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Author Topic: Sci-Fi original movies  (Read 16764 times)

sp2

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Sci-Fi original movies
« on: 21 Jul 2005, 17:03 »

Okay, seriously, these are the best thing on TV right now.  No argument.  Really.  No. Argument.

Spoilers ahead, but seriously, no one cares.






For example, the other night I was watching some sci-fi original called "Dragon Storm" (I think).  Basically the premise was this.  Dragons attack the countryside and a bunch of people die.  Overdone, right?  Yes, pretty much.  But here's the twist.  These dragons, they were from outer space.  Oh man, totally original!  So, at first these dragons burn the shit out of the mean king (from now on known as "the bad guy").  The bad guy is already plotting to attack a neighboring kingdom because he's bankrupted himself and his peasants can't work like slaves because they're all starving to death.  Then the dragons attack everyone because they are dragons and that's what dragons do.  People get breathed on and get a little fire on their arm and then scream like mad and then die.  Apparently they didn't learn the whole "stop, drop, and roll" thing in elementary school.  This is just one of many reasons why modern people are superior to the middle ages.  So, after his castle is burned down, the bad guy goes to the good king's castle to seek refuge.  In the woods he meets a strong independant woodsman who lives a low-key life in the woods of the good king hunting game (read: dashing, chaotic good hero).  The hero offers to lead the bad guy to the good king, takes him to the good king, then gets drafted to a ragtag group of adventurers who are going to become dragon hunters.  These include the following: a quirky and geeky alchemist who has no idea what he's doing, a kung fu trader from the East, a big burly guy, one of the bad guy's guards, a very plain woman inventor, and a sexy semi-goth hunter woman who is the good king's daughter (oh man, you could smell the chemistry a mile away).  The inventress has made a balllista and they are going to use it to hunt dragons.  So they go off and kill a bunch of dragons and everyone but the woodsman, the princess, and the kung fu guy get killed through hilarious encounters.  Meanwhile, the bad guy is planning to overthrow the good king and take his place.  Then the ragtag group of adventurers lures the last dragon to the castle to defeat the bad guy,  and then they kill the dragon and everyone lives happily ever after.  Except the people who died.  Oh, and the woodsman and the princess end up doing the horizontal shuffle.

After that was some bad alien movie.  Some scientists genetically engineered an alien/animal hybrid and it got loose in some remote base, so the army sends some folks to go find out what happened.  They are all forgetable except the leader, who is a supposedly hot asian woman.  News flash: she's not as hot as she's supposed to be.  So they go in, find two survivors, a hacker and the lead scientist, and they find out that one let the critter loose on purpose and the other guy knows about some conspiracy.  The monster eats everyone except the bad scientist and the hacker and the chick, and then they kill the bad scientist and then the asian chick gets into a skintight body suit for no reason and does some gymnastic stuff,  falls a lot, and then somehow kills the monster.  Then she and the hacker escape and then kill the bad guy who is responsible for the whole thing.  Then they nuke the base.  Happily ever after.

These are just a small example of the cheesy B-movies billed as sci-fi originals.  Seriously, how could you NOT like these when their cliched plots and characters are more original than anything else on TV, and the dialogue is so bad it's good?

So yeah.  Sci-Fi originals.  4 stars out of 5.
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chupones

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Sci-Fi original movies
« Reply #1 on: 21 Jul 2005, 17:24 »

How about Anonymous Rex? A lovely film about dinosaurs disguised as humans. Here's a plot summary:

"The dinosaurs didn't go completely extinct when the asteroids hit 65 million years ago. Today, every ten thousandth person in the country is a dinosaur, evolved to be human-sized, wearing sophisticated solid-light holographic disguises to maintain the facade, getting stoned off regular cooking herbs like basil, rosemary and tarragon, and living by their own shadow government's laws; any human who stumbles upon them is to be immediately executed. Two dino private investigators, velociraptor Vincent Rubio and triceratops Ernie Watson, are hired by one of Ernie's old girlfriends to find out why her son committed suicide, and discover a dino cult called Voice Of Progress that wants dinokind to come out of the closet and reclaim the planet."

Beautiful B-movie dreck.
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sp2

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Sci-Fi original movies
« Reply #2 on: 21 Jul 2005, 17:45 »

Oh dude, I totally remember seeing that!  It.  Was.  So.  Bad.  I have laughed more in only a few movies.
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I is Grammar

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« Reply #3 on: 21 Jul 2005, 21:04 »

The SciFi originals are beautiful.  My favorite still is Sabretooth.  

Scientist makes sabretooth.  Sabretooth kills people.  Scientist goes after sabretooth.  Brings hunter.  Sabretooth kills blonde bust-bomb, kills nerd, kills sex-pot, leaves male lead and love interest.  Male lead and love interest run.  Hunter saves them by sacrificing himself.  Kills sabretooth.  Male lead and love interest live happily ever after.  Or not?, because they see baby sabretooth in the bushes.

This is the formula for all of the SciFi originals featuring large animals or bugs.  Large/genetically modified/nuclear-waste modified.

Tee hee.  Happiness.
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KharBevNor

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« Reply #4 on: 21 Jul 2005, 21:37 »

So when/where are these things shown anyway? They sound great.
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LiterSize

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« Reply #5 on: 21 Jul 2005, 21:40 »

I miss Roar and Space: Above and Beyond.  Though the new Battlestar Galactica seems to be trying that same route.  Penny-arcade talked about a possible Commando-style series from the Star wars universe which I'd be really interested in.

sp2

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Sci-Fi original movies
« Reply #6 on: 21 Jul 2005, 22:45 »

Quote from: KharBevNor
So when/where are these things shown anyway? They sound great.


All the damned time on Sci-fi.  Especially on weekends.  They have fucking marathons.  Sabretooth, Boa vs. Python, all kinds of great stuff.
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I is Grammar

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« Reply #7 on: 21 Jul 2005, 22:58 »

Boa -vs- Python.  *sigh*  

The natural disaster movies are always fun, too.

 They normally show the new ones Saturdays at 9, Eastern US time.
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trill

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Sci-Fi original movies
« Reply #8 on: 21 Jul 2005, 23:09 »

Sci-fi originals are the only thing on tv better than lifetime movies.

Boa Vs. Python... I keep missing that one. And it's got David Hewlett in it. Is it on again soon?
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chupones

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« Reply #9 on: 21 Jul 2005, 23:24 »

You can get Lifetime movies on dvd, but not original Sci-Fi channel movies. What a damnable shame!
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sp2

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Sci-Fi original movies
« Reply #10 on: 21 Jul 2005, 23:37 »

I'm pretty sure I saw a DVD of Boa vs. Python somewhere, but that may not have been a sci-fi original.

You just need to look.
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Ozymandias

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« Reply #11 on: 21 Jul 2005, 23:39 »

What made Anonymous Rex particularly sad is that the books are actually really good and witty.
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KharBevNor

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« Reply #12 on: 22 Jul 2005, 13:48 »

I don't have the Sci-Fi Channel :(
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« Reply #13 on: 22 Jul 2005, 21:16 »

Mansquito!!!  

Blood Suckers looks to be interesting.  That is, if you are a hopeless addict to bad vampire movies.

Ahem.
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soap

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Sci-Fi original movies
« Reply #14 on: 23 Jul 2005, 11:27 »

Quote from: LiterSize
I miss ... Space: Above and Beyond.


i remember that ! whatever happened to it , i used to be quite addicted back in my younger days
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Sythe

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« Reply #15 on: 23 Jul 2005, 11:42 »

Bruce Campbell (he played Ash in Army of Darkness, the best movie... ever) totally rocks the Sci-Fi originals. In Alien Invasion he stabs the creepy mantis thing in the chest and leads a revolt and stuff. Thats all I can remember, because the pit was not kindly to my skull last night...
Moving on.
The last Sci-Fi movie I saw was Dog Soldiers. It was about British infantry regulars going up against Spec-Ops in a mock battle. Crazy shit happens (a cow falls into their camp) and they come upon the Spec-Ops camp. Only one guy is still there, and they patch him up. Thats when these crazy warewolves start killing people. The captain gets his guts ripped out, and still lives because he's manly.  Then they find this scientist lady. They try to hole up in the house and they shoot the warewolves and stuff. Then the Spec-Ops guy goes warewolf on them and they shoot him. Then they blow up a garage. Then the scientist lady turns into a warebitch, and they shoot her. Afterwards its only the Cap'n, some guy, and Spoon. While the other two guys are hiding, Spoon is boxing a warewolf, and he kicks its ass! Another one jumps him from behind and eats him. The other two guys eventually stumble into the kitchen and are looking for him. Then the Cap'n sees the pile of guts and says "There is no Spoon." Yeah, after that I lost interest because Spoon rocked... They blew up the house and stuff...
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sp2

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Sci-Fi original movies
« Reply #16 on: 23 Jul 2005, 13:18 »

Quote from: Sythe
Bruce Campbell (he played Ash in Army of Darkness, the best movie... ever) totally rocks the Sci-Fi originals. In Alien Invasion he stabs the creepy mantis thing in the chest and leads a revolt and stuff. Thats all I can remember, because the pit was not kindly to my skull last night...


That was a totally sweet movie.  In the end,  he gets the girl, too,  I think.

Best line was towards the end when the alien was trying to convince him to abandon everyone else, saying he knows him too well, and Bruce Campbell's character, Jack, says "Hey,  you don't know Jack" and kicks the alien's ass.  So corny, but a total Bruce Campbell moment.

Bruce Campbell is like a minor God to me.  Seriously.
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I is Grammar

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« Reply #17 on: 23 Jul 2005, 16:56 »

On my desktop computer, all the sounds are from Army of Darkness.  When I turn it on, it says, "get the gum out of your ears and listen up!"  When I get e-mail, "Gimme some sugar, baby." Turning off, it's "Shop Smart, shop S-mart!"

This is better than my laptop, which says Monty Python quotes.

I worship Bruce Campbell.  He'll be at Horrorfind Weekend in MD this summer.  So this means that I'll get to meet him for the...third time.   XD
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Sythe

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« Reply #18 on: 23 Jul 2005, 20:51 »

The waves of envy flow from me, Gram.
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Neskah

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« Reply #19 on: 24 Jul 2005, 22:21 »

All of this reminds me I still haven't watched the end of Bubba Hotept.

Bruce campbell playing an agin elvis in a nursing home, which is being stallked by an ancient egyptian mummy that sucks your soul out your arse.

Sadly i fell asleep before it's no doubt thrilling conclusion ... puhaps watching it at 3 in the morning wasn't such a good idea
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Menzallol

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Sci-Fi original movies
« Reply #20 on: 25 Jul 2005, 00:48 »

I think I saw Dragon Storm at the video store.  Maybe Japan stocks made for tv Sci-Fi movies.  I should rent it.  Party in Kouda!  Everyone's invited!
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I is Grammar

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« Reply #21 on: 25 Jul 2005, 13:12 »

Quote from: Neskah
All of this reminds me I still haven't watched the end of Bubba Hotept.

Bruce campbell playing an agin elvis in a nursing home, which is being stallked by an ancient egyptian mummy that sucks your soul out your arse.

Sadly i fell asleep before it's no doubt thrilling conclusion ... puhaps watching it at 3 in the morning wasn't such a good idea


Bubba Ho-tep was awesome.  Make the investment, one and all, and buy a copy of that movie.  

@Menzallol:  Of all the things to make me wish I wasn't in America.
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shrimp

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Sci-Fi original movies
« Reply #22 on: 14 Aug 2005, 17:23 »

Khar, get thee down to your local Blockbuster, they have Boa Vs Python there, it is the scifi original.. :) And tis rather fun and there is even some brief female nudity (which you may enjoy), athough the cover is really odd.. :)
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tetsuotheironboy

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Sci-Fi original movies
« Reply #23 on: 29 Aug 2005, 13:02 »

Meet The Feebles (fuck lord of the rings, this is clearly peter jacksons greatest artistic achievement)
Brain Dead
Bad Taste
Brain Damage
The Toxic Avenger
Death Race 2000
Class of Nuke 'em High
Chopper Chicks in Zombie Town

these are a few of my favourite things :)

Oh and of course the evil dead trilogy, can't list b-movie gorefests without those classics. Favourite moment has to be in Evil Dead 2 when he stamps on the trapdoor and the zombies eye flies out.

After i found www.badmovies.org i set about acquiring as many of these as possible, so far i'm only missing Brain Damage and Bad Taste. And i've yet to witness Hell Comes To Frogtown, the most intriguing film i've ever heard of in which Rowdy Roddy Piper is the last fertile man on earth and has to rescue women from an evil race of space-frogs
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