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A Transformers Review

<< < (7/8) > >>

electropants:
I was a lesbian for that two hours.

Joseph:
The movie was ass.  And this is from someone who loved Snakes On A Plane.

There were some fun action sequences, but there weren't a ton of them.  The Transformers themselves were almost a subplot.  The movie was too easy to make fun of; it required no work.  Joking about the movie was even boring.  I want the cartoon back.

Mieville:
Good enough for me.  Slightly miffed Bumblebee was a Camaro instead of the Beetle, but you could see a yellow VW Beetle next to him (Bumblebee) during the buy-a-car-for-Sam scene.  That redeemed some of it.  But when you see Barricade chase Bumblebee around do you really feel its so much better when its the classic muscle being chased by a cop car.

CGI and animation is way too intricate for any game platform to run, currently anyways.  That is why its top notch.

*dips a finger into the Transformersauce*
Hmmm...too many humans, needs more bots.

Jimmy the Squid:
I saw this the other night and I was fucking disappointed.

I went into this film knowing that the dialogue was going to be bad and that the entire movie was an excuse to see big robots blowing shit up and laying into one another. I was still disppointed. I had no idea the film would be this terrible. Shia LeBeouf is only ever good as a side character (and even in this he played the same brash, cocky teenage jerk he is in every other role he's ever played and he didn't even do it well. I don't know who they got for the Love Interest but she was entirely forgetable. Her character had the credibility of a burning paper bag of dogshit, she was unpleasent to look at and even more so to watch. Overall the human actors sucked.

The Transformers themselves were done really well. The voice acting was better than expected and the CGI effects were, for lack of a better word, amazing. Nevertheless the fight scenes went the way of so many action films these days and were lost in a haze of confusing camera angles and infuriating close ups that made it impossible to see what was going on. I kept waiting for the film to impress me. I held on to that optimism until the fight scene with Optimus Prime and Megatron. I have no idea what the hell happened, all I know is that Megatron somehow won but I have no idea how. This film tried to cross the line between shit and awesome and failed miserably. This was Mortal Kombat: Annihilation bad. This was The Covenant bad. This was actually painfully boring to watch.

Michael Bay stole two and a half hours of my life. Fuck you Michael Bay.

Ben yayayayayayayay:
According to imdb, so far he's stolen 14.63 hours from me.

Why do I never learn  :-(

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