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Whatever, Let's Have A Goddamn Blog Thread, But Try And Keep It Reasonable

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ampersandwitch:
Thank you for your well wishes on this most auspicious day.

Dazed:
Happy Birfday. ¿Cuantos años tienes?

Caleb:
Happy Birthday ampersandwitch.


Lunchbox.  It's amazing how skinny some fluffy cats are once they get drenched.

benji:
Dear Blog Thread,

This week has gone by really fast. I can't believe it's Friday. It's been the normal work and church stuff that dominates my life, so it's probably not all that interesting 2nd hand, but first hand it's been fun. I've come to realize recently how much fun I'm having being me. We (collectively) spend a lot of time on hope and nostalgia, but I wonder how many of us really take the time to look around and realize how much fun we're having right now. I've got an interesting enough job, my roommates are a pretty great bunch of my fellow nerds and geeks, I'm developing a strong group of friends who I don't live with, and I'm contributing to the world in good ways. This is fun.

I think the "Nice Guy" discussion is an interesting one. I don't think the problem is men being nice, the problem is when we walk around with this image of ourselves as the poor, put-upon, "Nice Guy." It involves an odd combination of self-deprecation and arrogance; "if she could just see how nice I am, she would fall for me instantly, but I'm just too socially inept for her to notice, so she's always with the jerks." There's a certain apocalyptic narrative to it as well: eventually all wrongs will be righted and the meek will inherit the girls. I think I have a tendency towards that kind of thinking, but I try to guard against it. I can be confident without being a jerk. I manage to pull it off very well in business and in non-romantic social gatherings. But romance brings out my inborn shyness.

This has been on my mind a bit recently because the one thing missing in my life at the moment is romance. I would certainly like a girl (or maybe a boy) to spend some time with but I also genuinely feel like I don't have time to pursue someone. But that's also a cheep excuse for cowardice. The truth is, as a shy dude, I prefer being the pursued to being the pursuer, and since I usually do prefer women, the cultural cards are stacked against me.

Jace:

--- Quote from: benji on 14 Nov 2008, 08:33 --- I can be confident without being a jerk.

--- End quote ---

This, I think this is the most important thing. It took me 4 years to break out of my shyness shell, but when I did, I wasn't confident without acting like a jerk. It took me a year to fix that, and I'm still working on it a bit.

And I know it seems like I have a terrible low opinion of women, but I think that's just because I can't seem to make my points clear. I'm gonna anecdote all up in this real quick and see if it helps.

One of my coworkers (my old manager actually) read the book The Game, he thought it was a great way to pick up women. But when it didn't work for him, he didn't realize it was because he can be a genuinely nice guy, who is pretty cool, but also sort of nerdy (that is how I would define both he and I). And I've found that a lot of girls don't understand the full breadth of nerdiness that comes with the territory of someone like him. He is a movie, comic book, and roleplaying game nerd. He doesn't fit the stereotype of a 400lb dude who wears his +4 magical shirt of DMing. But he's pretty nerdy. The point is, he needed to look at a different spectrum of girls to find one that he could actually spend time with. That was his problem (that still is his problem).

That, I believe is the problem for a lot of the Nice Guys. They aren't looking for the right girl to use their Nice Guy powers on. There are girls out there who think that the roleplaying and the miniatures games and all that make you weird. Well, its been hanging out with those friends that has gotten me 2 different jobs, and a place to live. So I scoff at girls who don't want me to hang out with those friends. I believe there is also a set of girls who will use a Nice Guy as an emotional punching bag, because a lot of guys will try to sit and listen to a girls problems if they think it'll help them have a relationship (because communication is key, you see). But then in the long run, it doesn't help at all.

I think I can sum this up with: tl;dr girls in high school made me a bit cynical, I'm trying to realize that there are actually very nice girls out there, I just have to look.

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