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Author Topic: Random Puns  (Read 344136 times)

Tova

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1800 on: 24 Aug 2017, 19:09 »

Dog to farmer: Here are all 30 sheep.
Farmer: But I count only 26.
Dog: I rounded them up.
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Yet the lies of Melkor, the mighty and the accursed, Morgoth Bauglir, the Power of Terror and of Hate, sowed in the hearts of Elves and Men are a seed that does not die and cannot be destroyed; and ever and anon it sprouts anew, and will bear dark fruit even unto the latest days. (Silmarillion 255)

zisraelsen

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1801 on: 24 Aug 2017, 19:14 »

It was a ruff estimate anyway.
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Zack is easier to type than Zisraelsen, so

Tova

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1802 on: 24 Aug 2017, 20:49 »

The farmer felt it was more of a paw estimate.
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Yet the lies of Melkor, the mighty and the accursed, Morgoth Bauglir, the Power of Terror and of Hate, sowed in the hearts of Elves and Men are a seed that does not die and cannot be destroyed; and ever and anon it sprouts anew, and will bear dark fruit even unto the latest days. (Silmarillion 255)

Tlaloc

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1803 on: 25 Aug 2017, 05:14 »

 :psyduck:
Are you barking?

Still better than the dog accountant who got six years for tax fraud. The judge was ruff in sentencing, and the defendant tried to get the ball thrown out of court.
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The point where Existentialist, Taoist and Buddhist thought meet is fascinating.

What goes on inside matters more than what goes on without? If the world beyond our skulls is a cypher that only we can provide meaning to & control is an illusion, what can we expect of ourselves or others?

Kugai

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1804 on: 25 Aug 2017, 15:46 »

What a heel
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James The Kugai 

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zisraelsen

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1805 on: 25 Aug 2017, 18:50 »

What, did you expect him to just roll over?
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Tlaloc

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1806 on: 29 Aug 2017, 00:17 »

This thread quacks me up.

*ducks thrown objects*

So I opened a nightclub. It was called erectile dysfunction.
It was a complete flop...
Nobody came...
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The point where Existentialist, Taoist and Buddhist thought meet is fascinating.

What goes on inside matters more than what goes on without? If the world beyond our skulls is a cypher that only we can provide meaning to & control is an illusion, what can we expect of ourselves or others?

Is it cold in here?

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1807 on: 29 Aug 2017, 06:33 »

Are people who worship antiperspirant Mennenites?
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Kugai

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1808 on: 29 Aug 2017, 16:21 »

I would say they're Armish   :claireface:
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James The Kugai 

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TheEvilDog

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1809 on: 29 Aug 2017, 17:08 »

Quick question.

Does anyone have any Ygrettes about Game of Thrones finishing for a year?
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Tlaloc

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1810 on: 29 Aug 2017, 23:45 »

Quick question.

Does anyone have any Ygrettes about Game of Thrones finishing for a year?

That's a wight good one...
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The point where Existentialist, Taoist and Buddhist thought meet is fascinating.

What goes on inside matters more than what goes on without? If the world beyond our skulls is a cypher that only we can provide meaning to & control is an illusion, what can we expect of ourselves or others?

Kugai

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1811 on: 30 Aug 2017, 18:01 »

It's gonna feel an Aeygon till next season
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James The Kugai 

You can never have too much Coffee.

TheEvilDog

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1812 on: 30 Aug 2017, 18:50 »

It does feel like they'll be Drogon this wait on for a bit, doesn't it?
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Tlaloc

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1813 on: 31 Aug 2017, 00:15 »

Aerys you Mad you have to wait? :psyduck:
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The point where Existentialist, Taoist and Buddhist thought meet is fascinating.

What goes on inside matters more than what goes on without? If the world beyond our skulls is a cypher that only we can provide meaning to & control is an illusion, what can we expect of ourselves or others?

Kugai

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1814 on: 31 Aug 2017, 15:28 »

Just so we don't Hound the Producers
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James The Kugai 

You can never have too much Coffee.

TheEvilDog

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1815 on: 31 Aug 2017, 16:07 »

I know there are people who'll climb a Mountain to get some info about season 8.
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bhtooefr

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1816 on: 31 Aug 2017, 18:19 »

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Is it cold in here?

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1817 on: 31 Aug 2017, 20:45 »

Is a suitcase made of leather carrion luggage?
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bhtooefr

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1819 on: 26 Sep 2017, 23:30 »

Why can't George R. R. Martin use Twitter?

Every time he tries, he kills all 140 characters.
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Method of Madness

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1820 on: 27 Sep 2017, 12:36 »

Now that Twitter allows 280 characters, maybe he'll finally release Winds of Winter to kill the rest?
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MR ARCHIVE-FU MADNESS
Does anybody really know what time it is?
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Blue Kitty

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1821 on: 05 Nov 2017, 16:57 »

Quote
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “you’re in here alot, are you an alcoholic?”
The horse ponders for a minute and responds “I don’t think I am”
And poof he disappears
This is where philosophy students start to snicker, as they are familiar with Descartes postulate, “I think, therefore I am.”
But telling you that first would be putting Descartes before the horse
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LTK

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1822 on: 16 Nov 2017, 11:03 »

Apparently Android phones have supported facial recognition unlocking for a while now, at least software side.

I could see myself using that.
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Quote from: snalin
I just got the image of a midwife and a woman giving birth swinging towards each other on a trapeze - when they meet, the midwife pulls the baby out. The knife juggler is standing on the floor and cuts the umbilical cord with a a knifethrow.

Akima

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1823 on: 19 Nov 2017, 21:58 »

I dislike the Blue's Point Tower.

It has so many flaws.
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cesium133

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1824 on: 19 Nov 2017, 22:07 »

I've forgotten where I've heard this one (it may have been in this thread...), but:

Why do so many crows get killed by trucks on the Massachusetts Turnpike? Because they only know how to say 'caw'.
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Tova

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1825 on: 19 Nov 2017, 22:19 »

I dislike the Blue's Point Tower.
It has so many flaws.

Yes, but really, I'm impressed it got built at all.

It was a tall order.
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Yet the lies of Melkor, the mighty and the accursed, Morgoth Bauglir, the Power of Terror and of Hate, sowed in the hearts of Elves and Men are a seed that does not die and cannot be destroyed; and ever and anon it sprouts anew, and will bear dark fruit even unto the latest days. (Silmarillion 255)

bhtooefr

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1826 on: 30 Nov 2017, 04:13 »

AMD missed an opportunity when they named Zen's interconnect protocol, Infinity Fabric.

They should've named it Infinity External Interface.

(click to show/hide)
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bhtooefr

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1827 on: 03 Dec 2017, 17:31 »

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Cornelius

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1828 on: 04 Dec 2017, 12:31 »

I dislike the Blue's Point Tower.

It has so many flaws.

This one took me far too long to get...
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Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul – and sings the tunes without the words – and never stops at all.

bhtooefr

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1829 on: 05 Dec 2017, 07:48 »

From https://cybre.space/users/viciousviscosity/statuses/99122226376439226:

Quote
Kleptomaniacs always take things; literally.
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bhtooefr

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1830 on: 06 Dec 2017, 04:12 »

From https://x0r.be/@iks/99122552717950680:

Quote
Avoid diseases like the plague.
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Welu

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bhtooefr

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1832 on: 19 Dec 2017, 14:44 »

From http://oppositelock.kinja.com/things-you-didnt-know-1821444507:

Did you know that job applications to Citroën have to be made in duplicate?

(click to show/hide)
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bhtooefr

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1833 on: 24 Dec 2017, 12:28 »

Seen in an IRC channel:

Quote
[15:25] <Mark_F> My band is called 1023MB. We haven't had a gig yet..
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Is it cold in here?

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1834 on: 24 Dec 2017, 15:21 »

Bees come back from scouting trips and inform the rest of the hive about routes to food.

Most large organizations depend on trust but a hive lives on constant bee trails.
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Akima

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1835 on: 02 Jan 2018, 14:08 »

It's the Game of Drones.
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"I would rather have questions that can't be answered, than answers that can't be questioned." Richard Feynman

bhtooefr

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1836 on: 18 Jan 2018, 04:30 »

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Akima

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1837 on: 18 Jan 2018, 16:27 »

I saw this online, and it made me laugh.

A guy goes to change his password, and enters BEEFSTEW.
(click to show/hide)
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bhtooefr

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1838 on: 19 Jan 2018, 03:04 »

From https://cronk.stenoweb.net/@calvin/99374568538190591:

Quote
when cleaning your printer, gently place it in the tub and use proper Epson salts
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Blue Kitty

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1839 on: 20 Jan 2018, 09:12 »

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cesium133

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1840 on: 07 Mar 2018, 09:20 »

[tweet]971411364894867456[/tweet]
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Akima

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1841 on: 17 Mar 2018, 03:17 »

From which metal should you never make bearings?
(click to show/hide)
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Ignominious

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1842 on: 19 Mar 2018, 02:35 »

I didn't know which direction you were taking that in.
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Tova

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1843 on: 19 Mar 2018, 02:44 »

Are you trying to needle us?
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Yet the lies of Melkor, the mighty and the accursed, Morgoth Bauglir, the Power of Terror and of Hate, sowed in the hearts of Elves and Men are a seed that does not die and cannot be destroyed; and ever and anon it sprouts anew, and will bear dark fruit even unto the latest days. (Silmarillion 255)

Neko_Ali

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1844 on: 19 Mar 2018, 06:56 »

I just don't see the point in it, is all.
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Is it cold in here?

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1845 on: 19 Mar 2018, 08:54 »

From which metal should you never make bearings?
(click to show/hide)

Are you positive?
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bhtooefr

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1846 on: 20 Mar 2018, 05:07 »

From https://mst3k.interlinked.me/@luciferMysticus/99714024846293408:

Quote
Did you hear the one about the arctic birds who ate an entire marijuana field?

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bhtooefr

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1847 on: 31 Mar 2018, 09:44 »

From this thread: https://mastodon.social/@Altruest/99371558880977280

Quote
What do you call it when somebody's kink is dressing up like trigonometric functions?

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TheEvilDog

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1848 on: 31 Mar 2018, 10:07 »

I once had a book about medieval knights.

Then a page fell out.
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SubaruStephen

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1849 on: 20 Apr 2018, 04:59 »

A French werewolf who knows everything about oils and greases:

He is a Lube Guru.
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A "buttload" is an actual measurement, next time someone tells you that they need a buttload of something, tell them 126 gallons might be a bit too much.
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