I just woke up from a long and weird and intense dream(s).
First there was one about surviving a tornado hiding in the bathroom of a home depot, and then looking for a plane crash after that turned out to be smugglers. But that/those are just boring what ever dreams.
The last one was long and rambly and emotionally intense. I just woke up from it anxious and emotional. It's long, but I'll leave out the irrelevant details.
There was some guy a politician I think, and I can't remember most of the start now, but he and I had some forbidden relationship that he wanted to take further, but which I was scared to. He sat at a desk next to me, even though I was in love with him I think, but I didn't want to be made a public spectacle of. He was smart an witty, but sometimes an asshole, you know they type.
Anyways he tried to get me to follow him somewhere, and I refused and he got mad and said that was it, he was done. And something about does it all really mean anything anyways. Which was not a "do you even love me?" statement, but a like accusation about the nature of reality. Which I sighed at. Any ways he left and when he returned he was engaged to a young girl, 13 maybe? (this was acceptable in the context of my dream, it was like an old royal wedding, she was to be sent back to live with her family after the marriage).
Any way at this point my dream adds the detail that he was meant to marry my sister in law who recently died of cancer. I have to make the wedding cake for this. I am standing in a cubical/house of someone else as the wedding proceeds being angry because I am convinced this is all about me. And everyone is just "oh he's so eccentric" and I'm like "no, he is planning something, he is mad at me, and this is some elaborate plot to get at me." Everyone thinks I am crazy. He is being just terrible. At one point he makes a toast to cancer for taking his former bride away and freeing him to marry this one, and I'm outraged, but unable to say anything.
Then he looks back at me, and says something again about does it actually mean anything? and he disappears. The crowd is in shock, but when he disappears he leaves a pile of newspapers with articles about him, and there is a bulletin board of my mementos, that has been there the whole time i guess, Stamps and postcards mostly, and when he disappears they all change from what ever image was on them to just text. Like "29 cent flag stamp" or "image of mountains" and I run out of my hiding place screaming and sobbing, like my world has ended, not just because he is gone, but because I understand what he was asking. And nothing has fixed meaning and the keepsakes are meaningless now, the life I had been holding on to is just gone. I don't have a future with him and I no longer have the past I was letting prevent me from being with him. And I am making a public spectacle of myself sobbing and people are trying to read the newspapers and figure out what it means. I remember one had a flight plan (I guess he was a pilot too?) and it assumed his plan could teleport or something because there was a chunk missing, and some man said "see he was just crazy!" and sobbing me just starts yelling no everything was intentional, that he understood, but I couldn't. I'm just just inconsolable.
The only memento that is left is a new one, which is these stalks of some ornamental grass in a clear bag which has "Leaves of Grass" stamped on the front.
This might be the weirdest, esoteric dream I have ever had. But if you know anything about my intellectual interests, it totally makes sense. I would have a dream where the emotional crisis is meaning being removed from an object and therefore changing my realty. Also maybe I should re-read Leaves of Grass? I think I own it. :/