Fun Stuff > CHATTER
Please, Just Let Me Die Already
calenlass:
--- Quote from: calenlass on 17 Aug 2009, 00:05 ---Emaline, this sounds like a direct quote from the lives of my friends Jason and Lara. The thing is, Jason and Lara are not so cleanly separated and are sort of dating again (and again and again: they do break up a lot, but this most recent time was a huge deal and was like a Break Up). But Lara is codependent. Basically this means that she desperately needs people to need her, and if she feels that she is becoming less necessary to the people she wants to need her, she will create problems for them so that they will need fixing by her. A lot of this is unconscious. In fact, until he dragged her to a Codependents Anonymous meeting, she didn't even realise it was unnatural, much less a psychological condition.
Lara does not have a job. In all the years that I have known her, she worked at Kroger as a cashier for like 2 months, when suddenly she somehow managed to pinch a nerve or slip a disc in her back and could no longer stand upright for that long anymore. I am not sure how she slipped a disc because she doesn't do anything except fuck boys and cheat on her boyfriends, and I am not sure how she could have known that a pinched nerve is what happened because she makes a huge deal about not being able to afford health insurance, but either way, that is the story. Jason is marginally smarter about the money thing, it sounds like, because while he also went into debt buying her stuff, it was only stuff that they would both benefit from (food, rent when they were living together, sex toys, etc). That he and his credit are now suffering is his own fault, but he is well aware of this and considers it worthwhile.
Anyway, Lara is clingy. Lara is passive-aggressive and jealous and entitled. When Jason was out with other girls while they were more definitely broken up, she was constantly interrupting him with phone calls and texts, the same way your boyfriend's friend is. Jason realised later that he should have told her to fuck off, because ultimately it ended up costing him a potential girlfriend(s) (I will save what a tragedy I think this was for another day) who did not want to deal with that.
--- End quote ---
He has had other options. She is the one who cheated on him for two years and they broke up so she could date that other guy. He knows that she is not good for him, but he thinks she is improving, and while I understand he may not have a great deal of objective perspective on this, there is a certain point where you get sick of being a doormat.
Or not, I guess, if that is his thing.
Tyler:
Up, down, turn around
Please don't let me hit the ground
Tonight I think I'll walk alone
I'll find my soul as I go home.
Emaline:
Oh man, Katie, thanks for that story/advice/thoughts on that, btw. It was actually helpful. It got me to see other people's view on things. Thanks to everyone who gave me advice on that problem.
And bbq, it actually sounds like your girlfriend was in my shoes. Yeah, its difficult being with someone when someone who has been in their life longer likes/loves them, too. Especially if they have treated them indecently in the past. It's like on one hand, "you guys are friends and I want you to be happy" but on the other "she cause all this friction between us because she wants you for her own." Its very difficult, and sometimes the easiest thing is to remove yourself from the equation. Your girlfriend felt that her position in your life was threatened. Instead of causing more problems, she chose to changed the one thing she easily could, her being in your life. I'm sure she is upset about it too, but getting over a relationship is easier than staying in a relationship that is filled with drama caused by other people.
Have you tried talking to your friend about it? Have you tried sitting your friend down and letting her know that, while you do still care about her, she is totally fucking things up for you with other girls? I would sit her down and let her know that she is causing a lot of trouble, but let her know that you do still care about you. I mean it is pretty bullshit that she would talk poorly about your girlfriend to you. That sucks. Just let her know that, while she is an important person in your life, your girlfriend is(was) too.
Then if you'd like to be with this girl, talk to her. Maybe you guys can work things out. Let her know that you've talked to the best friend. Tell her the best friend is an important person to you, but that she is too.
abadname:
So I was looking at computers at best buy the other day and this cute girl who works there came over and helped me and we talked computers for a bit and then just kind of talked about music and stuff until I realized i had no idea what computer i wanted and..not important part...Alright but she gives me the card for the computer i want so i can remember which one i want and then we talk for awhile and I get her number. We had talked for awhile and both forgot she was working until i noticed i had to go to work. So I text her later that day to ask if she wants to do something soon and she seems pretty excited for it. I ask her if she wants to hang out monday and she says "When? I have class" and i tell her i'm done around 7 then a couple minutes later add that i'm free tuesday. She never responded to that so now it's two days later and I want to ask "hey are we hanging out tomorrow?" but i don't want to come off as desperate or overthinking (which is what i'm doing). So should i just say "hey, are we hanging out tomorrow?" tonight or just ignore it and ask another time?
bbq:
--- Quote from: Emaline on 30 Aug 2009, 10:49 ---
And bbq, it actually sounds like your girlfriend was in my shoes. Yeah, its difficult being with someone when someone who has been in their life longer likes/loves them, too. Especially if they have treated them indecently in the past. It's like on one hand, "you guys are friends and I want you to be happy" but on the other "she cause all this friction between us because she wants you for her own." Its very difficult, and sometimes the easiest thing is to remove yourself from the equation. Your girlfriend felt that her position in your life was threatened. Instead of causing more problems, she chose to changed the one thing she easily could, her being in your life. I'm sure she is upset about it too, but getting over a relationship is easier than staying in a relationship that is filled with drama caused by other people.
--- End quote ---
Yeah, I get that.
--- Quote from: Emaline on 30 Aug 2009, 10:49 ---
Have you tried talking to your friend about it? Have you tried sitting your friend down and letting her know that, while you do still care about her, she is totally fucking things up for you with other girls? I would sit her down and let her know that she is causing a lot of trouble, but let her know that you do still care about you. I mean it is pretty bullshit that she would talk poorly about your girlfriend to you. That sucks. Just let her know that, while she is an important person in your life, your girlfriend is(was) too.
--- End quote ---
I've had a little talk with her like that. Not so directly, but I think she gets the point.
--- Quote from: Emaline on 30 Aug 2009, 10:49 ---
Then if you'd like to be with this girl, talk to her. Maybe you guys can work things out. Let her know that you've talked to the best friend. Tell her the best friend is an important person to you, but that she is too.
--- End quote ---
I've tried that.. She says maybe in the future it could work, but not right now. We're still gonna be friends and hang out and stuff, just not be in a relationship.
Of course, now I feel fine about problems regarding her, I have a vague feeling of foreboding that a different girl is gonna cause me a hell of a lot of problems, quite soon.
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