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Author Topic: Random Puns  (Read 412105 times)

Gnabberwocky

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #2000 on: 19 Oct 2020, 13:37 »
What's that? You only accept positive numbers between zero and one under your square root symbol? You won't take any other numbers? Isn't that...

...a little discriminant?

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N.N. Marf

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #2001 on: 10 Nov 2020, 06:22 »
Why are marine biology journals always headquartered near oceans?
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Quote from: Gyrre on 04 Dec 2020, 23:34
The glans, shaft, and testes had yet to be soldered together. (Probably due to Google.)
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All the criminals were gone

RedWolf4

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #2002 on: 11 Nov 2020, 05:29 »
Which popular Star Trek Next Generation character joined DS9 in season 4 again?

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Blue Kitty

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #2003 on: 05 Jan 2021, 19:16 »
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Akima

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #2004 on: 11 Jan 2021, 04:24 »
The WiFi password is LOWERCASE printed in upper-case... "Ceci n'est pas une pipe!"

Quote from: Gnabberwocky on 19 Oct 2020, 13:37
What's that? You only accept positive numbers between zero and one under your square root symbol?
Puns make me numb.
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Case

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #2005 on: 11 Jan 2021, 09:52 »
Quote from: Akima on 11 Jan 2021, 04:24
The WiFi password is LOWERCASE printed in upper-case... "Ceci n'est pas une pipe!"

Quote from: Gnabberwocky on 19 Oct 2020, 13:37
What's that? You only accept positive numbers between zero and one under your square root symbol?
Puns make me numb.
(click to show/hide)

Au lait!
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #2006 on: 14 Jan 2021, 02:29 »
[Because I'm a bastard who likes multi-layered puns...]

What did the mushroom wave to the Erlking with?
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:claireface: :clairedoge:
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Gyrre

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #2007 on: 18 Jan 2021, 08:22 »
Really, nobody?

Hyphae
Hi fae
High fae

Erlking is the king of the elves and is getting waved at.
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"Broken swords and dragon bones scattered on the way back home."

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RedWolf4

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #2008 on: 18 Jan 2021, 09:11 »
If you gotta explain it, you know you've sylphed up.
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #2009 on: 20 Jan 2021, 02:55 »
Quote from: RedWolf4 on 18 Jan 2021, 09:11
If you gotta explain it, you know you've sylphed up.

Fey-h

It was a big nerd joke.
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"Broken swords and dragon bones scattered on the way back home."

Too stubborn to die, just like the rest of my family.

Tova

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #2010 on: 20 Jan 2021, 23:56 »
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Yet the lies of Melkor, the mighty and the accursed, Morgoth Bauglir, the Power of Terror and of Hate, sowed in the hearts of Elves and Men are a seed that does not die and cannot be destroyed; and ever and anon it sprouts anew, and will bear dark fruit even unto the latest days. (Silmarillion 255)

Blue Kitty

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #2011 on: 02 Feb 2021, 18:42 »
A little late
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LTK

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #2012 on: 03 Feb 2021, 09:21 »
If you can't get enough of comics involving puns involving pop mythical characters then check out the artist's tumblr. They have found their niche and BY GOD do they own it.
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Quote from: snalin
I just got the image of a midwife and a woman giving birth swinging towards each other on a trapeze - when they meet, the midwife pulls the baby out. The knife juggler is standing on the floor and cuts the umbilical cord with a a knifethrow.

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #2013 on: 05 Feb 2021, 09:02 »
If someone rips off your underwear with their teeth, you could say you've received an oral debriefing.
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Quote from: snalin
I just got the image of a midwife and a woman giving birth swinging towards each other on a trapeze - when they meet, the midwife pulls the baby out. The knife juggler is standing on the floor and cuts the umbilical cord with a a knifethrow.

LeeC

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #2014 on: 12 Feb 2021, 22:19 »
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #2015 on: 15 Feb 2021, 21:49 »
Not original:

Where did the pirate's gold come from?

The arrrr! process.
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Tova

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #2016 on: 16 Feb 2021, 03:34 »
Then of course, there's always:

Why are pirates called pirates?

They just arrrrrr!
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Yet the lies of Melkor, the mighty and the accursed, Morgoth Bauglir, the Power of Terror and of Hate, sowed in the hearts of Elves and Men are a seed that does not die and cannot be destroyed; and ever and anon it sprouts anew, and will bear dark fruit even unto the latest days. (Silmarillion 255)

Farideh

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #2017 on: 16 Feb 2021, 12:10 »
What is a pirate’s favorite letter?


You might think it's Rrrrrrrrrr, but their first love is the C
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Pilchard123

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #2018 on: 16 Feb 2021, 12:24 »
Mods, can we get a Dislike button added as well?
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hedgie

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #2019 on: 16 Feb 2021, 12:38 »
More like a *groan* button, maybe.  I think that’s what the Clairedog is for, though.
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Case

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #2020 on: 16 Feb 2021, 16:07 »
Quote from: hedgie on 16 Feb 2021, 12:38
More like a *groan* button, maybe.  I think that’s what the Clairedog is for, though.

The Clairedog feels ... insufficient to the task, I have to admit.



*glares daggers into IICIH?, Tova and Farideh ...*

*Friggin DAGGERS! ...*

*FWI - I'm practising with longswords as well ...*
« Last Edit: 16 Feb 2021, 16:34 by Case »
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Akima

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #2021 on: 16 Feb 2021, 22:08 »
Longswords? I always think that Historical European Martial Arts (HEMA) missed out. They should have gone for Historical Ancient European Martial Arts or (HAEMA) for the blood magic.
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Case

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #2022 on: 17 Feb 2021, 05:32 »
Quote from: Akima on 16 Feb 2021, 22:08
Longswords? I always think that Historical European Martial Arts (HEMA) missed out. They should have gone for Historical Ancient European Martial Arts or (HAEMA) for the blood magic.

Akima, that was a horrible pun and you should be ashamed of it.

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #2023 on: 17 Feb 2021, 08:04 »
Quote from: Akima on 16 Feb 2021, 22:08
Longswords? I always think that Historical European Martial Arts (HEMA) missed out. They should have gone for Historical Ancient European Martial Arts or (HAEMA) for the blood magic.

No, the HAEMA is for when there's an accident and someone gets stabbed.
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Case

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #2024 on: 17 Feb 2021, 12:22 »
Quote from: Castlerook on 17 Feb 2021, 08:04
Quote from: Akima on 16 Feb 2021, 22:08
Longswords? I always think that Historical European Martial Arts (HEMA) missed out. They should have gone for Historical Ancient European Martial Arts or (HAEMA) for the blood magic.

No, the HAEMA is for when there's an accident and someone gets stabbed.

We ... are clear on the design purpose of a longsword, yes?

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Tova

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #2025 on: 25 Feb 2021, 03:01 »
Sally, having swallowed cheese,
Directs down holes the scented breeze,
Enticing thus with baited breath
Nice mice to an untimely death.
--Geoffrey Taylor
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Yet the lies of Melkor, the mighty and the accursed, Morgoth Bauglir, the Power of Terror and of Hate, sowed in the hearts of Elves and Men are a seed that does not die and cannot be destroyed; and ever and anon it sprouts anew, and will bear dark fruit even unto the latest days. (Silmarillion 255)

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #2026 on: 25 Feb 2021, 21:20 »
Did I post this already?

What is the most dangerous mountain on Earth? The Antimatterhorn.
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Tova

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #2027 on: 25 Feb 2021, 22:23 »
I did run a couple of searches before posting, because it did feel like something that would have already been posted here. But I didn’t find anything.
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Yet the lies of Melkor, the mighty and the accursed, Morgoth Bauglir, the Power of Terror and of Hate, sowed in the hearts of Elves and Men are a seed that does not die and cannot be destroyed; and ever and anon it sprouts anew, and will bear dark fruit even unto the latest days. (Silmarillion 255)

Gyrre

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #2028 on: 30 Mar 2021, 21:03 »
Q) What did the sleepy hillbilly's friends and family call him?
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"Broken swords and dragon bones scattered on the way back home."

Too stubborn to die, just like the rest of my family.

Gyrre

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #2029 on: 02 Apr 2021, 18:41 »
Quote from: Farideh on 16 Feb 2021, 12:10
What is a pirate’s favorite letter?


You might think it's Rrrrrrrrrr, but their first love is the C
Okay, I have to steal that one.
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Quote
a real-ass gaddam sword
Quote
"Broken swords and dragon bones scattered on the way back home."

Too stubborn to die, just like the rest of my family.

LeeC

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #2030 on: 04 Apr 2021, 19:13 »
France is the second largest consumer of manga after Japan. France is the land of the Ouibs.
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You see, there are still faint glimmers of civilization left in this barbaric slaughterhouse that was once known as humanity. Indeed that's what we provide in our own modest, humble, insignificant... oh, fuck it. - M. Gustave

cesium133

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #2031 on: 04 Apr 2021, 19:59 »
Did you hear that Russia made its own web browser? It's called Nyetscape.
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bhtooefr

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #2032 on: 04 Apr 2021, 20:03 »
Ooh, I get to pull out one I remember from the 1990s.

Did you hear that Netscape and Yahoo are merging? The new company will be called Netanyahu.
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #2033 on: 12 Apr 2021, 19:11 »
I imagined a piece of clickbait:

"Spice up your sex work business with this one weird trick!"
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Akima

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #2034 on: 29 Apr 2021, 17:10 »
Quote from: cesium133 on 04 Apr 2021, 19:59
Did you hear that Russia made its own web browser? It's called Nyetscape.
If you turn off the profanity-filter, it becomes Blyatscape.
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #2035 on: 29 Apr 2021, 20:36 »
I forget where I saw this. Might even have been here.

In Greek mythology, Chiron was a healer with the torso of a man and the lower body of a horse.

Did that make him the centaur for disease control?
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Farideh

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #2036 on: 29 Apr 2021, 20:46 »
I heard this one today during a company meeting:

"I was recently arrested for laughing loud while visiting Hawaii.
Apparently they only allow a low ha."
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #2037 on: 29 Apr 2021, 21:49 »
Quote from: Is it cold in here? on 29 Apr 2021, 20:36
I forget where I saw this. Might even have been here.

In Greek mythology, Chiron was a healer with the torso of a man and the lower body of a horse.

Did that make him the centaur for disease control?

Clearly he was unable to cure himself, because he constantly felt a little hoarse.
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #2038 on: 17 May 2021, 17:15 »
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Akima

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #2039 on: 10 Jun 2021, 05:59 »
What do you call an anti-vaxer who dresses up as an elderly housekeeper?
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Too good to not steal.
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Tova

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #2040 on: 02 Jul 2021, 19:41 »
Whiteboards are quite remarkable.
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Yet the lies of Melkor, the mighty and the accursed, Morgoth Bauglir, the Power of Terror and of Hate, sowed in the hearts of Elves and Men are a seed that does not die and cannot be destroyed; and ever and anon it sprouts anew, and will bear dark fruit even unto the latest days. (Silmarillion 255)

Tova

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #2041 on: 01 Sep 2021, 19:34 »
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Yet the lies of Melkor, the mighty and the accursed, Morgoth Bauglir, the Power of Terror and of Hate, sowed in the hearts of Elves and Men are a seed that does not die and cannot be destroyed; and ever and anon it sprouts anew, and will bear dark fruit even unto the latest days. (Silmarillion 255)

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #2042 on: 04 Sep 2021, 05:02 »
Heard this one during the reading of donations at the end of High Rollers: Aerois #122  'One Month Later' . Credit to MK13 wolf.

I was in Spain not to long ago, and I was staying in a lovely hotel in the middle of nowhere. I had a heart attack and I was luckily saved by a doctor who worked at the hotel. When I was released from hospital I went back to thank her. "Thank you for saving my life. I'm quite surprised that a doctor works at this place in the middle of nowhere."  She responded "Nobody expects the Spainish in-physician."
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Quote
a real-ass gaddam sword
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"Broken swords and dragon bones scattered on the way back home."

Too stubborn to die, just like the rest of my family.

Tova

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #2043 on: 11 Oct 2021, 01:58 »
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Yet the lies of Melkor, the mighty and the accursed, Morgoth Bauglir, the Power of Terror and of Hate, sowed in the hearts of Elves and Men are a seed that does not die and cannot be destroyed; and ever and anon it sprouts anew, and will bear dark fruit even unto the latest days. (Silmarillion 255)

LeeC

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #2044 on: 29 Oct 2021, 06:30 »
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German are all standing on a narrow sidewalk, watching a street performer do some excellent juggling. The juggler notices that the four people have a very poor view, so he stands up on a large wooden box and asks "Can you all see me better now?"

"Yes"
"Oui"
"Si"
"Ja"
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You see, there are still faint glimmers of civilization left in this barbaric slaughterhouse that was once known as humanity. Indeed that's what we provide in our own modest, humble, insignificant... oh, fuck it. - M. Gustave

Tova

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #2045 on: 07 Nov 2021, 03:38 »
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Yet the lies of Melkor, the mighty and the accursed, Morgoth Bauglir, the Power of Terror and of Hate, sowed in the hearts of Elves and Men are a seed that does not die and cannot be destroyed; and ever and anon it sprouts anew, and will bear dark fruit even unto the latest days. (Silmarillion 255)

Is it cold in here?

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #2046 on: 12 Nov 2021, 20:42 »
What do you call it when a union goes on strike in Ireland?

Celtic not-work.
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #2047 on: 09 Dec 2021, 11:04 »
Legolas walks into a bar. Gimli laughs.
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You see, there are still faint glimmers of civilization left in this barbaric slaughterhouse that was once known as humanity. Indeed that's what we provide in our own modest, humble, insignificant... oh, fuck it. - M. Gustave

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #2048 on: 09 Dec 2021, 11:40 »
I was digging through old boxes of stuff at work, and found a random page from a Spanish language newspaper from 2012. It’s kind of fascinating when you spot a pun in a language you barely understand…



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Tova

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #2049 on: 09 Dec 2021, 12:54 »
Páááááááááááá
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Yet the lies of Melkor, the mighty and the accursed, Morgoth Bauglir, the Power of Terror and of Hate, sowed in the hearts of Elves and Men are a seed that does not die and cannot be destroyed; and ever and anon it sprouts anew, and will bear dark fruit even unto the latest days. (Silmarillion 255)
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