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I want kids. However, unlike a lot of people I know who are married and pregnant, I don't want kids right now. I mean, my mom didn't have me until she was 37. Personally, I think that's a bit late, but right now 37 seems a lot better than 22. And I mean this. Half of my circle of friends, who range from 19-late 20s, are married and about half of them have kids and/or are having kids. This makes me want to have kids right now even less, because the idea of having a kid right now scares the shit out of me.

RedLion:
(To note--this isn't a response to anyone inparticular, just an exposition of my thoughts on the matter. So don't take it personally.) The parental argument of "This is not a democracy, this is not 'Let's Make a Deal'" is not only disingenuous and potentially dangerous, but also it's also a paradoxical abdication of responsibility. Rather than act a mature adult capable of carrying out a conversation and working to a resolution (even with children who are being insufferable), they simply resort to "this is my house, and things will be done as I say." In that way, they're being no better--perhaps worse--than the child throwing a tantrum in the drug store, wanting candy or a toy. Both reactions are brought about by the mentality, though it's subconscious in most, particularly in children, that it's their way and nothing else and god help you if you go against it. The child will pitch a fit, scream, cry, kick, fight and thoroughly embarrass you until you give in. The parent will punish, take, admonish, speak down to, and often times passive-aggressively insult the child until they give in. It's a pathetic response.

That's a nice sentiment, but it's an empty threat. What are you going to do? Kick them out on the street? Until they're old enough to care for themselves, the parental or guardian is legally culpable for them. Take away the Playstation, take away the TV, ground them, etc., but beyond that, there's really nothing you can do. With a young child, parental authority is, and has been for a half a century now, a paper tiger. Kids don't have any right to run amok and get whatever the hell they want, to cause chaos and act like little jerks in general, but they do have the right to have their their feelings, emotions and desires taken just as seriously as the adults of their family, even if they're ridiculous and outlandish at times.

By employing what are frankly autocratic methods, it's been proven that the neurotransmitters in the brain that are responsible for weighing judgment are rewired in a strange way--they wind up acting not in the way that evolution forged it, to determine "what will the be downsides and rewards to this action?", but instead "How harshly will [insert authority figure here] punish me for this? " which then taps into the parts of the brain responsible for anxiety, panic and fear. After a prolonged period of this, every time the child has to make a choice, the brain will automatically release the chemicals responsible for anxiety and fear, setting up the child for life-long and potentially crippling anxiety problems.

Basically, in summation, if your idea of dealing with a child is to pull the "I'm your parent, your elder, and I own the house" card, then you really shouldn't be popping out kids at all, because you lack the capability to provide the child with what is scientifically a healthy upbringing--that is, one of mutual respect, discussion and compromise.

KvP:

--- Quote from: Switchblade on 09 Mar 2008, 18:14 ---Apparently, I'm damn near a clone of my Dad, minus his extra thirty years of experience and insight. We share a lot of the same mannerisms and personality traits.

My relationship with my parents (nowadays) is great. I try to visit them whenever I can, we're all into the same stuff, and we can have a conversation about nearly anything and agree on it. They respect my intelligence, and I respect their experience (not to mention, I'm fairly certain they're both smarter than me).  I love them both to bits.

There were a few rocky patches back in the day, but looking back, they all boiled down to me being a complete fucking brat. I'm glad to have grown out of that now.

--- End quote ---
This is exactly my experience as well. I clashed with my parents as a kid, but it 95% of the time it was me being a goddamn stupid teenager who believed in his own personhood but wasn't nearly smart enough to take responsibility for things. The other 5% were misunderstandings. When I move out my parents will be my favorite people, I wager. This is the same for a lot of people, even here, I bet.

Man, it's only recently occurred to me how little I know about my dad. We sound the same and have the same mannerisms (we're very mild people) but all I know about his youth was that he went out to see the Stones and Zeppelin and Bowie and Springsteen and a bunch of people I love but will probably never witness.

And has anybody else noticed themselves becoming gradually more conservative as they get older? Not necessarily in the political sense, but rather in that they start to value stability and certainty more, and don't find themselves getting outraged at every little slight and discrepancy in their lives? Shit, I'm feeling it and I'm only 21.

calenlass:

--- Quote from: ruyi on 09 Mar 2008, 19:19 ---I say this hesitantly because I don't want to seem rude, but I think it's kind of immature for anyone to be so sure they'll never have kids. What makes you so different or special from other human beings? Don't you think many of our own parents ever felt the same way? Also, a lot of us are very young. Who are you to say you know who or where you'll be in some years? Ask anyone what they remember about being in their early 20s.

--- End quote ---

One of my second-cousins recently died of cystic fibrosis. One of my great-grandmothers died of diabetes, and another had gestational diabetes. My maternal grandmother had a double lumpectomy, her father had multiple instances of melanoma, my great-uncle is currently fighting colon cancer, and my other great-grandfather died of testicular cancer. My paternal grandmother is on thyroid medication, the kind that if you don't take it for three days you die. Bipolar disorder and severe ADD run in both sides of my family. I am self-centered and irresponsible. I am greedy and selfish and lazy. I am terrified of forcibly inflicting myself on another human being, and likewise terrified of being inflicted with someone I potentially dislike for the next 20 years of my life. I cannot afford to support myself, much less someone else as well, and I do not want to give up my standard of living.

These are my reasons for not ever wanting kids. If they are immature, then so be it; in fact, that only strengthens my argument. Plus, if I ever change my mind about the non-medical issues, I can always adopt.

idiolect:
Calenlass, I believe you that you don't want kids, and I even agree with the above poster who said that it's weird that people do always assume that those who don't have kids will surely somehow "snap out of it" at some point down the line.  All I (and I'm assuming ruyi as well) am saying is that most people who are 20 probably haven't got a solid line on major life decisions like that quite yet.

Also, I totally don't believe you that your lack of desire to have kids stems from some kind of generous feeling of not wanting to inflict your genes on someone.  I mean, you could always adopt, or just play genetic roulette anyway like most people do.  I think you just plain don't want to have kids, and that is totally fine in and of itself.

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