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Author Topic: Ye Shall Be Slain  (Read 23399 times)

The Czar

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Ye Shall Be Slain
« on: 30 Sep 2005, 21:55 »

Alright, "Ye Shall Be Slain" is the name of my comic. I have 5 comic strips finished and i would like some friendly and constructive advice about anything relating to the comic...the art, the writing, the joke, is it funny?, what should i improve on...etc...

Thanks, and here are the comic strips (first is the first one i made and last is the newest one i made):









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The Czar

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Ye Shall Be Slain
« Reply #1 on: 30 Sep 2005, 21:59 »

Oh and please dont get into a political debate about my "brief summary of world war two"...
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Sonet

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Ye Shall Be Slain
« Reply #2 on: 01 Oct 2005, 00:16 »

Aww, why not? I've had many an enjoyable evening with a spirited debate over the politics of lame internet slang jokes.

Mediocre artwork, not funny... Well, I got a grin out of the elephant. But, since I don't want to just be an ass, let's see... What I notice more than anything about the art is how bland it is. For the first strip, I think a side view would have been more appropriate than your failed attempt at perspective. But if you want to do it, try actually utilizing vanishing points and such when you draw. You'll get out of your comic what you put into it, and it really doesn't look like much has been put into it with these strips. The backgrounds in the WWII strip are more interesting, but altogether, it still displays the same overall blandness and lack of artistic care. Look around at other comic artists, see what they do, notice what exactly makes their comics interesting and desirable to read. Basically, work with what they do until you can put together something in your own style that still incorporates what you've learned from your observations. Good writing can overshadow poor artwork, but good artwork will make a comic that much more engaging.

As far as your writing goes, well, keep at it. Your dialogue isn't bad, but when you go for random, bizarre humor (like the fifth strip), it lacks the sort of punch necessary for a laugh... The most successful strip is the one with the elephant, because it sets up the joke (or rather, in this case, humorous situation), but doesn't reveal it until the last panel, and goes somewhere the reader probably didn't expect it to. But what you have to rely on above all else is whether or not YOU think a joke is funny. "Stop. Wasting. My. BANDWIDTH!" Did you laugh your ass off at that? I doubt it. And that's why nobody else is going to. And the whole "Oh noes! LOL!" kind of bit requires a lot more tact to be received well. Use it sparingly, though I'd personally avoid it entirely... Ultimately, you have to rely on your own sense of humor. Though what's funny to you may not be funny to someone else, your own reaction to an idea is a decent gauge for how others will react to it. If you have to ask if something is funny, there's a 99% chance that it isn't.

Most importantly, though, you'll have to decide where you're going with this strip. It looks as though you've got recurring characters in mind, but at the moment, they may as well be nobody. If you're planning to have any sort of story, they need to be developed, both in appearance and personality. But if you're going for a storyless comic (refer to the granddaddy of all character-less, storyless comics, Perry Bible Fellowship), really make an effort to divide the build-up from the punchline, and surprise the reader, since there generally will be no recurring situations to draw humor from.

Everything you've shown needs a lot of work, but it's promising enough that no one ought to discourage you from it. I suppose, though, if you're not prepared to put the necessary effort into it, you may as well give up now. But if this is something you really want to work at, do just that. Keep at it, and with any luck, it could develop into something good.

EDIT: Something to add... The real benefit to having an ongoing story, especially for those who aren't great at writing quick jokes, is that you can interest the reader in what's going to happen next, whether than if any given strip was particularly funny. Jeph's jokes aren't always that funny, but does this mean I would give him shit for it or stop reading? Absolutely not (well, maybe he gets shit for it sometimes, I dunno). QC's main strength is its appeal to our pathos. Its characters are well-established; we relate to them, and we want to know what happens to them. In your strips, none of this exists. There's no introduction, no development, no turn of events... If you want to have a story, really take the time to consider who your characters are, what drives them, where they're going, how they relate to each other... You want them to be real people - not just crude drawings. Of course, if you don't want a story, well... disregard all that.
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Luke

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Ye Shall Be Slain
« Reply #3 on: 01 Oct 2005, 00:28 »

Quote from: The Czar
Oh and please dont get into a political debate about my "brief summary of world war two"


This is quite a hefty request on my part, as I find that particular comic rather pointless and perhaps even offensive. But, after all, it's just a comic. :-)

As for your humor, I second the notion that #2 is the funniest out of the set here. The others, well, it mostly seems to be old humor to me, and old humor tactics - breaking the fourth wall, mocking the idiocy of stereotypes, etc.

Don't give up on this, but try to think of some new ideas.
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The Czar

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Ye Shall Be Slain
« Reply #4 on: 01 Oct 2005, 08:19 »

Yup....I made a huge mistake of posing that ww2 one...I dont know why I even did...I hated the comic myself I thought it wasn't funny at all, and persoannly I HATE the people that go around quoteing Farenheit 991 and saying stuff about USA and Bush when they don't have the intelligence to think critically. So I apologise for that comic if somone ("someone" being Luke) found it offensive. I thought that it would be kind of a lie if I were to pick and choose my best comics and post them on...wait a second now that I've written it....the previous sentance makes alot of sense.

Okay well anyways I wanna thank you for taking the time to comment my 'crude work'. Obviously I am not an artist and I have not been one since I quit sketching when i was about 8 years old...Now I am in my last year of highschool and I'm finding it hard for me to find the time to make comics, least of all to make them good. This is obviously not an excuse for having a crappy comic and obviously not an excuse for sticking it into people's faces; Therefore I want to apologise if I wasted your time.

As for the jokes, they are based entirely on true events. The elephant one is based on a long conversation I had with my friend, the bandwidth one is based on a day I spent at a friends house, etc. I am not just sitting in my basement and making a twist on AOL humor (atleast I hope I'm not).

I show my comics to my friends mostly and I post them on a forum for a clan I'm in. I am aware that this is a bad idea and that I get really dishonest opinions of my comic. I'm glad that I went and got some real advice. But about the storyline thing...ever since what happen to Ctrl-Alt-Del (by "what happend", I mean their last 30 strips totally sucking), the storyline thing has sorta had a dark place in my mind.

Anyways, I have been making comics for a year now and if you think what I'm making now sucks you should've seen me when I started :P. Anyways I appreciate your commentary and I will work harder at my background and my art, I'm thinking about some stuff I could do in Photoshop and I guess ill start shading again. And for future notice, I won't post my crappy comics on forums.

Once again, thanks
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Merkava

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Ye Shall Be Slain
« Reply #5 on: 01 Oct 2005, 11:21 »

Quote from: Sonet

But what you have to rely on above all else is whether or not YOU think a joke is funny. "Stop. Wasting. My. BANDWIDTH!" Did you laugh your ass off at that? I doubt it. And that's why nobody else is going to. And the whole "Oh noes! LOL!" kind of bit requires a lot more tact to be received well. Use it sparingly, though I'd personally avoid it entirely... Ultimately, you have to rely on your own sense of humor. Though what's funny to you may not be funny to someone else, your own reaction to an idea is a decent gauge for how others will react to it. If you have to ask if something is funny, there's a 99% chance that it isn't.



Actually, I remember this saying from someone who has directed his share of comedies: "If you think something is funny, chances are, no one else will."

It's definently true. Nothing is worse than someone who laughs at their own jokes. The jokes are supposed to be funny to other people and should be focused on them.

I found most of the comics funny. I rarely laugh out loud at a comic, and this is no exception. You got close. Vgcats, Penny Arcade, and Punks and Nerds are the three comics that got "ROFLMAO" reactions from me.

Keep up the good work. I've never been able to draw on the computer, so me criticizing that would just make ME feel bad. :P
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The Czar

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Ye Shall Be Slain
« Reply #6 on: 01 Oct 2005, 11:59 »

Okay, I've started a new comic strip and I'm concentrating on the art. I will post the first frame once I'm done with it. When I do so, some more honest comments will be appreciated.  Thanks.
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Sonet

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Ye Shall Be Slain
« Reply #7 on: 01 Oct 2005, 16:06 »

Quote from: Merkava

Actually, I remember this saying from someone who has directed his share of comedies: "If you think something is funny, chances are, no one else will."

It's definently true. Nothing is worse than someone who laughs at their own jokes. The jokes are supposed to be funny to other people and should be focused on them.


I dunno, when I'm doing animation, I tend to produce better results when I think what I'm doing is good/funny, and other people tend to agree. I guess that's not to say that I actually laugh my ass off at my own jokes, though. So, what I said about that probably isn't true in most cases. But I think it's important to feel confident about what you're doing, and it'll show in the finished product.
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