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Author Topic: Random Puns  (Read 121954 times)

Tova

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1750 on: 25 Apr 2017, 19:48 »

I actually had to resort to google to work out what the heck the Mondays one was about.

Two things. Firstly, it is absolutely true that a joke is unfunny when explained. Secondly, I have never in my life used or heard the expression, 'A case of the Mondays.' It sounds weirder every time I read it.
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bhtooefr

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1751 on: 25 Apr 2017, 19:50 »

Think of "the Mondays" as a medical condition, as in "a case of $disease".

Here it's used in one of the most famous contexts:

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Kugai

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1752 on: 26 Apr 2017, 16:42 »

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James The Kugai 

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1753 on: 04 May 2017, 20:17 »

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1754 on: 05 May 2017, 04:48 »

[tweet]860458934930419712[/tweet]

Not what I normally follow @a2_4am for, but still good. (He usually tweets about removing Apple II copy protection.)
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Akima

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1755 on: 05 May 2017, 05:54 »

My pet rock doesn't give a schist.
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1756 on: 05 May 2017, 10:08 »

My pet rock talks a blue streak.
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Castlerook

Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1757 on: 05 May 2017, 10:24 »

Last Summer my pet rock decided to split.

Still broken up over it.
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Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart but I am street smart.", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I am imaginary smart."

Neko_Ali

Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1758 on: 05 May 2017, 12:33 »

I had a pet rock once. Turns out it was a rolling stone and left to pursue a career in music.
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1759 on: 05 May 2017, 16:05 »

My pet rock is very gneiss to me.
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Castlerook

Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1760 on: 05 May 2017, 16:09 »

I think I have some more rock puns, but I'll see if I can dig some up.
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Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart but I am street smart.", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I am imaginary smart."

Kugai

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1761 on: 05 May 2017, 16:10 »

Didn't gather any moss then..
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James The Kugai 

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1762 on: 05 May 2017, 17:48 »

Having a pet rock is just so hard.
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1763 on: 05 May 2017, 20:27 »

My pet rock is covered in funk  :-D
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1764 on: 05 May 2017, 22:32 »

My pet rock is stoned.
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1765 on: 07 May 2017, 18:38 »

My pet rock broke up with me, and now I have shingles.
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Castlerook

Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1766 on: 07 May 2017, 18:57 »

I used to talk to my pet rock everyday.

Until I realised it was stone deaf.
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Kugai

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1767 on: 07 May 2017, 22:04 »

My Pet Rock gained weight and became a  little Thek
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1768 on: 09 May 2017, 21:05 »

My Pet Rock looks like a pair of boobs, squeezed together. It has great cleavage.
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Tova

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1769 on: 10 May 2017, 04:23 »

I turn my back for a moment, and before I know it, everyone has unleashed an avalanche of puns.
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Neko_Ali

Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1770 on: 10 May 2017, 06:17 »

You really have to watch out for falling puns. You don't want to get buried under a landslide of them.
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Castlerook

Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1771 on: 10 May 2017, 09:58 »

I guess the EU is clearing up 1GB of free space now.

(I'm going to hell for that one, aren't I)
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bhtooefr

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1772 on: 11 May 2017, 08:48 »

A kid wants to take a girl to the prom.

He goes to get a tux, and there’s a long line, but he finally gets his tux.

He goes to get her flowers, and there’s a long line, but he finally gets the flowers.

He goes to get a limo, and there’s a long line, but he finally gets the limo.

They go to prom, and there’s a long line, but they finally get in.

He goes to get them some punch, and there’s no punchline.
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bhtooefr

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1773 on: 12 May 2017, 17:28 »

[tweet]863027252660928513[/tweet]
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Kugai

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1774 on: 13 May 2017, 17:06 »

A wee joke there
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James The Kugai 

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Castlerook

Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1775 on: 13 May 2017, 17:15 »

Now you're just taking the piss.
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Kugai

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1776 on: 13 May 2017, 17:17 »

Guess I was just flush with humour
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James The Kugai 

You can never have too much Coffee.

Castlerook

Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1777 on: 13 May 2017, 20:07 »

Any more flush and you're in trouble. :laugh:
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bhtooefr

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1778 on: 13 May 2017, 20:13 »

I wonder how long before that DVD leaks, anyway.
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cesium133

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1779 on: 13 May 2017, 20:28 »

Comey, to Trump: "Urine trouble."
Trump, to Comey: "I'm pissed at you. You're fired."
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Tova

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1780 on: 13 May 2017, 22:24 »

That argument barely holds water.
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cesium133

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1781 on: 16 May 2017, 05:13 »

[tweet]864451346765930501[/tweet]
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RedWolf4

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1782 on: 16 May 2017, 05:46 »

Eh, I can only really give that 12 points.
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bhtooefr

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1783 on: 19 May 2017, 18:54 »

[tweet]865332887217897472[/tweet]
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bhtooefr

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1784 on: 27 May 2017, 16:53 »

[tweet]868612262596157440[/tweet]
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Castlerook

Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1785 on: 06 Jun 2017, 17:54 »

I was supposed to go to the cinema tonight with some friends.

Ended up waiting for (Gal) Gadot for nothing.
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Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart but I am street smart.", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I am imaginary smart."

bhtooefr

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1786 on: 12 Jun 2017, 19:16 »

[tweet]874332870067793923[/tweet]
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Kugai

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1787 on: 13 Jun 2017, 19:22 »

Making a  Monkey of himself as usual
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James The Kugai 

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bhtooefr

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1788 on: 11 Jul 2017, 05:47 »

What happened when the woman backed into the airplane propeller?

(click to show/hide)

(Stolen from here.)
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Kugai

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1789 on: 11 Jul 2017, 17:50 »

Putting a new spin on things
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James The Kugai 

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RedWolf4

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1790 on: 12 Jul 2017, 02:21 »

Ouch, you know something propped off.
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1791 on: 12 Jul 2017, 15:41 »

She wouldn't be nearly so cheeky afterwards
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bhtooefr

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1792 on: 01 Aug 2017, 20:29 »

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NemesisDancer

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1793 on: 02 Aug 2017, 05:59 »

What do you call an empire run by napkins?
The Serviette Union.
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NemesisDancer

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1794 on: 02 Aug 2017, 10:18 »

Sorry to double-post, but just came up with a slightly more niche one:

--

Tommy Wiseau and Greg Sestero are comparing exam results. Greg asks, "How did you do, Tommy?"

Tommy responds: "I did Film Studies."

"I know that, but what grade? Did you get a high mark or a low mark?"

"Oh, high mark."
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1795 on: 06 Aug 2017, 17:38 »

I looked up both of them and I still don't get it, I'm afraid.
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"Non-compliance is a social skill"
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1796 on: 06 Aug 2017, 18:44 »

The second one is a reference to The Room. Watch it. It’s wonderfully awful.
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1797 on: 07 Aug 2017, 05:17 »

I looked up both of them and I still don't get it, I'm afraid.

It's a reference to a famously (and hilariously) bad film called The Room; Tommy Wiseau's character very frequently says "Oh hi, Mark!", sometimes at inappropriate times.
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Pilchard123

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1798 on: 07 Aug 2017, 11:00 »

There's a D&D stream I've been following (the campaign in question is now finished, and they've moved on to a new one) in which films from our world are all plays in-game. The Dark Knight is about a man wearing blackened armour fighting up a jester, for example. Shrek is a documentary. Tommy Wiseau is human, but everyone thinks he's half-orc.
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