Fun Stuff > CHATTER
Commitment
Slick:
So what do you do if you're in a committed relationship and along comes someone better? Well, you break it off then court the other person, only to later realize you wanted what you had and you should go back. Obviously. Try not to be the 'someone better' in this situation.
My housemate would argue that people desiring others while being exclusive with someone is just a perfect example of why monogamy is a bad idea. I personally stand by monogamy being just as valid a choice as polyamory for dealing with relationships, each having it's merits and appeals for certain people. I think the big thing is, just like your sexuality, not to fall into one mold by convention or default; think about your options and come to the right one for you.
I think people have a natural tendency to get bored with things. This prevents stagnation and is useful for us on many levels. The problem is, after a while, you can easily get bored with anyone, if you're not putting more into it. Also, to bring up high fidelity again, fantasies don't have the old lady underwear and have cute issues, while the person you're with you've seen when they haven't shaved their legs and have a history of arguments with. This makes a great argument for polyamory, or at the very least, taking breaks from time to time. Seriously, if you're studying, working, or doing most anything for too long, you become less and less productive over time, unless you take breaks. Why would anyone ever think that's any different for relationships?
Not to say that that's for everyone, but I think a successful monogamous relationship requires both parties to lead healthy individual lives so that they've got something without the other person that keeps them going.
Dissy:
I just pray to god that when I finally get married, I don't have Peter Cook saying the mass/marrige thingy.
"Mawage, Mawage is wot bwings us togda today. Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam...
And wuv, tru wuv, will fowow you foweva...
So tweasure your wuv.
Have you the wing?
...and do you,Pwincess Buwwercwuup...
Man an' wife."
yes, I have that movie memorized.
jimbunny:
tl;dr
THE ONE:
...
OK, no one's saying that marriage as society knows it today is perfect. I'm pretty sure that Brittany Spears is the example that always seems to come up under this heading. But that might just be because we're stupid about it. Maybe we always have been. But "the one" is, has to be (in my opinion) a cultural myth, arising in response to an oppressive system that reduced individuals to material quantities (wealth, physicality, age, etc.) which, while perhaps was pragmatic for certain people in certain social positions, on the whole was never necessary for survival after a very early stage as a species. This system is not monogamy per se, but stupidity. I think the reason we don't match ourselves to others well, or that we cannot sustain relationships to people who are good for us, boils down to sheer stupidity. Inversely, the idea that there is one person, among the billions of people on the planet, for whom we are most suited, is also a little daft. The answer isn't, I believe, polyamory; for me, that just seems like so much unnecessary stress. Because "getting bored," as it were, doesn't ever really happen uniformly to both parties in a relationship, at least not very often. I would think it less work, then, to try and work through the boring phases in a relationship than to induce the trauma (to yourself or to the other party) of partial or complete separation.
Basically, I think that making smart choices and working hard at a committed relationship, accepting the sacrifices that go along with it (including letting go of the possibility of something better), is more rewarding than conditional, uncertain relationships. That said, the world is a very large place and people vary enormously; I can't conscientiously say that some things won't work out for some people. But, I think for most people, still, marriage can be a very good thing.
sean:
Dissy you are my new favorite person ever.
Lines:
--- Quote from: pi on 27 May 2008, 08:54 ---
--- Quote from: Linds on 27 May 2008, 08:16 ---
--- Quote from: pi on 26 May 2008, 17:46 ---I guess that was the reason behind marriage in the first place: creating a stable and positive environment for kids to grow up in
--- End quote ---
Man, it's obvious you have commitment issues, but that statement really bothers me. I wouldn't have been bothered if you said family alliance or money, the former which includes having kids, but that alone just bothers me.
--- End quote ---
You think marrying for money or because your parents told you to is morally superior than doing so for the wellbeing of your children?
--- End quote ---
None of those make me feel morally superior. This is a historical perspective, not what I think is going on now. So considering that you said "reason behind marriage in the first place," which historically is inaccurate, I know that the reasons I gave are true. People in the past cared more about marrying off their kids for an alliance and/or because the other family was rich. Kids were secondary (not to sound harsh) to both of those. This is a historical perspective, not what I think is going on now. (And we're not even getting into religious reasons, which has even more reasons, depending on the religion.)
Now, if you meant you are talking about marriage now, I still have a problem with that statement. I grew up perfectly fine with only one parent and I've always disagreed with "staying together for the kids" if the home environment was suffering because of it. Also, not everyone who gets married wants to/can have children and not everyone who wants children gets married. There are plenty of reasons for getting married, but I don't that anyone can just have one single reason to get married, be it the right or wrong ones.
Besides, say you did get married to someone you loved and then found someone else that you thought would be a better match? Would you cheat? Get a divorce? Stay with your spouse and forget the new person?
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