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[chaospersonified]

I'm having trouble with this topic so my approach is to just flap about and wing it until something takes off.

Aww, don't worry, it's not like anyone's gonna start mockingbird you! It'll be owl right!

[bhtooefr]

From @SwiftOnSecurity (an infosec twitter account that's a parody of Taylor Swift at the same time): https://twitter.com/swiftonsecurity/status/576657787553509376

Why did Google Car switch from MD5 to SHA512?

They wanted to reduce collisions.

[Kugai]

Is that something to crow about?

[chaospersonified]

Is that something to crow about?

Don't be robin people of the pleasure of punning, now

[Kugai]

There's no worries about that.  People will just do moa

[Aziraphale]

I was going to make a Larry Bird pun, but I wondered if that'd be a cardinal sin.

[chaospersonified]

I was going to make a Larry Bird pun, but I wondered if that'd be a cardinal sin.

If changing the subject of a string of puns were an offense, I'd have been kicked off this thread several times. Seagull, kiwi can handle it.

[looktall]

Quit raven, you tit.
I can hardly swallow these puns.

[chaospersonified]

Quit raven, you tit.
I can hardly swallow these puns.

Sorry, can't hear your meanness over the sound of my own hummingbird. Auk away while you can, I've been taking birding trips to the coast with my dad since I was a toddler. Don't make me start waxwing poetic on how many types of birds exist; things could get hawkward. (Please don't, in fact, auk away, I'm having fun)

[Half Empty Coffee Cup]

Wren will it end?

[chaospersonified]

Wren will it end?

 I could stop at any— Oh wait, like PELICAN!

[looktall]

I'm not storking you, but owl follow you henywhere.

[chaospersonified]

I'm not storking you, but owl follow you henywhere.

Glad to hear you're not CHICKEN!

[looktall]

That's a fowl call.

[chaospersonified]

Don't play the henpecked husband here. Heron the forums, everything within human decency is fair game!

[chaospersonified]

For real though, don't be too unpheasant.

[Aziraphale]

(wonders if the chicks dig puns)

[looktall]

As long as it's all for a lark and you don't act like a cock.

[SubaruStephen]

Yeah, don't get all emu-tional about it, you might egret it.

[looktall]

You could try puffin your chest out.
But just remember that toucan play at that game.
Their might be some competition from another cockatoo.

[looktall]

By the way, just as an aside, here's an over dose of puns with an Australian theme (so most of them will be meaningless to non Australians.)
It's also from the early 80s so the humour is a bit ... Different.

Edit: it's been censored too so some really good puns aren't audible.

[cesium133]

[chaospersonified]

You could try puffin your chest out.
But just remember that toucan play at that game.
Their might be some competition from another cockatoo.

This is good advice. Parrot it everytime you feel unsure. You could also try holding your breath until you turn purple martin. That gets people concerned about you, and the more people looking after you, the better. You'll pouledeau* through

*kind of duck found in louisiana

[Kugai]

As long as you pullet together.

[Neko_Ali]

I can never do that. I'm to chicken.

[chaospersonified]

I can never do that. I'm to chicken.

Aww, did some Ruddy Turnstone tease you too much? Let me at 'im, I'll Snipe that sonuvabitch!

[Neko_Ali]

I think he's on the other side of the road.

[chaospersonified]

You think that matters? I'l Scaup* that motherhugger

*another duck found in Louisiana. Care to guess which specific coast my dad liked to visit?

[looktall]

chaospersonified seems to be a bit of a quackpot.

[chaospersonified]

chaospersonified seems to be a bit of a quackpot.

I am simply a pun enthusiast, you Yellow-billed Loon, what variety of slate-colored junco is this nonsense! I know birds, motherhugger; my own father is in the louisiana state university records of ornithology as the first to see a certain hummingbird this far east!

[chaospersonified]

In amother note, I shiuld stop posting here so much*. The puns are overflowing to regular life, and they're even worse. Like, I'll be talking smart- something about the political climate or about the location of purple martins given the time of year, and then BOOM, puns. Really makes me feel like an American Coot.

*i will never stop making pubs

[looktall]

a poorly timed pun can make someone appear to be a right goose.

[Kugai]

*i will never stop making pubs

Drinks all round then

Mine's a Guinniss.

[looktall]

ooh. puns about booze, might as well throw some philosophy into the mix as well.

Immanuel Kant was a real pissant
Who was very rarely stable.
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
Who could think you under the table.
David Hume could out-consume
Schopenhauer and Hegel,
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
Who was just as sloshed as Schlegel.

There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach ya'
'Bout the raising of the wrist.
SOCRATES, HIMSELF, WAS PERMANENTLY PISSED...

John Stuart Mill, of his own free will,
On half a pint of shandy was particularly ill.
Plato, they say, could stick it away;
Half a crate of whiskey every day.
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle,
Hobbes was fond of his dram,
And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart: "I drink, therefore I am"
Yes, Socrates, himself, is particularly missed;
A lovely little thinker but a bugger when he's pissed!

[chaospersonified]

Don't keep these things bottled up, right? If the people around you don't appreciate your terrible puns, make them beer!

As for the typo, I suppose it's only right that I can blame it on the alcohol.

[bhtooefr]

From an article I was reading:

"Friday is payday. Saturday is play day. Sunday is pray day. We're trying to make Monday the 'all health breaks loose' day," said Sid Lerner, a former advertising executive who founded the Monday Campaigns.

[chaospersonified]

Sonnet, let me explain the difference between a pun and a poem. Stanza on your own two feet, yo.

They were clever poems, I'll give them that. That's my honest opinion, it's not just a line

[Aziraphale]

Would a bookshelf of poetry be a folio outbreak?

[chaospersonified]

Would a bookshelf of poetry be a folio outbreak?

I'll warn you now, keep Shakespeare off the shelf; he's kinda reckless with the spear. He'll probably knock the whole thing oeuvre

[cesium133]

Would a bookshelf of poetry be a folio outbreak?

Be careful when reading books about undercooked meat. They're E-collated.

The NFL had an electronic football game a few months ago, and to distinguish it from next year's game they're putting letters after the name. It was the E-Bowl A.

a poorly timed pun can make someone appear to be a right goose.

Just so long as you didn't look up when they flu over.

[Half Empty Coffee Cup]

Would a bookshelf of poetry be a folio outbreak?

Be careful when reading books about undercooked meat. They're E-collated.

The NFL had an electronic football game a few months ago, and to distinguish it from next year's game they're putting letters after the name. It was the E-Bowl A.

a poorly timed pun can make someone appear to be a right goose.

Just so long as you didn't look up when they flu over.

Would a bookshelf of poetry be a folio outbreak?

I'll warn you now, keep Shakespeare off the shelf; he's kinda reckless with the spear. He'll probably knock the whole thing oeuvre

A plague on both your houses.

[chaospersonified]

Would a bookshelf of poetry be a folio outbreak?

Be careful when reading books about undercooked meat. They're E-collated.

The NFL had an electronic football game a few months ago, and to distinguish it from next year's game they're putting letters after the name. It was the E-Bowl A.

a poorly timed pun can make someone appear to be a right goose.

Just so long as you didn't look up when they flu over.

Medical puns now, okay. Stroke of luck, I've got a few. Some pretty hearty ones, even.

[Kugai]

Now you're just trying to doctor the Thread.

[chaospersonified]

Now you're just trying to doctor the Thread.

Is the treatment working?

[cesium133]

The puns have their cold grippe on this thread.

[chaospersonified]

The puns have their cold grippe on this thread.

Just have some patients

[Kugai]

Shall we set up some Wards?

[cesium133]

Perhaps we should ping Guy Fieri to this thread to examine for conjunctivitis. 

[chaospersonified]

Shall we set up some Wards?

If you think it would help nurse the situation

[looktall]

Good to see these puns are coming in a nice orderly fashion.