Topic: QC Captions Vol. 125 (Read 11442 times)

iduguphergrave · « **on:** 28 Jul 2013, 13:10 »

Good afternoon, folks! FIRST:

May: Man, it looks like this job would be great if it weren't for the fuckin' customers.
Dale: I'm not even supposed to be here today!

Mr_Rose · « **Reply #1 on:** 28 Jul 2013, 13:26 »

May: "You wanna know something creepy? I can't feel touch, but my programming won't let me move through "solid" objects. It's like a weird sort of extremely specific temporary paralysis."
Dale: "Welcome to my financial situation…"

(Snarky alt. Dale: "Now you know how my bank account feels."
(Mega-snarky alt. Dale: "You whine just like my wallet does."))

MillionDollar Belt Sander · « **Reply #2 on:** 28 Jul 2013, 14:29 »

YELLINGMAID: "That was brutal. Have you ever considered a career in the coffee-service industry?"
DALE: "I was kicked out for unnecessary cruelty."

Spiff · « **Reply #3 on:** 28 Jul 2013, 14:55 »

May: "He looked cute. Why wouldn't you let him use your glasses?"

Dale: "And get charged for pimping a virtual AnthroPC? No, thanks!"

DSL · « **Reply #4 on:** 28 Jul 2013, 15:54 »

MAY: "All of this has happened before ... "
DALE: " ... But the question remains: Does all of this have to happen again?"

Is it cold in here? · « **Reply #5 on:** 28 Jul 2013, 18:33 »

Dickmouth Stinkface: "You shouldn't have told him where the burritos come from!"
Dale: "It was the right thing to do."

Sorflakne · « **Reply #6 on:** 28 Jul 2013, 19:00 »

May: ...But the worst part about them not giving me panties or anything else down there is that they didn't even render my legs after a few inches above the helmline of my skirt. I don't even have a butt! I'll never suffer butts disease!

Dale: Coulda fooled me.

K1dmor · « **Reply #7 on:** 28 Jul 2013, 19:37 »

May: How is it possible that all your clients are grumpy like you?
Dale: They know the rules...

Sign: "SMILING IS BAD FOR YOU".

Carl-E · « **Reply #8 on:** 28 Jul 2013, 19:42 »

May-ed: "How'd you know he was under age?"
Dale: "That's what the glasses are for."

Border Reiver · « **Reply #9 on:** 29 Jul 2013, 04:05 »

May: "I can't believe that did that."

Dale: "Nothing puts an ass into a real funk faster than a sincere "Have a nice day." You should try it sometime."

Zebediah · « **Reply #10 on:** 29 Jul 2013, 07:07 »

May: "You should have told him that you'd give him the cigarettes if he gave you a blow job."
Dale: "Hell no, May!"

Spiff · « **Reply #11 on:** 29 Jul 2013, 11:31 »

Quote from: Carl-E on 28 Jul 2013, 19:42

May-ed: "How'd you know he was under age?"
Dale: "That's what the glasses are for."

May: "How did you know that he already got his free burrito?"
Dale: "That's what the glasses are for."

DSL · « **Reply #12 on:** 29 Jul 2013, 13:37 »

Quote from: Spiff on 29 Jul 2013, 11:31

Quote from: Carl-E on 28 Jul 2013, 19:42
May-ed: "How'd you know he was under age?"
Dale: "That's what the glasses are for."
May: "How did you know that he already got his free burrito?"
Dale: "That's what the glasses are for."

MAY: "How did you know that's what the glasses are for?"
DALE: "The free burrito was under age."

iduguphergrave · « **Reply #13 on:** 29 Jul 2013, 16:01 »

ChaosWolf · « **Reply #14 on:** 29 Jul 2013, 16:49 »

Quote from: Sorflakne on 28 Jul 2013, 19:00

May: ...But the worst part about them not giving me panties or anything else down there is that they didn't even render my legs after a few inches above the helmline of my skirt. I don't even have a butt! I'll never suffer butts disease!

Dale: Coulda fooled me.

Ah, the joy of polygon-conservation. It's why when a robed gnome goes swimming in WoW, they appear hollow and see-through at certain angles. freakyyy.

Which means, if someone tried to get an upskirt shot, they'd just see the poster on the wall behind her.

Sorflakne · « **Reply #15 on:** 29 Jul 2013, 22:53 »

I haven't played WoW in years (except briefly last year to solo some old content (because hearing BY FIRE BE PURGED will never get old))...what's the game like now, more specifically, the community? I pretty much quit after cross-server made 5-mans hell to run if you weren't of a "ggogogogoogogogogogogogo!!!1" mentality.

~~cesariojpn~~ · « **Reply #16 on:** 30 Jul 2013, 02:52 »

May: Y'know, this is like that anime, Corner Store Wars, where Hiragama Mitsugishi has to protect his Brawlsons Franchise store from the upstarts of One-Seven and Square-Q, who undercut him by....
Dale: NOT HELPING.

Skewbrow · « **Reply #17 on:** 30 Jul 2013, 05:35 »

May: "I can't believe all these juveniles ask you for tips in getting their schlongs to grow to African-American dimensions. What are you packing actually? My boyfriend is piloting a spaceship somewhere, and I'm sure he's waving his tiny holodong at all the passing females. Show me yours!"

Dale: "No, May."

ChaosWolf · « **Reply #18 on:** 30 Jul 2013, 06:44 »

Quote from: Sorflakne on 29 Jul 2013, 22:53

I haven't played WoW in years (except briefly last year to solo some old content (because hearing BY FIRE BE PURGED will never get old))...what's the game like now, more specifically, the community? I pretty much quit after cross-server made 5-mans hell to run if you weren't of a "ggogogogoogogogogogogogo!!!1" mentality.

Eh, like everything else online, it has its share of dickbuckets. But, speaking from only my own personal experience, mind you, it seems most of those type of folks left - either they though Blizzard blew its lore wad after Cataclysm, they think pandas are too "cute" for Warcraft, or something else. Eh, their whys are not something I care enough to investigae.

DSL · « **Reply #19 on:** 30 Jul 2013, 06:57 »

Perhaps formatted like this, we have a winner:
MAY: "I haven't played WoW in years (except briefly last year to solo some old content (because hearing BY FIRE BE PURGED will never get old))...what's the game like now, more specifically, the community? I pretty much quit after cross-server made 5-mans hell to run if you weren't of a 'ggogogogoogogogogogogogo!!!1' mentality."
DALE: "Eh, like everything else online, it has its share of dickbuckets. But, speaking from only my own personal experience, mind you, it seems most of those type of folks left - either they though Blizzard blew its lore wad after Cataclysm, they think pandas are too 'cute' for Warcraft, or something else. Eh, their whys are not something I care enough to investigae."

Spiff · « **Reply #20 on:** 30 Jul 2013, 08:30 »

May: "Why wouldn't you let him say anything?"

Dale: "He's a red shirt. If he says something, he's dead within five minutes."

Thrudd · « **Reply #21 on:** 30 Jul 2013, 10:46 »

May: "Why are you not wearing pants?"

Dale: "............."

Carl-E · « **Reply #22 on:** 30 Jul 2013, 18:46 »

Quote from: Thrudd on 30 Jul 2013, 10:46

May: "Why are you not wearing pants?"

Dale: "DAAAAAAAANG, I knew I forgot something!"

RedWolf4 · « **Reply #23 on:** 31 Jul 2013, 05:26 »

Quote from: Thrudd on 30 Jul 2013, 10:46

May: "Why are you not wearing pants?"

Dale: "TO ESTABLISH DOMINANCE."

Border Reiver · « **Reply #24 on:** 31 Jul 2013, 09:21 »

Quote from: Thrudd on 30 Jul 2013, 10:46

May: "Why are you not wearing pants?"

Dale: "The pants haven't been made that can contain this magnificence."

alt.

Dale: "'Cause Ah'm wearin' ma kilt woman!"

DSL · « **Reply #25 on:** 31 Jul 2013, 10:51 »

MAY: "So ... What's worn under that kilt?"
DALE "Nothin'! It's all in perfect workin' order!"

PintsizeForPresident · « **Reply #26 on:** 31 Jul 2013, 10:56 »

DALE: What's with him?
MAY: How the hell should *I* know? I just sent fake pictures of his girlfriend having sex with four well-hung dudes to his cell phone.

iduguphergrave · « **Reply #27 on:** 31 Jul 2013, 17:00 »

NEW IMAGE:

BAM

Mr_Rose · « **Reply #28 on:** 31 Jul 2013, 18:34 »

Amir: "Well, what do you think of that then?"
Marten: "I think we just proved that I was right the first time; threesomes sound great on paper but in reality they're just messy and awkward."
Hannelore: "Talking of awkward, who let Pintsize in?"

Zebediah · « **Reply #29 on:** 31 Jul 2013, 18:39 »

Amir: "No spiders straight ahead!"
Marten: "No spiders on the ceiling either."
Hannelore: "Uh, guys, about the floor..."

SageJiraiya · « **Reply #30 on:** 31 Jul 2013, 18:50 »

Amir: "hey hanners, what did you used to do with trash in space?"
Marten: "why must you bring up TRASH, of all things?"
Hannelore: "we usually just ejected it out of the station for somebody else to deal with...."

Sorflakne · « **Reply #31 on:** 31 Jul 2013, 20:47 »

Amir: So have you thought about getting a companion AI?
Marten: No, Pintsize is enough. I shudder to think of what he and a companion that only I can see would get up to.
Hanners: I'm still finding baby Roomba droppings in my apartment. And I never did find Winslow...

DSL · « **Reply #32 on:** 01 Aug 2013, 05:31 »

AMIR: "Ten years! Does it seem to you as though it's been ten years?"
MARTEN: "Every. Goddamn. Day."
HANNERS: "I experience time at differing rates depending on my medications ... are you guys SURE you're real?"

cesium133 · « **Reply #33 on:** 01 Aug 2013, 06:00 »

Amir: "Dude, that's easy. Dora-Faye-Raven three-way."
Marten: "I'd rather do something easier, like curing cancer or eating the moon."
Hanners: "I ate some moon rocks once. It wasn't worth the gastrointestinal effects."

WAYF · « **Reply #34 on:** 01 Aug 2013, 08:08 »

She ate moon rocks?? I thought that even BREATHING moon dust was DEADLY.
So it is.

Why, the chances of surviving actually INGESTING moon rocks must be...

...gastronomical.

WontGetFooledAgain.wav

kelpy · « **Reply #35 on:** 01 Aug 2013, 08:12 »

Quote from: Zebediah on 31 Jul 2013, 18:39

Amir: "No spiders straight ahead!"
Marten: "No spiders on the ceiling either."
Hannelore: "Uh, guys, about the floor..."

"no poop straight ahead"
"no poop on the ceiling either"
"uh, guys, about the floor..."

alt

"no butts straight ahead (dammit)"
"no butts on the ceiling either (where do you have to look to find butts these days?)"
"uh... Marten, can we trade?"

Thrudd · « **Reply #36 on:** 01 Aug 2013, 08:46 »

Amir: "That is one tall dude."
Marten: "His hair is brushing the hall ceiling.."
Hannelore: (mumbling) " Shoe Size Y equals Height divided by 4, subtract 33.4 then add 5 and divide bye two ".... *blush*

specter177 · « **Reply #37 on:** 01 Aug 2013, 13:27 »

Quote from: WAYF on 01 Aug 2013, 08:08

She ate moon rocks?? I thought that even BREATHING moon dust was DEADLY.
So it is.

Why, the chances of surviving actually INGESTING moon rocks must be...

...gastronomical.

WontGetFooledAgain.wav

According to that link, it's the breathing it part that's deadly. The rocks aren't actually poisonous, so eating it probably wouldn't hurt. Except for the fact that you're eating rocks.

DSL · « **Reply #38 on:** 01 Aug 2013, 17:19 »

AMIR: "Oh man, I didn't think I was going to make it."
MARTEN: "I know, right? Can't hold the PBR the way I used to ... Uh, Hanners? What are you doing in here?"
HANNERS: "Well, I was going to wash my hands, but never mind. Don't worry. I'm used to it by now."

jwhouk · « **Reply #39 on:** 01 Aug 2013, 17:57 »

Now that, sir, is a callback.

Carl-E · « **Reply #40 on:** 01 Aug 2013, 19:45 »

Quote from: DSL on 01 Aug 2013, 17:19

Can't hold the PBR the way I used to

There's a reason for that...

The only beer we sell in a 24 oz can. There are others that make 'em that big, but not many, and most are obscure.

I know, there are those damn 40 oz bottles of malt liquor - not the same thing.

Reminds me of the old Foster's "Oil cans" we used to get when I was young...

DSL · « **Reply #41 on:** 01 Aug 2013, 22:23 »

It's glowing. Why is it glowing?

RedWolf4 · « **Reply #42 on:** 02 Aug 2013, 04:54 »

Heh, Fosters beer. . . .

ankhtahr · « **Reply #43 on:** 02 Aug 2013, 08:16 »

Heh, this is what you can go for if you want cheaper beer in greater amounts here:

These cans are 1 litre cans. Danish brewery which is known only for these big cans in Germany.

DSL · « **Reply #44 on:** 02 Aug 2013, 11:28 »

AMIR: "Cansssssss"
MARTEN: "Yes. The big cannssssss"
HANNERS: "Yessssssss."

FunkyTuba · « **Reply #45 on:** 02 Aug 2013, 13:39 »

May: Cmon...it's not like giving him cigarettes will affect anyone we know?
Dale: This is a small town, everything comes around to you eventually.
Kid: DAMMIT... now Sam'll NEVER make out with me...

Zebediah · « **Reply #46 on:** 02 Aug 2013, 16:27 »

Quote from: DSL on 02 Aug 2013, 11:28

AMIR: "Cansssssss"
MARTEN: "Yes. The big cannssssss"
HANNERS: "Yessssssss."

Yessss. It winnnnsss.

Skewbrow · « **Reply #47 on:** 03 Aug 2013, 05:41 »

Quote from: DSL on 01 Aug 2013, 22:23

It's glowing. Why is it glowing?

It's a gleam in the eye of the (be)holder. Or a reflection of an angelic halo from a church across the street. Or some strange fallout from the nuclear power plant across the river...

But you won the thread. Your cans are going crazy.

~~GarandMarine~~ · « **Reply #48 on:** 03 Aug 2013, 05:57 »

Quote from: DSL on 31 Jul 2013, 10:51

MAY: "So ... What's worn under that kilt?"
DALE "Nothin'! It's all in perfect workin' order!"

I have USED that line IRL.

iduguphergrave · « **Reply #49 on:** 03 Aug 2013, 07:55 »

Yes, DSL is our king

THESE FORUMS NOW CLOSED (read only)

Author Topic: QC Captions Vol. 125 (Read 11442 times)