Topic: Random Puns (Read 111159 times)

cesium133 · « **Reply #1850 on:** 26 May 2018, 15:01 »

Seen on a billboard in Wisconsin: "To not eat beef would be a missteak."

HughYeman · « **Reply #1851 on:** 11 Jun 2018, 07:52 »

My wife and I were camping, and one morning we woke up to find that something—presumably a small rodent—had chewed through the bottom of the tent to get at a packet of nuts. I said to her "Honey... if that rodent had chewed all the way through the air mattress, would that have been a Die Fledermaus?"

jwhouk · « **Reply #1852 on:** 11 Jun 2018, 16:36 »

Quote from: cesium133 on 26 May 2018, 15:01

Seen on a billboard in Wisconsin: "To not eat beef would be a missteak."

...Good to know that ABS is still keeping up the bad cow puns.

pwhodges · « **Reply #1853 on:** 13 Jun 2018, 00:49 »

Dad, what's an acorn?

In a nutshell, it's an oak tree.

Is it cold in here? · « **Reply #1854 on:** 04 Jul 2018, 12:14 »

We all depend heavily on seaports but never acknowledge or celebrate them.

There should be a day set aside to honor harbors.

Blue Kitty · « **Reply #1855 on:** 07 Jul 2018, 07:27 »

Quote

when did the Japanese start eating eggs? a long たまご.

pecoros7 · « **Reply #1856 on:** 11 Jul 2018, 00:13 »

A woman once witness a drunken man urinating in an alley behind a biergarten. Repulsed, she shrieked "That's gross!" The drunkard smiled widely and nodded. "Dankeschön!"

Tova · « **Reply #1857 on:** 13 Jul 2018, 22:09 »

cesium133 · « **Reply #1858 on:** 23 Jul 2018, 10:54 »

NO MATTER HOW KIND YOU ARE,
GERMAN CHILDREN ARE KINDER. pic.twitter.com/vQTKhLO2If
— JÃ¶rg Lohrer (@joerglohrer) July 22, 2018

DSL · « **Reply #1859 on:** 28 Jul 2018, 10:53 »

They booked a cruise on a cargo ship? I was a freighter that.

Tova · « **Reply #1860 on:** 30 Jul 2018, 19:04 »

What's the difference between a well-dressed person on a bicycle, and a poorly-dressed person on a tricycle?

Attire.

bhtooefr · « **Reply #1861 on:** 14 Aug 2018, 10:42 »

A man is at a friend's funeral. After the proceedings, he approaches the widow and asks if she minds if he says a word. "No, of course not," she replies. So he grabs a glass and taps a spoon against it to get everyone's attention, and when the muttering dies down, he clears his throat and speaks: "Plethora." He puts the glass back down and everyone continues their conversations. The widow turns to him, with a tear in her eye. "Thank you," she says.

(click to show/hide)

Source: https://glaceon.social/@monorail/100549774175725122

Is it cold in here? · « **Reply #1862 on:** 30 Aug 2018, 08:08 »

What is the politest branch of mathematics?

Deferential equations.

jwhouk · « **Reply #1863 on:** 30 Aug 2018, 08:56 »

What is the best thing about Switzerland?

I don't know, but their flag is a huge plus.

bhtooefr · « **Reply #1864 on:** 01 Sep 2018, 20:00 »

Android crashes on boot when running from SD card: https://mastodon.cloud/@atomjack/100653882033091291

cybersmurf · « **Reply #1865 on:** 02 Sep 2018, 06:01 »

What's the shepherd's favorite dance?

The Lambada.

Tova · « **Reply #1866 on:** 02 Sep 2018, 23:46 »

Not the Basque dance?

cybersmurf · « **Reply #1867 on:** 03 Sep 2018, 05:28 »

I don't get that one, I fear it's lost in the language barrier.

Is it cold in here? · « **Reply #1868 on:** 30 Sep 2018, 17:44 »

Not a pun but might be of interest. From a couple of years back, pun contests

cesium133 · « **Reply #1869 on:** 13 Oct 2018, 08:15 »

edit -- it was showing up fine for me, but let's see if reuploading it to imgur makes it work...

jwhouk · « **Reply #1870 on:** 13 Oct 2018, 09:23 »

Hm, not showing?

pwhodges · « **Reply #1871 on:** 13 Oct 2018, 12:53 »

I see it.

cesium133 · « **Reply #1872 on:** 30 Oct 2018, 20:00 »

Sherlock Homes and Watson are examining a scene, where a dead man is sitting on a toilet.

Sherlock: "I have no idea of the cause of death."
Watson:"It was constipation."
Sherlock: "What makes you say that?"
Watson:"No shit, Sherlock."

LeeC · « **Reply #1873 on:** 08 Nov 2018, 12:43 »

jwhouk · « **Reply #1874 on:** 09 Nov 2018, 07:57 »

Yesterday was "Aid and Abet a Punster Day". Sadly, I had no chance to do so, as the ten regular punsters that I know on various boards I frequent didn't say anything about it.

I'll let you fill in the rest.

Tova · « **Reply #1875 on:** 09 Nov 2018, 15:44 »

I've got nuthin.

Is it cold in here? · « **Reply #1876 on:** 15 Nov 2018, 18:50 »

What is the ultimate answer to life, the universe, and everything?

Fortitude.

Tova · « **Reply #1877 on:** 15 Nov 2018, 20:40 »

*gasp*

LTK · « **Reply #1878 on:** 18 Dec 2018, 10:44 »

I came across a restaurant that served Arabic and Indian food. It was called the Taj Halal. I was tempted to go eat there just for that.

LeeC · « **Reply #1879 on:** 20 Dec 2018, 08:18 »

Is it cold in here? · « **Reply #1880 on:** 20 Dec 2018, 20:52 »

Q: Is there anything harder than buns of steel?

A: Butt of quartz!

cesium133 · « **Reply #1881 on:** 13 Feb 2019, 11:37 »

A study was performed that observed men in Nepal who had dogs, and found that they were more successful than other men in finding mates. Further study, however, is required to find out what would a cat man do.

RedWolf4 · « **Reply #1882 on:** 15 Feb 2019, 04:55 »

I dunno man, something just smells fishy if you're not linking the results.

cesium133 · « **Reply #1883 on:** 15 Feb 2019, 05:23 »

What kind of animal would leave cheese on the forest floor in Russia? A moss cow.

What do you call an educated flagpole? A graduated cylinder.

LeeC · « **Reply #1884 on:** 16 Mar 2019, 06:56 »

Is it cold in here? · « **Reply #1885 on:** 16 Mar 2019, 07:39 »

What religion do roads belong to?

They're Catholic, because they cross themselves.

LTK · « **Reply #1886 on:** 17 Mar 2019, 15:56 »

People get so uppity about Russian aggression, but I'm just like "Oh, Crimea river."

cybersmurf · « **Reply #1887 on:** 17 Mar 2019, 20:36 »

There's a pun somewhere around "cookbook for cadavers" and "necro-nom-icon", but that's morbid as fuck.

Akima · « **Reply #1888 on:** 01 Apr 2019, 03:03 »

Quote from: LTK on 18 Dec 2018, 10:44

I came across a restaurant that served Arabic and Indian food. It was called the Taj Halal. I was tempted to go eat there just for that.

There's a restaurant in North Sydney, at 88 West Street, named Eighty Ate...

cesium133 · « **Reply #1889 on:** 07 Apr 2019, 12:21 »

People of the Pun, may I present today's offering, recognizing that you might have to be of a certain age to get it. pic.twitter.com/pKrdNpEQwq
— ð“¢ð“·ð“®ð”€ð“¼ð“¶ð“ª (@Snewsma) April 6, 2019

Tova · « **Reply #1890 on:** 07 Apr 2019, 21:04 »

Very good, but the one I really chuckled at was, "Now is the winter of our DISCOUNT TENTS." At Richard III Camping Goods store.

cesium133 · « **Reply #1891 on:** 08 Apr 2019, 17:40 »

A quirk of royal succession laws leaves the throne of the United Kingdom to a golden retriever in

HEIR BUD
— Paul Musgrave (@profmusgrave) April 8, 2019

bhtooefr · « **Reply #1892 on:** 28 Apr 2019, 11:22 »

How many legs does a horse have?

LeeC · « **Reply #1893 on:** 28 Apr 2019, 14:28 »

LTK · « **Reply #1894 on:** 09 May 2019, 04:01 »

Why did the trans man stop eating meat?

He was a herbivore.

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Author Topic: Random Puns (Read 111159 times)