I'm posting this here because it's most fitting in this forum, as it applies to Movies, TV Shows, and Books. Also to Computer Games and Comics, amongst other things, but since this forum hits the most targets, here 'tis.
On the chance I've got it wrong, I'll request a mod to move this to the appropriate location.
Anyway. Moving on!
As we all know there are certain rules that apply to combat in all fictional scenarios. These rules always affect who will win a given confrontation, if not outright deciding the winner.
Attempts have been made to make a comprehensive list of these Rules that will settle argument and debate entirely. Usually, however, the Rules have been too general, or have had too many exceptions.
After a lot of research and hard work, I believe I've solved this problem.
To any combat scenario involving fictional characters, apply the Rules as they are relevant, discounting rules that would not have any immediate effect on the outcome of said combat scenario. Some characters may be exempt from one or more rules, but no existing fictional character is immune to all of them at once.
I encourage everyone to test these Rules with scenarios of their own. If anyone has edits, additions, criticisms or comments of any kind to make to the Rules as they are written, please post them here - I'd like to get this List as comprehensive and all-inclusive as possible.
And now, without further ado...
-------------------------------------------------
THE RULES
1 – THE LAW OF UNARMED MIGHT
The combat skill of any character is inversely proportional to the popularity and/or efficiency of their fighting method in conventional society.
In this way, one protagonist armed with a sword can quickly and easily dispatch a small army of gun-wielding opponents. Removing the sword will only make the protagonist more dangerous by turning the protagonist into a kung-fu champion. Following this, one antagonist armed with a pointy stick will have the protagonist fighting for his/her life, sword or no sword.
COROLLARY 1-A
Customised weapons, as a class all of their own, are an exclusion here. The more exotic and unorthodox the weapon is, the more effective it is (e.g. a bladed throwing-hat). Even customised guns are far more powerful, making the wielder more dangerous. Customised weapons outrank all others, but their uses can vary (See RULE 7 – THE LAW OF ARTIFACT COMPREHENSION).
COROLLARY 1-B
Weapons of Mass Destruction retain all of their conventional power. This is at least doubled in the case of a customised WMD (See COROLLARY 1-A). However, these weapons are more farce than force, often used to threaten but rarely used to any real effect (See RULE 5 - THE LAW OF UN-IMPENDING DOOM).
2 – THE LAW OF INVERSE NINJAS
The threat posed by any Ninja is inversely proportional to the number of the Ninja’s allies in any given fight.
One Ninja can defeat an army of soldiers; one soldier can defeat an army of Ninjas. A lone Ninja is a being of awesome power, but when Ninjas come together into groups they become easy targets.
It is theorised that Ninjas draw their power from the same pool of energy, thus weakening them if their numbers concentrate in one area, but this is yet to be proven.
COROLLARY 2-A
This law as it applies to Ninjas also applies to mere mortals, both protagonists and antagonists: the larger the group, the higher the number of fatalities. Certain individuals in any group cannot be killed save by a specific enemy; others die easily (See RULE 6 - THE LAW OF HEROES EN MASSE).
COROLLARY 2-B
Certain kinds of Ninja are more powerful than others, and can thus upset the balance of this law. For example, if we see two Ninjas wearing black, then a lone Ninja who wears white will always be more powerful than both combined. In particular, the Ninja Master trumps all (See RULE 4 - THE LAW OF ELDERLY INVINCIBILITY).
3 – THE LAW OF JOKER THEORY
An opponent who does not take combat seriously cannot be taken in serious combat.
If one opponent treats a battle as a farce, the battle is over before it begins. No matter how determined or skilled the other opponent is, Joker Theory will protect anyone who laughs in the face of adversity. This will enable them to literally dance around the field of combat, laughing as they do so, while their opponent’s attacks simply fail to make contact.
Joker Theory is more usually seen working in favour of an antagonist, who will laugh at his/her weakling opponent before crushing them underfoot. Often, however, this will be the cause of the antagonist’s downfall as he/she underestimates the protagonist.
When a protagonist uses Joker Theory, it is often embodied by the Goofy Sidekick who falls under the protection of the protagonist, but will inevitably end up getting hurt, captured and/or killed. In other cases, Joker Theory comes into play when the protagonist is simply unaware that he/she has entered combat at all, and the bumbling efforts of the antagonist(s) have no effect whatsoever.
Joker Theory is not infallible, but it automatically makes any opponent far more difficult to defeat in combat. Thus it is named in honour of the ultimate embodiment of Joker Theory – The Joker of Batman fame, who although often defeated, earned the rank of Arch-Nemesis through his deadly antics and stubborn refusal to die.
4 – THE LAW OF ELDERLY INVINCIBILITY
The more extremely aged an individual is, the more inexplicably competent they are in battle.
Though the primary protagonist in almost any situation will be in the prime of his/her life, they can be defeated in combat. The most dangerous opponents of all are the elderly, who can call upon years of experience to aid them in any situation. This can take many forms (Ninja Master, High Sorcerer, Bruce Willis, etc.), but ultimately the effect is the same – an old opponent is a dangerous opponent.
COROLLARY 4-A
Often children are strangely good at combat as well. Occasionally this is due to outside technology that the child is more competent at using, while at other times the child has unusual powers.
Usually, however, a child displaying skill in combat is comic relief as they defeat the antagonist’s minions, and thus the child is invincible (See RULE 3 - THE LAW OF JOKER THEORY).
5 - THE LAW OF UN-IMPENDING DOOM
The likelihood of an antagonist killing a group of non-combatants is inversely proportional to the number of non-combatants being threatened.
In the classic hostage scenario, the antagonist will hold civilians to ransom toward his/her nefarious goals. This will inevitably fail due to the actions of the protagonist, but the extent of the failure can vary.
In the event of a WMD, the antagonist will prove his/her might by firing a “warning shot” that costs only a few lives. Upon threatening to destroy a larger, more important target, the antagonist will be defeated.
Likewise, in the event of a group of prisoners, the antagonist can kill one or more hostages on a whim, but an attempt to kill them all will meet with failure.
COROLLARY 5-A
Should the antagonist capture someone of importance to the protagonist (usually Love Interest or Goofy Sidekick), the prisoner will be individually restrained, often guarded by some kind of time-release execution device (See COROLLARY 7-A). The specifics may vary in this case, but regardless, the protagonist will usually succeed. Should the protagonist fail, the antagonist will be killed in retaliation (See RULE 11 – THE LAW OF DIVINE PUNISHMENT).
COROLLARY 5-B
Should the antagonist manage to capture the protagonist, the protagonist will NOT be executed. Rather, the protagonist will be placed in an elaborate prison or resigned to some slow-moving fate, from which the protagonist will dramatically but easily escape. Otherwise the protagonist will be given a non-fatal wound and left for dead.
6 - THE LAW OF HEROES EN MASSE
The number of clichés applied to a protagonist will increase in direct proportion to the number of protagonists in any given scenario.
Often a group of protagonists will emerge into a given situation. Though only one will be the leader, other roles can and will emerge, focussing on the central role played by the lead protagonist.
These roles may include, but will not be limited to: Love Interest, Goofy Sidekick, Friend With Issues, Mysterious Ally, Anti-Hero, Mentor, and Traitor. Each of these will adhere to their own specific cliché in direct relation to the lead protagonist.
COROLLARY 6-A
In the event of more than four protagonists, it is certain that at least one will die (See COROLLARY 2-A). This death will usually be at the hands of the antagonist (See COROLLARY 5-A). If the antagonist is not responsible, Traitor will be, and subsequently Traitor will be executed by Goofy Sidekick, Mysterious Ally, or the Lead Protagonist. In particular, Mentor and Friend With Issues are likely to be killed. An almost certain consequence of this will be the death of the killer (See RULE 11 – THE LAW OF DIVINE PUNISHMENT).
7 – THE LAW OF ARTIFACT COMPREHENSION
The more technologically or magically complex a device is, the easier the operation of said device.
This law allows the individual to operate (often experimental) equipment with which he/she has had no prior experience. Often this equipment takes the form of transportation or weaponry, sometimes stolen directly from the antagonist and thus facilitating the protagonist’s victory. On other occasions, the equipment will be the property of the protagonist, which the antagonist will hijack and use to his/her own nefarious ends.
In any circumstances, the device(s) being used will have devastating effect when used correctly, which is no difficult task as the device’s controls are ridiculously simple to discern, even for a child (See COROLLARY 4-A).
COROLLARY 7-A
All time-release devices (Bombs, traps, etc.) are fitted with timers, enabling the protagonist to know precisely when they will detonate. These timers are all programmed to stop when less than ten seconds remain, ensuring that no detonation takes place (See RULE 5 - THE LAW OF UN-IMPENDING DOOM). However, the antagonist will always ensure that there is one effective time-release device in play: the self-destruct mechanism of the antagonist’s base.
COROLLARY 7-B
In the event that a device is password-protected, the password will be insanely easy to guess (e.g. the name of the protagonist’s dead father), and the device will then be easily controlled.
COROLLARY 7-C
In the event that a device can only be used by certain individuals (the device is magical, the device requires a certain DNA sample for activation, etc), the protagonist will by an amazing coincidence be one of the three people in the world who can use it.
8 – THE LAW OF GREAT VENGEANCE AND FURIOUS ANGER
The skill displayed by any individual in combat is directly proportional to the determination shown by that individual.
A stoic individual who does not engage in witty banter will, without exception, be a dangerous opponent in combat. This law becomes the antithesis of Joker Theory (See RULE 3 - THE LAW OF JOKER THEORY), and is one of the only ways an individual protected by Joker Theory can be defeated in combat.
The protagonist may be assisted by this law when avenging the death of a loved one, engaging an Arch-Nemesis in combat, or perhaps simply because the protagonist is extremely determined and/or dedicated toward a set goal.
The antagonist, on the other hand, is usually aided by this law as a sign of their sadistic evil and arrogance. Exceptions can be made for some cases where the antagonist is mute or in a position where conversation is impossible. However, the antagonist will in the latter case almost certainly make up for this silence at another time (See COROLLARY 9-A).
COROLLARY 8-A
In the event of the protagonist losing a direct confrontation with the antagonist, the protagonist in question will sometimes be given a vision of the deceased Mentor (See COROLLARY 6-A). The resulting rise in determination will have a similar effect as the base law in this case, and enable the protagonist to defeat the antagonist with renewed determination.
COROLLARY 8-B
Should the antagonist be proving too powerful for defeat via conventional methods, the protagonist may react by unleashing a final desperate attack to overwhelm the antagonist. Though the result of a Desperation Manoeuvre is the same as that of Great Vengeance And Furious Anger, the distinction is there to be made.
9 - THE LAW OF SELF-IMPORTANCE
The worth of an antagonist is directly proportional to the ego of the antagonist; the worth of a protagonist is inversely proportional to the ego of the protagonist.
A protagonist who believes him/herself to be invincible will be quickly defeated; only through humility and beating the odds can a protagonist achieve victory. This law specifically enables the protagonist to pull off impossible feats, such as defeating the antagonist’s army of minions (See RULE 2 - THE LAW OF INVERSE NINJAS). It is when the protagonist becomes convinced that they have won a respite and are not in danger that the antagonist will strike.
Conversely, an antagonist gains power through their own high opinions of themselves. This is in many ways a positive thing through the confidence and decisiveness it gives them, but inevitably it leads to the antagonist’s downfall when the protagonist is underestimated to terrible effect.
COROLLARY 9-A
A common side-effect of Self-Importance is the monologue. Protagonists will only monologue in private, usually in times of great difficulty. Occasionally a protagonist monologue will result in a vision (See COROLLARY 8-A).
An antagonist will monologue both in private and with an audience, though the latter is more common. Monologues can be directed at hostages and at those to whom the hostages are being ransomed, and especially toward the protagonist before a battle.
10 – THE LAW OF BRAIN OVER BRAWN
For an individual who is intelligent rather than strong, the chances of their being defeated in combat are inversely proportional to the IQ of the individual in question.
Often amongst the protagonist’s allies there will be a Brain: one individual who lacks any real fighting skills but is supremely intelligent, most often embodied in Love Interest, Goofy Sidekick or Mentor. As a direct result of association with the protagonist, the Brain will find him/herself targeted by the antagonist. However, the Brain will have calculated and predicted all possible outcomes of the attack, and will have installed measures to deal with each scenario as it comes up.
On the other hand, the antagonist may be, or may be allied with, a Brain. In either event, the Brain will cause untold chaos to the efforts of the protagonist until the Brain is ultimately taken down. As the Brain is inevitably situated in the middle of a vastly powerful stronghold and surrounded by any other major antagonists, this is no easy task.
Assuming that some members of the attacking force finally manage to confront the Brain, they will be quickly despatched by the Brain’s heretofore unknown combat skills (kung-fu, customised weaponry, etc.).
Also worthy of mention is that other forces may come into play to protect the Brain. For example, since the image of a Computer Nerd defeating a Ninja in single combat is so ridiculous, it may actually occur for that precise reason (See RULE 3 – THE LAW OF JOKER THEORY).
COROLLARY 10-A
While the Brain is all but invincible to standard opponents, a major protagonist or antagonist is another story. Against one such opponent, the Brain will almost certainly be defeated, though not without putting up an impressive fight, and not without consequence (See COROLLARY 11-B).
COROLLARY 10-A
In the event of the Brain being an ally of the protagonist, and subsequently being killed, the Brain will leave behind items of use for the protagonist to avenge the Brain’s death. These items will be of immense value and will appear daunting at first, but soon enough the protagonist will master their use (See RULE 7 – THE LAW OF ARTIFACT COMPREHENSION).
Should the Brain be an ally of the antagonist, an immediate consequence of defeating the Brain is often the activation of a self-defence mechanism (See COROLLARY 7-A). This device must be deactivated or outrun, as the Brain will have assured its effectiveness as a form of pre-emptive revenge upon anyone who dares attack the Brain.
11 – THE LAW OF DIVINE PUNISHMENT
The amount of suffering inflicted upon any individual is directly proportional to the amount of sinning that individual has done.
This often results in a high death toll, as virtually any sin or crime committed by an individual will result in their bodily harm. Inclusive of sex, alcohol, drugs and the act of killing another living being, this law effects protagonists and antagonists alike.
The effects of Divine Punishment are cumulative, but the punishment may vary. One individual may be killed for committing a certain act while another may be punished but not killed. However, only the Anti-Hero has any chance of surviving a prolonged bout of sinning.
COROLLARY 11-A
Naturally, both the main antagonist and protagonist are partially exempt from this, in that they both have an excellent chance of survival in spite of whatever sins they may have committed. They will not, however, escape without injury.
COROLLARY 11-B
The antagonist may choose to kill an innocent individual who has not committed sins worthy of their punishment. This is not a disruption of the rules; rather, it is simply listed as a sin on the behalf of the antagonist that he/she is likely to be killed for.
Similarly, should the protagonist at any time, either by accident or design, kill an opponent who cannot defend themselves, the protagonist will pay severely.
COROLLARY 11-C
In the event of a reformed antagonist, Divine Punishment will apply in inverse proportions to the amount of redeeming done by the individual. The more effort made toward redemption, the less effect Divine Punishment will have. However, some sins (esp. murder) can never be fully cancelled out and will at the least result in bodily harm.
In most cases regarding a reformed antagonist, Divine Punishment will balance out the individual's sins against those of the individual's opponent before taking any real effect toward the outcome of the battle.
COROLLARY 11-D
Breaking or ignoring one of the rules as stated here will also often result in death, though not always. Nevertheless, a protagonist or antagonist who does not acknowledge what has been proven time and again by their forerunners is doomed to make the same mistakes and perish for them.
12 – THE LAW OF COMING RIGHT BACK
The likelihood of any individual keeping a promise made is inversely proportional to the amount of suffering that will occur if the promise is broken.
Most often said by the protagonist, a promise made to an ally that involves either of them surviving will almost certainly be broken. However small the promise may be, the antagonist will be aware the promise has been made and will exert every effort to ensure that the promise is not kept.
Should the antagonist make a promise, usually a threat to the protagonist or one of the protagonist’s allies, it will usually be carried out, or at least very nearly so.
COROLLARY 12-A
A promise made by the protagonist to Love Interest is almost certain to be kept against all odds. In these cases the promise is usually some ridiculously small thing that the protagonist takes extremely seriously. Eg: as an offer of dinner, interrupted by the antagonist’s efforts, finally realised by the two having dinner in the protagonist’s hospital room following the antagonist’s defeat.
COROLLARY 12-B
Any individual who swears revenge for an action taken – be the individual a protagonist or antagonist – will come very close to succeeding even if they ultimately fail. An antagonist who makes this promise will kill someone close to the protagonist; a protagonist who makes this promise will kill the antagonist (See RULE 8 – THE LAW OF GREAT VENGEANCE AND FURIOUS ANGER).