Most of the QC AIs are content to be AIs, but Roko is, like Star Trek TNG's Commander Data, trying on some level at least to be human. (Contrast Spock who was half human trying to be all Vulcan - but both filled similar niches in the scripts.) This may explain Roko's difficulties with changing chassis.
Part of the healing process from any trauma, physical or emotional, is coming to accept that nothing will ever again be exactly the way it was. You never "get over" a trauma, but you do get through it. It becomes part of you, your new baseline, and then you can move on. Whether she knows it or not, Roko has to go through this to achieve the (for want of a better term) human soul she's trying to acquire. Spooky knows this and, Trickster Deity style, is taunting her down the path. Roko may not even be aware, at least at this point, that this is her goal.
As the Shadow of the collective of all artificial intelligence, Spooky is intensely interested in machines acquiring spirit on a par with humans.