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Author Topic: Random Puns  (Read 223175 times)

Fig

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #500 on: 11 Feb 2015, 05:44 »

I sincerely hope someone can pull this from the pits.  It seems as though I'm just milking it and most of these are simply corny.  Trying to come up with a good one has simply left me cottonmouthed.
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Peace is a lie, there is only passion.  Through passion I gain strength.  Through strength, power.  Through power, victory.  Through victory, my chains are broken.  The force shall set me free.

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #501 on: 11 Feb 2015, 06:50 »

Yeah, I got nut-tin'. 
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When people try to speak a gut reaction, they end up talking out their ass.

Kugai

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #502 on: 11 Feb 2015, 12:59 »

Well, I'll keep Pecan in to see what changes.
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James The Kugai 

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #503 on: 11 Feb 2015, 16:39 »

This morning it occurred to me: "What do vaginal thrush, and the rising sun have in common?"
(click to show/hide)
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"I would rather have questions that can't be answered, than answers that can't be questioned." Richard Feynman

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #504 on: 11 Feb 2015, 16:52 »

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Aziraphale

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #505 on: 11 Feb 2015, 20:19 »

This morning it occurred to me: "What do vaginal thrush, and the rising sun have in common?"
(click to show/hide)

For some reason, the first thing that comes to mind is, "Your Majesty is like a stream of bat's piss."
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Method of Madness

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #506 on: 15 Feb 2015, 09:02 »

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #507 on: 15 Feb 2015, 11:42 »

That comic was RAMmed with awesome puns.
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SubaruStephen

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #508 on: 16 Feb 2015, 16:49 »

Heh, dinner was served on hard drive platters.
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A "buttload" is an actual measurement, next time someone tells you that they need a buttload of something, tell them 126 gallons might be a bit too much.

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #509 on: 16 Feb 2015, 20:42 »

But his joke went all Floppy.
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James The Kugai 

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #510 on: 17 Feb 2015, 07:26 »

Be fair. It can be a hard drive making up puns all the time. Not everybody is programmed to just print them out on command line.
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Fig

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #511 on: 17 Feb 2015, 07:31 »

There's only a select few whose drive for puns is in a solid state.  For others it's read only.
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #512 on: 17 Feb 2015, 07:35 »

You all should Zip your mouths, these puns just don't Clik with me, they need more Jaz to them.
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #513 on: 17 Feb 2015, 21:44 »

someone should monitor this thread and screen out the bad puns.
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #514 on: 18 Feb 2015, 02:52 »

So once there was a lake, bordered by three kingdoms. There was an island in the centre of the lake, which all three kingdoms claimed to own, and there were countless minor skirmishes on and around the island as the kingdoms vied for control. Eventually, the kingdoms agreed to a single battle to settle the issue once and for all. The first kingdom sent a party of ten armored knights, with their squires. Not to be outdone, the second kingdom sent twenty-five knights, each with a squire. The third kingdom had fared badly in the battles, so they sent a single, elderly knight with his squire.

On the night before the battle, the knights of the first kingdom drank and caroused while their squires sharpened their swords. The second kingdom's knights also drank and partied, while their squires prepared their armour. The third kingdom's knight sharpened his sword and polished his armour himself, while his squire hung a cooking pot over a fire with a loop of rope.

On the morning of the battle, the first and second kingdom's knights were too hungover to fight, and the elderly knight was so tired from preparing his gear that he couldn't be roused in time, so it was agreed that the squires would fight instead. The battle raged well into the afternoon, and in the end when the dust settled, the squire from the third kingdom remained - battered, bruised, but victorious.

This all goes to show that the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.
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The Seldom Killer

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #515 on: 18 Feb 2015, 02:57 »

Sorry, something doesn't add up there.
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looktall

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #516 on: 18 Feb 2015, 05:14 »

It's an unusual equation, I addmit, but it's a sine of the times.
« Last Edit: 18 Feb 2015, 05:40 by looktall »
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The Seldom Killer

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #517 on: 18 Feb 2015, 05:41 »

Don't go off at a tangent now.
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #518 on: 18 Feb 2015, 06:36 »

Why, what's your angle on this?
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #519 on: 18 Feb 2015, 06:41 »

Sorry, am I being obtuse?
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Fig

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #520 on: 18 Feb 2015, 07:13 »

Some people's trains of thought are far too linear.  There's no need to be irrational, after all.
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Peace is a lie, there is only passion.  Through passion I gain strength.  Through strength, power.  Through power, victory.  Through victory, my chains are broken.  The force shall set me free.

celticgeek

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #521 on: 18 Feb 2015, 07:17 »

Sorry, am I being obtuse?

No, you're being acute.
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #522 on: 18 Feb 2015, 07:34 »

Some people's trains of thought are far too linear.  There's no need to be irrational, after all.

I'd assumed those comments were imaginary.

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #523 on: 18 Feb 2015, 07:41 »

Some maths people are very poor at plane speaking.
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #524 on: 18 Feb 2015, 07:42 »

It's a complex issue. You really have to examine the residue.

edit -- I feel like I've punned this before. Have we circled back around?
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Kugai

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #525 on: 18 Feb 2015, 12:48 »

Now we really are off on a tangent.
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James The Kugai 

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Fig

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #526 on: 18 Feb 2015, 13:18 »

Speaking of tangents, I'm having trouble finding somone to cosign. 
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Peace is a lie, there is only passion.  Through passion I gain strength.  Through strength, power.  Through power, victory.  Through victory, my chains are broken.  The force shall set me free.

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #527 on: 18 Feb 2015, 13:33 »

The bank let me sine on my own for my car loan. They were going to be irrational and require a cosiner despite my credit score, but eventually they put 2 and 2 together.
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hedgie

Re: Random Puns
« Reply #528 on: 18 Feb 2015, 14:55 »

Sadly, anything I'd have to add at this point would be derivative.
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #529 on: 18 Feb 2015, 16:35 »

Man, it's slighty chilly today, hit -12F. And that blast of air from the Arcsec Circle is going to be here for the rest of the week.
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A "buttload" is an actual measurement, next time someone tells you that they need a buttload of something, tell them 126 gallons might be a bit too much.

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #530 on: 18 Feb 2015, 17:11 »

I don't know weather I can come up a suitable reply to that.
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cesium133

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #531 on: 18 Feb 2015, 17:12 »

All hail the great punnery of this thread!
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Method of Madness

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #532 on: 18 Feb 2015, 17:23 »

Get thee to a punnery!

(Oh wait, we're already there)
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They call me Mr. Madness.

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MR ARCHIVE-FU MADNESS
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Aziraphale

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #533 on: 18 Feb 2015, 17:39 »

I don't know weather I can come up a suitable reply to that.

Too much pressure.
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cesium133

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #534 on: 18 Feb 2015, 17:42 »

Snow problem.
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Kugai

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #535 on: 18 Feb 2015, 18:07 »

And the blizzard of puns continues.
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James The Kugai 

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Aziraphale

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #536 on: 18 Feb 2015, 18:31 »

A good barometer for the health of the thread.
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #537 on: 21 Feb 2015, 08:38 »

Icey this thread sticking around for a while, it's not going anywhere (like a kid who licks a metal pole in winter).
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A "buttload" is an actual measurement, next time someone tells you that they need a buttload of something, tell them 126 gallons might be a bit too much.

Aziraphale

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #538 on: 21 Feb 2015, 12:38 »

I see what you did there. Very slick.
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #539 on: 21 Feb 2015, 12:42 »

Hopefully this isn't a slippery slope.
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They call me Mr. Madness.

Quote from: Polonius
Though this be madness, yet there is method in't.
MR ARCHIVE-FU MADNESS
Does anybody really know what time it is?
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

looktall

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #540 on: 21 Feb 2015, 23:19 »

These puns are starting to slide away from me.
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Kugai

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #541 on: 22 Feb 2015, 13:09 »

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James The Kugai 

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explicit

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #542 on: 23 Feb 2015, 20:37 »

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #543 on: 25 Feb 2015, 21:55 »

http://www.amazon.com/Baaa-David-Macaulay/dp/0395395887

Sheep take over the planet from humans and overpopulate, almost starving until a miracle new food source is announced. Oddly, the more of the new meat gets consumed, the lower the population gets.

I got a stony silence from my friend when I suggested the movie adaptation could be called "The Soylents of the Lambs".
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #544 on: 26 Feb 2015, 00:29 »

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SubaruStephen

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #545 on: 26 Feb 2015, 01:18 »

It's Soylent Greener Than You Think.
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A "buttload" is an actual measurement, next time someone tells you that they need a buttload of something, tell them 126 gallons might be a bit too much.

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #546 on: 26 Feb 2015, 03:25 »

I got a stony silence from my friend when I suggested the movie adaptation could be called "The Soylents of the Lambs".
I am jealous. If I didn't elicit at least a groan with such an excellent pun, I would feel I'd been fleeced.
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looktall

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #547 on: 26 Feb 2015, 03:35 »

Ewe really rammed that one home.
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Method of Madness

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #548 on: 26 Feb 2015, 07:10 »

Baaaa humbug.
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They call me Mr. Madness.

Quote from: Polonius
Though this be madness, yet there is method in't.
MR ARCHIVE-FU MADNESS
Does anybody really know what time it is?
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #549 on: 26 Feb 2015, 08:39 »

From the interwebs:

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