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Girlfriend/Whore Dictonomy

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FoolOnTheHill:
I didn't know where else to post this, so I decided here is close enough...

So I started seeing this girl about 4 months ago and we really hit it off. We shared similar interests, liked a lot of the same music, same movies, and everytime we hung out we always ended us in sloppy makeouts or awesome sexing mode. Now, we never said we were an official couple or anything, but really, the things we did implied it quite strongly. She always says things to me like "I'm not your girlfriend you know" and such just to remind me, but I believe regardless we have a strong relationship. So we were happy, and for a time it was good...

Last night I came online and started talking to her on MSN. Never had she mentioned it before, but she brought up the fact that over this 4 month period she had been seeing other men..... and so I dumped her.

She went on saying "It was none of your buisness", "I never said we were exclusive", "you never asked" and "this is both our fault", but it didn't mean shit to me, so I dumped her and now am refusing to talk to her on any grounds. I feel utterly betrayed and played, and to make it worse I really did like her a lot...

So here's my questions to the QC audience since this series is all about the drama lately:

"Is it common courtesy to tell someone at the start of a relationship whether or not you're seeing other people at the same time?"

I feel quite justified in dumping her, and already have my opinion on the afore mentioned question, I just want your opinions.

Thank-you everyone.

Rocketman:
Good show, old bean. *golf clap*

benji:
I think the proper place for this post would probably have been the off topic forum which is currently called "I Like HURRRRR" or something like that.

But to your post: Sorry man. That really sucks. I probably would have had the same reaction as you. If I really liked her, I might try to work things out so long as she understood we were exclusive now. I would then break up with her later because I would get sick of feeling paranoid. 

I suppose it matters when you measure the start of a relationship. You don't need to say everything about your current situation on the first date*, but once it becomes clear that something is actually happening it's time to come clean. By 4 months in a relationship like you describe, I would expect to be told if there were other men.

*by the way, there are some things I would like to be told on the first date. Examples include "I'm married but I want to fool around," "I'm married, but he's really open minded and really, we just want a third," and "I have the clap."

Hadrian Emrys:
Been through a similar situation myself. She wasn't honest with you, and you were manipulated and used. No matter how wonderful the person you thought she was, well, WAS, you now know shoe she really is. You did the right thing for you by seperating yourself from this person, sticking with her would only excuse her desregarding you and your feelings. The whole, we're not bf'gf thing should have been a clue, but I know how that is. When you fall for someone, subtle hints that things are amiss tend to fly over your head. It's a bitch only being able to see stuff like that in hindsight, but that's how some of us are doomed to learn I suppose. In any case, I have no idea how to do forge ahead, but my own experience tells me that the best you can do from this point is to try and let thhis whole thing go over time so that it doesn't eat you up and make you bitter. There are users, and abusers, in the world. You've seen that first hand. Yet, though I generally loathe the context with which this line is used, there are other fish in the sea. It would be a lot different if you simply viewed the girl as a good friend as benefits, but some of us have a hard time viewing things as such, esecially when they feel wronged by the third party. As you can tell, I'm a bit confused by my own version of this, so take the adivce with a fistfull of salt. Best of luck.

Surgoshan:
Well, if you were sleeping with her and she was saying "I'm not your girlfriend", that should've been a clue that she didn't see it as a relationship.  Or at least not a relationship beyond benefriends.  You should've broken it off then if you wanted more. 

I'm really sorry this had to happen, man.

As to whether she should have said she was seeing others?  I think that's what she thought she was doing.  She was just pretty obtuse about it.

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