santana Game
« Reply #11 on: 14 Dec 2010, 02:18 »

Santana ft. Lindsay Lohan - "You're So Vain"
(they'd throw in a gratuitous geetar solo in there, obvs)

Santana ft. Snoop Dogg - _________
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Re: As Promised Here Is The Carlos Santana Game
« Reply #12 on: 14 Dec 2010, 02:31 »

Santana ft. Snoop Dogg - "Stairway To Heaven"

Santana ft. Willow Smith - "______________"
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Re: As Promised Here Is The Carlos Santana Game
« Reply #13 on: 14 Dec 2010, 02:53 »

Santana ft. Willow Smith - "Gimme Shelter"

Santana ft. Eric Clapton - "____________"
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Re: As Promised Here Is The Carlos Santana Game
« Reply #14 on: 14 Dec 2010, 02:54 »

Santana ft. Eric Clapton - "Jump"

Santana ft. Tommy Lee - ____________
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Re: As Promised Here Is The Carlos Santana Game
« Reply #15 on: 14 Dec 2010, 03:18 »

Santana ft. Eric Clapton - "Jump"

Santana ft. Tommy Lee - ____________

Santana ft. Tommy Lee - "Gettin' Jiggy Wit It"

Santana ft. __________ - "Show Me The Meaning Of Being Lonely"
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Re: As Promised Here Is The Carlos Santana Game
« Reply #16 on: 14 Dec 2010, 06:08 »

Santana ft. Enrique Iglesias - "Show Me The Meaning of Being Lonely"

Santana ft. __________ - "Surrender"
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Re: As Promised Here Is The Carlos Santana Game
« Reply #17 on: 14 Dec 2010, 07:47 »

Santana ft. Caleb Followill (King of Leon) - "Surrender"
Santana ft.                 - "One Whiskey, One Scotch, One Beer"
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Re: As Promised Here Is The Carlos Santana Game
« Reply #18 on: 14 Dec 2010, 09:10 »

Santana ft. Amy Winehouse - "One Whiskey, One Scotch, One Beer"

Santana ft. __________ - "Only the Lonely"
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Re: As Promised Here Is The Carlos Santana Game
« Reply #19 on: 14 Dec 2010, 10:14 »

Santana ft. Caleb Followill (King of Leon) - "Surrender"

oh my god aaahahahahaha

enrique iglesias was a perfect choice for "show me the meaning of being lonely" since like that song doesn't have a guitar solo in it iirc BUT enrique being on the track would mean they would be able to espaρol it up. i'm picturing plenty of nylon stringed guitars.
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Re: As Promised Here Is The Carlos Santana Game
« Reply #20 on: 14 Dec 2010, 11:50 »

Santana ft. Michael Buble - "Only the Lonely"

Santana ft. George Clinton - _____________

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Re: As Promised Here Is The Carlos Santana Game
« Reply #21 on: 14 Dec 2010, 12:13 »

Santana ft. George Clinton - "Electric Avenue"

Santana ft. Brian Setzer - ____________
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Re: As Promised Here Is The Carlos Santana Game
« Reply #22 on: 14 Dec 2010, 12:16 »

Santana ft. Brian Setzer - "Johnny B Goode"

Santana ft. ______ - "For Whom The Bell Tolls"
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Re: As Promised Here Is The Carlos Santana Game
« Reply #23 on: 14 Dec 2010, 12:34 »

Santana ft. Thom Yorke - "For Whom The Bell Tolls"

Santana ft. ?uestlove - "_____________"
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Re: As Promised Here Is The Carlos Santana Game
« Reply #24 on: 14 Dec 2010, 14:51 »

Santana ft. ?uestlove - "Hide And Seek"

Santane ft. ______ - "Bohemian Rhapsody".
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Re: As Promised Here Is The Carlos Santana Game
« Reply #25 on: 14 Dec 2010, 15:04 »

Santana ft. Enya - "Bohemian Rhapsody"

Santana ft. wil.i.am - "_____________"
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Re: As Promised Here Is The Carlos Santana Game
« Reply #26 on: 14 Dec 2010, 15:22 »

Santana ft. will.i.am - "The House of the Rising Sun"

Santana ft. __________ - "Smooth" (i.e; Santana + _____ covering Santana ft. Rob Thomas)
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Re: As Promised Here Is The Carlos Santana Game
« Reply #27 on: 14 Dec 2010, 15:33 »

Santana ft. Justin Timberlake- "Smooth" (i.e; Santana + Justin Timberlake covering Santana ft. Rob Thomas)

Santana ft. _______ - "Good Vibrations"
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Re: As Promised Here Is The Carlos Santana Game
« Reply #28 on: 14 Dec 2010, 15:35 »

Santana ft. Ezra Koenig - "Good Vibrations"

Santana ft. ______ - "Enter Sandman"
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Re: As Promised Here Is The Carlos Santana Game
« Reply #29 on: 14 Dec 2010, 15:39 »

Santana ft. Das Racist - "Enter Sandman"

Santana ft. ______ "Simple Man"


(I have an answer in my mind, and you get a point for guessing correctly)
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Re: As Promised Here Is The Carlos Santana Game
« Reply #30 on: 14 Dec 2010, 16:26 »

Santana ft. Violent J "Simple Man"

Santana ft. Thanks To The Miracle of Modern Technology Jimi Hendrix "_____________"
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Re: As Promised Here Is The Carlos Santana Game
« Reply #31 on: 14 Dec 2010, 16:30 »

Santana ft. Jimi Hendrix "The Devil Went Down to Georgia"

Santana ft. _______ "The Christmas Song"
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Re: As Promised Here Is The Carlos Santana Game
« Reply #32 on: 15 Dec 2010, 03:22 »

Santana ft. A tape of Nat King Cole (like that version of Unforgettable his daughter did) "The Christmas Song"

Santanna ft. __________ - " Born to Run
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Re: As Promised Here Is The Carlos Santana Game
« Reply #33 on: 15 Dec 2010, 06:03 »

Santana ft. Violent J "Simple Man"

Dammit Dovey. The correct answer (and honestly I'm suprised this hasn't happened yet) was Kid Rock.
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Re: As Promised Here Is The Carlos Santana Game
« Reply #34 on: 15 Dec 2010, 06:07 »

Santana ft. Thanks To The Miracle of Modern Technology Jimi Hendrix "_____________"

This is a valid point. Though I can't quite wrap my brain round the totality of the reasons this thread is supposed to be amusing, from what I can discern Santana is just the person to hire serious men with glasses to digitally reconstruct the voices of dead pop stars for his music. Similar to the terrifyingly plausible rumor about George Lucas buying up the rights to old films so he can use CGI technology to paste undead reconstructions of famous dead actors into his films.
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Re: As Promised Here Is The Carlos Santana Game
« Reply #35 on: 15 Dec 2010, 06:25 »

Santanna ft. James Hetfield- " Born to Run



Santana ft ______________ - "Walk This Way"
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Re: As Promised Here Is The Carlos Santana Game
« Reply #36 on: 15 Dec 2010, 06:40 »

Santana ft. Lil' Bow Wow, Drake & Steven Tyler - "Walk This Way".. The logic here is that Steven Tyler has descended sufficiently into self-parody to do this.

Santana ft. Keith Urban - "___________"
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Re: As Promised Here Is The Carlos Santana Game
« Reply #37 on: 15 Dec 2010, 10:05 »

Santana ft. Keith Urban - "Have You Ever Seen the Rain?"

Santana ft. Daft Punk - _____________
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Re: As Promised Here Is The Carlos Santana Game
« Reply #38 on: 15 Dec 2010, 10:21 »

Santana ft. Daft Punk - "Rebel, Rebel"

Santana ft. ________ - "Heart of Glass"

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Re: As Promised Here Is The Carlos Santana Game
« Reply #39 on: 15 Dec 2010, 10:50 »

Santana ft. Thanks To The Miracle of Modern Technology Jimi Hendrix "_____________"

This is a valid point. Though I can't quite wrap my brain round the totality of the reasons this thread is supposed to be amusing, from what I can discern Santana is just the person to hire serious men with glasses to digitally reconstruct the voices of dead pop stars for his music. Similar to the terrifyingly plausible rumor about George Lucas buying up the rights to old films so he can use CGI technology to paste undead reconstructions of famous dead actors into his films.

no totally that's a really on-point joke. santana would buy a tupac a capella if it would sound good over some bongos
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Re: As Promised Here Is The Carlos Santana Game
« Reply #40 on: 15 Dec 2010, 11:25 »

Santana ft. Duran Duran - "Heart of Glass"

Santana ft. Fiona Apple - _________
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Re: As Promised Here Is The Carlos Santana Game
« Reply #41 on: 15 Dec 2010, 14:12 »

Santana ft. Fiona Apple - "What's Up"

Santana ft. ____________ - "Say It Ain't So"
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Re: As Promised Here Is The Carlos Santana Game
« Reply #42 on: 15 Dec 2010, 15:11 »

Santana feat. Jon Bon Jovi - "Say It Ain't So"

Santana feat. _________ - "Santana DVX"
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Re: As Promised Here Is The Carlos Santana Game
« Reply #43 on: 15 Dec 2010, 16:17 »

Santana ft. Ludacris - "Santana DVX"

Santana ft. Shania Twain - __________

Christophe

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Re: As Promised Here Is The Carlos Santana Game
« Reply #44 on: 15 Dec 2010, 16:36 »

Santana ft. Shania Twain - "California Dreaming"

Santana ft. _________ - "Your Body is a Wonderland"
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Re: As Promised Here Is The Carlos Santana Game
« Reply #45 on: 15 Dec 2010, 19:12 »

Santana feat. Rod Stewart - "Your Body is a Wonderland"

Santana feat. __________ - "London Calling"
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Re: As Promised Here Is The Carlos Santana Game
« Reply #46 on: 15 Dec 2010, 21:00 »

Santana feat. Glenn Danzig - "London Calling"

Santana feat. ___________ - "Tom Sawyer"
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David_Dovey

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Re: As Promised Here Is The Carlos Santana Game
« Reply #47 on: 16 Dec 2010, 06:59 »

Santana ft. Violent J "Simple Man"
Dammit Dovey. The correct answer (and honestly I'm suprised this hasn't happened yet) was Kid Rock.

That actually does make perfect sense, but I like mine better. Also I too am surprised it hasn't happened yet, or at least some kind of Santana vs. Kid Rock thing.

Santana ft. Thanks To The Miracle of Modern Technology Jimi Hendrix "_____________"
This is a valid point. Though I can't quite wrap my brain round the totality of the reasons this thread is supposed to be amusing, from what I can discern Santana is just the person to hire serious men with glasses to digitally reconstruct the voices of dead pop stars for his music. Similar to the terrifyingly plausible rumor about George Lucas buying up the rights to old films so he can use CGI technology to paste undead reconstructions of famous dead actors into his films.
no totally that's a really on-point joke. santana would buy a tupac a capella if it would sound good over some bongos

Thanks guys, although I do have to say that I now regret not using Stevie Ray Vaughn for the joke instead of Jimi.

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valley_parade

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Re: As Promised Here Is The Carlos Santana Game
« Reply #48 on: 16 Dec 2010, 07:19 »

It just seems right, if anything involving Kid Rock can seem "right".
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Re: As Promised Here Is The Carlos Santana Game
« Reply #49 on: 16 Dec 2010, 07:25 »

Santana feat. Glenn Danzig - "London Calling"

Santana feat. ___________ - "Tom Sawyer"

Santana ft. Tommy Morello - "Tom Sawyer"

Santana ft. __________ - "White Wedding"
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dumplings are the answer because the foreskin boys
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