Topic: Please, Just Let Me Die Already (Read 284977 times)

MrBlu · « **Reply #1600 on:** 22 Jul 2009, 03:31 »

Quote from: est on 22 Jul 2009, 01:19

Quote from: Drill King on 21 Jul 2009, 14:58
So I have recently moved to a new city and I am suddenly confronted with woah lots of cute boys and boys I can seduce and generally be a run-a-about. However, I have a neighbor that has been really wonderful in helping me adjust to moving, and he is pretty lovely, the problem is that I am starting to get that butterflies in stomach crush on a guy, and I do not want this. Is there any way to have my cake and eat it too?

As an expert cake eater and butterfly catcher it is my professional opinion that you must suck the next six dicks you see.

Wait, what?

Eris · « **Reply #1601 on:** 22 Jul 2009, 03:35 »

Yeah, come on now, that was a bit out of line.

She needs to suck at least seven dicks. Geez.

MrBlu · « **Reply #1602 on:** 22 Jul 2009, 03:46 »

I mean.

Aimless · « **Reply #1603 on:** 22 Jul 2009, 04:08 »

Quote from: iamiam on 21 Jul 2009, 23:06

yeah but like... the problem is if the guy does not explicitly state that it's a date, then i feel really weird and awkward saying something like 'sure, but just as friends' or 'yeah, but just so you know i'm not dating right now.' it just feels so presumptuous even though i secretly know what he actually means. and i'm afraid that he'll answer 'yeah well i just wanted to hang out as friends what are you talking about?'

"*laugh* *rolleyes* You know, you can never be too sure

"

Or something. It's okay if he lies to cover it up, or if he's honest about it, or whatever. It's not like asking someone out is a crime, and thinking that someone might be asking you out isn't a crime either. It's not unusual or distasteful, and if you can give the impression that the whole situation is okay and cool and nothing weird and awkward at all I think it'll be okay for most guys. It might even make them less scared of asking others out

who knows.

Nodaisho... I love my friends dearly as well, but I don't think I'd want or be able to start a family with someone I'm just friends with, no matter how dear they are to me. Having a family with a buncha cute kids and pets and stuff, that's something I want pretty strongly, and for that I'd like to have a partner I'm romantically involved with in addition to loving and being friends. I have no intention of starting a family right now, or in the next few years, but it's something that's probably going to be there in my head, which in turn is going to strongly influence the kind of relationship I seek out and commit to.

negative creep · « **Reply #1604 on:** 22 Jul 2009, 04:19 »

Well, thanks for your advice, thread! As I can't do a sexy dance, I guess I'll have to wait. Don't expect to see me on meebo very often!

iamiam · « **Reply #1605 on:** 22 Jul 2009, 07:50 »

Quote from: Alex C on 22 Jul 2009, 00:57

Quote from: iamiam on 21 Jul 2009, 23:06
and i'm afraid that he'll answer 'yeah well i just wanted to hang out as friends what are you talking about?' and i'll feel like an asshole even though i'll know it's a lie.

The funny part of this particular song and dance is sometimes it really isn't a lie.

i just want to point out that it really actually isn't me being presumptuous. i'm talking about situations in which a guy will tell my friend 'hey that girl with the fauxhawk you hang out with is really cute and i want to ask her out on a date' and then a few days later will text me asking me to dinner. and it'll seem all casual but i know the truth.

anyways i've decided that i'm pretty much overthinking things anyways. next time this happens i will just go and not say anything and the worst that will happen is something 'date-y', like an attempt to pay for dinner. and then i can be like 'oh hey you thought this was a date? i'm sorry i really had no idea, maybe if you had been straight up about your intentions this misunderstanding wouldn't have happened.' but with nicer words, of course.

is that fair enough? i think i am going to follow my own advice because i give the best advice but if someone thinks this is a dumb solution feel free to call me out.

Allybee · « **Reply #1606 on:** 22 Jul 2009, 08:17 »

been in that situation. just clarify when the guy asks ("yeah but no as a date, right?"). who cares if you feel like an asshole, you're saving the guy from hurt feelings later.

Slick · « **Reply #1607 on:** 22 Jul 2009, 09:53 »

yurrgghhh urrrhhhgg arrrggg it's like I'm intellectually capable and moving on and stuff and I've made sure I'm not that emotionally invested in the outcome of thing with girl I'm thinking of but man damn if it doesn't feel like a good firm kick to the gut to notice a hickey on her kneck when you're in the 'I'm not sure what's happening here' stage of courtin' someone.

tania · « **Reply #1608 on:** 22 Jul 2009, 15:27 »

Quote from: iamiam on 21 Jul 2009, 14:04

what is the best way to let a guy know that you are not interested in a real date and want to just hang out casually? i have had guys ask me out by asking me if i'd like to 'go grab something to eat', and known that they actually meant 'hey let's go have dinner together just the two of us because i am into you'. and even though i was interested in hanging out with them as friends i was afraid that they might take it the wrong way and see it as a date so i would just panic and be like 'oh no sorry i already ate and i'm busy tonight and uh maybe some other time okay?'

honestly, i kind of see all the latter stuff as the dude's problem, not yours. ladies and dudes hang out together as friends all the time so personally when this happens to me i just explain my feelings and then if the guy isn't a total ass/total wimp he'll sack up and get over it. trying to anticipate whether or not they are into you in advance might come off as kind of rude and presumptuous, but telling them you're not interested once you know it was a date isn't anything but honest, so instead of trying to avoid this i think you should instead try to get used to the fact that it will occasionally happen but maybe without the panicking and feeling bad part since you are not doing anything wrong. asking someone if they want to "hang out" or "grab something to eat" is pretty ambiguous and if a person asks someone out that casually they should be prepared for the possibility that it's might be interpreted differently by the person they are asking out and mature enough to handle it if it is.

ViolentDove · « **Reply #1609 on:** 22 Jul 2009, 15:29 »

It's not that big a deal on the first time you go out, anyway. I think if he keeps asking you out afterwards that would be a good time (and also make it easier) to say you're not that into him.

tania · « **Reply #1610 on:** 22 Jul 2009, 15:40 »

also sometimes dudes who are interested in you but who you only want to be friends with end up still wanting to hang out with you and be your friend after you tell them that, so you might as well just take the chance and hang out with them instead of turning them down just to save them the mild disappointment of finding out it wasn't a date after all.

hey 3000 posts! i am cool.

Nodaisho · « **Reply #1611 on:** 22 Jul 2009, 16:16 »

Quote from: Aimless on 22 Jul 2009, 04:08

Nodaisho... I love my friends dearly as well, but I don't think I'd want or be able to start a family with someone I'm just friends with, no matter how dear they are to me. Having a family with a buncha cute kids and pets and stuff, that's something I want pretty strongly, and for that I'd like to have a partner I'm romantically involved with in addition to loving and being friends. I have no intention of starting a family right now, or in the next few years, but it's something that's probably going to be there in my head, which in turn is going to strongly influence the kind of relationship I seek out and commit to.

Some of them already are pretty much family, and I am not really sure where I stand on the idea of starting a family, anyway. I figure I probably will, eventually, but I don't consider it urgent, and I definitely want to wait until I am financially stable, which means at least a few years into a good job after college, which is a long time from now. So for you, it would be someone that you want to eventually raise a family with? I guess my questions really depend on who you ask.

Reed · « **Reply #1612 on:** 22 Jul 2009, 16:22 »

It's pretty simple. If you are happy with your current relationships and don't feel the need for anything else, then there is no reason for you to start dating.

a pack of wolves · « **Reply #1613 on:** 22 Jul 2009, 16:29 »

Exactly. You know, it's perfectly alright not to have any interest in a romantic coupling at all. My Mum's cousin has never been at all that way inclined. He's lived a happy and successful life and seems to have no regrets at all, relationships were just not for him. He prefers platonic friendships and being really good at playing the piano. Like Reed said, romantic relationships are for those of us who feel something lacking when we don't have one in our lives, if that isn't you then you probably never will get exactly why people do it but that's perfectly grand too..

Nodaisho · « **Reply #1614 on:** 22 Jul 2009, 16:44 »

I think that part of my problem is not understanding what constitutes a "romantic relationship", so I don't know if I don't want one, because I don't know what one is.

Reed · « **Reply #1615 on:** 22 Jul 2009, 17:04 »

Why are you trying so hard to define it? Don't get caught up in labels, have whatever relationship you want with the people in your life. The only thing that should matter is that you and the other person understand what the other wants.

Nodaisho · « **Reply #1616 on:** 22 Jul 2009, 17:35 »

That's the problem, I don't understand other people. The definition can be important. It is one thing if someone is speaking in a different accent, it is another if someone is speaking almost a complete different language (or a dialect so bizarre that it might as well be another language). When it comes to relationships, I find myself usually speaking the other language.

iamiam · « **Reply #1617 on:** 22 Jul 2009, 17:41 »

i really really don't understand what you are trying to ask here. are you asking us to define what relationships are? are you asking us to explain people and how they work?

it seems like you are asking questions which are absolutely impossible to answer so i feel i must be completely misunderstanding you. could you please try rephrasing your question so it's a bit more concrete and specific?...

Nodaisho · « **Reply #1618 on:** 22 Jul 2009, 17:55 »

Sorry, I am having a hard time phrasing it well, because I'm having a hard time finding words that mean what I think they mean. Like I have said, I'm pretty much illiterate (or whatever the same thing is, but with speaking as well as reading) when it comes to discussing romantic relationships, one of the less-advertised drawbacks of being asocial through your highschool years. I'll try to figure out how to say it more clearly.

nobo · « **Reply #1619 on:** 22 Jul 2009, 18:42 »

Nodaisho,

One day you're going to find a girl (or guy) that makes you act in a way you've never acted before. You will go out of your way to spend time with them, and you'll do absolutely anything in the world to make them smile or laugh. you'll go to movies, coffee shops, art shows, minigolf, swinger parties etc and it'll be the time of your life. At this point you'll be saying "wow, what a great friend I have, she (or he) is smart and beautiful and it would be really nice if she liked me liked me." Sooner or later you'll wear down her (or his) defenses with your charm and she'll agree to be your girlfriend (boyfriend). What happens between this and marriage or horrible breakup is the romantic relationship part.

calenlass · « **Reply #1620 on:** 22 Jul 2009, 18:44 »

You find a person that you like. You probably like that person more than other people, maybe more than everyone else you know. Maybe you share some goals or beliefs, some hobbies. whatever, but for some reason you get on together pretty well. You feel inclined to treat that person specially, giving them more of your attention and making them a higher priority than others. They may make you laugh and you may think they are sexy, too. Maybe you really really like sex with that person, or you really like other things you do together, or both. You talk to each other about your hopes and dreams and you work out your problems and quirks together, because it seems like how you should do it. There are often feelings of mushy gushy warm and fuzzy inside, sometimes jealousy, and for the most part all you inexplicably want is to make that person happy. You feel safe with each other, you trust each other, you tell each other about that time you ate a bug but you were 12 man, wtf or that time you let the boy next door pee in your hair and never told anyone. Some people think that the other person is the best possible choice when thinking about starting a family. You hold her hair back when she gets sick and you eat dinner at her mom's every Sunday even though it's not fun because you want to do things for her. You help him save up for that new gadget and you struggle to buy him just the right birthday present every year, because this is more or less what love is.

There are lots of motivations for being a relationship. This is basically what it is.

Also what nobo said.

Nodaisho · « **Reply #1621 on:** 22 Jul 2009, 20:40 »

I guess that makes sense. That's the answer to the question I was asking, but I guess it isn't quite as concrete as I was hoping, which is why we have this thread. I suppose if it were all as simple as I was hoping, there wouldn't be a need for a relationship thread.

negative creep · « **Reply #1622 on:** 22 Jul 2009, 21:04 »

Cathy you forgot the part where you can't eat or sleep. And the part where you get drunk every day to make the pain go away.

Other than that, yeah, that is pretty much it.

KvP · « **Reply #1623 on:** 23 Jul 2009, 00:17 »

Quote from: nobo on 22 Jul 2009, 18:42

Nodaisho,

One day you're going to find a girl (or guy) that makes you act in a way you've never acted before. You will go out of your way to spend time with them, and you'll do absolutely anything in the world to make them smile or laugh. you'll go to movies, coffee shops, art shows, minigolf, swinger parties etc and it'll be the time of your life. At this point you'll be saying "wow, what a great friend I have, she (or he) is smart and beautiful and it would be really nice if she liked me liked me." Sooner or later you'll wear down her (or his) defenses with your charm and she'll agree to be your girlfriend (boyfriend). What happens between this and marriage or horrible breakup or marriage and horrible breakup is the romantic relationship part.

FYP!

imapiratearg · « **Reply #1624 on:** 23 Jul 2009, 08:01 »

So, I've put all the pieces together and figured out that it wasn't anything "spark" related that made her decided to leave me, but rather she was turned off by the prospect of commitment and didn't want a serious relationship. I am not very happy about this (read: really pissed). However, I know she's young and this is typical for her age group. I am on the fence about whether or not I should be friends with her in the future.

benji · « **Reply #1625 on:** 23 Jul 2009, 08:11 »

Quote from: Nodaisho on 22 Jul 2009, 20:40

I guess that makes sense. That's the answer to the question I was asking, but I guess it isn't quite as concrete as I was hoping, which is why we have this thread. I suppose if it were all as simple as I was hoping, there wouldn't be a need for a relationship thread.

It's actually not that complicated when you're in it, but there isn't any quick guide to figuring it out. There's no simple scientific test you can apply to know exactly when you're in a romantic relationship. When it happens, it's likely that you'll know it's happening.

calenlass · « **Reply #1626 on:** 23 Jul 2009, 10:09 »

Quote from: negative creep on 22 Jul 2009, 21:04

Cathy you forgot the part where you can't eat or sleep. And the part where you get drunk every day to make the pain go away.

Other than that, yeah, that is pretty much it.

If you were talking to me, I am not Cathy! Also I am pretty sure none of that has ever happened during or because of my Relationships.

negative creep · « **Reply #1627 on:** 23 Jul 2009, 10:14 »

Well, I don't even know why I typed Cathy. Sorry!

wafflecone · « **Reply #1628 on:** 23 Jul 2009, 22:26 »

what is a good way to tell the awkward cute nerdy boy you like that he should ask you out? keep in mind that you are also awkward and nerdy and lack the confidence to straight up tell him.

Elizzybeth · « **Reply #1629 on:** 23 Jul 2009, 22:43 »

Do I also lack the confidence to straight up ask him out?

If so, well, shit.

(I mean, if necessary, I'd probably end up holding his hand or dropping other not-so-subtle hints and seeing where it goes from there.)

Masterbainter · « **Reply #1630 on:** 23 Jul 2009, 22:53 »

Depending on how long you've known the dude. Your age and his age. Both of your dating history/experience. No real easy way to tell you exactly what to do without you having to get outside your comfort zone.

Try maybe looking him straight in the eye and smiling next time you see him. Not like giant scary grin or anything. Just a warm polite smile. Now if he's really shy he might just look away or he might smile back. It's really tough when both people are shy. Someone is gonna have to grab their nuts and go for it or it's an opportunity missed.

Also here's a good one that usually got me past that weird awkward feeling when i was in highschool. I'd go out to eat or to a movie with a girl. When the time was appropriate and they were paying enough attention to me, put my hand out between her and I with my palm up. Then I'd look at them till I got eye contact. Then look at my hand. Then look back at their face. I know it sounds wierd or strange. But they either would not grab my hand or they would. Most times they would. Physical contact is the first step of warding off shyness between two people and holding hands is just that.

axerton · « **Reply #1631 on:** 24 Jul 2009, 01:18 »

Quote from: wafflecone on 23 Jul 2009, 22:26

what is a good way to tell the awkward cute nerdy boy you like that he should ask you out? keep in mind that you are also awkward and nerdy and lack the confidence to straight up tell him.

Quote from: axerton on 17 May 2007, 00:21

walk up to him and put your arm around him and say "hey, we still on for tonight?", then when he looks at you as if you were insane say "Oh damn it I've fallen through a hole in the Space/Time continuum to a time before we were going out - I hate it when that happens! - What date is it now?"
-he answers
"oh, haha, you ask me out tomorrow. Well i must get back to the right time. bye"

MrBlu · « **Reply #1632 on:** 24 Jul 2009, 02:53 »

Quote from: wafflecone on 23 Jul 2009, 22:26

what is a good way to tell the awkward cute nerdy boy you like that he should ask you out? keep in mind that you are also awkward and nerdy and lack the confidence to straight up tell him.

Well if you wanna ask me- er, him out, you go up to him, loudly say "Purple camel". Once the awkward Ice is successfully broken, you ask him out. Chances are, he'll jump at the opportunity.

Masterbainter · « **Reply #1633 on:** 24 Jul 2009, 04:19 »

Or pull the old polar bear line...

Go up to him and say, "What can a polar bear do that a penquin can not?"

He'll be like, "i dunno" or some other lame answer.

Then you'll say, "Break the ice. When are you gonna ask me out on a date?"

He'll respond, "when you stop asking for advice on how to get someone to ask you out off the internet"

after that you'll both laugh and cheese out at the silliness. You'll reach for his hand thinking the awkwardness is over. He'll pull his hand way from you and look at you directly and say, "I wasn't kidding, get lost"

At that exact moment a he'll leap towards you embracing you in his nerdy but oh so manly hug. The force of his jump towards you takes you both down to the ground. As you hit the ground a tripod from war of the worlds will have just fired a laser beam through the void of where you were just standing.

You both get up and start running from the invaders from space! He looks back at you telling you to keep up... wait, you look back at him telling him to keep up. He can't because his nerdy legs can't move in his super tight but very hip jeans. He is insinerated by the aliens. His ashes fall all over you, as you are downwind of him.

You pick up his shirt and read the tag, which read "Made in Taiwan - Dry on low heat". You cry knowing he probably spent a good 45 mins of the last few hours of his life drying his shirt. In a crazy burst of emotions you transform into a super saiyan and use your eye beams to destroy the evil aliens, who stole your one chance at love.

You wipe them all out, but are still so enraged that you actually transform into an S4 saiyan. You are now really hairy and have a tail. As hot as some will think this is.... the next guy you fall for won't....

So do the right thing and just ask him out.

iamiam · « **Reply #1634 on:** 24 Jul 2009, 06:11 »

uh... waffle, i think what people are trying to get at here is that awkward nerdy boys are terrified of girls and this one is very likely never going to ask you out. however, there is pretty much an 80% chance that he secretly wants you and the only way to find out is to ask him out. sorry, but in these situations us girls really are the stronger sex (i'd apologize boys but you know i'm right).

i don't know how well you know this guy, but my advice is to invite him to do something intimate one on one ('hey let's go grab coffee at that cute little place with the comfy couches that we can sit on together'). if you're already friends you can use the opportunity to send the message that you are interested in something more (although sorry to break it to you but you are going to have to spell this out to him as clearly as possible because chances are that he still won't get it). if you don't know him well it'll create a good atmosphere to flirt and get to know one another.

the worst that will happen is that he will say 'no, i don't want to hang out with you you loser' and then you can feel relieved for having escaped dating an idiot.

wafflecone · « **Reply #1635 on:** 24 Jul 2009, 07:14 »

Quote from: Masterbainter on 24 Jul 2009, 04:19

Story time

Shit man, I guess I don't want this.
Also yeah I maaaay lack the confidence to do most of the things suggested, but maybe one day I will man up and stop asking People on the Internet to solve my problems for me. Also I should stop computing while drunk because then I would have remembered that the last entire page of the thread was on the same subject. Cool.

axerton · « **Reply #1636 on:** 24 Jul 2009, 07:19 »

I was being serious.

wafflecone · « **Reply #1637 on:** 24 Jul 2009, 07:21 »

worth a shot.

Jace · « **Reply #1638 on:** 24 Jul 2009, 07:23 »

Just move to like, Arizona or something, I bet there is probably a nerdy boy there who has just enough confidence to ask you out. But seriously, just like go up to the dude and be all "hey, lets make kisses or some shit"

supersheep · « **Reply #1639 on:** 24 Jul 2009, 07:50 »

Quote from: axerton on 17 May 2007, 00:21

walk up to him and put your arm around him and say "hey, we still on for tonight?", then when he looks at you as if you were insane say "Oh damn it I've fallen through a hole in the Space/Time continuum to a time before we were going out - I hate it when that happens! - What date is it now?"
-he answers
"oh, haha, you ask me out tomorrow. Well i must get back to the right time. bye"

do this. seriously, do this.

Dimmukane · « **Reply #1640 on:** 24 Jul 2009, 09:38 »

Quote from: nobo on 22 Jul 2009, 18:42

Nodaisho,

One day you're going to find a girl (or guy) that makes you act in a way you've never acted before. You will go out of your way to spend time with them, and you'll do absolutely anything in the world to make them smile or laugh. you'll go to movies, coffee shops, art shows, minigolf, swinger parties etc and it'll be the time of your life. At this point you'll be saying "wow, what a great friend I have, she (or he) is smart and beautiful and it would be really nice if she liked me liked me." Sooner or later you'll wear down her (or his) defenses with your charm and she'll agree to be your girlfriend (boyfriend). What happens between this and marriage or horrible breakup is the romantic relationship part.

I don't mean to undermine this statement, but occasionally you could even meet people like this who are just friends-for-life kind of people. This is kind of what happened with my whole deal. I felt this way about that girl, who was dating my best friend (whom I felt similarly about, just without the physical attraction), and I completely underestimated their relationship and went ahead and made up reasons for me to have her instead of him. If you find yourself in this situation, AVOID DOING THAT AT ALL COSTS. I said and did a lot of bad things that I am just now getting over, and I feel so lucky that they still love me as much as they do after I fucked up their shit.

I guess what I'm saying is don't pursue it if it'll cause a conflict of interest that can't ever be justified. It is much better to have two really good friends than to have betrayed one for a closer relationship with the other. Not that you'll ever run into this problem. Everyone else can consider this post the conclusion to my awful saga.

Joseph · « **Reply #1641 on:** 24 Jul 2009, 09:40 »

Quote from: axerton on 17 May 2007, 00:21

walk up to him and put your arm around him and say "hey, we still on for tonight?", then when he looks at you as if you were insane say "Oh damn it I've fallen through a hole in the Space/Time continuum to a time before we were going out - I hate it when that happens! - What date is it now?"
-he answers
"oh, haha, you ask me out tomorrow. Well i must get back to the right time. bye"

Good lord, the thread this is from is full of gold. James' posts in particular.

Aimless · « **Reply #1642 on:** 24 Jul 2009, 13:09 »

It's like the distilled wisdom of this entire thread... seriously, girls, guys love that shit

MrBlu · « **Reply #1643 on:** 24 Jul 2009, 13:24 »

benji · « **Reply #1644 on:** 24 Jul 2009, 14:15 »

Seriously, if a girl I was interested in had done that to me when I was single, there is a 0% chance I wouldn't ask them out the next day.

If I wasn't interested in them, I'd probably ask them out the next day anyway just for having the guts and unabashed geekiness to do that.

Nodaisho · « **Reply #1645 on:** 24 Jul 2009, 15:03 »

Yeah, that is pretty much the best line I have ever read. And I think that some shy people would have an easier time saying that than something less ridiculous, for some reason.

calenlass · « **Reply #1646 on:** 24 Jul 2009, 18:45 »

Quote from: supersheep on 24 Jul 2009, 07:50

Quote from: axerton on 17 May 2007, 00:21
walk up to him and put your arm around him and say "hey, we still on for tonight?", then when he looks at you as if you were insane say "Oh damn it I've fallen through a hole in the Space/Time continuum to a time before we were going out - I hate it when that happens! - What date is it now?"
-he answers
"oh, haha, you ask me out tomorrow. Well i must get back to the right time. bye"

do this. seriously, do this.

If it were someone else trying to win me over, I would die of delight if the someone also orchestrated a friend or two to appear at exactly the right moment and one of them yell "Doctor!" and then you and the other friend go "oh shit gotta fly" and take off running.

Alex C · « **Reply #1647 on:** 24 Jul 2009, 18:53 »

I wouldn't go out with someone who did that because it's silly.

Spluff · « **Reply #1648 on:** 24 Jul 2009, 19:31 »

Do you live a cold and lonely life?

sean · « **Reply #1649 on:** 24 Jul 2009, 20:42 »

I want to do this one day.

In matter of fact i will.

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