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[BSG]

So, to make sure this is legit:  I'm NOT posting my webcomic site, or anything like that.  [it's not even up, anyway] I'm looking for critiques on my writing and art, and possibly some suggestions.





For the record, my mother is NOT at all fat, she is [Call it an Oedepus Complex] actually quite good looking.  Furthermore, the last comic will have some comics leading up to it describing a weekend with my girlfriend coming up, and after it there will be contriversy on our relationship being nothing but sex.  Yeah, just saying, since I don't want it to seem like all I've got on the brain is the wang.

So to elaborate:  Yes, the comic is ACTUALLY about me.  That's me, 3 feet tall, in a wheelchair.

I've got 3 story arcs or so planned, with little monologue posts like the first and second comic here in between comics.  Think QC as far as story, but with more comedy along the lines of PA/CAD, and a few random comics with WhiteNinja influence.  Something Positive is VERY similar to what I'm going to be doing.

What I know about my art already:
I suck at feet.
My shading needs work.
My linework is sometimes too thick.

Comments?  Suggestions?  Would it be OK to post scripts of future comics in here for review?  I've got a few with indy music references in it, in case some of you are already bored without any reference to a band that only you and I have heard

BSG

[Scordatura]

I really like the subtle visual gag in the last one (and not just 'cause it relates to oral sex). I'm a sucker for things that make you do a double-take.

[Felix]

I don't think your lines are too thick. I really like how it is in the third strip. But I guess it's no good for details then...

[jarofflies]

The first two were pretty average writing-wise, but the third I absolutely loved. Especially the panel of during school, the pi=yum and the tongue face, subtle visual gags rock. You're artwork is pretty good to me(i'm not an artist, so i'm of the audience), and certainly complements your writing just fine.

[BSG]

I can stand up and do some walking, it's just that a half a foot step makes distance an obstical.  My wheelchair is simply for transportation.

Oh, and I really appreciate the commentary and criticism.  I also posted on PA/CAD, CAD hasn't said anything, and the PA folks are all in all complete assholes.  I only got one helpful comment out of them about the 2nd comic.  Anyone have any suggestions?

BSG

[torg]

I think, it's really funny and it made me chuckle (and that's something that can't say about many webcomics). Aside from the stuff you already mentioned (shading) there's nothing I could criticise. So, keep it up!

[Cave Monster]

It isn't that your line is too thick, it's just when it gets that thick, the lack of line weight variation shows. Not every comic needs a varied line ( ex. achewood) but your character could definitely benefit. You have some cool modeling in the hands on that second strip and a little attention to line could really pop your dude into the 3rd dimension.

[TheMike]

i technique some use in making hte foreground pop out and in turn make the panel look more 3d is graying out the background slightly, or doing the background in softer tones.

[torg]

Blurring the background helps, too. the farther away an object is the more it is blurred (depth of field). It helps focussing the look of the viewer on the foreground.
I made a background for my current project using that technique.

[Mollinda]

I personally prefer thicker lines so I love the third strip! And it made me giggle