Topic: Please, Just Let Me Die Already (Read 280466 times)

Alex C · « **Reply #1250 on:** 19 Jun 2009, 14:18 »

Looking over this, I think I might be a bit of a bastard at times.

benji · « **Reply #1251 on:** 19 Jun 2009, 14:35 »

Quote from: PantsFTW on 19 Jun 2009, 13:38

Its true I don't have all sides of the story, but I know the dude, he is an aquaintance of mine. He's not really a stellar being. I dunno, girl keeps telling me more and more that she and I agree on that he doesn't like. Also she is miserable if she isn't in a relationship. And she sent me a picture of her in her undies. I am confused.

Okay, well I think I can safely clear part of that up for you:

Unless you have contacts in the modeling industry and she's looking for work, or the pictures were taken at a screening of Rocky Horror, sending you pictures of herself in her underwear is probably a good sign.

My advice? Let her know that you think the dude is no good for her, but admit that you might be biased because you think she's pretty great yourself and you would probably ask her out if she were single. Often, being straight with people is the best policy, and here is a good example of that. If she's afraid of being single, then she might be staying in a bad relationship because she isn't sure that anyone else wants her. If she really likes you, she might actually take the opportunity to dump him and go out with you. If she decides to stay with him, well then, you'll have to sit through the "you're really sweet, and I know he seems like a douche sometimes, but I love him" speech, which'll suck a little, but you'll still probably be friends afterwords.

tania · « **Reply #1252 on:** 19 Jun 2009, 15:36 »

honesty is the best policy, but don't go too far as to start using that as justification for being a dick. you've still got to put in the effort to be a decent person too. "i broke up your relationship because i wanted you to myself" might be honest but it still makes you kind of a selfish asshole. i know your situation is more complicated than that and this isn't exactly what your doing, just keep in mind that being honest and being a considerate person aren't always the same thing.

Dimmukane · « **Reply #1253 on:** 19 Jun 2009, 18:48 »

Thanks for the compliment, Alex.

Anyways, I'm a little annoyed right now. I have this bad habit of predicting how events pan out, and when I'm right about it (usually), I get a little miffed. I figured the first thing he would do when she got there is take some kind of drug with her. So, they're candyflipping tonight, along with a few of his roommates. Normally I wouldn't have a problem with it, except I know that he's going to use his previous experience with psychedelics to convince her that there is some insanely powerful connection between them which is really just the drugs and then bed her. This doesn't bother me, it's the fact I know it's going to happen, because he's done it before with other girls.

Maybe this is why I seem to be having such a problem? That I already know what he'll do and where it leads? Or maybe I think he shows his love the wrong way? The first thing I would do if I hadn't seen my girlfriend for 3 months would not be something that would be largely forgotten the next day. Or do I think he's still stuck in high school? He's done this with basically every girlfriend he's had since 9th grade. Does some drugs, almost marries them (yeah, he's an internet-ordained minister), and gets dumped. I wonder if this is all because I'm getting fed up with him not changing or if it's the fact that it worked and she's at least temporarily playing along until she gets hurt again. Or maybe I broke free of his spell. I don't know. I'm fine with them being in a relationship, yet I'm still angry at him and I don't want to be and I can't pin down a reason why.

The above paragraph is just me getting my thoughts out. I'm not expecting answers to those questions; quite frankly, I'm afraid of what I might get. Does anyone else have this precognition-y problem, though? Knowing, at least vaguely, how things will unfold in both the short and long term?

I probably should have just done what benji said to start with, anways.

Alex C · « **Reply #1254 on:** 19 Jun 2009, 19:19 »

Quote from: tania on 19 Jun 2009, 15:36

honesty is the best policy, but don't go too far as to start using that as justification for being a dick. you've still got to put in the effort to be a decent person too. "i broke up your relationship because i wanted you to myself" might be honest but it still makes you kind of a selfish asshole.

Yeah, see, I'm pretty clear on why exactly I would want a woman to break up with someone. I wouldn't say "There's other guys out there" without throwing in at least a "like me, and I'm available on Friday. Have you seen Up! yet?" That said, yes, you do basically disregarding the other guy's feelings in this case. Where I disagree with most people is that I don't think that's necessarily better or worse than burying your own. I should mention that I don't go around doing that sort of thing unless the way I feel about things is very strong indeed nor do I go looking for these situations.

Quote from: Dimmukane

Thanks for the compliment, Alex.

Sorry about that, but your situation isn't exactly something I'd want to go through myself. And yeah, actually, I do think a huge part of why you are so unhappy is due to how you don't seem to think he expresses love genuinely/appropriately. You see their relationship clearly in terms of being a one sided thing. Look at how strongly you rejected the idea that she gains a sense of self-worth and gratification from having two guys care about her (I don't think she thinks about it in those terms, but clearly she must place some value in his attentions). You didn't even characterize her reluctance to make a clean break from the situation as anything but some odd, misguided attempt to do the guy a favor. I think you're underselling just how much this guy upsets you, to be honest. Maybe you don't picture yourself as the kind of person who could resent someone this much, but hey, here we are. Mind you, I don't think negatively about you for this; you may have very good reasons to dislike him even aside from the fact that you're interested in the same lady. It's what you do about it that counts.

Dimmukane · « **Reply #1255 on:** 19 Jun 2009, 20:52 »

I'm not upset about being singled out, I thought it was kind of funny.

You may be right, but I still feel like I'm right about being upset about it. I don't think it's entirely one-sided...or do I? I've been around the entire relationship and he only seems to just barely hold on to her. Doesn't make much of an effort to fix problems in the relationship. The time he cheated on her he was actively trying to prevent both parties from finding out he was seeing someone else, after proposing to her earlier (which she held off on accepting for reasons of practicality). I don't think this marriage is a promise from him to her, but a way to get her to stay with him. He's a nice guy, but I never wanted their relationship to work in the 2 years they've been at it because of how he treats her. Just now on the phone, he was parading her around his apartment complex like an accessory. Which, referring to the earlier post, is something I expected him to do. Which I think is the other side of it. I was drawn to him by his unpredictability, but now that I've had space, I think I've figured him out, and I think I'm getting bored with his routine. So much of what we did feels empty now, and a waste of my time. I don't want that to be the case, though, I want to stay friends.

I'm not upset about the marriage, though, it's the precognition bit that's getting me. She's going to see how strained it really is (and her mother-in-law-to-be is a fucking witch, which even he acknowledges, she's stolen large portions of his tax returns ever since he could file them), and she's going to put a lot of effort into keeping it together. She's ultimately either going to divorce and feel sorry for herself for being like her mother or stay in an unhappy relationship for the sake of the children she's always wanted to have. Maybe it's really arrogant of me to make predictions like that, but my track record in that area has been pretty good. The only curveball I've come across in the past few years is that she actually accepted the proposal this time. And it's not much of a curveball, because she still thinks she's taking a chance on him. The unexpected bit is that she has really weak reasons for accepting (practical and impractical) and is still doing it.

Quote from: Alex C on 19 Jun 2009, 19:19

You didn't even characterize her reluctance to make a clean break from the situation as anything but some odd, misguided attempt to do the guy a favor.

She doesn't think it's misguided, but she does think she's doing the guy a favor. "He's had a shitty life, and I don't want to add more on the pile." She essentially places everyone else's interests first and disregards her own. I love that she's so compassionate, but it's going to drag her down in the long run.

TL; DR, I'm fine with them being in a relationship. Her and I are never going to stop being friends. I can take comfort in the fact that I know I can make her happier, and that it took them far longer to make the emotional connection that we have. I'm always going to be a little jealous, because he doesn't know how good he has it, but it's what'll happen in the future that has me worried. I don't know if I'll be around to catch her when she falls.

Coward · « **Reply #1256 on:** 20 Jun 2009, 03:59 »

Look on the bright side: if the girl falls off a building and you're not around to hear it then it won't make a sound.

That is right isn't it...?

Dimmukane · « **Reply #1257 on:** 20 Jun 2009, 08:27 »

Pretty cold, but yeah, that sounds at least aurally correct.

onewheelwizzard · « **Reply #1258 on:** 20 Jun 2009, 08:58 »

I think my advice would probably be to find someone else who is also special and start sleeping with her. Let the girl who you're hung up on now know that you need to learn some stuff about relationships the easy way for a change (that is, by having relationships that actually show promise of fulfilling their potential, even if that potential might be lower than it would be with her right now), and start seeing girls who are single. If you allow yourself to concentrate on sex for a while, and you form a relationship or two based around sex, somewhere in between all the getting laid and feeling warm and fuzzy you'll find a much clearer picture of what you need in your life that you don't have yet, and that's what's ultimately going to get you out of this mess. For as long as another person represents your get-out-of-jail-free card, you're fucked. If you're going to find a sense of progression in this whole scenario, you can't wait around for other people to figure themselves out ... you need to shit or get off the pot, basically.

Either you bring all the judgments you have of your friend out in the open for the three of you to bicker and probably cause each other a lot of really unnecessary grief over, or you form a connection with someone that can provide some novelty to your life and spend more time paying attention to that than anything else for a while. You're in a shitty situation and your call should not be to simply chill and wait for something to happen.

Alex C · « **Reply #1259 on:** 20 Jun 2009, 09:36 »

Quote from: Dimmukane on 19 Jun 2009, 20:52

She doesn't think it's misguided, but she does think she's doing the guy a favor. "He's had a shitty life, and I don't want to add more on the pile." She essentially places everyone else's interests first and disregards her own. I love that she's so compassionate, but it's going to drag her down in the long run.

I'd say it becomes misguided at about the time it starts causing as much harm as it does good. I rather doubt this guy's life will take a drastic, long term change for the worse merely because she is no longer a presence in it, particularly if your assessment about how much he is genuinely invested in the relationship is accurate. All I'm saying is that she sounds like the sort of person who identifies herself as a selfless, compassionate person and acts accordingly. That's admirable, but it does really mean that you're barking up the wrong tree since she apparently believes that he needs her worse than you do.

Dimmukane · « **Reply #1260 on:** 20 Jun 2009, 09:51 »

I'm doing that. Not right this second, but that's what I'm trying to do. It's just really hard for me to take my mind completely off of all that stuff, as this thread can attest. That, and a lot of the single women in my area SUCK.

Alex: I've been trying to get her to tone down the selflessness. It was working until he proposed again. He kind of sucks the personal growth out of people.

Jace · « **Reply #1261 on:** 20 Jun 2009, 14:19 »

So, I had told the girl what my plans were and she was cool with it because I was so upfront. But then I realized that she is stupid because she "loves" a guy who argues with her like everyday (her words) and flat out ignores her if he is with his friends. So I told this other girl I've had a crush on for a while that I've had a crush on her. Not a negative response, just waiting to see how this pans out.

Professor Snuggles · « **Reply #1262 on:** 20 Jun 2009, 16:02 »

The girl I am dating is addicted to cocaine.

I am in rehab, for cocaine.

What do I do.

phooey · « **Reply #1263 on:** 20 Jun 2009, 16:11 »

Heal her with love.

E. Spaceman · « **Reply #1264 on:** 20 Jun 2009, 16:50 »

White Lines (Don't Don't Them )

Slick · « **Reply #1265 on:** 20 Jun 2009, 16:54 »

Quote from: PantsFTW on 20 Jun 2009, 14:19

So

Man the way you play Love is similar to the way I play Diplomacy.

20 jazz funk greats · « **Reply #1266 on:** 20 Jun 2009, 19:37 »

dear relationships thread,

so i am sort of trying this polyamory thing. (no, i was not pressured into it because my boyfriend wants to bang my hot best friend, it was my own choice) except i'm...not actually that keen on going out and meeting lots of cute indie boys at this point in time.(or cute non-indie boys, whatevs) maybe i am doing it wrong?

love,
anna

onewheelwizzard · « **Reply #1267 on:** 20 Jun 2009, 19:52 »

Polyamory doesn't imply that everyone needs to have multiple relationships. If you're happy with how things are going, you're doing it right. Don't put expectations on yourself.

If your friend is only seeing one person, and you're seeing that person too, and that's a sustainable arrangement, more power to you guys. If either you or your friend want to see other guys too, it's only fair that you should have the option, but that doesn't obligate you to it.

It is very important, however, that you be aware of the possibility that this arrangement may transition into something more complicated quickly. Maybe you'll find a fun new boy and your boyfriend will get cold feet about sharing you. Maybe your friend will find a new boy and your boyfriend will show more attachment to her than you feel comfortable with (or maybe he'll display that attachment even if she doesn't see anyone else). Maybe your friend will end up getting attached to your boyfriend. There are any number of ways that this could become more difficult than you probably desire. Don't be afraid of them, though ... the difficulty just translates into learning when all's said and done, and the reward of learning from this kind of stuff is definitely worth the trouble.

Slick · « **Reply #1268 on:** 20 Jun 2009, 19:53 »

Quote from: 20 jazz funk greats on 20 Jun 2009, 19:37

?

love,
anna

stick it in tommy's pooper

Slick · « **Reply #1269 on:** 20 Jun 2009, 19:54 »

When I am 60 I will be telling my tiny grandchildren to 'stick it in her pooper' and then laughing to myself about a joke that was funny for a little while a long time ago.

20 jazz funk greats · « **Reply #1270 on:** 20 Jun 2009, 20:08 »

hey james, will you be my fake internet boyfriend y/n?
tommy is too british and not attracted to me at all, and it just wouldn't work.

20 jazz funk greats · « **Reply #1271 on:** 20 Jun 2009, 21:00 »

(also insert predictable joke about tommy being a whore here)

Slick · « **Reply #1272 on:** 20 Jun 2009, 21:06 »

It's a choose-your-own-postventure adventure!

Choose from:

Only if I can bang with your hot best friend as well
Anna I totally internet fake broke-up with you months ago. Didn't you get the memo.
We've got to stop meeting like this.

phooey · « **Reply #1273 on:** 20 Jun 2009, 21:07 »

Surely you're not forcing us to choose only one

20 jazz funk greats · « **Reply #1274 on:** 20 Jun 2009, 21:16 »

this is MY adventure, and i choose option one.
you can totally have my hot best friend, if you don't mind the fact that my best friend is a dude.
so what happens next?

Ozymandias · « **Reply #1275 on:** 20 Jun 2009, 21:31 »

Hey, Anna.

How you doin'?

Slick · « **Reply #1276 on:** 20 Jun 2009, 21:33 »

Everyone comes over to my place, we drink the bottle of wine sitting on my table, and we stick it in his pooper.

We'll go our ways and not talk again.

Seven years from now I'll wonder why I can't get it up anymore and realize I'm gay after all.

Eight years from now I'll get a divorce. My children won't talk to me ever again.

You know nothing about any of this, instead living your own life happily ever after.

Until you get hit by a truck crossing the road one day with a bag of groceries in your arms. The watermelon shoots higher than you'd of expected, but then again you've never had the chance to see a bag of produce tossed into the air as a result of an unexpected dialog with the front of truck. There are so many seeds in a watermelon. Too many to count that quickly.

20 jazz funk greats · « **Reply #1277 on:** 20 Jun 2009, 21:48 »

god, i've forgotten how depressing you can be sometimes. now i'm starting to think i should have picked the "get the memo and move on with my imaginary love life" option.
why, hello there jordan. how have you been? i am doing okay. kind of hyper and posting too much tonight, but otherwise fine. i have a feeling someone or other is going to bitch at me for this because it is not quality boarding and i could probably just talk to both of you via private messages or facebook or something but i don't really care to do so. ehhhh.

Slick · « **Reply #1278 on:** 20 Jun 2009, 21:56 »

I've actually been much better at not being depressive as fuck all the time. I guess you bring out the best in me.

phooey · « **Reply #1279 on:** 20 Jun 2009, 22:01 »

We can leave you two alone for a little bit I guess

Ozymandias · « **Reply #1280 on:** 20 Jun 2009, 22:08 »

Man.

James.

You make the greatest posts.

Anna, I am mildly bored with my current relationship and I really wish I could get into an open relationship but don't wanna end this one because, it's actually pretty good and I'm just awful so I guess that's how I'm doing?

negative creep · « **Reply #1281 on:** 20 Jun 2009, 22:20 »

Dear Lack Thereof Advice Thread,

Everybody has more sex than me. Even very ugly and stupid people. What am I doing wrong?

love,
Dominik

Ozymandias · « **Reply #1282 on:** 20 Jun 2009, 22:21 »

Dom, I will fuck you.

Man I am a bitchy little slut tonight, I'm sorry guys.

Mynah · « **Reply #1283 on:** 20 Jun 2009, 23:20 »

Hello, lovely people of the relationship advice thread.

So, in a nutshell, yesterday I was supposed to get married, but my fiance decided at the rehearsal that he wasn't comfortable marrying me. There was a lot of crying involved, to say the least. I then told him I needed some time away from him, and that he needed to pack his things and go live at his mother's house for a while, which he has done. I think I am in the right to ask for this, and he has expressed that he thinks I am, too.

I am not intending this to be a permanent break-up, and I don't think he is, either, which leads me to the issue. My entire family, and many of my friends, are extremely angry at him, even though they were the ones telling him, "No one will be angry with you if you decide not to get married." Now, they are telling me terrible things such as, "He just isn't marriage material," and, "If he kills himself, it's not your problem," and, "Don't worry about breaking his things. In fact, why don't we go have a bonfire?" I know they are trying to cheer me up, but they are really just making me even more upset than I already am.

So, the question I am asking you guys is this: Is it really that strange for me to expect us to get back together at some point after things have been worked out? I mean, my entire family loved him before this, and now it's like they're talking about a different person. If all of them are reacting this way, shouldn't I be angry too? My thinking is that, even though his timing was most definitely not okay, he wasn't being malicious. He wasn't trying to hurt me. He did hurt me very much, which is why I need some time apart from him, but his intentions were not evil. Am I in denial, like my family says? Are they just batshit insane? What would the normal reaction be to this situation? I think that three months or so of staying apart from each other and working things out on our own, followed by some casual dates for maybe a year or so, and then seeing what happens would be reasonable, but my family thinks that is far too generous. What do you think? He and I seem to be on the same page. He has apologized for hurting me so much and accepted that he was the one in the wrong, and he has, so far, played by my rules. He has removed his things from my apartment, he has not tried to contact me (I asked him not to), and he has promised that, if I call his mother, he will not answer the phone, so that I can sort some minor details out with her without having to face him. Is it wrong for me to see and understand that he is trying? Please tell me whether or not I'm the crazy one.

20 jazz funk greats · « **Reply #1284 on:** 20 Jun 2009, 23:33 »

Quote from: Ozymandias on 20 Jun 2009, 22:08

Anna, I am mildly bored with my current relationship and I really wish I could get into an open relationship but don't wanna end this one because, it's actually pretty good and I'm just awful so I guess that's how I'm doing?

okay okay. so here is what you do. break up with the girlfriend. if the relationship is good for both of you as you say she will be upset about losing you and probably willing to do drastic things to get you back. then you can be all like "only if you accept my slutty nature and let me sleep around with the whole internet." and she will reluctantly accept this and VOILA you are now in an "open relationship" and we can consummate our love.

(this is not serious advice, obviously. the sensible thing is to discuss it with her, but i'm sure you knew that already. )

onewheelwizzard · « **Reply #1285 on:** 20 Jun 2009, 23:38 »

@Mynah: Nobody's acting crazy in this situation ... it's just such a disruption to everyone that a lot of snap judgments are formed. There's nothing wrong with that, and you should grant each person their right to the incomplete perspective that they have, including yourself. Clearly there is a lot going on in this situation and the current set of judgments offered to you right now is probably going to contain a lot of options that ultimately won't help you.

Mynah · « **Reply #1286 on:** 20 Jun 2009, 23:54 »

Quote from: onewheelwizzard on 20 Jun 2009, 23:38

@Mynah: Nobody's acting crazy in this situation ... it's just such a disruption to everyone that a lot of snap judgments are formed. There's nothing wrong with that, and you should grant each person their right to the incomplete perspective that they have, including yourself. Clearly there is a lot going on in this situation and the current set of judgments offered to you right now is probably going to contain a lot of options that ultimately won't help you.

I guess you're right, but this has been the response from nearly every person I've talked to. Even the very same people who told him that no one would be angry with him if that was his choice. The responses haven't been just unreasonable, but just plain cruel. If just a handful of people had told me things such as "it doesn't matter if he kills himself", I would think that that particular handful of people were not aware of the entire story. However, it was not just a handful, which is what makes me concerned. When I tell them I'm not comfortable with them saying such horrible things, they accuse me of being in denial, and they tell me that it's not my job to protect him. I just want everyone to get along to make this as smooth as possible, but I can't shake the thought that maybe they're right and that I am just in denial. That's why I'm so confused.

onewheelwizzard · « **Reply #1287 on:** 21 Jun 2009, 00:14 »

So if they're right, what exactly are you in denial OF, exactly? Is it something that could be evaluated as fact?

Mynah · « **Reply #1288 on:** 21 Jun 2009, 00:32 »

Quote from: onewheelwizzard on 21 Jun 2009, 00:14

So if they're right, what exactly are you in denial OF, exactly? Is it something that could be evaluated as fact?

Well... I don't know how to put it, exactly. They think I'm denying the "fact" that our relationship is essentially over, and the "fact" that he is not marriage material. I don't think those are facts, and, actually, I believe they are false. As to whether or not they could be evaluated as fact, I don't think so.

The more I think about it, the more I think I'm correct in believing that those things are false, but as soon as they start talking to me again, I become unsure. They say that it's a part of the grieving process, and that I'll eventually move on to being angry, just like they are.

And now I have to go to sleep. Thanks for talking to me.

nobo · « **Reply #1289 on:** 21 Jun 2009, 06:07 »

Mynah,

I think your friends and family are just trying to show you that they are there for you and on your side. They're angry to see someone they love get hurt. Think about how you react when one of your closest friends suffers a bad break up.. you say things like "that guy wasn't good enough for you anyway" or "i'm going to kick his ass for you".

As for you, while this situation isn't ideal, I think you'd much rather get married to this guy when you know he's 100% into it. Maybe thats why you're not more upset?

Mynah · « **Reply #1290 on:** 21 Jun 2009, 07:41 »

Quote from: nobo on 21 Jun 2009, 06:07

As for you, while this situation isn't ideal, I think you'd much rather get married to this guy when you know he's 100% into it. Maybe thats why you're not more upset?

I want to make sure I'm interpreting what you say correctly, and I'm a little confused about this sentence. Are you saying that I'm not more upset because breaking up before getting married is still better than getting married to someone who's not completely into it?

StaedlerMars · « **Reply #1291 on:** 21 Jun 2009, 09:42 »

Quote from: negative creep on 20 Jun 2009, 22:20

Everybody has more sex than me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YwNVE37BGVE

granted it's "everyone else has had more sex than me" but whatever. If I knew what you were doing wrong, I wouldn't be in a similar predicament.

negative creep · « **Reply #1292 on:** 21 Jun 2009, 10:24 »

Yeah my post was, in fact, a half-assed reference to that song. I'm dead serious, though. It's not that I'm unhappy. You get used to it, I guess, especially if you don't know anything else.

It's just that now that I have left most of my teenage angst behind, I have realized that I'm actually a pretty cool dude and even kind of good-looking, in a way. So being alone and sexually frustrated all the time doesn't make that much sense, especially when compared to my friends, most of whom get at least some action.

Jordan, you can fuck me any time.

onewheelwizzard · « **Reply #1293 on:** 21 Jun 2009, 11:07 »

Quote from: Mynah on 21 Jun 2009, 00:32

Well... I don't know how to put it, exactly. They think I'm denying the "fact" that our relationship is essentially over, and the "fact" that he is not marriage material. I don't think those are facts, and, actually, I believe they are false. As to whether or not they could be evaluated as fact, I don't think so.

The more I think about it, the more I think I'm correct in believing that those things are false, but as soon as they start talking to me again, I become unsure. They say that it's a part of the grieving process, and that I'll eventually move on to being angry, just like they are.

They might be right, and you might be right, but the point is that any judgment that anyone forms right now is going to be based on a very limited and incomplete understanding of the situation. Since you probably have a better understanding of where he's coming from, and a better chance of more fully understanding it as time passes ad you talk to people and process what's happened, I'd be inclined to agree with you and not the people telling you you're wrong or in denial.

nobo · « **Reply #1294 on:** 21 Jun 2009, 12:23 »

Quote from: Mynah on 21 Jun 2009, 07:41

Quote from: nobo on 21 Jun 2009, 06:07
As for you, while this situation isn't ideal, I think you'd much rather get married to this guy when you know he's 100% into it. Maybe thats why you're not more upset?
I want to make sure I'm interpreting what you say correctly, and I'm a little confused about this sentence. Are you saying that I'm not more upset because breaking up before getting married is still better than getting married to someone who's not completely into it?

Yes, you got it right. At least that is how I would feel, and that may not be true for you. I was just floating the idea out there and I should have made that more clear.

Mynah · « **Reply #1295 on:** 21 Jun 2009, 15:47 »

Quote from: nobo on 21 Jun 2009, 12:23

Quote from: Mynah on 21 Jun 2009, 07:41
Quote from: nobo on 21 Jun 2009, 06:07
As for you, while this situation isn't ideal, I think you'd much rather get married to this guy when you know he's 100% into it. Maybe thats why you're not more upset?
I want to make sure I'm interpreting what you say correctly, and I'm a little confused about this sentence. Are you saying that I'm not more upset because breaking up before getting married is still better than getting married to someone who's not completely into it?
Yes, you got it right. At least that is how I would feel, and that may not be true for you. I was just floating the idea out there and I should have made that more clear.

I do feel that way, you're right. There were just several different interpretations that I could think of for that sentence.

I think that maybe it's a combination between what you said and that I'm seeing this time apart as a sort of hiatus rather than a true break up. I'm not sure, though. I am really confused about what I'm feeling right now, to be totally honest.

nobo · « **Reply #1296 on:** 21 Jun 2009, 17:25 »

@Mynah

I hope everything works out for the best. Your boy has dug himself into a pretty big hole though. Not only has he have to win your trust back, but all your friends and family will scrutinize every single move he makes for a long time.

Mynah · « **Reply #1297 on:** 21 Jun 2009, 19:20 »

Quote from: nobo on 21 Jun 2009, 17:25

@Mynah

I hope everything works out for the best. Your boy has dug himself into a pretty big hole though. Not only has he have to win your trust back, but all your friends and family will scrutinize every single move he makes for a long time.

Thank you. And yeah, it will be difficult, but maybe he'll learn a lesson from all of this. He has expressed that he knows that what he did was wrong, and his mother tells me that he's been very upset with himself. I'm sure he'll be doing quite a bit of thinking, especially since he doesn't really have a whole lot of things to absorb himself in as a distraction.

And I talked with some of the more violently angry members of my family today, and explained how I was feeling and what I was thinking to them. That went much better than I thought it would. I think they see more of the whole picture now, which will definitely help out in the future.

Ozymandias · « **Reply #1298 on:** 21 Jun 2009, 19:23 »

Quote from: 20 jazz funk greats on 20 Jun 2009, 23:33

Quote from: Ozymandias on 20 Jun 2009, 22:08

Anna, I am mildly bored with my current relationship and I really wish I could get into an open relationship but don't wanna end this one because, it's actually pretty good and I'm just awful so I guess that's how I'm doing?

okay okay. so here is what you do. break up with the girlfriend. if the relationship is good for both of you as you say she will be upset about losing you and probably willing to do drastic things to get you back. then you can be all like "only if you accept my slutty nature and let me sleep around with the whole internet." and she will reluctantly accept this and VOILA you are now in an "open relationship" and we can consummate our love.

(this is not serious advice, obviously. the sensible thing is to discuss it with her, but i'm sure you knew that already. )

Nah just come to Chicago, we'll do this up like terrible people who don't care about the emotions of others.

NeverQuiteGoth · « **Reply #1299 on:** 22 Jun 2009, 20:59 »

At what point in a burgeoning relationship does neglect become something you can complain about?

Okay, see, I met a girl through OkCupid. We talked for a bit, then we met and spent the whole day at my place. It went very well, we got along instantly without really having to talk excessively. Chemistry, they call it. She was ridiculously attracted to me. I'm still kind enthused about that.
Third base was reached. Movies were watched. Lots of cuddling and makeouts happened. Steak was eaten.

When I took her home (25 minute drive) she said she was ready to call me "boyfriend", and asked if that was okay with me. I told her it was. (kind of a moot point, I figured. Its not like I'm seeing anyone else anyway)

The trouble is, we've had no contact beyond sporatic text messages since then, and mostly stuff that doesn't mean anything. I know almost nothing about her and I want to get to know her better, but its more than a week later and I can't get so much as a glimmer of a plan to meet again from her. The day of the date we made plans to get together again last weekend but she canceled.

Should I just go with it or should I be getting wary? Or...?

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