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YOU! YOU BETTER NOT BE SOBER

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scarred:
Had a couple beers with dinner. Yum, yum. Unemployment sucks.

ViolentDove:

--- Quote from: Ballard on 10 Feb 2010, 01:01 ---Sorry to lay some deep shit on this page but I need some advice.

I have been smoking for about a year; it started just at parties occasionally. In September I started smoking on the regular, at least a few times a week, and this escalated steadily for some time until I was smoking almost every day. Lately it's been less but I realized recently that I've been feeling depressed, anxious, and/or shitty a lot more than is normal for me. I'm generally a happy-go-lucky dude but these last few months, more and more often, it has happened that I've been struck suddenly and without warning by strong feelings of suicide and depression out of nowhere.

The other day I got higher than I've been in ages at a friend's house and we both moved to pass out in her bed but instead of falling asleep I bugged out and tripped balls. Without hyperbole, this felt 10x more like a trip than my acid trip. The world tore apart around me and I felt myself falling into a black abyss. Suddenly my mind flooded with dark, horrifying thoughts that presented themselves as undeniable realities regarding my life and the world around me. Sinking lower and lower, I came to the realization that underneath all the subterfuge, the world is a horrible, desperate place run by merciless psychological systems, and that everyone just lies to themselves in different ways to combat this. I felt lonely and beyond help. I remember waking up my friend and saying "holy shit, this is the worst I've ever felt in my life" but when she asked if she could do anything for me, I said "I don't know" and let her go back to bed. Eventually, overwhelmed, I gave up trying to fight this demon with positive thoughts and let it wash over me in hopes that eventually it would go away.

I don't remember falling asleep but I woke up at noon the next day, feeling perfectly fine if burned as fuck.

There have been many other experiences less intense than this but still shitty. Smoking seems to amplify these feelings. My life is going great socially, romantically, and professionally, and I haven't been traumatized by anything as far as I can recall. I don't really understand what is going on or why, but I'm worried and want to resolve it.

--- End quote ---

You should quit smoking for a while. I had a problem with smoking bringing on anxiety and panic attacks, and know people who have had it trigger psychotic episodes. If you've got a family history of these kind of things, even more so.

After a year or two of quitting I can smoke lightly, but we're talking like 1/3 of a joint every couple of weeks, not punching fifteen cones of hydro a day.

ViolentDove:
I feel like maybe there wasn't enough emphasis in that last post perhaps. You should really, really quit smoking.

Not trying to scare you or anything, but it sounds similar to the start of what happened to two different friends of mine, and it pretty much ruined their lives, so I'd err on the side of caution!

onewheelwizzard:
Yeah Gene it sounds like smoking weed might not be helping too much.

On the other hand, it's very likely that just getting high was not the most significant reason for that episode.  It's likely that you've been smoking more pot because you've felt more anxious and depressed recently, rather than the other way round, and you happened to recently hit an extreme in both.

Clearly a few lifestyle changes are in order, and it seems likely that toning down your weed intake a great deal will be a major part of that ... it won't fix the problem in and of itself (because smoking more weed is probably a symptom rather than a cause) but if that part is easy, that'll mean you're doing OK.

allison:
$3 bottles of Keith's at Molly Bloom? Right across the street from my 6-9pm class? YES PLEASE!

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