Topic: Hustler Presents: Nailin' Paylin(semi SFW) (Read 15435 times)

Professor Snuggles · « **on:** 05 Oct 2008, 15:06 »

I dunno if this should be in discussion or here, but

Quote

The title of the pornographic homage to the governor of Alaska is “Nailin’ Paylin.” Contrary to earlier reports, the movie is in pre-production. One Jerry T. is set to direct, and porn star Lisa Ann will be taking on the role of Palin—er, “Paylin.” According to HUSTLER, “Nailin’ Paylin” is a “naughty adventure to the wild side of that sexy Alaska governor,” featuring “girl-on-girl lovin’,” “nailing the Russians, who come knocking on her back-door,” and a younger Palin getting seduced by her creationist college professor who “will explain a ‘big bang’ theory even she can’t deny!” Also included: a three-way hardcore sex scene starring porn stars as Palin/Paylin, Hillary Clinton, and Condoleezza Rice. Of course, no political porn satire would be complete without a salute to Fox News—a Bill O’Reilly stand-in will announce the movie’s multiple sex scandals as they unfold. “Nailin’ Paylin” will be released just in time for the November elections, natch.

Also, some of the script leaked recently:

(Open on the PALIN residence, Wasilla, Alaska. Evening. Governor SARAH PALIN is sitting on the couch, reading "all of the magazines." She is wearing a satin negligee and bunny slippers. Her luxurious brown hair is in a bun. Her glasses rest just so on the bridge of her nose. TODD is out of town on business. TRIGG is peacefully asleep upstairs. There is a firm knock at the door. PALIN puts down her reading material and goes to answer it.)

PALIN: Who is it?

GRUFF MALE VOICE: It's JOE, the tanning-bed repairman.

(PALIN unlocks the door and opens it)

PALIN: Hiya! You were supposed to be here two hours ago, doncha know?

JOE: I'm sorry. My snowmobile broke down outside of Matunska. I had to walk the rest of the way.

PALIN: Well, you're in luck. I just baked a batch of chocolate-chip cookies. Why don't you come inside and I'll fix you a plate of 'em?

(JOE obliges. He takes a seat on the couch. PALIN enters the kitchen and returns shortly after with the cookies. She gives them to JOE, but not before looking him up and down.)

PALIN: My oh my. That's quite a toolbelt you have on. It looks heavy.

JOE: I have a big hammer.

PALIN: Oh, I betcha do. I love a big hammer. But I love screwdrivers, too! And wrenches. The fact is I love and respect all of America's diverse tools, big and small. They're what helps make us so great as a nation. Here, let me take that off for ya.

(PALIN takes a seat on the coach beside JOE and starts to undo his belt. He stops her.)

JOE: Let's go take a look at the tanning bed first.

PALIN: Oooh, okay.

(PALIN leads JOE to the tanning salon in the basement. JOE carefully inspects the machine.)

JOE: Looks like there are just a bunch of screws loose.

PALIN: (seductively) You're in luck. I fully support off-shore and on-shore drilling.

(PALIN pounces on JOE and throws him onto the top of the tanning bed. She quickly rips off his jeans.)

PALIN: God almighty! You are hung like a moose. Now I have to eat ya!

JOE: I'm bigger than a moose. Do you have any contraceptives?

PALIN: It's okay. I already took a morning-after pill.

JOE: Um, are you sure it works that way?

PALIN: Are you asking me if I know what a morning-after pill is? Because I totally do! I'll get back to ya with specifics.

(The two proceed to make furious love in a multitude of positions. PALIN amply demonstrates that she has enough experience.)

PALIN: Fuck me harder! HARDER! Pound me until my head is so empty that I can't even remember the name of the one Supreme Court case I actually know! I want it to burn. Burn like a banned book. Oh God, Oh God, OH MY GOD! MAKE ME SEE RUSSIA FROM HERE!

(After 10 minutes, the two finish.)

PALIN: Wow-eee. I haven't had a ride that good since Todd took me for a spin on the back of his Yamaha at the Tesoro Iron Dog.

JOE: That was amazing. What now?

PALIN: I feel so alive! Let's grab my gay friend and go shoot wolves from the safety of a helicopter.

(End scene)

Thoughts? Is this awesome(I think this is awesome) but aside from Larry Flynt's legal right to do this, is it really acceptable? Are we all psyched to see Hilary and Condy get down with Nance? Who should be playing them? What other titles in this series would be awesome?

Liz · « **Reply #1 on:** 05 Oct 2008, 15:10 »

I am slightly ashamed to admit that I would probably watch this.

Also, on a related note: the inspiration?

Professor Snuggles · « **Reply #2 on:** 05 Oct 2008, 15:19 »

Everyone I know is going to watch this. Probably a good night of drinking before the election, or a miserable one afterwards, depending.

billiumbean · « **Reply #3 on:** 06 Oct 2008, 02:47 »

So why is Biden a tanning salon guy all of a sudden? Or was that just a hilariously bad choice for the porno dude's name?

Either way, this bean is happy once more.

EDIT: I love that article, btw. I say we're ahead in the space race if Russia's resorted to using their telescopes for such unproductive recreational purposes.

Patatat · « **Reply #4 on:** 06 Oct 2008, 05:23 »

I am really surprised they didn't have a large strapping black man to play Obama, also I am glad they aren't having some old porn-geezer to play McCain.

ampersandwitch · « **Reply #5 on:** 06 Oct 2008, 05:27 »

Is there such a thing?

Plus, I read an article that said something to the effect of "Nailin' Paylin - the title is [sic] and so is the film itself." Clever.

tuna ketchup x · « **Reply #6 on:** 06 Oct 2008, 06:32 »

This will be the greatest movie of all space and time.

Patatat · « **Reply #7 on:** 06 Oct 2008, 07:35 »

Quote from: ampersandwitch on 06 Oct 2008, 05:27

Is there such a thing?

Plus, I read an article that said something to the effect of "Nailin' Paylin - the title is [sic] and so is the film itself." Clever.

If you don't believe me about old-geezer pornstars. I can always send you a PM to show you.

ampersandwitch · « **Reply #8 on:** 06 Oct 2008, 08:16 »

I'm having a rather slow day, Patty. Send it on over.

johnny5 · « **Reply #9 on:** 06 Oct 2008, 10:08 »

Nailin' Palin is pretty clever. I would have gone with Inpalin' Palin/Impalin' Palin.

Boro_Bandito · « **Reply #10 on:** 06 Oct 2008, 13:11 »

just search for grannies gone wild amper. or like old gay man porn or something, I'm sure it exists.

David_Dovey · « **Reply #11 on:** 06 Oct 2008, 13:13 »

Don't click this link

RobbieOC · « **Reply #12 on:** 06 Oct 2008, 13:21 »

Goddammit.

Liz · « **Reply #13 on:** 06 Oct 2008, 13:22 »

I am in class, therefore I will not click it.

What is it?

Scrambled Egg Machine · « **Reply #14 on:** 06 Oct 2008, 13:25 »

Thank God for the little preview.

RobbieOC · « **Reply #15 on:** 06 Oct 2008, 13:26 »

Just bad. Why do you know about that, Dovey? Why couldn't it have been the ladies in sexy suspenders?

Professor Snuggles · « **Reply #16 on:** 06 Oct 2008, 13:31 »

Lemonparty is like Goatse and Tubgirl, a primordial force of the internet.

David_Dovey · « **Reply #17 on:** 06 Oct 2008, 13:33 »

Dangit man you're ruining the surprise

BrittanyMarie · « **Reply #18 on:** 06 Oct 2008, 13:43 »

sexy ladies in suspenders? I don't really like any of those, but the girls are pretty good-looking!

Slick · « **Reply #19 on:** 06 Oct 2008, 13:44 »

I felt a slight tingling of nostalgia when I clicked that link. I mean, goatse was all over the place but I haven't been tricked into seeing lemonparty in years!
Then there was the whole 'man whoops get the fuck out of here right now'.

RedLion · « **Reply #20 on:** 06 Oct 2008, 14:01 »

fuckin' lemonparty.

De_El · « **Reply #21 on:** 06 Oct 2008, 18:11 »

It's irreverent and absurd? Or did you mean the actual Governor Sarah Palin, as opposed to the pornographic film version?

Professor Snuggles · « **Reply #22 on:** 06 Oct 2008, 18:19 »

Now that I think about it, this is completely disgusting from the perspective of feminism.

ampersandwitch · « **Reply #23 on:** 06 Oct 2008, 18:20 »

Yay pornography

De_El · « **Reply #24 on:** 06 Oct 2008, 18:22 »

Far less attractive women have been referred to as "MILF"s in various contexts. But granted, she is just kind of a person, neither hot shit nor disgusting.

onewheelwizzard · « **Reply #25 on:** 06 Oct 2008, 18:43 »

Pretty much everything about Sarah Palin is disgusting from the perspective of feminism.

De_El · « **Reply #26 on:** 06 Oct 2008, 18:48 »

ohhhh snaap

ampersandwitch · « **Reply #27 on:** 06 Oct 2008, 19:04 »

It's true though. People on my campus were calling anti-Palin people agents of 'selective feminism,' but that's clearly not the case, as she is a robot and not a real woman.

De_El · « **Reply #28 on:** 06 Oct 2008, 19:11 »

Sarah Palin is a woman who doesn't seem to like other women and that is sad.

Ballard · « **Reply #29 on:** 06 Oct 2008, 19:29 »

Now oddly relevant to this thread..

est · « **Reply #30 on:** 06 Oct 2008, 20:25 »

Quote from: Ptommydski on 06 Oct 2008, 18:15

I mean the way certain parts of the media are saying that Palin is a "MILF" or positing that she was selected for being "attractive" or whatever.

I don't see it. Maybe I'm weird.

You're not weird, you're just not a hick. I don't even see the attraction to young "beauty contestant" Palin. In the clip I saw she was plain, big-haired, devoid of grace and clueless. I know that for the time and place "big-haired" was probably a given, but still.

Dimmukane · « **Reply #31 on:** 06 Oct 2008, 20:39 »

I personally have been feeling a little grossed out with the ridiculous amounts of fake stuff being made. I don't see the attraction, and after seeing her talk, I would not dream of wanting to diddle her.

I have this scene in my head where I ask Palin if she wants to do anal and she responds by telling me she fell on her bum once playing hockey.

David_Dovey · « **Reply #32 on:** 06 Oct 2008, 21:23 »

Alex C · « **Reply #33 on:** 06 Oct 2008, 21:31 »

Quote from: Dimmukane on 06 Oct 2008, 20:39

I have this scene in my head where I ask Palin if she wants to do anal and she responds by telling me she fell on her bum once playing hockey.

Patatat · « **Reply #34 on:** 07 Oct 2008, 01:40 »

Quote from: Dimmukane on 06 Oct 2008, 20:39

I personally have been feeling a little grossed out with the ridiculous amounts of fake stuff being made. I don't see the attraction, and after seeing her talk, I would not dream of wanting to diddle her.

FUCK MY PUSSY DON'CHA KNOW!

est · « **Reply #35 on:** 07 Oct 2008, 02:48 »

Oh don'cha know,
that's the sound of some men (hngh!)
fuckin' Sarah Payyyyyy
lay-i-en.

Inlander · « **Reply #36 on:** 07 Oct 2008, 04:19 »

Est, why ya gotta drag poor old Sam Cooke into this. Why ya gotta do it, man.

Darkbluerabbit · « **Reply #37 on:** 07 Oct 2008, 16:39 »

From a feminist perspective, it should technically bother me that Sarah Palin has been sexualized so much, since this would probably not happen to a male candidate. On the other hand, her moderately attractive looks seem to be her primary asset, and insisting that she be taken seriously as a female candidate would be insulting to most women.

Christophe · « **Reply #38 on:** 07 Oct 2008, 17:28 »

Tintin!

Man, I love how that comic is so ridiculously politically incorrect, like drawing all the black people pitch-black with big lips.

Also (as crossposted from EA from a thread about the same thing):

tragic_pizza · « **Reply #39 on:** 07 Oct 2008, 17:33 »

I'm closer to Palin's age than most of you.

No, I wouldn't. Even if she is (from my old-ass perspective) vaguely attractive, her politics make her as appealing as Roseanne Barr.

Scarychips · « **Reply #40 on:** 07 Oct 2008, 19:47 »

Hey! Roseanne Barr is attractive!

Drill King · « **Reply #41 on:** 07 Oct 2008, 19:53 »

I'd do Obama.

tragic_pizza · « **Reply #42 on:** 07 Oct 2008, 19:55 »

Quote from: Scarychips on 07 Oct 2008, 19:47

Hey! Roseanne Barr is attractive!

*PROJECTILE VOMITS*

BrittanyMarie · « **Reply #43 on:** 07 Oct 2008, 20:52 »

Spluff · « **Reply #44 on:** 07 Oct 2008, 21:06 »

Don't point that thing at me, Roseanne.

RobbieOC · « **Reply #45 on:** 07 Oct 2008, 21:14 »

What's with the train?

tragic_pizza · « **Reply #46 on:** 07 Oct 2008, 21:20 »

It's to show scale.

ruyi · « **Reply #47 on:** 07 Oct 2008, 21:27 »

The train's, uh, coming.

KickThatBathProf · « **Reply #48 on:** 07 Oct 2008, 21:30 »

Ã¶de · « **Reply #49 on:** 08 Oct 2008, 06:55 »

It reminds you about eternity.

THESE FORUMS NOW CLOSED (read only)

Author Topic: Hustler Presents: Nailin' Paylin(semi SFW) (Read 15435 times)

Patatat

tuna ketchup x

Patatat

Patatat