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Tearful multi-person sis-hug?

"Oh, hello! Welcome to Coffee of Doom unknown new customers!"

"Faye! Oh thank heavens you're still alive!"

Bubbles won't let anyone interact with Faye until she is satisfied that they are not 'a threat to my friend's emotional health'

Dora starts of snappy before getting progressively more tearful and embarrassingly self-condemnatory

Emily points to a sign that has Faye's picture and the message: "Do not serve by order of Deputy Manager"

Everyone acts as if she'd never been away and are unclear on her having ever been absent;

Everyone, curiously, skips over Faye's return in favour of gushing over her 'Kill-bot'

Emily makes Faye a banana smoothie

[Kugai]

Well, at least the Dog wasn't a Velociraptor

[Neko_Ali]

Well, I don't know. You could get a raptor costume for them....

[jwhouk]

Is it by any chance the one named after a river in Iowa that you had me take pictures of? 

What, mayhap, gave it away?

[EspyPsyche]

Technically, Dora didn't replace Faye with Emily. She replaced Faye with Penelope. Then she had to replace Penny and did so with Emily.

[Penquin47]

My *cat* can open door handles.  It's kind of annoying.  Since I live alone, I've pretty much given up ever closing any doors except the ones to the outside.

[mustang6172]

My *cat* can open door handles.  It's kind of annoying.  Since I live alone, I've pretty much given up ever closing any doors except the ones to the outside.

Why is the emphasis on "cat?"

[Undrneath]

Because it's a dog?

[Penquin47]

My *cat* can open door handles.  It's kind of annoying.  Since I live alone, I've pretty much given up ever closing any doors except the ones to the outside.

Why is the emphasis on "cat?"

Because the cat is tiny and otherwise pretty much useless.

[War Sparrow]

I think many cats can open doors. It's a weird talent. Mine is a overweight behemoth, so he just throws his weight around to open the bedroom door if it isn't completely shut.

[Tova]

Our cat, on the other hand, required many weeks of training and encouragement to learn to operate an ordinary cat flap. Even ajar doors can present a mild challenge. Forget about door handles.

[Zebediah]

Comic's up.

Emily knows how to handle difficult customers. 

[Tova]

I have a strange urge now to go down to the local cafe and try ordering an upside-down caramel macchiato just to witness the reaction. It'll probably just earn a blank look and a "what" response, though, so maybe not.

[cesium133]

That's an expensive brownie.

[jwhouk]

That's an expensive brownie.

I suspect that's so they don't have to sell any.

[Tova]

It must be pretty amazing. Yes, I have a weakness for brownies.

I just noticed the sizes: S, M, L, WTF. Perfect, really.

I suspect that's so they don't have to sell any.

I guess they have a weakness for brownies after work, too.

Edit: I also just noticed that Faye seems to be giving Emily her Papal Blessing in the last panel.

[sluthy]

Did Faye's sleeveless vest spontaneously grow a sleeve in the last panel?

Also technically Emily replaced Penelope, who replaced Faye as Ass Manager.

[Wildroses]

That was such typical Emily. She actually meant it, and wasn't trying to pass Faye's test.

I think many cats can open doors. It's a weird talent. Mine is a overweight behemoth, so he just throws his weight around to open the bedroom door if it isn't completely shut.

My parents also have an overweight behemoth masquerading as cat that can do this with the toilet door when it is completely shut because the latch on the door is so old and weak. From the way he struts back and forth across the toilet floor while you are trying to do your business, I'm pretty sure he only does it because he is deeply proud of his cleverness in opening a closed door. When grandma visited we forgot to warn her about this display of cleverness. It did not impress her. We heard her scream and the toilet door slam from the lounge room.

[Method of Madness]

So do people not read the thread before posting? Several people pointed out that Penelope was technically the one to replace Faye

[Akima]

That was such typical Emily. She actually meant it, and wasn't trying to pass Faye's test.

Emily just doesn't speak Starbonics. I don't either, so maybe I'm mistranslating, but what would you do with a "quad venti" (five US pints, or about 2.4 litres) of coffee? Give it to your pet hippo?

[Oenone]

I'm guessing a quad venti is a venti with 4 extra shots of espresso?

[Tova]

I am learning a lot about Starbonics today.

Apparently a "quad venti" does indeed mean a "quadruple shot 20 ounce cup of coffee," rather than 80 ounces.

Close to 600mL is still more liquid than I need in just about any drink, but YMMV.

[DSL]

Four shots, four Splenda ... you'd wake up about 2 a.m. with your chest feeling like someone had just pull-started the small two-stroke gas engine that is suddenly where your heart was. And you swear you can hear the engine.

[hedgie]

It must be starfucks-speak if a macchiato contains anything more than the espresso with a bit of foam on the top (aka, "marked"), it's fucking WRONG.  Even with long-pulls, four shots of espresso+foam would be 12 oz, tops.

[Perfectly Reasonable]

Is "upside-down" also scum-spamming Starbonics?  The foam goes on the --bottom--?

And Faye is still wearing her special shoes.

[cesium133]

Is "upside-down" also scum-spamming Starbonics?  The foam goes on the --bottom--?

And Faye is still wearing her special shoes.

You mean the hollowed-out rat carcass?

[Wildroses]

That was such typical Emily. She actually meant it, and wasn't trying to pass Faye's test.

Emily just doesn't speak Starbonics. I don't either, so maybe I'm mistranslating, but what would you do with a "quad venti" (five US pints, or about 2.4 litres) of coffee? Give it to your pet hippo?

You are asking the wrong person. I'm Australian. Starbucks failed miserably when they tried to come here. They ended up closing down 60 of their 84 stores a mere eight years after entering Australia, and when I looked at all the places that still had Starbucks they were all places the foreign tourists went like the Gold Coast and Sydney. When Starbucks arrived in Australia back in 2000 thinking they were going to introduce coffee culture to us, they discovered a market of people who already had a strong coffee culture after a lot of Italian and Greek migrants in the 1950s based around the espresso that were decidedly unimpressed with these overly sweet and milk filled beverages purporting to be coffee. American's put way more sugar and milk into their coffee than Australians. I've heard people describe American coffee as 'coffee flavoured milkshake'.

So I didn't understand a damn thing Faye said. An Australian does not understand if, on the rare occasions you must specify what size coffee you want, the words  'small/medium/large' are not used. An Australian does not understand how a coffee can be 'upside down'. An Australian does not understand why anyone would put caramal in their coffee (Seriously? Please tell me I'm misuderstanding the ingredient and you don't actually put caramal in coffee).

[Perfectly Reasonable]

I don't think Emily wants to step into -those- shoes.

Also, when I order a 'large' at Starbucks, they always give me a 'venti'. As if I don't know what I want...
What -do- the Aussies say? Bloody huge?

'What a relief.'  Otherwise it would have been on the 'Specials' board tomorrow...

[cesium133]

Also, the "my body is ready" line just sounds kind of bizarre.

[Wildroses]

Actually Australian's don't have much sized coffee. Most places you just walk into the cafe and say: "Gimme coffee" and the staff go "here" and give you a standard sized mug, with not a lot of variation between different franchises and stores. It's probably because we like strong flavoured coffee, and if you start mucking about the sizes you risk the flavour becoming overpowering or watered down, so having the same size mug is easier for the baristas.

[Tova]

Wildroses, I guess you don't live in Sydney, then. Most cafes in Sydney do, in fact, sell coffee in different sizes.

Also, Akima wasn't actually asking you specifically, I imagine. 

Edit: I forgot to answer the question: regular/large is the usual selection, I think. Unless you order something like a piccolo or a macchiato, where the size is implied.

[Wildroses]

Yep, I'm from Perth. I'll add sized coffee as another thing they do differently in the East. We are the state who was dragged kicking and screaming into Federation by the goldminers, then tried to persuade an unwilling England to take us back 14 years later, so I don't think it is a big surprise at how different the West and Eastern states can be. Our current premier's long and successful political leadership career could probably be summarised as: "Yay West Boo East".

I assumed Akima was asking me because I was quoted in the post, but you're probably right.

[Carl-E]

OK, this isn't off topic, really - just give me a minute...

Mattel Inc. has finally introduced new Barbie body types.  The pic below shows petite, tall, curvy, and ... well, she's pretty much a standard barbie only black.  So, alternative skin coloring.  Oh, smaller boobs, too. 



OK, so does the tall one remind anyone else of Emily?   

[Tova]

Kind of? Only because she's tall, really.

[Akima]

I assumed Akima was asking me because I was quoted in the post, but you're probably right.

I meant "you" as in "one".

I live in Sydney, and as far as I am concerned, there are just two types of coffee, a "short black" (espresso) or a "long black" (double espresso poured into about 150ml hot water, never the other way round because it will destroy the crema). Anything with milk is right out.

As for the Barbie doll... maybe? She's certainly tall, with brown eyes, and straight dark hair. I don't think she's supposed to be of East Asian descent though, but it's hard to be sure because Mattel doesn't really mould to that level of detail. I mean, would you immediately pick this as Asian Barbie?

[BenRG]

I have long suspected that basically all coffees are identical and these confusing names are just an excuse to double, triple or even quadruple the price. It was nice of Emily to confirm that for me. By the way, Emily would have got extra credit if she'd responded with some witty insult, whilst Faye would have declared her a Master of the Art if said insult had been in an exotic foreign language!

Meanwhile, Dora has been reminded of the other reason she fired Faye other than the 'drunk at work' thing: She can be really, really obnoxious and unreasonable.

Now, am I the only one who thinks that Jeph enjoyed drawing that close-up of Faye's glare?

[Timemaster]

The eyes! Oh my god, the eyes! I feel like falling in a bottomless pit, filled with eternal damnation, punchings and unhumanly strong coffee.

*shiver*

I've heard people describe American coffee as 'coffee flavoured milkshake'.

Yes, thats what Starbucks is generally selling here in Germany too. But I have to admit that their coffee-milkshakes are pretty good. It´s just that they aren´t coffee. If I want coffee, I got to a real coffeeshop or to the coffeemachine in my companys kitchen, which actually works pretty well.

But I prefer the good old german filtercoffee anyway. 

*duckandcover*

TM

[dreed]

Meanwhile, Dora has been reminded of the other reason she fired Faye other than the 'drunk at work' thing: She can be really, really obnoxious and unreasonable.

That obnoxious and unreasonable put Caffč of Doom on the maps of the town.
So while annoying for Dora it definitely was beneficial to her business.

Also I live in Sydney and I get large mocha every day. 

[Storel]

And she gave Dora a really dainty handshake, I love it.

It's one of those handshakes you get that says, "you can shake it, but I won't participate, or you can just kiss the ring".

No, it's one of those handshakes that says "I don't even want to look like I might conceivably crush your hand." Bubbles is strong, and is very sensitive to other people's perceptions of her.

[anahata]

I was really enjoying the anti-bullshit attitude of the Australians towards coffee, but

Anything with milk is right out.

That's a bit hard core even for me, though I will drink espresso if I need to keep myself awake on a long drive.

In the UK we have a thing called 'Americano', which I guess the Americans don't, at least not by that name. It's a bit like your 'long black' with optional drop of milk.

[anahata]

Emily would have got extra credit if she'd responded with some witty insult, whilst Faye would have declared her a Master of the Art if said insult had been in an exotic foreign language!

Even so - 'dumb and bad' to Faye's face is pretty creditworthy for pure bravery!

[jwhouk]

In America we just call it "coffee".

[snubnose]

...

I just hate coffee. The end.

[USS Martenclaire]

I'm guessing a quad venti is a venti with 4 extra shots of espresso?

A quad venti is a drink made from ground up sport vehicles as opposed to coffee beans. Why else do you think Faye used to have all that metalworking gear?

[Lubricus]

"Venti" is simply a measure of volume - a "quad venti" would be 80 US fluid ounces.

[katsmeat]

OK, this isn't off topic, really - just give me a minute...

Mattel Inc. has finally introduced new Barbie body types.  The pic below shows petite, tall, curvy, and ... well, she's pretty much a standard barbie only black.  So, alternative skin coloring.  Oh, smaller boobs, too. 

The Daily Mash has this one covered, as usual  - http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/business/new-curvy-barbie-comes-with-host-of-self-esteem-issues-20160129105755

[War Sparrow]

In the UK we have a thing called 'Americano', which I guess the Americans don't, at least not by that name. It's a bit like your 'long black' with optional drop of milk.

A Canadian/American americano is  espresso cut with water. Supposedly, it was when the Americans went to some nation of other and the coffee was too strong, so they added water to it. I never saw the point, until I went to a coffee place with my old farmerdad and they didn't sell drip coffee. Turns out, a double americano is practically the same thing.

I like lattes and things, but I get them from the local chain rather than Starbucks. The variety isn't there, but it's all fair trade and whatnot.

[osaka]

I do enjoy lattes, generally on the size of "just fuck my whole life up". Stuff without milk I generally reserve for the summer, when you can put ice in your coffee.

Also, I believe that's exactly what you should be answered if you came with all these stupid commands even in starbucks. "Gimme a *stuff*" "Oh, so some coffee, here you go, have a nice day ( 'w')"

[Method of Madness]

You can always put ice in your coffee.

[Mad Cat]

...

I just hate coffee. The end.

My new best friend.

[Zebediah]

I can't drink coffee. It does terrible things to me. It's not the caffeine - I can tolerate tea and sodas quite well. But there's something else in coffee - I don't know what - that I can't tolerate at all.

So Starbuckese is a totally foreign language to me. "Venti macchiato? Nah, I'm not really into Pokémon."