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I wrote something bout blues

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a pack of wolves:
Parts of it are a little clunky, like that opening. It's a tad redundant but is the kind of thing that's so natural to preface something with, I generally find myself doing something similar to get started and then going back to cut it out later. There are one or two other bits that didn't flow very well either, such as the placing of this line: 'My blues collection is limited almost exclusively to the works of Blind Willie McTell, Blind Willie Johnson, and Robert Johnson, and I wish to discuss them in a series of three articles.' It jars where it is now.

However, these are minor quibbles and the kind of thing that you'll lose with time in any case so not something to be too worried about. The meat of it, both what you're trying to say and the way you express it, is very good and one of the few kinds of music writing I enjoy. You describe what the pieces evoke for you and I was particularly interested in the imagery you present as being created when listening to them. I also thought this was interesting, and nicely put: 'The man howls out from the despair of the solitude inflicted on him by his blindness, he yells out to a Lord he can not ever see and whom he has not yet heard. These are not hymns, they are desperate prayers of longing for salvation. I am not religious but the power of this humble struggle does not escape me.' I would have liked to see you say more on that.

In short, this is great and I'm looking forward to seeing what you write about Blind Willie McTell.

Kallahan:

--- Quote from: Flaming Ostrich on 30 Dec 2007, 00:09 ---dude why are you such a dick

I am no expert on dicks such as you, but they have always interested me

you should learn not to be a dick

I found this website where you can learn: http://2girls1cup.com

but if you are never not a dick, how can you expect to become better at not being one?

--- End quote ---

He asked for an honest review, I gave it. I did not mean to hurt his feelings, and I did not just say this sucks. I gave advice and encouragement. You, however, just called me a dick.

Johnny C:
Well, you did call his writing crap.

I think it's a little stiff, but not really bad. You might benefit from being more conversational in tone when you're writing an informal piece.

Tom:
Thing is, he tries to be conversational at times but it just feels a tad restrained. Other than that, I enjoyed the article.

Ishotdanieljohnston:
Thanks, that's actually a much better response than I was expecting. I'm still trying to get out of yr.12 english mode, which may be why it comes across a little stiff. I'm preparing to write the Willie McTell one now.

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