Jeph Jacques's comics discussion forums

  • 07 Dec 2019, 09:34
  • Welcome, Guest
Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Advanced search  
Pages: 1 ... 35 36 [37] 38 39   Go Down

Author Topic: Random Puns  (Read 131093 times)

Tova

  • Methuselah's mentor
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 5,100
  • You're not the only one, no.
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1800 on: 24 Aug 2017, 19:09 »

Dog to farmer: Here are all 30 sheep.
Farmer: But I count only 26.
Dog: I rounded them up.
Logged
"There is no expedient to which a man will not resort to avoid the real labor of thinking." - Sir Joshua Reynolds (paraphrased)

zisraelsen

  • Bizarre cantaloupe phobia
  • **
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 229
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1801 on: 24 Aug 2017, 19:14 »

It was a ruff estimate anyway.
Logged
Zack is easier to type than Zisraelsen, so

Tova

  • Methuselah's mentor
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 5,100
  • You're not the only one, no.
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1802 on: 24 Aug 2017, 20:49 »

The farmer felt it was more of a paw estimate.
Logged
"There is no expedient to which a man will not resort to avoid the real labor of thinking." - Sir Joshua Reynolds (paraphrased)

Tlaloc

  • Larger than most fish
  • **
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 102
  • Out of Work Rain Deity
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1803 on: 25 Aug 2017, 05:14 »

 :psyduck:
Are you barking?

Still better than the dog accountant who got six years for tax fraud. The judge was ruff in sentencing, and the defendant tried to get the ball thrown out of court.
Logged
The point where Existentialist, Taoist and Buddhist thought meet is fascinating.

What goes on inside matters more than what goes on without? If the world beyond our skulls is a cypher that only we can provide meaning to & control is an illusion, what can we expect of ourselves or others?

Kugai

  • CIA Handler of Miss Melody Powers
  • Awakened
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 11,503
  • Crazy Kiwi Shoujo-Ai Fan
    • My Homepage
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1804 on: 25 Aug 2017, 15:46 »

What a heel
Logged
James The Kugai 

You can never have too much Coffee.

zisraelsen

  • Bizarre cantaloupe phobia
  • **
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 229
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1805 on: 25 Aug 2017, 18:50 »

What, did you expect him to just roll over?
Logged
Zack is easier to type than Zisraelsen, so

Tlaloc

  • Larger than most fish
  • **
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 102
  • Out of Work Rain Deity
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1806 on: 29 Aug 2017, 00:17 »

This thread quacks me up.

*ducks thrown objects*

So I opened a nightclub. It was called erectile dysfunction.
It was a complete flop...
Nobody came...
Logged
The point where Existentialist, Taoist and Buddhist thought meet is fascinating.

What goes on inside matters more than what goes on without? If the world beyond our skulls is a cypher that only we can provide meaning to & control is an illusion, what can we expect of ourselves or others?

Is it cold in here?

  • Administrator
  • Awakened
  • ******
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 20,020
  • He/him/his pronouns
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1807 on: 29 Aug 2017, 06:33 »

Are people who worship antiperspirant Mennenites?
Logged
"Non-compliance is a social skill"
Quote from: an unnamed minister's sermon
In your face, darkness!  We are the light and we outnumber you!

Kugai

  • CIA Handler of Miss Melody Powers
  • Awakened
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 11,503
  • Crazy Kiwi Shoujo-Ai Fan
    • My Homepage
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1808 on: 29 Aug 2017, 16:21 »

I would say they're Armish   :claireface:
Logged
James The Kugai 

You can never have too much Coffee.

Castlerook

Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1809 on: 29 Aug 2017, 17:08 »

Quick question.

Does anyone have any Ygrettes about Game of Thrones finishing for a year?
Logged
Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart but I am street smart.", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I am imaginary smart."

Tlaloc

  • Larger than most fish
  • **
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 102
  • Out of Work Rain Deity
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1810 on: 29 Aug 2017, 23:45 »

Quick question.

Does anyone have any Ygrettes about Game of Thrones finishing for a year?

That's a wight good one...
Logged
The point where Existentialist, Taoist and Buddhist thought meet is fascinating.

What goes on inside matters more than what goes on without? If the world beyond our skulls is a cypher that only we can provide meaning to & control is an illusion, what can we expect of ourselves or others?

Kugai

  • CIA Handler of Miss Melody Powers
  • Awakened
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 11,503
  • Crazy Kiwi Shoujo-Ai Fan
    • My Homepage
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1811 on: 30 Aug 2017, 18:01 »

It's gonna feel an Aeygon till next season
Logged
James The Kugai 

You can never have too much Coffee.

Castlerook

Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1812 on: 30 Aug 2017, 18:50 »

It does feel like they'll be Drogon this wait on for a bit, doesn't it?
Logged
Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart but I am street smart.", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I am imaginary smart."

Tlaloc

  • Larger than most fish
  • **
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 102
  • Out of Work Rain Deity
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1813 on: 31 Aug 2017, 00:15 »

Aerys you Mad you have to wait? :psyduck:
Logged
The point where Existentialist, Taoist and Buddhist thought meet is fascinating.

What goes on inside matters more than what goes on without? If the world beyond our skulls is a cypher that only we can provide meaning to & control is an illusion, what can we expect of ourselves or others?

Kugai

  • CIA Handler of Miss Melody Powers
  • Awakened
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 11,503
  • Crazy Kiwi Shoujo-Ai Fan
    • My Homepage
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1814 on: 31 Aug 2017, 15:28 »

Just so we don't Hound the Producers
Logged
James The Kugai 

You can never have too much Coffee.

Castlerook

Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1815 on: 31 Aug 2017, 16:07 »

I know there are people who'll climb a Mountain to get some info about season 8.
Logged
Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart but I am street smart.", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I am imaginary smart."

bhtooefr

  • Vulcan 3-D Chess Master
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3,811
  • ⌘-⌥-⌃-N
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1816 on: 31 Aug 2017, 18:19 »

Logged

Is it cold in here?

  • Administrator
  • Awakened
  • ******
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 20,020
  • He/him/his pronouns
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1817 on: 31 Aug 2017, 20:45 »

Is a suitcase made of leather carrion luggage?
Logged
"Non-compliance is a social skill"
Quote from: an unnamed minister's sermon
In your face, darkness!  We are the light and we outnumber you!

bhtooefr

  • Vulcan 3-D Chess Master
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3,811
  • ⌘-⌥-⌃-N
Logged

Is it cold in here?

  • Administrator
  • Awakened
  • ******
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 20,020
  • He/him/his pronouns
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1819 on: 26 Sep 2017, 23:30 »

Why can't George R. R. Martin use Twitter?

Every time he tries, he kills all 140 characters.
Logged
"Non-compliance is a social skill"
Quote from: an unnamed minister's sermon
In your face, darkness!  We are the light and we outnumber you!

Method of Madness

  • His Dudeness, or Duder, or El Duderino if you're not into the whole brevity thing.
  • Globe Moderator
  • Awakened
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 18,346
  • The Bootysattva
    • Me!
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1820 on: 27 Sep 2017, 12:36 »

Now that Twitter allows 280 characters, maybe he'll finally release Winds of Winter to kill the rest?
Logged
They call me Mr. Madness.

Quote from: Polonius
Though this be madness, yet there is method in't.
MR ARCHIVE-FU MADNESS
Does anybody really know what time it is?
(╯□)╯︵ ┻━┻

Blue Kitty

  • WoW gold miner on break
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 6,802
    • Twitter
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1821 on: 05 Nov 2017, 16:57 »

Quote
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, youre in here alot, are you an alcoholic?
The horse ponders for a minute and responds I dont think I am
And poof he disappears
This is where philosophy students start to snicker, as they are familiar with Descartes postulate, I think, therefore I am.
But telling you that first would be putting Descartes before the horse
Logged

LTK

Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1822 on: 16 Nov 2017, 11:03 »

Apparently Android phones have supported facial recognition unlocking for a while now, at least software side.

I could see myself using that.
Logged
Quote from: snalin
I just got the image of a midwife and a woman giving birth swinging towards each other on a trapeze - when they meet, the midwife pulls the baby out. The knife juggler is standing on the floor and cuts the umbilical cord with a a knifethrow.

Akima

  • Preventing third impact
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 6,249
  • ** 妇女能顶半边天 **
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1823 on: 19 Nov 2017, 21:58 »

I dislike the Blue's Point Tower.

It has so many flaws.
Logged
"I would rather have questions that can't be answered, than answers that can't be questioned." Richard Feynman

cesium133

  • comeback tour!
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 5,554
  • Has a fucked-up browser history
    • Cesium Comics
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1824 on: 19 Nov 2017, 22:07 »

I've forgotten where I've heard this one (it may have been in this thread...), but:

Why do so many crows get killed by trucks on the Massachusetts Turnpike? Because they only know how to say 'caw'.
Logged
The nerdy comic I update on Saturdays: Cesium Comics

Unofficial character tag thingy for QC

Tova

  • Methuselah's mentor
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 5,100
  • You're not the only one, no.
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1825 on: 19 Nov 2017, 22:19 »

I dislike the Blue's Point Tower.
It has so many flaws.

Yes, but really, I'm impressed it got built at all.

It was a tall order.
Logged
"There is no expedient to which a man will not resort to avoid the real labor of thinking." - Sir Joshua Reynolds (paraphrased)

bhtooefr

  • Vulcan 3-D Chess Master
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3,811
  • ⌘-⌥-⌃-N
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1826 on: 30 Nov 2017, 04:13 »

AMD missed an opportunity when they named Zen's interconnect protocol, Infinity Fabric.

They should've named it Infinity External Interface.

(click to show/hide)
Logged

bhtooefr

  • Vulcan 3-D Chess Master
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3,811
  • ⌘-⌥-⌃-N
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1827 on: 03 Dec 2017, 17:31 »

Logged

Cornelius

  • Bling blang blong blung
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1,187
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1828 on: 04 Dec 2017, 12:31 »

I dislike the Blue's Point Tower.

It has so many flaws.

This one took me far too long to get...
Logged
Nothing so deadens a man as ignorant numbness and conformity!

bhtooefr

  • Vulcan 3-D Chess Master
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3,811
  • ⌘-⌥-⌃-N
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1829 on: 05 Dec 2017, 07:48 »

From https://cybre.space/users/viciousviscosity/statuses/99122226376439226:

Quote
Kleptomaniacs always take things; literally.
Logged

bhtooefr

  • Vulcan 3-D Chess Master
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3,811
  • ⌘-⌥-⌃-N
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1830 on: 06 Dec 2017, 04:12 »

From https://x0r.be/@iks/99122552717950680:

Quote
Avoid diseases like the plague.
Logged

Welu

  • It was me, Austin. It was me all along.
  • Global Moderator
  • comeback tour!
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 5,695
  • That's a smashing blouse. FELLA!
Logged
Dogs are fuzzy. :wow:
~They/Their/Them~

bhtooefr

  • Vulcan 3-D Chess Master
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3,811
  • ⌘-⌥-⌃-N
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1832 on: 19 Dec 2017, 14:44 »

From http://oppositelock.kinja.com/things-you-didnt-know-1821444507:

Did you know that job applications to Citron have to be made in duplicate?

(click to show/hide)
Logged

bhtooefr

  • Vulcan 3-D Chess Master
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3,811
  • ⌘-⌥-⌃-N
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1833 on: 24 Dec 2017, 12:28 »

Seen in an IRC channel:

Quote
[15:25] <Mark_F> My band is called 1023MB. We haven't had a gig yet..
Logged

Is it cold in here?

  • Administrator
  • Awakened
  • ******
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 20,020
  • He/him/his pronouns
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1834 on: 24 Dec 2017, 15:21 »

Bees come back from scouting trips and inform the rest of the hive about routes to food.

Most large organizations depend on trust but a hive lives on constant bee trails.
Logged
"Non-compliance is a social skill"
Quote from: an unnamed minister's sermon
In your face, darkness!  We are the light and we outnumber you!

Akima

  • Preventing third impact
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 6,249
  • ** 妇女能顶半边天 **
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1835 on: 02 Jan 2018, 14:08 »

It's the Game of Drones.
Logged
"I would rather have questions that can't be answered, than answers that can't be questioned." Richard Feynman

bhtooefr

  • Vulcan 3-D Chess Master
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3,811
  • ⌘-⌥-⌃-N
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1836 on: 18 Jan 2018, 04:30 »

Logged

Akima

  • Preventing third impact
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 6,249
  • ** 妇女能顶半边天 **
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1837 on: 18 Jan 2018, 16:27 »

I saw this online, and it made me laugh.

A guy goes to change his password, and enters BEEFSTEW.
(click to show/hide)
Logged
"I would rather have questions that can't be answered, than answers that can't be questioned." Richard Feynman

bhtooefr

  • Vulcan 3-D Chess Master
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3,811
  • ⌘-⌥-⌃-N
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1838 on: 19 Jan 2018, 03:04 »

From https://cronk.stenoweb.net/@calvin/99374568538190591:

Quote
when cleaning your printer, gently place it in the tub and use proper Epson salts
Logged

Blue Kitty

  • WoW gold miner on break
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 6,802
    • Twitter
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1839 on: 20 Jan 2018, 09:12 »

Logged

cesium133

  • comeback tour!
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 5,554
  • Has a fucked-up browser history
    • Cesium Comics
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1840 on: 07 Mar 2018, 09:20 »

[tweet]971411364894867456[/tweet]
Logged
The nerdy comic I update on Saturdays: Cesium Comics

Unofficial character tag thingy for QC

Akima

  • Preventing third impact
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 6,249
  • ** 妇女能顶半边天 **
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1841 on: 17 Mar 2018, 03:17 »

From which metal should you never make bearings?
(click to show/hide)
Logged
"I would rather have questions that can't be answered, than answers that can't be questioned." Richard Feynman

Ignominious

  • The German Chancellory building
  • ***
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 456
  • Account no longer in use - goodbye and good luck
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1842 on: 19 Mar 2018, 02:35 »

I didn't know which direction you were taking that in.
Logged

Tova

  • Methuselah's mentor
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 5,100
  • You're not the only one, no.
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1843 on: 19 Mar 2018, 02:44 »

Are you trying to needle us?
Logged
"There is no expedient to which a man will not resort to avoid the real labor of thinking." - Sir Joshua Reynolds (paraphrased)

Neko_Ali

Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1844 on: 19 Mar 2018, 06:56 »

I just don't see the point in it, is all.
Logged

Is it cold in here?

  • Administrator
  • Awakened
  • ******
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 20,020
  • He/him/his pronouns
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1845 on: 19 Mar 2018, 08:54 »

From which metal should you never make bearings?
(click to show/hide)

Are you positive?
Logged
"Non-compliance is a social skill"
Quote from: an unnamed minister's sermon
In your face, darkness!  We are the light and we outnumber you!

bhtooefr

  • Vulcan 3-D Chess Master
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3,811
  • ⌘-⌥-⌃-N
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1846 on: 20 Mar 2018, 05:07 »

From https://mst3k.interlinked.me/@luciferMysticus/99714024846293408:

Quote
Did you hear the one about the arctic birds who ate an entire marijuana field?

(click to show/hide)
Logged

bhtooefr

  • Vulcan 3-D Chess Master
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3,811
  • ⌘-⌥-⌃-N
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1847 on: 31 Mar 2018, 09:44 »

From this thread: https://mastodon.social/@Altruest/99371558880977280

Quote
What do you call it when somebody's kink is dressing up like trigonometric functions?

(click to show/hide)
Logged

Castlerook

Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1848 on: 31 Mar 2018, 10:07 »

I once had a book about medieval knights.

Then a page fell out.
Logged
Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart but I am street smart.", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I am imaginary smart."

SubaruStephen

  • Scrabble hacker
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1,299
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1849 on: 20 Apr 2018, 04:59 »

A French werewolf who knows everything about oils and greases:

He is a Lube Guru.
Logged
A "buttload" is an actual measurement, next time someone tells you that they need a buttload of something, tell them 126 gallons might be a bit too much.
Pages: 1 ... 35 36 [37] 38 39   Go Up