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Author Topic: The (lightheaded) Headlines Thread  (Read 3247 times)

Pilchard123

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The (lightheaded) Headlines Thread
« on: 04 May 2014, 11:15 »
Less serious than the one in DISCUSS, how about collecting favourite headlines and news snippets - real or made up - in here? I'll start with one from the Two Ronnies.

Later tonight, new details of the London bullion robbery. At Wandsworth police station, a man who's as deaf as a post and doesn't speak English, with a terrible stutter, bad breath and squeaky shoes is not helping police with their enquiries one bit.
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Redball

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Re: The (lightheaded) Headlines Thread
« Reply #1 on: 04 May 2014, 13:15 »
In 1962, this headline and subhead in the Battle Creek (MI) Enquirer and News seemed hilarious:

Girl Scout
cookie sale
to begin

1,900 youngsters
to peddle boxes


And a decade later, on a back page in the Daily Tribune of Royal Oak (MI):

Senator beats off, fingers assailants
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Loki

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Re: The (lightheaded) Headlines Thread
« Reply #2 on: 04 May 2014, 15:15 »
The fact that both threads have the same title in the "view unrecent posts" tab confused me to no end, so I took the liberty to distiguish it.
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Zebediah

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Re: The (lightheaded) Headlines Thread
« Reply #3 on: 04 May 2014, 15:32 »
A very recent headline that my wife saw - the writer must have been VERY proud of this one:

SILVER POUNDS STERLING
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Detachable Felix

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Re: The (lightheaded) Headlines Thread
« Reply #4 on: 04 May 2014, 17:49 »
Old news, but important:
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GarandMarine

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Re: The (lightheaded) Headlines Thread
« Reply #5 on: 05 May 2014, 06:38 »


Please let this be real <3
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Thrillho

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Re: The (lightheaded) Headlines Thread
« Reply #6 on: 05 May 2014, 12:39 »
Quote from: Loki on 04 May 2014, 15:15
The fact that both threads have the same title in the "view unrecent posts" tab confused me to no end, so I took the liberty to distiguish it.

Slight snag. You were looking for lighthearted and you found lightheaded. Unless this is a thread about news stories that are only relevant to people who just stood up too fast.

Also, I'm not sure if this counts as actually lighthearted as it involves an actual death, but I saw the 'Gordon Ramsay sex dwarf eaten by badger' headline on the paper it came out on, and tweeted a photo of it. It was promptly ignored before going viral a couple of years later which kinda pissed me off a little.

Another good one - 'Radioactive paedo on the run.'
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Barmymoo

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Re: The (lightheaded) Headlines Thread
« Reply #7 on: 05 May 2014, 12:41 »
You know, I have been thinking since the subject line was changed that there was something off about it but couldn't work out what - my brain was reading "lighthearted" even though my eyes knew better.
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cesium133

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Re: The (lightheaded) Headlines Thread
« Reply #8 on: 05 May 2014, 12:43 »
Wait, it wasn't reading that? I'm pretty sure it was "lighthearted" until you pointed that out.  :psyduck:
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Loki

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Re: The (lightheaded) Headlines Thread
« Reply #9 on: 05 May 2014, 12:45 »
:D you people.
It's a pun on "headlines".
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Quote from: Thrillho on 22 Dec 2013, 05:49
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Quote from: Welu on 08 May 2014, 12:27
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Zebediah

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Re: The (lightheaded) Headlines Thread
« Reply #10 on: 06 May 2014, 08:06 »
Quote from: GarandMarine on 05 May 2014, 06:38


Please let this be real <3

Completely real. The original story is still on The Telegraph's website.

He even offered the court's champion a choice of weapons: "samurai swords, Ghurka knives or heavy hammers." Sporting of him.
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GarandMarine

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Re: The (lightheaded) Headlines Thread
« Reply #11 on: 06 May 2014, 09:15 »
I think Mr. Humphreys might be my hero.
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GarandMarine

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Re: The (lightheaded) Headlines Thread
« Reply #12 on: 06 May 2014, 11:55 »
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I built the walls that make my life a prison, I built them all and cannot be forgiven... ...Sold my soul to carry your vendetta, So let me go before you can regret it, You've made your choice and now it's come to this, But that's price you pay when you're a monster with no name.

Patrick

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Re: The (lightheaded) Headlines Thread
« Reply #13 on: 09 May 2014, 02:51 »
relevant to this thread's interests: www.reddit.com/r/nottheonion
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GarandMarine

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Re: The (lightheaded) Headlines Thread
« Reply #14 on: 09 May 2014, 08:08 »
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I built the walls that make my life a prison, I built them all and cannot be forgiven... ...Sold my soul to carry your vendetta, So let me go before you can regret it, You've made your choice and now it's come to this, But that's price you pay when you're a monster with no name.

LTK

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Re: The (lightheaded) Headlines Thread
« Reply #15 on: 09 May 2014, 09:17 »
A headline fresh from the pointless thread! :mrgreen:
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