Topic: What's the best 'Special Occasions Apology Card' you never got? (Read 15332 times)

raoullefere · « **on:** 30 Jan 2009, 08:16 »

Marten and Tai did a good job. They didn't cover all the posibilities, though.

To wit:
So sorry I got upset about imagined slurs at your Christmas party and locked myself in your apartment's only bathroom for six hours.

Sincerely,
Mom

What's yours? No need to explain the background: let our imaginations run wild.

AngelofShadows · « **Reply #1 on:** 30 Jan 2009, 08:36 »

I'm sorry for your loss....But really? How was I supposed to know that would catch fire? C'mon now

KamikaziCal · « **Reply #2 on:** 30 Jan 2009, 09:13 »

I'm sorry I lit myself on fire and you had to see the video on youtube.

to my mother.

True story.

St. Patrick's day.

Cartilage Head · « **Reply #3 on:** 30 Jan 2009, 09:20 »

I thought you liked it up the butt. My bad.

Mallli_kite · « **Reply #4 on:** 30 Jan 2009, 10:26 »

I'm so sorry you had to find out about your allergies that way.

Siibillam-Law · « **Reply #5 on:** 30 Jan 2009, 11:10 »

I'm sorry I cheated on you with this card you're holding right now
If it is stuck shut ... then it's probably best

AngelofShadows · « **Reply #6 on:** 30 Jan 2009, 12:03 »

She didn't say the safety word.

Mallli_kite · « **Reply #7 on:** 30 Jan 2009, 12:53 »

I'm so sorry about the infection. Here's my doctor's number. The prescription creme worked for me!

braindead · « **Reply #8 on:** 30 Jan 2009, 13:40 »

Quote from: AngelofShadows on 30 Jan 2009, 12:03

She didn't say the safety word.

nice one.

Drassai · « **Reply #9 on:** 30 Jan 2009, 15:08 »

"Dear brother:
Sorry for sleeping with your best friend. Please don't tell his parents, I don't think he's actually gay. His also sleeping with your girlfriend."

Kugai · « **Reply #10 on:** 30 Jan 2009, 17:08 »

'Sorry your Planet blew up'

Surgoshan · « **Reply #11 on:** 30 Jan 2009, 17:58 »

Dude, you left off the obvious choice; February 15th. It's got so many possibilities.

"Sorry your gift contained a live bobcat."

"Sorry I forgot to pull out."

"Sorry I hit on your mom."

Spluff · « **Reply #12 on:** 30 Jan 2009, 23:37 »

You should have just told me you had a penis.

WestEnder67 · « **Reply #13 on:** 31 Jan 2009, 17:54 »

'Sorry for taking a piss in your drink and not telling you.'

Mr. Skawronska · « **Reply #14 on:** 31 Jan 2009, 18:06 »

"Sorry I forgot again. On the upside, now we know it will heal normally, just like last time."

S

Kugai · « **Reply #15 on:** 31 Jan 2009, 18:15 »

'I'm sorry your son got caught with all that Cocane'

raoullefere · « **Reply #16 on:** 31 Jan 2009, 21:47 »

I'm very sorry I told your son that Mr. Rogers and Kermit the Frog are both dead. And that Kermit is being impersonated
P.S. this in no way means I will help pay for his therapy.

So sorry I let drop to your daughter that Bratz were about to be discontinued.
How was the shopping trip?

Sorry about your wife's heart attack. I now realize a hooker was not necessarily the best birthday present for your son, no matter the educational value.
P.S. Bubbles says to tell Mike, "Hi."

Sorry I broke your Plasma TV doing my T.D. Dance in front of it.
P.S. We on for the Superbowl?

Is it cold in here? · « **Reply #17 on:** 01 Feb 2009, 12:17 »

"That was supposed to be cheese." (Pizza Girl).

"I should have told you I was gay before we got married." (Marten's dad).

"I thought you wouldn't mind having those pictures in the National Enquirer." (Marten's mom).

"Next time I'll warn you first." (Faye's dad).

RedBeard · « **Reply #18 on:** 01 Feb 2009, 19:04 »

I'm sorry the stripper at your bachelor part turned out to be a man.

I'm also sorry that he/she gave you a "freebee."

I'm even more sorry that the "freebee" turned out to involve both of your genitals.

(sad that this is my first post?)

"I'm sorry that this was my first post."

mdoyl44 · « **Reply #19 on:** 01 Feb 2009, 21:17 »

"Sorry I slept with your ex, but she almost gave me chlamydia, so that's like... kinda even, right?"

"Sorry I slept with your wife, but from the sound of it, she's leaving you because you're in denial about being gay."

"Sorry I tell people you date raped me, but if you didn't want me to say that, you shouldn't have bought me drinks until I agreed to go home with you, and then let me leave once I realized what was going on."

"Sorry I broke up with you on the 4th of July, but I just met someone the week before. Besides, you shouldn't have gotten into a 3-way on our last night at college."

"Sorry I had sex with you after all those times I promised I wouldn't. You need to stop getting me drunk, because I can't be in a relationship with you, but I also can't say no once I've had a few."

What sort of stationery should I use for these?

Kugai · « **Reply #20 on:** 01 Feb 2009, 21:37 »

Dear Kathryn,

Sorry I mistook that nice blond as your sister and not your partner.

raoullefere · « **Reply #21 on:** 01 Feb 2009, 21:39 »

mdoyl44, I'd guess you need something in ~~bullshit~~ satyr brown, with a slippery feel to it.

Sorry I missed including Valentine's Day in the poll. For some reason I was fixated on gatherings. Although it may be a gathering for some of you.

GreyGabe · « **Reply #22 on:** 02 Feb 2009, 10:50 »

"Sorry about your car. That Monopoly game got way out of hand."
"That was your dog? Oops."
"I guess you really only need the one kidney anyway."
"Time heals all wounds. But the scars are going to be disfiguring."
"No, YOUR Mom!"
"Lightning can't strike twice, but tasers can." (Preferably this one contains a restraining order...)

Siibillam-Law · « **Reply #23 on:** 02 Feb 2009, 11:41 »

I'm so sorry I sued you for everything you own, please accept this card

Kugai · « **Reply #24 on:** 02 Feb 2009, 12:12 »

I'm sorry I shot those Reindeer - And thanks for the houseful of Coal.

ding · « **Reply #25 on:** 02 Feb 2009, 18:46 »

Sorry the birthday song made you cry at Applebees.

Sorry I exploded your _____________.

Sorry your girlfriend screams my name during sex.

Sorry about the smell.

Sorry about reporting your aunt to the INS.

Sorry about the noise next weekend.

Sorry I downloaded _____________ over your wifi. Lock that shit down, yo.

Sorry I wii nunchucked your lamp. You know how excited I get.

Tell your wife and kids I'm sorry the second half of the pirated movie I lent you was Russian porn. Also, please return it.

Sorry I pace all night, thinking of you, downstairs.

Sorry I didn't frisk that groupie.

Sorry my rejecting you makes you cut yourself.

Merry Christmas. Apologies for Easter...

Sorry you ate my special brownies and climbed the fucking water tower... Stop eating my food.

ding · « **Reply #26 on:** 02 Feb 2009, 19:15 »

Sorry you talked about fight club.

alexsc12 · « **Reply #27 on:** 02 Feb 2009, 20:28 »

Sorry I showed up on your doorstep in an outfit which can only be described as kinky and kissed you in front of your mother.

I am twice as sorry that this is how she found out you're gay.

True story, by the way. I was wearing a cat costume, it was Halloween, he said I looked hot, I took that as my cue to kiss him and that's the point his mother decides to pop her head around the door. We laugh now, but his mother still hates me.

Siibillam-Law · « **Reply #28 on:** 03 Feb 2009, 03:16 »

Quote from: ding

Sorry I wii nunchucked your lamp. You know how excited I get.

I did that once. There was no card for me to apologise with

look out! Ninjas! · « **Reply #29 on:** 03 Feb 2009, 05:03 »

"Sorry I couldn't tell you this in person."

raoullefere · « **Reply #30 on:** 03 Feb 2009, 07:14 »

And look out! Ninjas! moves us on to outright lies. Probably our best seller, though.

Sorry I gave you crotchless panties with "'Lil Miss Nasty Slut" written on the ass for Christmas. Sorry I mislabeled it. Also sorry your kid sister opened it.

Boy, am I sorry. Please reassure your mom I'm not a pedophile one more time.

Newbia · « **Reply #31 on:** 03 Feb 2009, 18:38 »

One time I was on Yahoo!Answers and someone asked, "Help! My best friend just found out that I've been sleeping with her husband for three. What is a cheap, yet thoughtful, gift that I could give her to say that I'm sorry?"

GreyGabe · « **Reply #32 on:** 03 Feb 2009, 19:50 »

"I'm sorry I thought a collection of 'Your Mom' jokes was appropriate eulogy material."
"I'm sorry I rented a crane, lifted your car fifty feet into the air, and then dropped it to the pavement below. Still, I think those highschoolers will think long and hard about exceeding the speed limit from now on."
"Sorry! I really didn't know your mom was into that stuff!"
"Sorry that your boy/girlfriend was actually a girl/boyfriend!"
"I'm sorry your parents found out about your necrophilia."

Surgoshan · « **Reply #33 on:** 03 Feb 2009, 19:55 »

What card do you use to apologize for this?

Mr. Skawronska · « **Reply #34 on:** 03 Feb 2009, 20:16 »

"I apologize deeply for impregnating your mom. She assured me she was on the pill."

S

Is it cold in here? · « **Reply #35 on:** 03 Feb 2009, 21:45 »

So sorry I lost the key to your chastity belt.

Kugai · « **Reply #36 on:** 03 Feb 2009, 21:56 »

I'm sorry I let Barney drive your Maybach - The Dealer said you'll have a new one in a year.

raoullefere · « **Reply #37 on:** 04 Feb 2009, 01:04 »

Quote from: Surgoshan on 03 Feb 2009, 19:55

What card do you use to apologize for this?

Sorry about the toast. Waking up Monday morning with Becky "'Bacca" Horshwitz made me realize it was a crock. At least Lisa's pits are shaved, last time I looked.
P.S. I know you did this to me. That goes without saying. But if I can ever prove it, Lisa's a widow. Meanwhile, will you please have Lisa tell 'Bacca I left the state?

Dunnoe · « **Reply #38 on:** 04 Feb 2009, 13:58 »

I'm so sorry man, I totally thought that shit was hashish, not...um...well nevermind I'm just glad you're okay now!

raoullefere · « **Reply #39 on:** 04 Feb 2009, 14:41 »

My above post was a note. Here's the card:

Sorry I ruined your wedding.

Look at it this way: instead of coming down from a high, I've helped you begin your marriage in the pits. Things can only get better now.

Doug S. Machina · « **Reply #40 on:** 05 Feb 2009, 01:22 »

Sorry you caught me.

Sorry my son dumped you by text message. I don't know where we went wrong.

Sorry you spent all that time in jail for looking like me.

Sorry your girlfriend realised she was "on the wrong team". Will you come to our civil union?

Sorry I trolled your forum.

Sorry you had to realise you were a mistake. On the other hand, you've really got your own back over the last eighteen years.

Edit: Oh, reread the thread title. Did I have a need for these? I sound more interesting if I don't say.

lily-kiernan · « **Reply #41 on:** 15 Feb 2009, 19:56 »

Sorry I called out my best friend's name during sex.

Sorry I hate you.

Sorry I figured out I hated you two years before we broke up.

Sorry your boyfriend's a douchebag. At least they have treatments for herpes now.

Sorry I wrecked the rehearsal dinner. I did not mean to go into my "special" mushroom stash.

Sorry you're gay. Shit. Just leave the closet already. You're in Narnia.

Sorry Pluto isn't a planet. Will you end the coup of the Smithsonian now?

And, last but certainly not least:

Sorry I'm Jailbait.
(not really)

THESE FORUMS NOW CLOSED (read only)

Poll

If we were starting a company, which occasion could generate the most apology cards?

Author Topic: What's the best 'Special Occasions Apology Card' you never got? (Read 15332 times)

braindead

Drassai

mdoyl44

ding

ding

alexsc12

lily-kiernan