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Please, Just Let Me Die Already

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calenlass:
So even though this was a long time ago, it seems like a good question to ask this thread: When you have been dating someone for a long time (like, a year or so) and have been faking it the entire time, when you finally get fed up with how your sex life is going, how do you broach the subject? How do you tell them you've been faking for 13 months and that it isn't as good as you make it seem? Do you tell them at all, or slowly work things you like into it unobtrusively? I have wondered about this for years now.

Slick:
Yeah lizzybeth you are a human being and you will think these thoughts sometimes. It's cool. I would postulate that your first head-over-heals thing is like when a bird breaks out of it's egg and mother-fixates on whatever is there. Life will go on.


Katie, I don't know, maybe drop it into conversation that you sometimes fake. I think I would be a bit crushed if a lady just came out and said 'uh, yeah, nothing, the past year, nothing at all' but I would definitely want to try to make it better. Just pretend it is not an always thing because that could make sex super-aggravating and get him too anxious which would not help things.

KvP:
Honestly I would say if you've been hiding it for a year don't even bring it up unless you want to be fatally hurtful and permanently burn your bridges. If you tell him then chances are for the rest of his life, every time he hops in the sack his inability to pleasure a woman will be nibbling in the back of his head. There's no sensitive way to break that to someone. It's that twofer of the dishonesty and the average male's self-esteem being intertwined with his performance in bed. It's the nuclear option for the spurned girlfriend.

So I would say, if you dig the guy in other ways, let on that you're bored with the sex you've been having and try to find a method of lovemaking that you do enjoy, together, with no mention of the faking. If you're trying new things out and they're not bringing you to where you want to go you can maybe be honest about that? But make it clear that your vanilla life prior (however vanilla it was) is something you're not going to return to because it's worn thin, not because it's been thin the whole time. If you don't want to go to all that trouble but you like the guy enough not to throw the lye in his eyes, break up with him but don't say a word about the faking, no matter what.

BrittanyMarie:
Yeah, I don't think I'd tell him I'd been faking but the best way would be just to tell him what you do like. "It would be really hot if you...", "[blank] turns me on" which I think people should probably do from the very beginning anyway.

Josefbugman:
I can sort of understand the justifications people give to me for "not having sex" but I wish they were a bit more honest. I mean two of my friends (both girls) have said "oh yeah sex is nothing to be too excited about, its not that much fun you know?" and then probably go off to have some of the most complicated of romantic entanglements I have known for a good long while and I can't help but go "oh come on people!"

The problem is (and this is meant as no reflection on you guys) but I have heard all the arguements before, and whilst convincing the first couple of times, mean bugger flippin' all when put up against the way in which everyone surrounding me seems to be throwing themselves at other people in a desperate attempt to get their things stuck in other peoples things... or visa versa.

anyway sorry to rant, hope everyones having a good day.

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