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[Thomas Edison]

Previously on Time Travelling Buddy Cop Detectives

It's that time of the year again. You've left it up until the last moment to go out and buy that significant person in your life a present for their birthday. You happen to know that their favourite store in the world ever closes in five minutes, and that the only way you're going to stay in their good book is to burst in dramatically at the last second, throw your wallet/purse at the startled person behind the till and make a swipe for that awesome thing your significant person reeeeealllly wants. Unfortunately, fate has other plans.

As you approach the store at a pace halfway between frantic and feverish, you notice something ghastly separates you from your goal.



But you've played this game before. You can be reckless when you want to be, and you've never let some fancy sign dictate your life before. Why start now?

You look to your left as you step out into the road, confident that your path to redemption is clear.

Annnnd then you look to your right.



Bugger.

Your world goes black.

You hear car doors open. Two distinct voices follow; one speaks with a strong Finnish accent. You instantly feel attracted towards the man this voice belongs to. The other voice is distinctly British, but sounds as though it is being spoken through an AutoTuned microphone.

Then the world goes blacker...




Hours later, you awaken as the car you're in lurches to a halt. As your groggy mind begins to process exactly what is happening, you find yourself hauled by the scruff of your neck out the door and placed onto a gravel driveway. You open your eyes and see a pleasant, not at all foreboding manor before you.



I'm telling you Edison, bringing them with us is a mistake.

You swivel on the spot to face a man quite unlike any other you've encountered before. His odour drips with masculinity, your ears and loins (but mostly your ears) tell you that he is the owner of the finest Finnish accent in existence. You have a feeling you've seen him somewhere before, but you can't quite place your finger on it until you turn to face his friend and come face to face with a fucking lion.

Hey, I'm not the one that splattered half their innards across the middle of town. We didn't have time to get them to the hospital, sort this out and make our dinner reservations all in one day.

Alright, but if they die you're paying for my meal.


And then it hits you. These two men are none other than the legendary Time Travelling Buddy Cop Detectives. You were raised on the tales of Dollface and Edison, their countless adventures of maiming bad folk and rescuing sexy wenches.

Here you find yourself stood next to the two bravest heroes history has to offer.

You lucky son of a gun, you.





You are about to enter a quest to save the nation of France from the clutches of the Society for Dastardly Gentlemen.

Will you hang around the entrance of the villainous driveway and ask for an explanation of just what the fuck is happening here?

Or will you plough on and burst through the front door of the hideout, all guns blazing just like in the stories your alcoholic father used to tell you?

Or perhaps you will bring a touch of class to the proceedings and find a more subtle way into the lair?

There are no limits to your options here, hero.

Except for the limits of your imagination.






And my photoshop skills.

[Lunchbox]

I ask if I can have a drink please.

[Thomas Edison]

I, uh... Well. I suppose it is the least we could do.

Edison proceeds to pop the trunk of the Red Bull rally car. From it he pulls a thermos.

You have gained hot chocolate to your inventory.

[Tom]

But the hot chocolate is too hot to drink. Dissatisfied and thirsty, you return the hot chocolate to your inventory to cool.

"So, how long has this lair been here, maybe we could breach it... from the past!?"

[Thomas Edison]

It was built in 1863 by Stonewall Jackson and Karl Marx.

Their defences would be considerably weaker back then. Once inside we could then fast forward to the day they brought the Eiffel Tower here. I think it's a wise choice, Dollface.

Make it so, Edison.

Before you have time to think of the consequences, the two Buddy Cop Detectives grab your wrists.

Technically, we're banned from doing this since Dollface went back in time and became the Chief Inspector's father. But that's just one of the hazards of the job, really.
 
In a bright flash you find yourself spinning through a colourful vortex. You whizz past countless clocks, odd blue boxes and stoners in phone booths before landing with a thud in the same spot you were in before.

Except something is noticeably different...

Everything's in sepia now.




In front of the entrance to the manor, you see two men happily painting the door and laughing to themselves quite dastardly. You also happen to notice a small pathway that leads around the back of the building.

[Thomas Edison]

As you draw closer, one of the gentlemen places his brush back into a bucket and taps his friend on the shoulder.

You find yourself before a freshly varnished door.



Can we help you?

The two men in front of you are none other than Stonewall Jackson and Karl Marx.

Beyond them, inside the building, you can hear loud music, drunken banter and the sounds of frivolous youth.

You also notice the pistol in Jackson's gun belt, and his hand steadily hovering by it.

[pwhodges]

Nevertheless, I face them calmly and say: "I am a representative of the plumbing company, here to check that the installation of our revolutionary and new-fangled toilet system is satisfactory" - hoping that this gambit will gain me entrance to the building and some freedom to move around it.

[Thomas Edison]

Jackson's hand moves closer towards his pistol, but Karl places a firm hand on his shoulder.


Finally! Monet's been drinking since yesterday and he's managed to cause the damned thing to flood itself. It's down the corridor, past the billiard room and on your right.

The co-founder of Marxism carefully opens the door, ensuring he doesn't get varnish over his stylish clothes.

As the door shuts behind you, you find yourself in a bland hallway.



The first door to your right is labelled "Sitting Room". You can hear nothing beyond this door.

The second door is labelled "Billiard Room", this is where all the commotion is coming from. Various drunken voices shout and sing the traditional Russian song Kalinka loudly.

Beyond that is the toilet. Murky brown water is running out from under the door.

The fourth and final door has no sign on it at all, but is made from blackened steel and has a giant padlock upon it.

There's also a set of stairs leading upwards. Somebody has placed a velvet rope barrier in front of them to prevent access (because clearly nobody can ever get past velvet rope barriers).

[Tom]

You quickly glance around, seeing no one other than your impossibly sexy, time traveling buddies. "Nothing ventured..." you sigh as you surreptisiously un lasp the velvet rope from one post and attach it to the next.

[Dollface]

Thomas i trust you can take care few minutes of them while i go and get somethings from local gunsmith cause i didnt stock ammunition on this trip so i just have six shot in my six shot so i go and get ourself some hardware cause i noticed this add on old news paper.