Topic: Please, Just Let Me Die Already (Read 278886 times)

imapiratearg · « **Reply #1500 on:** 16 Jul 2009, 10:13 »

Hello Relationship Advice Thread. I need a place to vent for a bit and maybe get some random, unbiased opinions because I'm at work and all my friends are busy. And so:

I love a girl. We've broke up twice because she thinks she doesn't feel a "spark" anymore. I do. I think it is still there. She thinks I'm exactly what she wants, but she just doesn't feel it and wishes we could give it another chance but doesn't want to hurt me again. I'm in the same boat. We're trying not to talk to one another for a while in the hopes that we can salvage a friendship, since we can't seem to be able to live without one another for more than a week. She's 16, I'm 19. It feels pretty hopeless. What does the internets think?

allison · « **Reply #1501 on:** 16 Jul 2009, 10:25 »

Wait for a very long time. If it hurts, that's okay. Get over one another. If you want to be friends, it has to be with a clear head and a clear heart because otherwise, it will just get worse. You can't just immediately change the dynamic of a relationship. I dated someone and after 8ish months we started talking and became really good friends. It can happen, but you really need to take the time.

imapiratearg · « **Reply #1502 on:** 16 Jul 2009, 10:56 »

You think there is no way to bring the "spark" back? There is no use in giving it another chance?

allison · « **Reply #1503 on:** 16 Jul 2009, 11:21 »

The best way to see if there is a chance for getting the "spark" back is to leave it alone. Don't force it. Spend time apart and in a while, if you guys still feel it, try pursuing it.

MrBlu · « **Reply #1504 on:** 16 Jul 2009, 11:39 »

Quote from: est on 16 Jul 2009, 03:20

Quote from: Masterbainter on 16 Jul 2009, 02:14
freaking knew it! I should ask my girl if she's down for 3 somes!

No, fry them in garlic butter and serve them separately.

Great, now there's orange soda on my monitor. Bastard.

Professor Snuggles · « **Reply #1505 on:** 16 Jul 2009, 13:06 »

DEAR RELATIONSHIP ADVICE THREAD,

NO MATTER HOW MUCH I SHOWER, I STILL SMELL JUST A LITTLE BIT LIKE SEX. IS THIS SOME CHANGE IN MY BODY CHEMISTRY DUE TO BONING, OR AM I JUST NOT WASHING THOROUGHLY ENOUGH?

IT WOULD NOT BE THAT BIG A DEAL, BUT I DO NOT WANT TO GET FIRED FOR PREPARING FOOD WITH SEXY HANDS.

LOVE,

KIEFFER.

Professor Snuggles · « **Reply #1506 on:** 16 Jul 2009, 13:07 »

OH ALSO, IS THERE ANY CHANCE THAT AN INCREASE IN SEXUAL ACTIVITY COULD RESULT IN AN INCREASE IN HORMONE PRODUCTION?

CUZ EVER SINCE I STARTED BONING ON THE REGULAR AGAIN, THE HAIR ON MY ARMS HAS BEEN CREEPING UP MY SHOULDERS AT A REALLY ALARMING RATE.

WHAT CAN I DO ABOUT THIS?

LOVE,

KIEFFER.

Patrick · « **Reply #1507 on:** 16 Jul 2009, 15:38 »

Hey relationship thread. There's a friend of mine back in Albania who apparently decided that now would be a perfect opportunity to inform me that she likes me.

Do I:
A) stab her in the face for not telling me when I could've done something about it?
B) stab her in the face for telling me at all?
C) sit around and get more depressed?
D) other?

Lately it's been C but I wanna know if D has something better in store.

Nodaisho · « **Reply #1508 on:** 16 Jul 2009, 16:05 »

Quote

DEAR RELATIONSHIP ADVICE THREAD,

NO MATTER HOW MUCH I SHOWER, I STILL SMELL JUST A LITTLE BIT LIKE SEX. IS THIS SOME CHANGE IN MY BODY CHEMISTRY DUE TO BONING, OR AM I JUST NOT WASHING THOROUGHLY ENOUGH?

IT WOULD NOT BE THAT BIG A DEAL, BUT I DO NOT WANT TO GET FIRED FOR PREPARING FOOD WITH SEXY HANDS.

LOVE,

KIEFFER.

Just wash more thoroughly. Once your skin is red, you have cleaned well enough. Not pinkish red, like your hands are really cold, bright red, like they have been flayed. Exfoliation is good for the skin, and helps get rid of the lingering sex smell. Trust me, I'm a doctor.*

Quote

OH ALSO, IS THERE ANY CHANCE THAT AN INCREASE IN SEXUAL ACTIVITY COULD RESULT IN AN INCREASE IN HORMONE PRODUCTION?

CUZ EVER SINCE I STARTED BONING ON THE REGULAR AGAIN, THE HAIR ON MY ARMS HAS BEEN CREEPING UP MY SHOULDERS AT A REALLY ALARMING RATE.

WHAT CAN I DO ABOUT THIS?

LOVE,

KIEFFER.

I'm glad you asked when you did, Kieffer. Your problem is not uncommon, but if left untreated, can turn serious very quickly. The first thing you need to do is wax your arms and shoulders daily. If this does not stop the hair growing, increase frequency to twice daily. If that still doesn't stop it, increase to three times a day. The pain tells you that it is trying its hardest to work. If even that fails, let me introduce you to your new best friend: Muriatic Acid. It will hurt, but the alternative is worse. Life... with back hair.

*Of Theater

Patrick, D) fly back over to Albania, bone the hell out of her. Now.

est · « **Reply #1509 on:** 17 Jul 2009, 00:20 »

Quote from: Nodaisho on 16 Jul 2009, 16:05

Patrick, D) fly back over to Albania, bone the hell out of her. Now.

Aimless · « **Reply #1510 on:** 17 Jul 2009, 01:02 »

Be happy, this Albania business seems to have been all sorts of great =P

Lise · « **Reply #1511 on:** 17 Jul 2009, 11:24 »

Hey Relationship Thread, what do you do to get over a massively bad breakup? (Ideally what you would do within the first week or month of one)

Apart from drinking, doing drugs, and boning other people, that is.

(I'm not sure if I could even makeout with strangers because I haven't had any experience with rebounds. Casual anything doesn't sit well with me, but maybe I should try it?)

tania · « **Reply #1512 on:** 17 Jul 2009, 12:36 »

cry a lot! crying is good. if you can't cry, you can make yourself cry with super sad movies or super sad songs. that sounds pretty weird but i have been trying that recently when i am feeling particularly depressed or frustrated and it's actually immensely helpful in getting things off my chest so that i am calm and relieved enough to make it through the rest of the day.

benji · « **Reply #1513 on:** 17 Jul 2009, 12:41 »

Rebounds are not necessary. Some people find them helpful. I find them depressing.

If it was a serious, long term relationship, the most important thing is to find yourself as an individual again. When heavily involved with someone, we tend to start to identify ourselves as half of a pair, which leads to thoughts like "how can I possibly be happy without him?" I think this is a good time to indulge in things that you find happiness in, especially things that are unique to you. Often, when we're in relationships, we fall out of our old patterns of life. We need to spend time with the other person in a relationship, so we stop doing some things that we might really like. What haven't you had time for recently? Music? Books? Wednesday Night Poker with some friends? Hiking? Do those things again, and enjoy them. Even if you're still sad, you can usually find some glimmer of contentment in something you love. I remember feeling sad about the end of a relationship and going for a long hike. I got the top of a high hill and looked out, and felt refreshed and invigorated, and deeply content, while I was still also grieving my lost relationship. That was an important moment for me in letting go.

Creative output can be incredibly important. Painting, writing, cooking, etc. can all be very helpful. Don't try to produce for other people, just produce for yourself. Who cares if you're writing the 50 billionth mopey love song in the world? No one else might ever hear it, but putting your energy in to something creative instead of focusing on the destructive will be greatly helpful.

And what Tania said is important. Cry. Give yourself room to grieve. Don't let people convince you that you should just be happy. You'll probably hear a lot of people say "don't think about it so much" and "he isn't worth all this crying" and things like that, but the end of a relationship can be a serious loss, so go ahead and mourn it.

Lise · « **Reply #1514 on:** 17 Jul 2009, 12:47 »

Oh man, I'm glad you said something about that, Tania. I hate crying, especially if it happens as a result of me drinking too much and getting emotional. Guys don't like dealing with that because crying = sign of weakness, right? But crying in private is all good.

I guess I could try watching a tear jerker and see where that goes... heh heh.

Benji, thanks for all the great ideas. Unfortunately, when I've broken up with someone I find that I can't listen to a lot of my favorite music or go to places that remind me of the person. It's all pretty overwhelming for awhile, but I will try using my energy for something besides laying around in bed feeling depressed. And you're absolutely right about friends giving advice like, "Don't think about it" and "It's not worth the pain." They have good intentions, but they weren't involved in the relationship so they can't fully understand why I have trouble dealing with the breakup.

PS: Kieffer, wtf?! Are you sexing in the shower as well, or do you just have an overabundance of pheromones? Either way, TMI.

Josefbugman · « **Reply #1515 on:** 17 Jul 2009, 14:47 »

Hello everyone, sorry for not being much in this thread or forum but I need some advice. Several of my cast members for the edinburgh fringe are trying to get me laid. I am not entirely sure I should be pleased with this, please advise as to what to do.

pwhodges · « **Reply #1516 on:** 17 Jul 2009, 15:27 »

Quote from: benji on 17 Jul 2009, 12:41

the most important thing is to find yourself as an individual again.

My second wife refused to let me start a relationship with her until I had lived alone for six months after my divorce, which on reflection I realised that I had never actually done before (I don't count uni as I was in college accomodation throughout). She was right, and I benefitted considerably. I sang in choirs, and played the piano instead - lots of Brahms.

Aimless · « **Reply #1517 on:** 17 Jul 2009, 16:14 »

Uhm.

LISE! Embrace your crisis-reactions, invite your anti-trauma defences in to come stay with you.

In the short term at least. Crying, feeling happy, feeling numb, being generally labile, distracting yourself, withdrawing from much of your life, etc etc, any (perhaps most) of these will/may feature strongly in the coming few weeks or months, in various constellations, often at unexpected and entirely inconvenient times.

That's a part of getting over things, and I'd say do what you can to help those strategies along when you feel like it, however you feel like it. At least for now.

As for the advice of friends... it's not bad advice. Don't think about it, it's not worth it, etc. Solid advice that your own mind will make use of from time to time, whether you like it or not. And I don't know about your friends, but, on the whole, when people give that kind of "advice"... they know it's no good in itself. In my case, and with my friends, it took a while before I learned to see that for what it really was: an assertion that they're there for me. They know I'm hurting, and they'd like for it to be better.

Like I said, I don't know about you and your friends. In summary, my advice is, do-think-feel whatever you feel like, as long as it isn't likely to have long-term harmful consequences.

Something more concrete: hang out with your friends. Single ones or the ones that have paired up? I have no idea. Switch around so that no-one, like, dies from exhaustion.

EDIT: And I reckon it might help to know that you'll "get over it" with time, even if things might suck in the meantime.

Nodaisho · « **Reply #1518 on:** 17 Jul 2009, 19:06 »

Quote from: Josefbugman on 17 Jul 2009, 14:47

Hello everyone, sorry for not being much in this thread or forum but I need some advice. Several of my cast members for the edinburgh fringe are trying to get me laid. I am not entirely sure I should be pleased with this, please advise as to what to do.

Forget about the cultural preconceptions of what you should want. Do you want them to get you laid? If yes, be happy about it. If no, either tell them to cut that shit out or let them have their fun, but don't do it. If you aren't sure, figure that out and get back to us, or at least get to a point where you can explain your feelings over the situation.

David_Dovey · « **Reply #1519 on:** 17 Jul 2009, 19:15 »

For reference: Gettin' laid is pretty wicked awesome sweet, brah.

Nodaisho · « **Reply #1520 on:** 17 Jul 2009, 20:23 »

Can be, from how I understand it. And if someone isn't sure about it, I would guess they probably shouldn't.

tania · « **Reply #1521 on:** 18 Jul 2009, 07:21 »

josef, is there a specific reason you don't want to have sex with anybody just yet? i'm not going to be judgmental or tell you you're wrong or anything, just curious. i think you posted about it before but i already forgot.

Sox · « **Reply #1522 on:** 18 Jul 2009, 08:15 »

Quote from: Lise on 17 Jul 2009, 12:47

Guys don't like dealing with that because crying = sign of weakness, right? But crying in private is all good.

REAL MEN CRY.

nobo · « **Reply #1523 on:** 18 Jul 2009, 09:01 »

Right. If they lose a relative, or a dog, or get hit very hard in the penor. But those are the only acceptable times.

Dazed · « **Reply #1524 on:** 18 Jul 2009, 09:39 »

Are you surprised by my tears sir? Strong men also cry....

Alex C · « **Reply #1525 on:** 18 Jul 2009, 09:56 »

I don't think the general lack of crying thing is mostly just due to the sign of weakness bullshit people pull out all the time. I don't know when it happened but at some point I stopped crying over most things and for the most part my upbringing was remarkably free of macho posturing. At some point my I'm-going-to-cry-now threshold just up and raised itself to the point where it doesn't get triggered very often even if I do feel sad or upset. Frankly, I'm fine with that; tears are kind of a messy business anyway and they make the skin around your eyes feel all raw. If tears come, they come, but it's hardly like you really need them to mourn.

Josefbugman · « **Reply #1526 on:** 18 Jul 2009, 11:24 »

There's no specific reason, I just don't really feel that I want to have random sex with someone and I also only want a relationship with someone that I actually have feelings for. Its not religious or anything, in case that was the question, its just that I get the feeling its something that people tend to run into too quick and once done for the first time seems to have a strange hold on the person from there on out.

I think I am going to let them keep trying, its the fourth such attempt in my life time and I must admit the previous ones were all entertaining.

RedLion · « **Reply #1527 on:** 18 Jul 2009, 14:08 »

So my girlfriend just left to study abroad in Australia (townsville) for 6 months. I miss her something fierce after just a few days...how have people done with long-distance relationships here? I expect it to be damned difficult, but is it workable? We've been together around a year now and more or less lived together for half of that time, so it's very strange to not have her around.

Ozymandias · « **Reply #1528 on:** 18 Jul 2009, 14:45 »

LDRs are 90% unworkable. I've honestly never personally known anyone (myself included) who made one work long-term.

However, there are those who have. I'm not really sure what their secret is besides a hell of a lot of determination on both sides of the relationship.

OTOH, it is worth noting that 6 months isn't much of one. The knowledge that there is an end to it is extremely helpful.

wafflecone · « **Reply #1529 on:** 18 Jul 2009, 14:56 »

I'd say it's a pretty good test of your relationship. If it's important to both parties, then you will make it work. My favourite couple (uhm, as in friends of mine who are adorable and who keep the hope alive that happy couples do exist) did like 12 months apart due to an exchange program, and I saw them the other night and they are reunited and happy as ever and talking about getting married.
So wellllll, good luck!

nobo · « **Reply #1530 on:** 18 Jul 2009, 15:20 »

I am currently 1 year into a 2 year stint of long distance relationship. We used to live in the same dorm in college, then 1 hour apart for gradschool, then i took a job that was 13 hours driving distance away. We talk every night and we visit every few months. It sucks but its doable. I am taking this time to enjoy my last year of bacherlorhood and trying my best to get in shape for my upcoming wedding.

calenlass · « **Reply #1531 on:** 18 Jul 2009, 15:59 »

So I guess I am single again.

ViolentDove · « **Reply #1532 on:** 18 Jul 2009, 17:06 »

Commiserations or congratulations, depending on the circumstances.

Also I have sorted shit out with the Confusing Girl (again).

Eris · « **Reply #1533 on:** 18 Jul 2009, 18:07 »

Why the hell would you study abroad in Townsville of all places in Australia?

est · « **Reply #1534 on:** 18 Jul 2009, 18:09 »

I'd like to study a broad please.

Phwoarrrrr.

RedLion · « **Reply #1535 on:** 18 Jul 2009, 19:05 »

Quote from: Eris on 18 Jul 2009, 18:07

Why the hell would you study abroad in Townsville of all places in Australia?

She's really big into the environment and stuff, and the place she's studying at (James Cook University) has classes where you go to the Great Barrier Reef pretty much every day. That was her main reason for going there.

Spluff · « **Reply #1536 on:** 18 Jul 2009, 19:50 »

No excuses for going to Townsville.

Lunchbox · « **Reply #1537 on:** 18 Jul 2009, 20:18 »

Quote from: ViolentDove on 18 Jul 2009, 17:06

Also I have sorted shit out with the Confusing Girl (again).

Nick I am glad, was it a good sorting out or a bad sorting out

Jimmy the Squid · « **Reply #1538 on:** 18 Jul 2009, 22:18 »

Did it involve a hat?

A hat specifically for sorting?

A Sorting Hat ?!?

axerton · « **Reply #1539 on:** 18 Jul 2009, 22:40 »

I now have a mental image of a couple taking it in turns to put on the sorting hat after which the hat decares where their relationship will/should go. examples include "Summer fling!" "Friends with Benifits!" "Married with two kids!" "Uxoricide!"

calenlass · « **Reply #1540 on:** 19 Jul 2009, 00:15 »

My now-ex-boyfriend is being distinctly not-naive about the notion of us "taking a break", even though he was the one who suggested it. It is nice, except that he keeps trying to message me or call me so I can help him feel better.

I wish I could cry. It might make it a little easier.

Jace · « **Reply #1541 on:** 19 Jul 2009, 05:25 »

Quote from: Eris on 18 Jul 2009, 18:07

Why the hell would you study abroad in Townsville of all places in Australia?

Cause the powerpuff girls gotta be at least 18 by now.

nobo · « **Reply #1542 on:** 19 Jul 2009, 05:51 »

Quote from: calenlass on 19 Jul 2009, 00:15

Is this the ex-fiancee? maybe you should just lay down the law and tell him to stop calling? I'm sure you have plenty of other friends, do you really need him around? cutting him out of your life completely may help you move on?

calenlass · « **Reply #1543 on:** 19 Jul 2009, 09:53 »

...I had a fiancé?

Wait, I had a finaceé? What rumours are circulating about my lifestyle? I would like in on them!

nobo · « **Reply #1544 on:** 19 Jul 2009, 13:09 »

Sorry, got you confused with another poster.

this one:

Quote from: Mynah on 14 Jul 2009, 17:24

my problem, in a nutshell, was that my fiancé decided on the day before our wedding that he couldn't marry me

NeverQuiteGoth · « **Reply #1545 on:** 20 Jul 2009, 10:42 »

Quote from: axerton on 18 Jul 2009, 22:40

I now have a mental image of a couple taking it in turns to put on the sorting hat after which the hat decares where their relationship will/should go. examples include "Summer fling!" "Friends with Benifits!" "Married with two kids!" "Uxoricide!"

That just gave me an idea for a Kinky Magic 8-Ball.

Professor Snuggles · « **Reply #1546 on:** 20 Jul 2009, 10:44 »

YOU ARE NOT THE FIRST PERSON TO HAVE THAT IDEA.

Slick · « **Reply #1547 on:** 20 Jul 2009, 17:00 »

HOW DO I TELL GIRL 'LOOK I LIKE YOU GEEZ WILL YOU MAKE UP YOUR MIND HUH?' WITHOUT BEING RUDE?

Slick · « **Reply #1548 on:** 20 Jul 2009, 17:01 »

Oh hey look I'm following professor snuggles' lead again.

(by which I mean the all caps)

MrBlu · « **Reply #1549 on:** 20 Jul 2009, 17:04 »

Quote from: Slick on 20 Jul 2009, 17:00

HOW DO I TELL GIRL 'LOOK I LIKE YOU GEEZ WILL YOU MAKE UP YOUR MIND HUH?' WITHOUT BEING RUDE?

I have a friend who would like to know this. I told him to tell her to chuck off. I this may or not be a good idea depending on the situation.

THESE FORUMS NOW CLOSED (read only)

Author Topic: Please, Just Let Me Die Already (Read 278886 times)