Okay I'm sure I've become some anti-hardwar monster now.
I didn't have any flash drives available today, so I got the cd-based installation file for ubuntu. Problem is, my old computer keeps ejecting the cd at random points during the installation, forcing me to restart the whole process. I'm about to drive a spike through the piece of shit machinery, but I guess I'll give it a go with a flash drive tomorrow. With two laptops with wildly malfuncioning hardware (to new one shoots straight to 90 degrees Celcius core temperature during stress tests, this one has the dvd drive just randomly fuck up), and one of the external hard drives on my main stationary failing, I'm really not having a good week tech-wise.