Topic: Let Me Teach You About Sex and Abortions, Children (Read 17823 times)

Liz · « **on:** 13 Feb 2009, 13:32 »

WARNING: If you are pro-life you will love this pamphlet, but you probably won't love the jokes that I predict will be made in this thread. So if you can't take a joke, stop reading after my post. And before anyone freaks out on me, I am not really pro-life or pro-choice, though I lean more towards pro-choice. I am not posting this because I think pro-lifers are dumb. I am posting it because it is ridiculous.

DISCLAIMER: This is a joke. I think it's pretty funny. I do not want to start a debate on abortion, that can be done in Discuss.

POST:

So, a couple weeks ago I picked up a copy of my school newspaper because I was bored, and there was a little supplementary thing in the middle like a shopping flyer: http://www.humanlife.org/publications/wkbn.pdf

THANK YOU FOR YOUR FLAMES

(move to discuss if you really think it's necessary)

(post edited so I could save room in my flickr)

dennis · « **Reply #1 on:** 13 Feb 2009, 13:34 »

It's funny how you can always tell committee-designed propaganda just by looking at it.

JD · « **Reply #2 on:** 13 Feb 2009, 13:42 »

The science of sex section is so messed up.

Liz · « **Reply #3 on:** 13 Feb 2009, 13:44 »

That is my favorite part. I never knew sex was like duct tape!

Boro_Bandito · « **Reply #4 on:** 13 Feb 2009, 13:49 »

my main complaint is that it was in a school newspaper. Seriously, I really really really really hate that so much. At least there wasn't anything explicitly religious about it, but at the same time its an interest group and a biased source that doesn't belong in a newspaper of any kind. Its not an advertisement for a product, its talking about what you're supposed to do with your life, and that bothers me.

imapiratearg · « **Reply #5 on:** 13 Feb 2009, 13:53 »

That comic is just begging to be shooped.

Slick · « **Reply #6 on:** 13 Feb 2009, 13:56 »

Man if I had somebody duct-taped to my arm I think the tape would get kind of sweaty and fall off after not to long. Especially if we're bonin'.

Cartilage Head · « **Reply #7 on:** 13 Feb 2009, 14:19 »

"Abortion doesn't unrape the mother." That is the most offensive thing I have probably read. No, it doesn't, so you'd might as well carry around and raise the spawn of your attacker!

Tom · « **Reply #8 on:** 13 Feb 2009, 14:34 »

It's news to me that people are all like, "I'll just get an abortion" or "I'll be back in five I'm just popping out for an abortion."

Alex C · « **Reply #9 on:** 13 Feb 2009, 14:34 »

The Oh noes, breast cancer! section kills me. You know how else women can prevent breast cancer? By getting their tits lopped off. Can I write a pamphlet about that? Because I find the idea to be as roughly as melodramatic and offensive as what they're proposing in that pamphlet, except my horrible suggestion actually has the bonus of medical efficacy. I mean, shit people, having children can be dangerous too. There's pros and cons involved and sometimes doctors even suggest... abortions. Gasp.

And while I can understand the logic behind "Abortion doesn't unrape the mother," and "The child didn't do anything wrong," I'm able to sidestep this li'l conundrum just by being mostly OK with abortion in general.

imapiratearg · « **Reply #10 on:** 13 Feb 2009, 14:45 »

öde · « **Reply #11 on:** 13 Feb 2009, 14:54 »

So good.

Christophe · « **Reply #12 on:** 13 Feb 2009, 15:16 »

Man some pro-life fuckers were passing out those pamphlets at my school last semester.

They also brought enormous pictures of dead fetuses and were doing their thing outside of the library.

I wanted everyone in the world to fucking die, right then and there.

Alex C · « **Reply #13 on:** 13 Feb 2009, 15:19 »

OH, hey, by the way!

Is the comic supposed to be based directly on a true story or do you think the idea to make the characters in the comic black was a calculated decision?

Also, they seem to think there is plenty of people out there waiting to adopt young black males. I would make a snarky comment here, but the reality in the US is actually crushingly sad rather than remotely funny.

Masterbainter · « **Reply #14 on:** 13 Feb 2009, 15:34 »

IronOxide · « **Reply #15 on:** 13 Feb 2009, 16:31 »

Where the shit do I get that hole punch?

That is a pretty rad hole punch.

tragic_pizza · « **Reply #16 on:** 13 Feb 2009, 17:43 »

Quote from: Boro_Bandito on 13 Feb 2009, 13:49

my main complaint is that it was in a school newspaper. Seriously, I really really really really hate that so much. At least there wasn't anything explicitly religious about it, but at the same time its an interest group and a biased source that doesn't belong in a newspaper of any kind. Its not an advertisement for a product, its talking about what you're supposed to do with your life, and that bothers me.

The group that puts this out is apparently Christian ("non-denominational" as opposed to "non-sectarian"); if I am understanding the website (and I gave it only a cursory glance), some campus group or another must have obtained these flyers and had them put in the paper.

It may be worth your while, Liz, to ask if the paper charged for the advertisement, if so how much was charged, and if not, what their plans are for an equivalent insert from a pro-choice source.

Darkbluerabbit · « **Reply #17 on:** 13 Feb 2009, 17:52 »

Oh man, these people. They were on my campus a while back and they were RIDICULOUS. Along with the six foot high fetus pictures, there was some guy with a guitar singing these awful songs, the worst of which he played repeatedly. Two of the best were:

"It's not okay to be gay,
It's not okay to be a homo,
It's not okay to be gay,
God says it's a real big no-no."

Way to be on topic, dude. Congratulations on putting your hate into terms a kindergartner can understand. You are the homophobic Raffi.

"It's a bayyybbeee, not a blob,
It's a bayyybeeee, a cute little baby!"

You lose any sliver of credibility when you try to claim that a fetus is cute.

And then there was the guy shouting "There's nothing wrong with sex! I love sex, that's why I'm getting MARRIED!" Over and over and over again. The level of insanity these people display is just...damn. I would not be surprised if the same group was behind that pamphlet.

Also, I am so swiping an avatar from that comic.

Alex C · « **Reply #18 on:** 13 Feb 2009, 18:19 »

Quote from: Darkbluerabbit on 13 Feb 2009, 17:52

You lose any sliver of credibility when you try to claim that a fetus is cute.

I wish I could take credit for that jpg. Or even remember how, why and who got us into the conversation that spawned it.

Surgoshan · « **Reply #19 on:** 13 Feb 2009, 18:26 »

Sex == duct tape!

IT'S SCIENCE!

You know how you can tell? Beakers of colored water.

Quod Erat Fucking Demonstrandum, bitches. Fucking Demonstrandum up the ASS*.

* Because then you're still a virgin.

Spike · « **Reply #20 on:** 13 Feb 2009, 20:58 »

Quote from: tragic_pizza on 13 Feb 2009, 17:43

It may be worth your while, Liz, to ask if the paper charged for the advertisement, if so how much was charged, and if not, what their plans are for an equivalent insert from a pro-choice source.

It seems they did, one of the images shows "Advertising Supplement" printed on the bottom corner. It still rubs me the wrong way because it just seems to be a bit of a cop out on the papers part, this group gets its propaganda printed, and the paper doesn't have to do a damn thing to balance things out (source wise, or do any kind of verification of the data that is being presented etc. Things they are supposed to do.) Will they print letters responding to this ad?

Liz · « **Reply #21 on:** 13 Feb 2009, 21:02 »

Quote from: imapiratearg on 13 Feb 2009, 14:45

[img]http://i202.photobucket.com/albums/aa100/xholycrapitsmattx/babycomiccopy.jpg[img]

You.

I love you. Marry me.

axerton · « **Reply #22 on:** 13 Feb 2009, 21:32 »

Alex if I remember rightly and that is the same picture I'm thinking of it had something to do with a Yahoo answers question someone posted in the pointless thread, the guy was worried that his girlfriend hadn't had a period since she got pregnant and maybe the baby was drinking the blood, at which point someone produced that great picture.

Alex C · « **Reply #23 on:** 13 Feb 2009, 21:35 »

Ah, yes, I remember that now! God, that was pure gold.

Cartilage Head · « **Reply #24 on:** 13 Feb 2009, 21:45 »

You can probably find it in the Yahoo Answers article on www.encyclopediadramatica.com

tragic_pizza · « **Reply #25 on:** 13 Feb 2009, 21:48 »

Quote from: Spike on 13 Feb 2009, 20:58

Quote from: tragic_pizza on 13 Feb 2009, 17:43

It may be worth your while, Liz, to ask if the paper charged for the advertisement, if so how much was charged, and if not, what their plans are for an equivalent insert from a pro-choice source.

It seems they did, one of the images shows "Advertising Supplement" printed on the bottom corner. It still rubs me the wrong way because it just seems to be a bit of a cop out on the papers part, this group gets its propaganda printed, and the paper doesn't have to do a damn thing to balance things out (source wise, or do any kind of verification of the data that is being presented etc. Things they are supposed to do.) Will they print letters responding to this ad?

One would hope, but it really depends upon the school/school board, I think.

David_Dovey · « **Reply #26 on:** 13 Feb 2009, 21:50 »

Here is that thing: http://www.somethingawful.com/flash/shmorky/babby.swf

JD · « **Reply #27 on:** 13 Feb 2009, 21:55 »

Goddammit I can not stop laughing at that flash.

Spike · « **Reply #28 on:** 13 Feb 2009, 22:15 »

The only other real explanation I can think of that I can understand, is if refusing to run this advertisement could open the paper (and by extension the school) to some kind of law suit probably claiming discrimination of some sort. Even if the school won it would still be a drain of resources, and they probably just want to avoid that.

MrBlu · « **Reply #29 on:** 13 Feb 2009, 22:18 »

Quote from: Cartilage Head on 13 Feb 2009, 14:19

"Abortion doesn't unrape the mother." That is the most offensive thing I have probably read. No, it doesn't, so you'd might as well carry around and raise the spawn of your attacker!

Adoption...?

SrMeowMeow · « **Reply #30 on:** 13 Feb 2009, 22:45 »

I'm especially confused by the duct tape part, because if duct tape is sex, and the longer you leave it on without removing it the stronger the bond grows, isn't that actually an argument for premarital sex?

Tom · « **Reply #31 on:** 13 Feb 2009, 23:05 »

Iron_Fist · « **Reply #32 on:** 14 Feb 2009, 01:24 »

Quote from: Cartilage Head on 13 Feb 2009, 14:19

"Abortion doesn't unrape the mother." That is the most offensive thing I have probably read. No, it doesn't, so you'd might as well carry around and raise the spawn of your attacker!

Is it wrong then that I had a big old gut-laugh at that particular line?

Josefbugman · « **Reply #33 on:** 14 Feb 2009, 01:32 »

Having read this, I actually cannot believe people can be this willfully blind to... well everything. I mean even monks from the 12th century who said "a woman has smalle bollocks", and needed to reach climax herself to get pregnant, would have thought this was a blinding stupid set of stupid ideas plucked forth from the arse end of nowhere.

I hope these people walk the desert and get caught kicked to death by wild camels.

(altered for accuracy on the depiction of deserts)

Tom · « **Reply #34 on:** 14 Feb 2009, 01:52 »

There is no quicksand in deserts.

There's fech fech though.

Eli · « **Reply #35 on:** 14 Feb 2009, 06:23 »

In my abstinence class, the program actually had us do the sex = duct tape thing.

They also had us do an activity with gum where they had a couple volunteer, then had the girl chew the gum, then had her give it to her boyfriend to chew, then had someone pretend to be her future husband and had him refuse the gum; to suggest your future husband wouldn't marry you after you had sex with someone else.

Sexist at it's best, these activities were only aimed at the girls. For the boys, they tried to scare the sex out of them by showing pictures of STDs.

The worst thing to me is that they discourage birth control pills. I mean, WTF? Where's the logic?

JD · « **Reply #36 on:** 14 Feb 2009, 06:58 »

I really wanna know where they got the first "Biology 101 pic".

DonInKansas · « **Reply #37 on:** 14 Feb 2009, 07:13 »

"Sex is a powerful force of nature."
/

Christophe · « **Reply #38 on:** 14 Feb 2009, 07:14 »

Quote from: David_Dovey on 13 Feb 2009, 21:50

Here is that thing: http://www.somethingawful.com/flash/shmorky/babby.swf

AWW YEAH BABBY

Boro_Bandito · « **Reply #39 on:** 14 Feb 2009, 10:07 »

Quote from: David_Dovey on 13 Feb 2009, 21:50

Here is that thing: http://www.somethingawful.com/flash/shmorky/babby.swf

Me and my brother watched that literally 10 times, laughing harder each time it looped.

Darkbluerabbit · « **Reply #40 on:** 14 Feb 2009, 10:44 »

Oh man guys. Just...oh man.

They have a whole brochure about abstinence.

This is my favorite part.

Those girls are way too happy to be shopping.

Tom · « **Reply #41 on:** 14 Feb 2009, 12:36 »

I find it funny how society conditions men to be lecherous - of course lust is a biological impulse far from foreign to both genders - then just says that it's in our nature but not in the opposite sex's

LittleKey · « **Reply #42 on:** 15 Feb 2009, 12:28 »

Quote from: Jeans on 14 Feb 2009, 01:44

Here is a PDF.

From their home page you can also, cost-free, have these things sent to you. There isn't even a required donation, and you can order as many as you want, to wherever you want.

I feel this is a call for us non-Americans to contribute to the economical downfall of pro-life agencies.

I say we order 500,000 of these shipped to somewhere or other. That might just put them out of business.

And come on, they're against birth control? why? i see where they're coming from when they say that an unborn fetus is still a baby, but are they seriously saying that not forming a fetus when you could is abortion?

hey you had sex but decided not to get pregnant? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?

pwhodges · « **Reply #43 on:** 15 Feb 2009, 14:28 »

Heard of the Pope and the Catholic church?

Alex C · « **Reply #44 on:** 15 Feb 2009, 14:32 »

Uh, yeah, the idea that sex is only moral when used for procreation has been dogma in some denominations for a long time now.

pwhodges · « **Reply #45 on:** 15 Feb 2009, 14:37 »

In England, also, "Onanism" - though I doubt anyone's said it for 50 years.

Nodaisho · « **Reply #46 on:** 15 Feb 2009, 16:01 »

Quote from: LittleKey on 15 Feb 2009, 12:28

I say we order 500,000 of these shipped to somewhere or other. That might just put them out of business.

The WBC, have them pile the boxes in front of the doors.

That scripture quote looks to me like god was pissed off at Onan not getting the woman pregnant, and I'm pretty sure that the story behind it was that since Onan's brother hadn't had a son, he needed an heir, so Onan had to provide one, and Onan didn't like that, so he disobeyed, and then god bitchslapped him, because god was a douchebag in the old testament.

edit: And hang on, the bond of duct tape grows stronger over time? What the fuck? Have they never used a single millimeter of duct tape in their entire lives? Pampered shits, a man isn't a man until he learns the zen of duct tape.

tania · « **Reply #47 on:** 15 Feb 2009, 16:06 »

Quote

we have come too far to reduce a woman's "right" to mean the "right to kill her own children."

i tried but i could not bring myself to read any further than this. maybe i'll try again tomorrow.

tragic_pizza · « **Reply #48 on:** 15 Feb 2009, 16:09 »

Quote from: LittleKey on 15 Feb 2009, 12:28

I say we order 500,000 of these shipped to somewhere or other. That might just put them out of business.

Sadly, this would do the opposite of putting them out of business.

They would immediately begin a fundraising campaign to conservative American churches, breathless mailings to current supporters, writing grant requests to Focus on the family, the Moss Foundation, etc... in short, it would make them rockstars in the prolife world.

Josefbugman · « **Reply #49 on:** 15 Feb 2009, 16:13 »

Or we could acquire lots and lots of them, pack them with minute amounts of C4 place them at key structural points in their offices and then throw in a match and watch the fireworks.

Doesn't the bible also say its a sin to lie with your brothers widow? I know that Henry VIII of England got a special dispensation from the pope to be allowed to do it in the case of Catherine of Aragon.

THESE FORUMS NOW CLOSED (read only)

Author Topic: Let Me Teach You About Sex and Abortions, Children (Read 17823 times)