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Author Topic: Random Puns  (Read 223701 times)

bhtooefr

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1050 on: 23 May 2015, 14:14 »

https://twitter.com/chris_gammell/status/602189136540377088

Quote
Before you could only buy high ohm resistors. Now you have to legally swear you'll resist getting high on ohms.

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chaospersonified

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1051 on: 23 May 2015, 15:02 »

Ohm: resisting the flow.
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AlsoPersonifyingChaos

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1052 on: 24 May 2015, 14:18 »

So, this distribution curve hires a therapist and says "Am I normal?"
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Neko_Ali

Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1053 on: 25 May 2015, 08:22 »

I don't go in for meditation though. I have a great resistance to ohms.
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Kugai

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1054 on: 25 May 2015, 14:29 »

But he always makes it right!!
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James The Kugai 

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1055 on: 25 May 2015, 20:46 »

A man called Ian goes to see a psychiatrist, and asks "Am I normal?"

"That's what I'd guess, Ian."

Edit: Perhaps better would be:

"Your guess, Ian."
« Last Edit: 25 May 2015, 23:38 by Akima »
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"I would rather have questions that can't be answered, than answers that can't be questioned." Richard Feynman

jwhouk

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1056 on: 25 May 2015, 22:13 »

I'd give you a thumbs down, but since you're in Australia you'd mistake if for a thumbs up.
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1057 on: 25 May 2015, 22:13 »

Can someone explain the Ian one to me? I don't get it.
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celticgeek

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1058 on: 25 May 2015, 22:18 »

gaussian.
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1059 on: 26 May 2015, 03:23 »

No, actually I'm a German-Irish mix...
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cesium133

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1060 on: 26 May 2015, 05:59 »

Ian's girlfriend is named Lauren. She's definitely the boss of him, so much that he calls himself Lauren's Ian.
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Masterpiece

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1061 on: 26 May 2015, 12:34 »

How do you train someone to like beer?

(click to show/hide)

This message is coming from Tapatalk inside my phone!

Kugai

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1062 on: 26 May 2015, 16:20 »

That was an aleing pun
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James The Kugai 

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Neko_Ali

Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1063 on: 26 May 2015, 16:22 »

Well, if you think you can do bitter, you should hop right to it. I'll just be over there, thinking and letting things ferment before my puns.
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Kugai

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1064 on: 26 May 2015, 16:28 »

I just prefer to see the larger picture and be stout about it.
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James The Kugai 

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1065 on: 26 May 2015, 16:42 »

Beer is the cure and what ales you!
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chaospersonified

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1066 on: 26 May 2015, 17:43 »

I just prefer to see the larger picture and be stout about it.

Long as you don't bottle it up
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1067 on: 27 May 2015, 00:29 »

it's best to tap into your emotions.
this sometimes results in them coming to a head and pouring out.

it took me a while to draught this reply up.
it really had me over a barrel.
if it's unsuitable i could brew a new one that i can serve up.
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chaospersonified

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1068 on: 27 May 2015, 10:41 »

All this talk of alcohol got me foaming at the mouth
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1069 on: 27 May 2015, 17:26 »

cujo have rabies?
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Kugai

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1070 on: 27 May 2015, 17:40 »

That was a biteing remark.
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James The Kugai 

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1071 on: 27 May 2015, 18:01 »

Suckers, you fell straight into my change of subject! Fangs very much!
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jwhouk

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1072 on: 27 May 2015, 18:19 »

Woof. That was a dog of a move.
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"Character is what you are in the Dark." - D.L. Moody
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chaospersonified

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1073 on: 27 May 2015, 18:32 »

It was a bit hairy. Barking mad, even.
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1074 on: 27 May 2015, 19:24 »

the tooth hurts.
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chaospersonified

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1075 on: 27 May 2015, 19:27 »

Well go to the dentist! Not to drill you or anything, but cone on!
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looktall

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1076 on: 27 May 2015, 19:42 »

i can't go yet.
i have to wait until 2:30.
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chaospersonified

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1077 on: 27 May 2015, 19:46 »

Aw, they put a cap on the open slots? Come on, dentist offices, clean up your schedule!
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chaospersonified

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1078 on: 27 May 2015, 19:52 »

My dentist runs a gun range, actually. Spends the day placing caps, spends the nights busting them. Kind of a racket (he lives next door and his guns are loud. Pretty sure I'm half deaf thanks to him)
« Last Edit: 27 May 2015, 22:25 by chaospersonified »
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looktall

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1079 on: 27 May 2015, 20:10 »

kind of give new meaning to the expression "shoot your mouth off".
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chaospersonified

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1080 on: 27 May 2015, 22:28 »

He's pretty outspoken about gun rights, a real spitfire, making these long lists of reasons everyone should own a gun. Gave me one after I had a cavity filled. So many bullet-points, man
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Kugai

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1081 on: 28 May 2015, 14:40 »

A machine gunned list I take it.
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James The Kugai 

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chaospersonified

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1082 on: 28 May 2015, 19:07 »

Pretty much. He's what you might call insensitive, not afraid to drop a bombshell on innocent civilians, very up and atom sort of fellow.
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Kugai

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1083 on: 29 May 2015, 16:34 »

Sounds like a bit of a tallboy to me and determined to go for a grand slam as well.
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James The Kugai 

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jwhouk

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1084 on: 29 May 2015, 18:11 »

If you're going for a grand slam, you need to go over easy. You don't want to pancake, or you'll lose your bacon and that list will be ground into sausage. I've seen it happen to Dennys.
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"Character is what you are in the Dark." - D.L. Moody
There is no joke that can be made online without someone being offended by it.
Life's too short to be ashamed of how you were born.
Just another Joe like 46

chaospersonified

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1085 on: 29 May 2015, 19:36 »

Oh, Denny's.

I went there once, ordered soup.

They forgot the broth.

Soup was terrible, but I mean, it wasn't bad. Can't complain, they did create peas in our thyme.
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chaospersonified

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1086 on: 06 Jun 2015, 23:21 »

Dammit, I just posted four groups of terrible puns on a cute girl's facebook post.

What have you done to me, four-ums*

*oh, god, I'm sorry. It was coincidence, not my original intent. I came to complain, nothing more
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chaospersonified

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1087 on: 06 Jun 2015, 23:22 »

That doesn't count against me, does it? The shitty number pun? That would be two much.
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chaospersonified

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1088 on: 06 Jun 2015, 23:23 »

I'm a three man, aren't I? In a three country? Three-dom!
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Method of Madness

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1089 on: 07 Jun 2015, 04:41 »

You're punning so fast, people might think your days were numbered.
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They call me Mr. Madness.

Quote from: Polonius
Though this be madness, yet there is method in't.
MR ARCHIVE-FU MADNESS
Does anybody really know what time it is?
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

chaospersonified

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1090 on: 07 Jun 2015, 05:05 »

Nah, just four-tified.
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Metope

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1091 on: 07 Jun 2015, 09:47 »

Triple posting is a little over the top, better watch out if you don't want to be punished.
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Kugai

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1092 on: 07 Jun 2015, 12:45 »

I don't think we'd be that PUNitive.
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James The Kugai 

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cesium133

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1093 on: 07 Jun 2015, 12:46 »

Nothing like that would ever happun.
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chaospersonified

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1094 on: 07 Jun 2015, 13:42 »

That's a relief. It would be awk-word...
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hedgie

Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1095 on: 07 Jun 2015, 16:46 »

What Cesium sed.  Now I'm starting to get a grep on this whole pun thing.
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chaospersonified

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1096 on: 07 Jun 2015, 16:54 »

What Cesium sed.  Now I'm starting to get a grep on this whole pun thing.

File that away for future reference. Data could be useful
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Thrillho

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1097 on: 08 Jun 2015, 01:55 »

Pun-sequitur:

I've got to stop pushing nuns in the mud.

Filthy habit.

looktall

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1098 on: 08 Jun 2015, 03:03 »

Now. Now.
We'll have nun of that.
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Kugai

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1099 on: 08 Jun 2015, 15:12 »

Yeah, we're fairly conventional here.
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James The Kugai 

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