Topic: I have three bottles of human urine. (Read 27999 times)

KharBevNor · « **on:** 24 Mar 2008, 17:09 »

What shall I do with them?

Prize for the most creative suggestion.

The Questionable Content Forums disavow any and all harm, bodily or otherwise, caused due to the improper use of bottles of human urine. -JC

ampersandwitch · « **Reply #1 on:** 24 Mar 2008, 17:15 »

What is the prize?

Is it three bottles of human urine?

IronOxide · « **Reply #2 on:** 24 Mar 2008, 17:17 »

The Golden Stream:
2 Oz human urine
10 Oz vodka

Drink until you don't realize you're drinking urine anymore.

EDIT:
This can also be known as the "Hidden Camera"

Dimmukane · « **Reply #3 on:** 24 Mar 2008, 17:26 »

Threaten to drink them on your blog unless people give you large quantities of money.

crohnsy · « **Reply #4 on:** 24 Mar 2008, 17:42 »

urine balloon fight......

Cam · « **Reply #5 on:** 24 Mar 2008, 17:49 »

Dilute the urine and use it to start a hydroponic garden.

Switchblade · « **Reply #6 on:** 24 Mar 2008, 18:00 »

step 1: Leave the urine stored in an airtight container for couple months, then filter it through ashes. Allow the filtered fluid to evaporate, leaving behind crystals of potassium nitrate (AKA saltpetre). keep a little urine left over.

step 2: finely grind and mix with finely ground charcoal and sulphur, with the weights 75 parts Potassium, 15 parts charcoal and 10 parts sulfur. stir in your remaining urine until you have a thick black paste. Leave out in the sun to dry. Once dry, finely grind up the resulting "biscuit" into a powder.

You now have gunpowder. What you do with it is up to you. Those bottles could make for some fine shrapnel, if you were inclined towards making a bomb (seriously though, DO NOT BUILD A BOMB! I am very serious about this.)

The amount of saltpetre you get out of a mere three bottles of urine won't make a lot, though. so it might be worth looking into gathering a LOT more urine first.

crohnsy · « **Reply #7 on:** 24 Mar 2008, 18:05 »

Quote from: Switchblade on 24 Mar 2008, 18:00

s(seriously though, DO NOT BUILD A BOMB! I am very serious about this.)

telling someone how then saying do not do it, hmm probably not one of the smartest posts I've ever read on the internet..........

Switchblade · « **Reply #8 on:** 24 Mar 2008, 18:09 »

Well, there are other uses for black powder. It's pretty much the best way to scare cats out of your flower garden, for example.

Hell, if somebody let off an explosion (Even a small one) near MY asshole when I was halfway through a Number Two, I'd be constipated for a month...

dennis · « **Reply #9 on:** 24 Mar 2008, 18:15 »

Stand out in front of a drug testing clinic and sell them.

Spluff · « **Reply #10 on:** 24 Mar 2008, 18:22 »

Market it as an upper class wine, and sell to the rich and famous.

Aminal · « **Reply #11 on:** 24 Mar 2008, 18:24 »

throw it on a freezing road so you can walk the Golden Path hurr hurr

Switchblade · « **Reply #12 on:** 24 Mar 2008, 18:26 »

Y'know, this reminds me of an old joke.

It's about a guy who called his doctor complaining about a pain in his arm. The doctor tells him to come into the clinic, and bring a urine sample. So, the guy does, and trundles along. When he gets there, the doctor shows him this big shiny machine in his office and says "This thing arrived an hour ago and I've been itching to try it out. Here, just tip your urine sample into that funnel and press the green button."

The man does so. The machine clicks and whirrs for a second and then announces: "You have Tennis Elbow. take some painkillers and rest." The Doctor writes him a prescription for painkillers, tells him not to use his arm too much, and to come back in a week.

As his next appointment's coming round the next week, the man decides to test the machine's limits, and gets urine samples from his wife, daughter and father, mixing them with his own. For good measure, he ejaculates into the mixture, and then heads over to the office. As before, the doctor bids him empty the concoction into the machine's funnel and press the green button.

After whirring away for a few seconds and then announces:

"1: Your father needs a new hip, get him to a surgery.
2: Your wife is doing cocaine. Get her into rehab.
3: Your daughter is pregnant. Talk to her.
4: Your tennis elbow will not get better if you do not stop masturbating."

Lines · « **Reply #13 on:** 24 Mar 2008, 18:37 »

Pull a Piero Manzoni and sell it as 100% Pure Artist's Pee.

Patrick · « **Reply #14 on:** 24 Mar 2008, 18:50 »

JENKEM

Ballard · « **Reply #15 on:** 24 Mar 2008, 18:51 »

Am I the only one curious to know how you obtained these bottles?

P.S. Patrick you're a terrible person.

Patrick · « **Reply #16 on:** 24 Mar 2008, 19:00 »

Hey at least I didn't tell him how to get explosives out of it. Just massively powerful hallucinogens that leave the taste of raw sewage in your mouth for weeks.

Boro_Bandito · « **Reply #17 on:** 24 Mar 2008, 19:20 »

Is there any way to make a liquid carbonated? Because if so, do whatever that process entails, then buy a couple of six packs of cheap ass piss beer. Replace the piss beer in the first six pack with the actual carbonated piss, then find an enemy who can chug beer faster than you. Challenge them to a drinking contest.

Just, don't mixup which cans hold what, though you may not be able to tell anyway.

Ballard · « **Reply #18 on:** 24 Mar 2008, 19:26 »

Soda Club (though I'm sure there's cheaper, homemade ways).

bryanthelion · « **Reply #19 on:** 24 Mar 2008, 19:28 »

flush it down the toilet.

Boro_Bandito · « **Reply #20 on:** 24 Mar 2008, 19:31 »

Now that I think about it there's a CO2 pump thing at work for the fountain machine = greatest revenge on fucking asshole customers of all time.

Edit: You know, three bottles of urine to a man dying of thirst in the desert wouldn't sound half bad I'm betting, give them to him while you're driving past in your gas guzzling four wheel drive SUV, you earth killing bastards.

Nodaisho · « **Reply #21 on:** 24 Mar 2008, 19:57 »

Quote from: Patrick on 24 Mar 2008, 19:00

Hey at least I didn't tell him how to get explosives out of it. Just massively powerful hallucinogens that leave the taste of raw sewage in your mouth for weeks.

Hey, explosives are good things to know about. Now I just have to figure out how to get hold of sulfur and charcoal when the zombie apocalypse happens. Blackpowder revolving rifle. Or I could just make a bow...

Jooooosh · « **Reply #22 on:** 24 Mar 2008, 20:54 »

He drank some water and waited 20 minutes

thegreatbuddha · « **Reply #23 on:** 24 Mar 2008, 21:05 »

Fill up a bottle of Bud Ice with it, and leave it in your refrigerator. Make sure it is the only beer there. When someone asks for it, let them drink it. Taking a man's last beer is a douchebag move, and deserves reciprocation.

Joseph · « **Reply #24 on:** 24 Mar 2008, 21:12 »

Quote from: Dimmukane on 24 Mar 2008, 17:26

Threaten to drink them on your blog ~~unless~~ if people give you large quantities of money.

KharBevNor · « **Reply #25 on:** 24 Mar 2008, 21:33 »

Quote from: roxie_vinyl on 24 Mar 2008, 21:03

Ok let me rephrase this... WHY? Why would you collect and save 3 bottles of human urine?

I've been playing a lot of old half-life mods online. Didn't want to take the time to get up and piss.

I filled up a can as well earlier.

I really should probably just tip them away, but I am sure there must be a good use for it.

I tried painting with it already, but it doesn't stain enough.

Liam · « **Reply #26 on:** 24 Mar 2008, 21:47 »

You, sir, have the chance to practice the long-forgotten Black Cookery Arts. Baste a turkey with the urine, mixed with cloves of garlic and the blood squeezed from a roadkill raccoon and you have a Deep Turkey, an unspeakably delicious dish from beyond the realm of sanity. Bon appetit.

KharBevNor · « **Reply #27 on:** 24 Mar 2008, 21:54 »

I do not live on a continent blessed with raccoons.

Also, Patrick, Jenkem is made from shit, as you well know.

Boro_Bandito · « **Reply #28 on:** 24 Mar 2008, 22:13 »

can't you boil down urine and get phosphorous? You could make a night light!

Tom · « **Reply #29 on:** 24 Mar 2008, 23:39 »

Quote from: KharBevNor on 24 Mar 2008, 21:54

Also, Patrick, Jenkem is made from shit, as you well know.

It is also not a drug per se. Methane and hydrogen sulfide (other gases associated with sewage) is just getting collected and people are allegedly huffing it.

The 'effects' are consistent with hypoxia and side effects such as diarrhoea and other gastrointestinal diseases can be attributed to the composition of the initial substance used.

Ozymandias · « **Reply #30 on:** 25 Mar 2008, 00:29 »

Why not just lick some toad instead?

ruyi · « **Reply #31 on:** 25 Mar 2008, 00:53 »

Quote from: KharBevNor on 24 Mar 2008, 21:33

I've been playing a lot of old half-life mods online. Didn't want to take the time to get up and piss.

I filled up a can as well earlier.

you know, i respected you

Tom · « **Reply #32 on:** 25 Mar 2008, 01:07 »

Quote from: Ozymandias on 25 Mar 2008, 00:29

Why not just lick some toad instead?

Wouldn't the toad get annoyed?

Spluff · « **Reply #33 on:** 25 Mar 2008, 01:10 »

[insert toad related oral sex joke here]

Patrick · « **Reply #34 on:** 25 Mar 2008, 05:24 »

Quote from: KharBevNor on 24 Mar 2008, 21:54

Also, Patrick, Jenkem is made from shit, as you well know.

Damn. I was hoping you'd actually huff your piss like any normal person.

0bsessions · « **Reply #35 on:** 25 Mar 2008, 07:42 »

Quote from: thegreatbuddha on 24 Mar 2008, 21:05

Fill up a bottle of Bud Ice with it, and leave it in your refrigerator. Make sure it is the only beer there. When someone asks for it, let them drink it. Taking a man's last beer is a douchebag move, and deserves reciprocation.

Man, if he used PBR instead, I'm pretty sure no one would be able to tell the difference.

onewheelwizzard · « **Reply #36 on:** 25 Mar 2008, 07:52 »

KharBevNor · « **Reply #37 on:** 25 Mar 2008, 21:01 »

I am a notorious dirtbag.

Jenkem is a prank/IRL troll, I thought pretty much everyone knew this.

Hat · « **Reply #38 on:** 25 Mar 2008, 21:22 »

Start collecting bottles of human shit, and human blood, as well as more urine and tell people you have the most comprehensive collection of Joy Division records in the country.

Alternative: Speciality designer perfume?

Tom · « **Reply #39 on:** 26 Mar 2008, 00:34 »

Quote from: KharBevNor on 25 Mar 2008, 21:01

I am a notorious dirtbag.

Jenkem is a prank/IRL troll, I thought pretty much everyone knew this.

So did I.

Jimmy the Squid · « **Reply #40 on:** 26 Mar 2008, 01:31 »

Piss, shit, blood, semen and saliva. All this will produce demons for you.

Patrick · « **Reply #41 on:** 26 Mar 2008, 06:16 »

in b4 2girls1cup

Boro_Bandito · « **Reply #42 on:** 26 Mar 2008, 09:04 »

It's actually 2girls3bottles now.

Patrick · « **Reply #43 on:** 26 Mar 2008, 13:28 »

I hope it involves Super Soakers.

Boro_Bandito · « **Reply #44 on:** 26 Mar 2008, 16:07 »

I'm betting there's always a website for that, law of internet fetish porn right?

And even if there isn't, Khar can start it now.

WriterofAllWrongs · « **Reply #45 on:** 26 Mar 2008, 16:24 »

Am I the only one who immediately thought of slip n' slides?

Cartilage Head · « **Reply #46 on:** 26 Mar 2008, 19:33 »

Black bile, yellow bile.

KharBevNor · « **Reply #47 on:** 26 Mar 2008, 21:27 »

Quote from: Boro_Bandito on 26 Mar 2008, 16:07

And even if there isn't

There is.

So, right now, most of the suggestions boil down to:

1) drinking it
2) frollicking in it
3) making or tricking someone else into drinking it
4) making it into a bomb

I could have thought up all this on my own. Come on people.

Boro_Bandito · « **Reply #48 on:** 26 Mar 2008, 21:37 »

Hey, a night light does not fit into any of those categories!

Hat · « **Reply #49 on:** 26 Mar 2008, 23:18 »

Use it in a ritual to please Satan?

I don't know Khar, there are not THAT many uses for urine!

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Author Topic: I have three bottles of human urine. (Read 27999 times)

Aminal