Thank you! I almost never post to these forums, but Jeph's declaration against asking for phone numbers is just awful enough to draw me in. You should definitely be willing to take no for an answer (graciously), but the idea that we can't pursue or even inquire about people we find interesting is just insanity. If bonds are to be built, someone has to take a chance, or we all just end up huddling in our own caves alone.
I don't necessarily agree with Jeph either, but I think you're overreacting.
If you're one of those people who takes a lot of social cues from QC, please hear me when I say this: Jeph sometimes really gets wound around his own axle about his own hangups, which are often highly skewed from the standards of normal social interaction. On this issue, he is just plain wrong.
There is no such thing as 'wrong' in this particular arena. Jeph said that in his opinion, he doesn't think you should ask someone for their phone number. By its very nature it's impossible for him to be wrong.
Measuring against 'normality,' as if normal is a concept that exists or there is an agreed consensus, is perfectly fine unless you're trying to claim this amorphous 'normal' concept as the only correct way to exist.
If you like someone, talk to them. If you want to see them again, say so, ask for their number, ask them out. Be kind, be gentle, be gracious in rejection, but for the love of god don't isolate yourself even further in this already isolated world because you're terrified that you might for ten seconds make someone slightly uncomfortable.
I don't agree with this as blanket advice.
As I said, I do not agree with Jeph that asking someone for their phone number is something that should be never done. However, what is rarely discussed in these scenarios is the nuance involved. I don't think you should always talk to someone if you like them. There are contexts here. Somebody might have just broken up with another person and not be interested in a relationship. They might have trauma. If you don't know them that well, you might have no idea what is going on in their lives that make that conversation difficult before you start it, with them unprepared.
However, at the same time, the common response to this kind of feedback is 'so I guess nobody can ever talk to anybody ever!' as if there are no social cues whatsoever, and that you can't learn to read body language. I'm not saying there is a universal body language for 'come and get it,' but I think body language that reads 'please leave me alone' is pretty easy to pick up on if you bother even slightly with it. This is one of the most malignant aspects at the centre of pickup artistry - that it focuses on trying to break down barriers that a woman puts up and override them rather than simply trying to read whether they're interested. I'm autistic, it should be harder for me to do this than anybody else.
And it's not like that's the only kind of context. Is a woman walking in the park in casual clothes with a friend really cruising for ass?