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Learning to deal

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Oli:
I have never really considered how I deal with negativity or problems within my life because I honestly could not care less.  So I guess I deal with it all by not caring all that much because I really believe, with all sincerity, that nothing actually matters very much at all. I suppose it helps that my life is a pretty peachy motherfucker in a huge number of respects (and I'm willing to bet money I don't have that yours is too) so if something happens that makes it better then that's great but I'm not going to whine if something goes not to plan. I do not understand why anyone would take anything in life seriously at all.

blaha 41:

--- Quote from: imapiratearg on 16 Jun 2008, 11:21 ---Here's an example: One of my ex's, we dated for a little over a year and she broke up with me, at first I refused to believe it, tried everything to get her back and all that jazz, but in retrospect I discovered that there wasn't anything I liked about her in the first place so why was I carrying on?
(P.S. - I like discussing this stuff.)

--- End quote ---

My ex just broke up with me, and it really bothered me. I'm not sure why since in the weeks prior I was trying to find a reason not to break up with her. I only really liked the fact that she was smart enough that I didn't have to explain everything i said to her and that she was warm (emotionally)... I wasn't really attracted to her physically, and we had nothing in common (my life's pleasures are music, literature, and food/wine.... she doesn't listen to music, doesn't talk about what she reads, and keeps kosher).

but now it hurts every time i see here.

i'm dealing with it by locking myself in my apartment and writing a bunch of short stories. i'm also thinking about signing up for match.com.

yeah, i usually just deal with things by writing/working at all waking hours.

imapiratearg:
Sometimes, when I'm in a rough spot, I get Chinese food, and then look at my fortune.  Sometimes, they are actually relevant.  During another breakup I went through, I go one that said: "Movement is the cure for grief."  It's honestly the truth.  Whenever I'm down and out I try getting out as much as possible.  It makes me happy.  I also got another one once, during the relationship I mentioned here that said: "Today is the day you let it go.  Your chance will come."  It made me feel a lot better.

Yeah.  I'm weird.

RedLion:

--- Quote from: blaha 41 on 19 Jun 2008, 17:05 ---
i'm dealing with it by locking myself in my apartment and writing a bunch of short stories. i'm also thinking about signing up for match.com.

yeah, i usually just deal with things by writing/working at all waking hours.

--- End quote ---

I don't intend to try to tell you how to run your life, but that's a pretty damned terrible way of dealing with things. Perhaps the worst, actually.   Well, no, the worst would be going on a murderous rampage. But seriously, shuttering yourself up is not going to help anything, and it only makes emotional and psychological problems fester and worm deeper into you. For your own health, get out and do something, even if you have to force yourself.

BrittanyMarie:
I disagree with you. Writing can be a form of therapy in that he can get his issues out and discuss it with himself in a way that's less threatening, and besides immediately going out and trying to forget it is just avoidance. I guess I just have a lot of problems with avoidance in general because that is my default way of dealing, which in my case is not healthy.

My avoidant tendencies have only made my life worse. There was a time in my life where a bunch of things happened in a really short amount of time, which also piggy-backed on issues (one issue, actually) I'd repressed for 11 years.  I tried to be all stoic and have "a stiff upper lip" because I also felt that my problems weren't that bad compared to what other people go through and what's the point of being sad? I ended up drinking heavily and failing that semester of University, since that was the one thing I could let go. I couldn't just drop my family, and I couldn't drop working, so I just stopped going to classes and ended up sleeping for like 16 hours a day.

I've changed my theory on that. Yes, other people do have it worse. But still, if I were another person meeting myself and found out about the shit that has happened, I would feel bad for me. Just because other people have problems you deem as "worse" doesn't mean that your problems have disappeared. They are still there and they are probably waiting to pounce on you when you are dealing with the next major stress in your life.

In order to get my financial aid back and still go to University, I agreed to go into counseling, and that's one thing I've learned. She asked me "Do you ever just let yourself be sad?" and at the time I was still all "fuck no, being sad is a useless emotion." but I was wrong. Being sad can sometimes allow you to just let it out, which I think is a very very good thing. Trying to restrain a normal human feeling is stupid. It's your body; stop punishing it for doing what is normal and right for it to do. I think of negative feelings as invaders of your body and it's your job to either get them back out of you or change them into neutral or positives.

So now, it's hard but it's like that gall-dang serenity prayer. I try to accept the things I can't control and try to change either the issue or myself, or the situation of the things that I can.

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