The comic book of Killer Condom is better than the film. Also, man, you should see some of the design work HR Giger did that they pretty much rejected.
It is one of my ambitions to amass the best collection of incredibly awful horror films ever. Thus I own:
Have you ever wondered what happens if you let two black metal fans make a vampire flick with a budget of under a thousand dollars? Wonder no more. Notable for it's USBM soundtrack and for the scene where a vampire angel rips out a nuns vagina with her teeth.
Or: Man, John Savages career has slid a long way since The Deer Hunter.
An english proffessor dies in a hunting accident whilst out in the woods with his son. Naturally, the boy starts quoting Beowulf and eating his fathers kidneys, and goes on corrupt other children, turning them into a cannibal plague that sweeps creepy, religious fundamentalist backwoods communities.
I thought I would post both DVD covers for this, as it is interesting how the european one is a rip-off of 28 Days Later, and the american one a rip off of
300. Speaking of ripping off 28 Days Later, imagine that film. Now imagine that it was all shot on handycam. Now imagine there were only 15 extras. Now add in a liberal touch of The Blair Witch project. You have this film. Surprisingly, there were actually some scary bits.
Chopper Chicks in Zombietown is one of those films were the title does not leave you guessing as to the films content. The evil midgets, uzi toting blind kids and creepy circus music soundtrack are all welcome surprises however.
You will notice a lot of these are vampire flicks. Vampire films really are the bottom of the low budget horror barrel. Even more so than zombie flicks. After all, all you need is some fake fangs, a few goth extras (they may even have their own fake fangs) and lots of blood. Razor Blade Smile exemplifies this, whilst also managing to skewer lots of vampire film cliches and be a lot of fun. It also has that one scene. I won't spoil it for the uninitiated, but if anyone else has seen this..."Murder isn't funny!"
At the end of Modern Vampires (Revenant in the UK), a gang of vampire gangbangers fight Count Draculas vampire mafia in a vampire S&M club. That's really all you need to know.
If this film were as awesome as its cover suggests it should be, then there would be no more need to manufacture pop culture, and we could all just sit around in a state of Zen bliss. Alas.
A psychotic film nerd begins to dress up as characters from movies in order to murder people who have crossed him. He dies in a hail of gunfire on top of Grauman's Chinese Theatre screaming "I'M ON TOP OF THE WORLD MA!". Surprisingly unentertaining.
This film stars Dani Filth. 'nuff said. Ok, no, not enough said. At one point, Dani transforms into a lovecraftian monstrosity and impregnates this goth chick with a hideous mutant spider baby that eats its way out of her womb. Oh, and he eats a cat.
I learned a very important lesson from Nightstalker, which is that taking crack makes your head spin round really fast and Satan appear in your rear view mirror telling you to kill people whilst grindcore plays. This film only gets truly ridiculous when the 'evil' effects used for the Nightstalker start to be linked to other actions. Like when one cop takes some heart medication, and then his head whirls round accompanied by tortured screaming, or when a similiar thing happens when another cop
sexually harrases a co-worker. Night Stalker also probably deserves to win a prize for how loosely it is based on the actual story of Richard Ramirez.
It's a big regret of mine that I have not yet been able to convince anyone else
just how good this film is.
You think you've seen misogyny? You ain't seen shit boy. Also, best evil midget ever.
Oh Troma. Some film geek once told me that this was the first feature length film to have a cinema release that was shot entirely on video. Anyone know if this is true?
