Fun Stuff > CHATTER
Schoolyard Stories
pen:
You think that's bad? There was this girl in the honors program at my high school. She was a junior at the time, and she actually asked the question, "When I laugh, is it my uterus that hurts?" and she was serious.
Mister Arkadin:
We had to build and launch these rockets once. Instead of attaching streamers to the rocket, my partner and i attached a parachute so it'd float around aimlessly. And we also glued some smokebombs to the side and wired them to the fuse.
And then when we were outside in this goose-shit-filled-field, waiting for our turn to launch the rocket, my partner suddenly grabbed a fistful of goose shit and shoved it into the rocket.
The shit kind of melted and burned and started dripping out and as the rocket started to land it pretty much rained shit.
Cartilage Head:
I was the shortest kid in my class until sixth grade and got shit-kicked and picked on quite frequently for both that and the fact that I wore glasses. Basically the only good story I can remember from those days is the very day I decided to start standing up for myself, spat in the face of one of my tormentors, and swung madly at him. I probably didn't hurt him that much, but I landed a couple of good ones and got in trouble. He stopped messing with me , at least.
I was a very unhappy child.
captain zoe:
When I was in the 3rd grade I was playing at recess under one of those big dome jungle gym things, and this girl in my class was on top of it, on the outside, and she swung down from the highest part and kicked me right in the fucking mouth. It chipped one of my front teeth and two of my bottom teeth. (But the baby teeth had already fallen out, so I was stuck with those ones) Eventually part of the top tooth broke off and now half of it's fake. Fun. Bitch ended up going through all of middle school with me and pretended it never happened.
I also remember once in high school, a classmate in my chemistry class played a prank on the teacher and left one of those fake dog poop piles on his desk...the teacher comes in, looks at it, and says, "That's a really shitty joke." I loved that teacher.
And this isn't mine, but it happened to my dad and it's probably one of the funniest stories he's ever told, so I'll share it with you. When he was in grade school he attended a Catholic school taught by nuns, the badass habit-wearing ones from the late 50s/60s. Anyway, he's probably about 8 years old, sitting in the back of English class one day, and he farts really loudly. The nun asks who did it, and he doesn't fess up, but one of his classmates rats him out. So the nun calls my dad up to the front of the class, where she lectures him and then tells him to go back to his seat. When he turns around to walk away, she says to him "You have the backbone of a jelly fish!" and without even turning around, he just keeps on walking but wiggles his whole body like a fish...and the nun grabs the chalkboard eraser and chucks it at him, and hits him square in the shoulders, chalk dust flies everywhere and now he's got this big white rectangle mark on the back of his uniform...I'm pretty sure he never did that again. Funny as balls.
Scandanavian War Machine:
i had a health teacher who was an extremely obese and angry lady. nobody liked her.
during our sex-ed unit she went into great detail describing the taste of semen and what it's like to swallow it and how it's not bad for you to swallow etc. etc.
needless to say it was something that no-one wanted to hear from her.
she was notorious for giving too much information. shortly after that she got divorced, changed her name (which confused us alot), then refused to stop giving us updates on the status of her and her internet boyfriend. she even attempted to give us the "steamy" details of when they finally got together in person but we stopped her before she got too into it. ughhh...it was terrifying.
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