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Marten's the only dude unhappier after a ONS.

2 (3.8%)

Not make it sound completely hopeless?

0 (0%)

"I got some booty, I got some booty"

16 (30.8%)

"It involves putting on fancy clothes and getting wicked drunk"

3 (5.8%)

You used "wicked" as an intensifier. You're officially a New Englander now.

6 (11.5%)

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

3 (5.8%)

Claire asks if something's wrong: hooked up with a friend of Tai's...

2 (3.8%)

Took a class on sexuality 3rd year undergrad; not be judgmental about casual sex

1 (1.9%)

I'M NOT JUDGING YOU (Okay! Okay!)

7 (13.5%)

Can't imagine meeting somebody and SLEEPING with them RIGHT AWAY.

1 (1.9%)

"Hey player! How'd things go with D?" (Oh, uh, good. Good) "Fist bump."

1 (1.9%)

"Tai put a lot of work into her float. I didn't have the heart to tell her the parade is rained out."

3 (5.8%)

Angus: "We're going out for beers tonight."

0 (0%)

Who's "we"? You and me.

0 (0%)

And me! (Wha-) I got BRO SENSE.

6 (11.5%)

All right, all right. I'm here picking up a book for my girl.

1 (1.9%)

Total Members Voted: 49

[FunkyTuba]

Marten obviously needs to start a webcomic.

[Zebediah]

About a guy named Jeph and his guitar collection.

[Kugai]

There's a song in that.

[Shjade]

His answer is meant to, and successfully does, deceive her. Things like specifically answering part of her inquiry in a manner that'll be interpreted as directed at the whole would definitely be a technicality.

Which does not, by default, mean he is "in the wrong." Tai's a friend, but she is in no way owed this information about his personal life. He has a right to tell her whatever he wants; if he doesn't want to tell her the truth, that's perfectly fine. He's not doing the wrong thing by some objective measure in making that decision.

If they were in some kind of committed relationship that would be another story. They're not.

[Thrillho]

I hate Dogma.

[Mr_Rose]

I hate Dogma.

Why?
I assume you mean the film since you capitalised it; if you just meant dogma in general though, I probably concur: it's simply too easy to use it as an excuse to do or not do almost anything, up to and including genocide.

[Method of Madness]

I'd also like to know why.

[cesariojpn]

Tai is happier about Marten's random hookup than Marten is. 

She hit it previously.

[Method of Madness]

If that's the case, they've now both fucked each other by proxy.

[Loki]

If fucking by proxy is a thing, then I have certainly fucked *counts* ...a lot of people.

Some more thoughts: If you have sex with someone who has sex with a lot of people by proxy, and then you stop having sex with that person, are you still fucking all the other people by proxy?  Even if you have no sex at all? Or are you... unfucking all the people?

[judemorrigan]

No siblings?

Is not this the carpenter, the son of Mary, the brother of James, and Joses, and of Juda, and Simon? and are not his sisters here with us? And they were offended at him.

It's not unequivocable that adelphios in this context necessary means full siblings and not half-siblings or cousins.  This is an old, old, old debate.

[Valdís]

Which does not, by default, mean he is "in the wrong."

Actually it does mean he's in the wrong. Because the claim that it technically wasn't deceitful came from Method. So he's wrong. I never talked about the thing you're on about at all. Nor anything about the morality or need for honesty in any particular situation.

[Method of Madness]

If fucking by proxy is a thing, then I have certainly fucked *counts* ...a lot of people.

Some more thoughts: If you have sex with someone who has sex with a lot of people by proxy, and then you stop having sex with that person, are you still fucking all the other people by proxy?  Even if you have no sex at all? Or are you... unfucking all the people?

You're only proxy-fucking the people they've had sex with before you have sex with them. Tai and Dora getting together meant Tai fucked Marten by proxy, but not vice versa, at least until Delilah (and that's assuming Tai and Delilah do have a history of any kind). Not that this matters, mind you.

(click to show/hide)

If fucking by proxy is an actual thing, mind you, I've still only fucked one person. I know, how boring of me

[aphanisis81]

I hate Dogma.

Me too. Why? Five words.

Kevin "My Films Suck" Smith.

His films are so goddamn bad. Clerks is amusing, and the fact that he nearly beggared himself to get it made is kinda neat, but wow, it does NOT hold up to repeated viewings. Have you watched it recently? That dialogue, good lord. Has anyone ever failed so spectacularly at trying that hard to be a north Jersey Tarantino? Christ.

Everything after Clerks? Same shit, bigger budget. If you found Chasing Amy moving or legitimately affective, please go read a Nicholas Sparks novel, pretend there's a squeaky-voiced lesbian in it, and leave it at that. That final "we have to have a threesome" speech was the dumbest thing ever, and you could tell Smith thought it was comparable to Act III Scene I of motherfucking Hamlet.

Oh, and of course, Smith himself as Silent Bob opens his stupid mouth to deliver a soliloquy about how a girl he liked got away. La-dee-da, join the club, dickhead. You think that stupid character actually saying something is deep? Maybe if he was actually developed as a character up to that point instead of just being a mute manifestation of your ego. But of course, you treat that moment like your fans have just been dying to see it. Like it's on par with when we finally get to see Yoda throw down with a light saber. But I guess it's better than in Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back, where you spend the whole movie making up for your lack of dialogue by mugging for the camera like some 5th-rate silent film reject.

Speaking of, Smith, the whole Star Was fascination thing is stupid. Star Wars is the most overrated thing ever, and only arrested development limpdicks fetishize it. Oh wait, I just described all of your characters.

There's more believable human feeling from a single panel of an early QC strip than in that man's whole oeuvre. Oh hey, and did you know that he's fat and was once insulted by an airline? Cry me a river, you hack.

[Thrillho]

I hate Dogma.

Why?
I assume you mean the film since you capitalised it; if you just meant dogma in general though, I probably concur: it's simply too easy to use it as an excuse to do or not do almost anything, up to and including genocide.

- Central actress doesn't act. She is a plank of wood. She is irritating.
- HI! I'M CHRIS ROCK! I'M HERE TO BURP UP HUGE PILES OF EXPOSITION BECAUSE THIS STORY IS STUPIDLY COMPLEX AND THE GUY WRITING IT ISN'T COMPETENT ENOUGH TO FILL IN THE GAPS!
- Seriously, a shit demon?
- The film deliberately seeks to offend basically everyone, which is just a dick move. I don't find it offensive or blasphemous - I find it irritating because it thinks it's both of those things, but worse yet, thinks that makes it clever.

[jwhouk]

Marten obviously needs to start a webcomic.

About a guy named Jeph and his guitar collection.

There's a song in that.

This is so meta.

EDIT: Oh, and I heartily agree with Gareth and aphanisis81. Kevin Smith inhales voluminously.

[aphanisis81]

Marten obviously needs to start a webcomic.

About a guy named Jeph and his guitar collection.

There's a song in that.

This is so meta.

EDIT: Oh, and I heartily agree with Gareth and aphanisis81. Kevin Smith inhales voluminously.

Thanks, man. I've gone back and added on to that post like 7 times in the last half hour. I just keep thinking of more things to hate about him.

[Thrillho]

For what it's worth, I don't hate Kevin Smith's work in general, I just hate Dogma. I've mixed feelings on the majority of Smith's work.

[aphanisis81]

For what it's worth, I don't hate Kevin Smith's work in general, I just hate Dogma. I've mixed feelings on the majority of Smith's work.

I don't know if you could tell, but my feeling on the majority of Smith's work is that it sucks.

[Method of Madness]

I hate Kevin Smith, Star Wars and Arrested Development

Well, ok then. I didn't like Chasing Amy, and it's been ages since I've seen Clerks, but everything else in the Askewniverse has been solid or better. (I'll never understand the Mallrats hate.)

Gareth, your Dogma criticisms are valid (especially the shit-demon...yeesh). I still love it though, and that's fine.

[Thrillho]

For what it's worth, I don't hate Kevin Smith's work in general, I just hate Dogma. I've mixed feelings on the majority of Smith's work.

I don't know if you could tell, but my feeling on the majority of Smith's work is that it sucks.

I'm not sure that was necessary to restate. Your post was pretty clear cut on that particular score.

I mean I was all set to file it under 'indifferent towards Martin Scorsese,' but then I had a quick re-read and realised 'hates Kevin Smith' was the correct category after all.

[aphanisis81]

I hate Kevin Smith, Star Wars and Arrested Development

Well, ok then. I didn't like Chasing Amy, and it's been ages since I've seen Clerks, but everything else in the Askewniverse has been solid or better. (I'll never understand the Mallrats hate.)

Gareth, your Dogma criticisms are valid (especially the shit-demon...yeesh). I still love it though, and that's fine.

I don't know where that so-called quotation came from, but I didn't say that. I hate Kevin Smith's films, I think Star Wars is stupid but I wouldn't say I hate it, and I have no opinion on Arrested Development the television program.

[aphanisis81]

For what it's worth, I don't hate Kevin Smith's work in general, I just hate Dogma. I've mixed feelings on the majority of Smith's work.

I don't know if you could tell, but my feeling on the majority of Smith's work is that it sucks.

I'm not sure that was necessary to restate. Your post was pretty clear cut on that particular score.

I mean I was all set to file it under 'indifferent towards Martin Scorsese,' but then I had a quick re-read and realised 'hates Kevin Smith' was the correct category after all.

I'll be totally honest, it started off as just a blithe "yeah, Kevin Smith, Dogma, meh" kind of post, and then it turned into this fugue-state writing exercise. I'm pretty happy with it.

[Method of Madness]

but I didn't say that

Not in those words, no. But anyway, we're getting off topic. Feel free to take this to ENJOY.

[aphanisis81]

but I didn't say that

Not in those words, no. But anyway, we're getting off topic. Feel free to take this to ENJOY.

On-topic: Tai proffering a fist bump as congratulations for Marten's successful booty-getting (even if she doesn't know he's unhappy about it; dramatic irony!!!) is the cutest thing.

[Thrillho]

I met my best friend via a post-fuck high five. Complicated story.

[aphanisis81]

I met my best friend via a post-fuck high five. Complicated story.

Well I hope you write creative non-fiction, because that's what we teachers of that genre call a kick-ass hook.

[Thrillho]

One night after sleeping with the girl who would eventually become my wife (and is soon becoming my ex-wife, thank fuck) she was texting a friend of hers about me. We realised he did the same course as me at university (this is like two weeks into the first semester) and when she described him to me I was convinced I knew who she was referring to. I told her to text him that I would offer him a post-fuck high-five in the lecture theatre next time I saw him, presuming I was right about who it was. I did just that, I was right about who he was and we've been best friends for six years now.

[hedgie]

Gareth, your Dogma criticisms are valid (especially the shit-demon...yeesh). I still love it though, and that's fine.

Is it really any worse than Pintesize's cock golem? 

Personally, I found Dogma the sort of film that is enjoyable *once*.  I could set aside my need to pick it apart that first time, but the second time I tried watching it, I just couldn't.

[Is it cold in here?]

but I didn't say that

Not in those words, no. But anyway, we're getting off topic. Feel free to take this to ENJOY.

On-topic: Tai proffering a fist bump as congratulations for Marten's successful booty-getting (even if she doesn't know he's unhappy about it; dramatic irony!!!) is the cutest thing.

Now Emily will tell everyone she saw Tai fisting Marten.

[cesariojpn]

I hate Dogma.

Why?
I assume you mean the film since you capitalised it; if you just meant dogma in general though, I probably concur: it's simply too easy to use it as an excuse to do or not do almost anything, up to and including genocide.

- Central actress doesn't act. She is a plank of wood. She is irritating.
- HI! I'M CHRIS ROCK! I'M HERE TO BURP UP HUGE PILES OF EXPOSITION BECAUSE THIS STORY IS STUPIDLY COMPLEX AND THE GUY WRITING IT ISN'T COMPETENT ENOUGH TO FILL IN THE GAPS!
- Seriously, a shit demon?
- The film deliberately seeks to offend basically everyone, which is just a dick move. I don't find it offensive or blasphemous - I find it irritating because it thinks it's both of those things, but worse yet, thinks that makes it clever.

You could've just said "Alanis Morrosette" and get to the point. How she managed to get a recording deal with that voice is beyond me.

[K1dmor]

Now Emily will tell everyone she saw Tai fisting Marten.

 

[Gryphon]

Hadn't read QC since comic #2550 so was good to binge :p
Noooooooooo now it's only one a day
I love Dogma.

[mustang6172]

Well. By all accounts Jesus was a regular man. Abstaining is not the same as lacking. He also had a marketable trade skill (very successful carpenter under his "step father" Joeseph) which Marten could probably stand to gain. Not that music, library science and drinking coffee are unworthy.

I was thinking that Marten could make some money by giving guitar lessons.  I'm not sure what his major was, but he might not make a terrible music teacher.

[Zwammy]

Now Emily will tell everyone she saw Tai fisting Marten.

Marten better hope that doesn't get back to Pintsize, or Pintsize might get one of those Hulk-fists from the local novelty store and jack Marten up in the middle of the night.

[Method of Madness]

I hate Dogma.

Why?
I assume you mean the film since you capitalised it; if you just meant dogma in general though, I probably concur: it's simply too easy to use it as an excuse to do or not do almost anything, up to and including genocide.

- Central actress doesn't act. She is a plank of wood. She is irritating.
- HI! I'M CHRIS ROCK! I'M HERE TO BURP UP HUGE PILES OF EXPOSITION BECAUSE THIS STORY IS STUPIDLY COMPLEX AND THE GUY WRITING IT ISN'T COMPETENT ENOUGH TO FILL IN THE GAPS!
- Seriously, a shit demon?
- The film deliberately seeks to offend basically everyone, which is just a dick move. I don't find it offensive or blasphemous - I find it irritating because it thinks it's both of those things, but worse yet, thinks that makes it clever.

You could've just said "Alanis Morrosette" and get to the point. How she managed to get a recording deal with that voice is beyond me.

What's funny is if you hate her voice you should love that movie.

(click to show/hide)

She plays God, and if a mortal hears her voice their head fucking explodes.

[jwhouk]

You could've just said "Alanis Morissette" and get to the point. How she managed to get a recording deal with that voice is beyond me.

Some guys just fall for Canadian accents, eh?

Besides, she was cute in YCDTOTV.

[celticgeek]

Bros, bros, bros.  And beer.

[jwhouk]

I love the look Angus and Marten give Steve in that penultimate panel. It's the "You gotta be ####ing me" look.

[jwhouk]

A POLL REDUX

Merry Marigold    6 (13%)
Moping Marten    4 (8.7%)
Dancin' Dale    3 (6.5%)
Astute Angus    2 (4.3%)
Fierce Faye    1 (2.2%)
Dreamy Dora    2 (4.3%)
Talky Tai    0 (0%)
Pornographic Pintsize    1 (2.2%)
Cybernetic Clinton    0 (0%)
Clairey Claire    15 (32.6%) ... and she is TOTALLY NOT JUDGING YOU! if you didn't vote for her.
Wonderful Waffles    2 (4.3%)
Spacey Spathe Ham    0 (0%)
Purpley Monkey Dishwashers    1 (2.2%)
Seriously Elsewise    2 (4.3%)
Eerie Emily    7 (15.2%)

Total Members Voted: 46

[Rghfrgl]

Aww, Claire's done slut shaming Marten.

[Method of Madness]

For now.

[Is it cold in here?]

Marten was going to be giving Natasha guitar lessons, so he's got some experience. He certainly has the patience.

[Loki]

I spent a minute or so looking for differences between Marten&Angus in the last and Marten&Angus in the second-to-last panel.

So far, I've got:
* texture on Angus' hair
* his muttonchop (had to look that word up) is slightly different
* Marten has a slightly different clavicular line below his neck

But the most subtle and yet effective change? Both of their eyes are more closed by a few pixels. Yet their expressions look drastically different. Fascinating.

[Drunken Old Man]

Is going out and getting boozed up really these guys' answer for EVERYTHING?

Yes, given my username, I AM aware of a certain irony to the above.

[KOK]

If that's the case, they've now both fucked each other by proxy.

Is that a thing?

It brings back a memory of a word that I have never heard, and seen in print only once. In a novel I read many years ago, one character asks another if they are now "hulsvogre".

"Svogre" is plural of "svoger" meaning brother-in-law. "Hul" means hole. A sweedism perhaps? The novel was translated from Swedish. Is that a thing?

[Monkey Says Yes]

Fist bump, Celtic Geek!  It's always good to see Steve.

And Dogma's a solid flick.  Jason Lee, Alan Rickman, George Carlin - all fun roles.  And Janeane Garafalo, too!  Yeah, the shit demon was kinda lame, but I love Jason Lee's air-con line:  "No pleasure, no rapture, no exquisite sin greater... than central air."

[Method of Madness]

Is that a thing?

No, not really.

[Shjade]

If that's the case, they've now both fucked each other by proxy.

Is that a thing?

Only for Kevin Bacon.

[snubnose]

A POLL REDUX

I really want to know why these poll summaries are always already up when I open the comic in the morning.

My votes are never counted.