Fun Stuff > CHATTER
POINTLESS THREAD II: ESCAPE FROM RAPTOR MOUNTAIN
est:
Jesus fucking Christ, what is evolution's problem
Liz:
This is a great page break. Well done, est.
Blue Kitty:
--- Quote ---Dear Mr. Prime,
We have received your accident-claims report for the month of June -- they total 27. I regret to inform you that GEICO will not be able to reimburse you for any of those repairs. I feel that I have sent the same letter to you once a month for the last 6 months, and I am now sending it again.
Since becoming a GEICO customer in January of this year, you have reported 131 accidents, requesting reimbursement for repairs necessitated by each one. You have claimed not to be responsible in any of them, usually listing the cause of the accident as either, "Sneak attack by Decepticons," or, "Unavoidable damage caused by protecting freedom for all sentient beings."
The only repairs for which you are reimbursed were the replacement of a cracked fender and a headlight, required after a Mr. I. Ron Hide backed his van into your truck; these cost $1,286.63. Our own investigation concluded that you are not at fault and that Mr. Hide had been drinking prior to the accident. Thought police where unable to test his blood-alcohol level -- Mr. Hide explained it would be impossible for police to examine his blood-alcohol content with a breathalyzer, because he, "Doesn't breath" -- under Washington State law, refusal to take a breathalyzer test is equivalent to returning a result above the legal level.
But I repeat, those were the only repairs for which you have been reimbursed, and it was a very minor accident in comparison to your other claims. I mention a few to illustrate the trend:
*$379,431.34 requested reimbursement to your truck cabin. You claimed the damage was caused by attacking fighter jets
*$665,789.11 requested reimbursement for repairs to your trailer. You claimed this damage was caused by a giant, mechanical scorpion, which I can only assume is some amusement-park ride, although I question the wisdom of bringing your mobile home so close to such dangerous equipment.
*$6,564,239.44 requested reimbursement for repairs to a truck part called the, "Autobot Matrix of Leadership." You stated this occurred in, "an ultimate confrontation between good and evil," with a Ms. Meg Atron and a Mr. U. Nicron causing the damage in question. Mr. Prime, I have checked every known car and truck part catalog published in the United States and have found nothing even resembling that part, never mind any part that expensive. Whatever disagreements you had with Ms. Atron and Mr. Nicron, I suggest that next time you settle things peaceably or leave your Autobot Matrix of Leadership at home so it does not break. GEICO does not cover Autobot Matrix of Leaderships.
And the list goes on. Mr. Prime, I am going to remind you again: Your policy with GEICO only reimburses you for accidents that occur while you are engaged in reasonable use of your truck and trailer. As I told you when you originally purchased the policy, GEICO does not offer Megatron coverage, Starscream coverage, Decepticon coverage, or Energon-blast coverage. Those are just not the types of damages we would expect from reasonable use.
To sum up, GEICO has been unable to reimburse you for any repairs, but due to the high number of accidents you have been party to this month, combined with the many accidents you have had in the preceding five months, your premium has increased to $235,567.50 per month. While that may seem like a lot, I remind you that it is a savings of $137 over Progressive and $98 over State Farm. Please have your check into our main office by the end of July.
Regards,
Simon Furman
GEICO Agent
--- End quote ---
StaedlerMars:
I actually did not get the above post until it started talking about Megatron coverage.
In hindsight, it was funnier when I didn't get that it was about Transformers.
Orbert:
Ally!
Navigation
[0] Message Index
[#] Next page
[*] Previous page
Go to full version