Fun Stuff > CHATTER
Please, Just Let Me Die Already
Metope:
Andy, that sounds like me! If your town is as small as mine, this could be because you grew up around those guys. I was a pretty lame nerdy girl in school, so no one really noticed me, and my guy friends from home still look at me like that even though I know I've changed a lot. When I started going other places and guys looked at me differently I was all "Haha, you think I'm pretty? What is wrong with you, I'm not pretty", and it took a while for me to realize that I've been sorta labeled for life as the girl who is not dating/girlfriend-material at all back home. In small towns getting rid of certain labels (nerd, slut, whatever) is really difficult and my advice to you is to look forward to the day you get out of there, because you'll have so much fun.
0bsessions:
--- Quote from: 20 jazz funk greats on 25 Feb 2009, 11:24 ---jon, how do i tell the boyfriend to stop being an insecure bitch without actually saying "stop being an insecure bitch or else i will leave you forever?"
--- End quote ---
You don't.
Seriously, though, you have to come out with some of it. If you don't tell him it drives you up a wall, it will continue to drive you up a wall until the point where it all ends ugly. Don't give him a direct ultimatum, but tell him his insecurity is driving you nuts and lay it out that you're with him because you want to be, but his insecurities complicate matters. If that is somehow not true, then you shouldn't actually be with him.
--- Quote from: Ptommydski on 25 Feb 2009, 11:25 ---Dear Relationship Thread,
I really like a girl but she is the wrong colour and in the wrong country.
She also has a really dumb dog.
Am I gay?
Love,
Tommy
--- End quote ---
Yes.
--- Quote from: Drill King on 25 Feb 2009, 11:32 ---Hey dating thread, how come guys in my town don't like me, yet when I go out of province or on the internet guys find me attractive and endearing? Occasionally very smart too when they listen. Yet I still get teased and have never been on a proper date despite having three boyfriends. Why do I keep dating crazies?
--- End quote ---
Part of the problem, honestly, from what little I know of you, is that you have acclimated yourself outside of your age range. You primarily speak online with dudes who are in their early twenties, yet you are, last I recall, sixteen or seventeen. This puts you in a position where you're associating with dudes who are at a vastly different emotional and social level than the dudes you would naturally be encountering in a dating capacity. Meanwhile, if you extend your dating pool to primarily guys in the age range of folks you talk to online, you run into the trouble of dating the kind of twenty something who would date a seventeen year old. This is going to sound harsh, and I know there's exceptions, but many guys who date girls your age at our age are guys who just aren't sufficiently socially competent enough to date a girl their own age, so they 'settle' for younger girls as they're easier to impress.
My basic advice is that your standards are probably part of your problem. Guys your age are supposed to be dumb. If you want to continue dating at your age, you should probably resolve to deal with that for the time being until you're older.
--- Quote from: Social Bacon on 25 Feb 2009, 11:55 ---Where do I find intelligent girls? I am sick of all these clueless ladies that have no interest in the subtleties of the stock market and vector calculus. I have tried the library and had moderate success but everyone there is always like "shhh this is a library, not a dating service." If you're an intellectually attractive lady could you please give me some advice on where to search?
Oh, and I have a second problem, I really like redheads but in my experience redheads have proven to be invariably crazy. Am I just grabbing all the wrong redheads? Or do I need to ignore my love of red hair?
--- End quote ---
On the former problem, you're probably going about it wrong. Honestly, in my experience, the best place to meet smart girls who dig shit like the stock market and maths is online. Girls like that don't go to bars or scout for guys at the library.
In terms of redheads, the problem is that in many places redheads are a minority. It's not that they're less likely to be quality women, just that you're less likely to find one at all. I had a redhead thing for the longest time and Rachel's actually the first redhead I've ever been on more than one date with, mostly because there's just not a lot of them around here.
Mai's in charge for a bit, I have to go watch a baseball game between two teams I don't really care all that much about and then hang out with my girlfriend, because not hanging out with her would be poor relationship advice, guys!
Professor Snuggles:
Why do girls I like invariably only want to use me for my body, while girls I don't like develop huge, long term, obsessive crushes on me?
Am I just giving it up too easy, or is it just that nice a body with nothing to back it up?
mooface:
--- Quote from: Animal Ghosts on 25 Feb 2009, 12:25 ---Why do girls I like invariably only want to use me for my body, while girls I don't like develop huge, long term, obsessive crushes on me?
Am I just giving it up too easy, or is it just that nice a body with nothing to back it up?
--- End quote ---
you are probably dressing too provocatively. don't show off all the goods in one go. give only a teasing hint of what's to come to leave girls wanting more. if you seem like you are "easy" people won't respect you for what's beyond your body.
here are some useful tips if you want to dress modestly and maybe get people to love you for who you are.
--- Quote ---1 Go through your closet. Do not jump to throw out clothes that seem immodest, because there are many possibilities and new ways to use them.
2 A unique, modest style isn't impossible! Decide what your standards of modesty are. Does modesty for you mean dressing in a way your relatives would approve of? Does it mean covering your shoulders and thighs? Does it mean avoiding clothes that cling to your skin? Is it covering your arms and legs? Figure out what makes you comfortable and feels right to you.
3 Try your clothes on in front of a large mirror. See how your clothing fits you and what impression it conveys. Bend over, sit down, wave your arms around. Make sure your clothes don't shift around too much.
4 When you go shopping, keep your eyes out for modest clothing. If what's in is crop-tops and that's not modest for you, look in other places, such as second-hand clothing stores and online stores. Also recognize that it might take longer to find clothing, but it's certainly possible.
--- End quote ---
onewheelwizzard:
Kieff, I think it's because you're probably specifically attracted to girls who are independent enough to not look for commitment in a sexual relationship. The girls that turn you on the most do so BECAUSE they don't develop huge obsessive long-term crushes on you ... it's a sign that if you got into a relationship with them, you wouldn't feel the need to walk on eggshells just to make sure they felt secure, and that's hot.
Basically this puts you in an uncomfortable position because you have to give the advantage to a girl that you actually like when you proposition them for a more serious relationship. Saying "Hey, um, I know we're just having sex and it's not serious and all, and that's cool I guess, but I'd really like it if we got together for real for real" puts you at a disadvantage in some ways. Are you willing to do this (or have you already)? What happens when you express heartfelt desire for commitment?
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